A/N: Haven't been able to get these little scenes out of my head over the course of the last couple of months. Here goes...
After my dad picked me up from the school, it only took me fifteen minutes, which truly was a record, to get ready to meet Blaine for coffee. I had called him as soon as our flight landed and he, eagerly anticipating my arrival, had been ready at a moment's notice to begin driving toward Lima. I hurried through a shower and fixed my hair probably faster than I ever had in my life. I had already planned my outfit during the flight, so all I had to do was grab the necessary items from my closet where they had been carefully placed and I was out the door with a quick "I'll tell you all about it later" to Dad.
The only unfortunate part of reconciling with Blaine in a coffee shop was that we couldn't really kiss each other hello without getting judgment or disgusted looks from other customers. Upon spotting each other, we discontentedly settled for a bone-crushing hug, which probably lasted just long enough to begin making people uncomfortable. We reluctantly parted and attempted to continue communicating the relief of seeing each other again just by staring into each other's eyes. A few seconds later we remembered how to sit down, and Blaine asked me to recount everything that had happened over the last few days; we both tried to look less excited than we were at the mere idea of being in the same space for the first time in a week.
So I talked about all of the exciting happenings of the last couple of days and could hardly keep from smiling the entire time, even when I was recollecting the crushing blow of not moving on in the competition and everyone freaking out afterward. The whole time Blaine sat listening intently and I couldn't stop thinking about how amazing it was that this beautiful person before me was so genuinely interested in everything I had to say, even when I was rambling and occasionally tripping over my words.
"Oh my God. You should have seen it!" I exclaimed. "We all looked at the top ten list for showcase and we all just went numb. And then Jesse kept going on and on about how Rachel and Finn's kiss was what cost us nationals—"
"While I understand passion I do think that was unprofessional," he interrupted. "But sorry—continue."
"Ok then we get back to the hotel and Santana loses it. She kept screaming at Rachel, saying it was all her fault that we lost and we literally had to hold her back, she was so worked up!"
I paused. What an insane day. In my excitement in seeing Blaine again I had temporarily forgotten about all of the craziness that losing had caused. "And the plane ride home was completely silent," I explained. "Like no one said a word. We all just sat there with our faces buried in our complimentary copies of sky mall." I smiled at the ridiculousness of the memory and Blaine just shook his head in disbelief.
"Wait. I don't get it," he commented. "You don't seem that sad at all."
Even if I had been overwhelmingly heartbroken, sitting here with Blaine, I would have forgotten it. How could I be upset about something like that when I had finally fallen in love with somebody who actually liked me back and was right here, hanging on my every word? Like Blaine had said after the Warblers lost at Regionals, we still had each other and that was infinitely more rewarding than winning a competition.
"Well it was still amazing," I explained. And it had been. "I mean, I flew in a plane for the first time in my life, I had breakfast at Tiffany's, I sang on a Broadway stage." I couldn't help but grin at the thought. Being in New York had felt like going home, like I was where I belonged and would, at last, live the life I had always wanted. That was also more important to me than getting in the top ten at nationals. I could barely wait to get back to New York after I graduated. That is, as long as Blaine was coming with me. I couldn't even imagine going without him, even though we had only been together for a few months. But at this point, I didn't have time to try to imagine it because Blaine was looking at me lovingly and broke my thoughts with a proclamation stated as obviously as if he had been saying "I really like coffee" or "tomorrow is Sunday."
"I love you."
I desperately tried not to burn my entire mouth on the coffee I had just sipped and stared at Blaine incredulously. My thoughts drifted back in time to another important declaration...
"We should practice."
Blaine grinned, embarrassed and unwilling to look me in the eyes. He shielded his head with his hand, and, if I had had a firmer grip on reality, at this point I could have been amused by his uncharacteristic lack of confidence and this new, deflective Blaine. But I could barely catch my breath, could hardly take in what had just happened. And so in this moment of disbelief, some unknown force took over me and prompted me to say something I honestly didn't know I had in me.
"I thought we were."
At this point, I wasn't about to waste any more time. I had spent too many long months waiting for this and I couldn't help myself from launching into him. It might have been sloppy or felt blatantly unrehearsed—after all, I had had limited experience in this area. But I couldn't have cared less. We were finally so very close and all my inhibitions had abandoned me somewhere in that first kiss. Blaine appeared to feel the same as he grasped my face with equal force and pulled me in closer than I had dreamed possible. Our lips moved together with increasing speed and I couldn't get over just how warm and safe and right it felt. I vowed, then and there, never again to refer to any screwed up experiences before this as a "kiss." The same word could not be ascribed to making out with Britney to impress my father, nor to Karofsky's assault. This was unlike anything I could have imagined. And I couldn't get enough.
It took me several minutes to realize how uncomfortable I actually was in the half-sitting-half-standing position in which we had found ourselves. Unwilling to part for longer than a few seconds, however, we reluctantly pulled back to smile at each other and both whispered at the same time, "we should move."
A split-second later my lips were back on his and we carefully stood, clumsily making our way over to the couch. We almost tripped a couple of times but kept walking, half-kissing, half-giggling. Once we reached our destination, we carefully sat down and pulled apart. For a second, breathing heavily and grinning wildly, we just stared at each other. I could feel the astonishment still covering my face and the heat rising ever higher in my cheeks. He took my hands and we situated ourselves so that we were perpendicular to the back of the couch and facing one another.
"I can't believe this is finally happening," I finally managed. " I...I've just been waiting for you to do that for so long."
He smiled impossibly wider than he had before. "Me too," he laughed. And then, after noticing my quizzical expression, added, "I've been waiting for myself to do that too."
I continued to stare doubtfully and he sighed. "I don't know what I was thinking, waiting so long. At first, I felt like I needed to just be there for you and support you through all the crap going on at your other school, and then later, by the time that that excuse wore out, I was honestly just scared out of my mind of what would happen to our friendship if we got together. Because I couldn't stand it if we ever stopped being friends." He paused. "You're the best friend I've ever had." My eyes widened, even though this shouldn't have surprised me as much as it did.
"And all those times I should've figured it out..." he trailed off. "Trying to convince myself I was into Jeremiah and then into Rachel and countless other things I did...I hurt you. And I'm sorry." He took a deep breath. " I'm sorry I waited this long and I'm just so sorry, Kurt. For everything."
We sat in silence for a moment as I again tried to convince myself that this was really happening.
"Kurt. Please say something."
I was at a loss for words to say the least. I wanted to tell him how much I had already forgiven him and all the things I was feeling in that moment, but nothing articulate was successfully escaping. So I just took his face in my hands even more tenderly than he had grasped mine that first time and I kissed him.
I felt him relax in my hands as he must have realized that I was no longer upset about any of those things that he had mentioned and that I definitely still wanted him, just as he was. While the last time we kissed was desperate and forceful with pent-up emotion and desire, this time was much more gently passionate. Every second was more thrilling than the last; we went slowly and took notice of each slight movement and touch. He gradually moved his hands from my face to my hair and I thought I would die on the spot from pleasure. I returned the favor, starting to massage his neck, and we both inexplicably fueled each other on in trying to express something that we were both feeling but was somehow indescribable.
After several minutes I became concerned that things might go too far too fast, and I forced myself away from basking in the soft strength of his lips. Once again unable to stop beaming, (my face was actually starting to hurt from being in a constant state of glee) I thought about how ironic my apprehension was when, just a few weeks ago, I had been talking to Blaine about how I loved the subtle sexiness of the touch of a finger tip and nothing more. Boy, had we taken a leap from that. But how could we not? I had been silently (and then sometimes not-so-silently) suffering for months and months over whether or not Blaine would ever feel the same way or ever make a move, and then out of nowhere, the boy I had so desperately loved for so long had finally at least implied his feelings for me in words and then showed them to me through the most exhilarating moment of my life. I must have appeared especially elated at this point because Blaine's looked up at me questioningly and broke the ecstatic silence.
"What are you thinking about?"
I had never felt so safe and so loved, and I spoke without thinking.
"I'm just really in love with you."
Silence.
Not the same kind of silence as before.
Overwhelmed silence. Scared silence. Regretful silence?
For once I couldn't read Blaine's face, but in just that one sentence his expression had changed drastically from euphoric to stunned. I immediately regretted being so blunt. What could I have been thinking? Making such a declaration so soon after Blaine had just begun to sort out his feelings?
"Ugh, I shouldn't have said that..." I scrambled for words. "I'm sorry, Blaine. That was too much too soon. Oh my gosh that was so—"
"It's okay." He cut me off. "Hey, calm down, it's okay. I'm not mad or anything, just a bit overwhelmed. But don't look at me like that." He laughed. I took that as my cue to relax, and a smile crept onto my face against my will.
"It's fine," he repeated. " I just...I'm still trying to figure this out, you know? It's still kinda new to me—"
I didn't wait for him to finish. "I completely understand. One day at a time, okay?" He smiled and took my hands again. "And no more heartfelt and scary declarations for a while, I promise," I squeezed his hands and looked him in the eyes.
"Sounds good," he replied. A moment passed and we both mentally took a step back.
"Now, I hate to say this," he prompted. "But maybe we should actually practice now."
I rolled my eyes and kissed him again before he could muster up any energy to object.
Back in the present, although it had been a couple of seconds since Blaine had spoken, he didn't seem to be anxious or especially waiting for me to say anything. It was more as if he was perfectly content basking in the moment and, shameful as it might have sounded out loud, in his love for me. He gazed back at me adoringly and I finally opened my mouth to respond, suddenly eager to reciprocate.
"I love you too," I replied maybe a bit too quickly. But I was still having a little trouble breathing. "You know, when you stop and think about it, Kurt Hummel has had a pretty good year."
After Mercedes and Sam left to get their coffee, Blaine and I started talking about sheet music and different ideas for his audition until we were sure that they were out of hearing range.
"So what's going on there?" I started. "They don't think I'm stupid do they?" Blaine just sort of shook his head and half-smiled. Neither of us were really in the mood at this point to talk about other people.
"Do you wanna—"
"Let's go," Blaine interrupted.
We drove back to my house mostly in silence, but it was comfortable and more anticipatory than unsettling. Occasionally, I would look over and try to think of something to say, but he would smile back once he noticed my glance and I would forget the few words that I had managed to think of. When we were just a few minutes away I started getting less and less content with this quiet excitement, however, and began shifting in my seat restlessly. Blaine observed this and chuckled; I couldn't help smiling in spite of myself.
When we finally reached the house, I rushed out of the car, grabbing Blaine by the hand on our way to the front door. After quickly saying ,"hi" to Dad we headed upstairs, me picking up speed as I dragged Blaine upstairs to my room. I didn't even bother to shut the door before kissing him more passionately than I ever had, and he didn't waste any time kissing me back just as forcefully. I wrapped my arms around him and fully allowed myself to be overwhelmed by every touch and emotion we were experiencing. He moved his hands up to run his fingers through my just-made-up hair and I sighed into his mouth contentedly. I automatically thought back to his declaration and couldn't keep my lips from turning up against his, to which he just pulled my head even closer to his.
"You love me!" I gasped between kisses. "You love me you love me you love me..."
Blaine laughed. "I do." He stopped kissing and seriously looked me right in the eyes. "Kurt, I love you."
My heart started beating even faster; I didn't think I was ever going to get used to hearing those words.
"I love you too. Even more than I did when you first kissed me. And I didn't think that was possible."
Blaine laughed again and pulled me into his arms. "I love you so much, Kurt. I wish I could tell you..."
He trailed off but I didn't have time to respond before he started kissing my cheeks, sweetly at first and then more intensely, as if trying to portray all the love he had just discovered into the force and speed of his lips. I tilted my head back and closed my eyes, focusing purely on how amazing it felt to be this close to him again. He left a trail of kisses all the way down my neck and back up to my eyes and I sighed while gripping his sides. But soon I longed to feel his lips against mine again and was deeply relieved when, after kissing each cheek, my forehead, and my chin in succession, he finally made it back to my mouth. A few seconds later, he broke off abruptly. I frowned and leaned in again, greedy for more, but he met my lips instead this time with his finger.
"I'm going to try anyway."
He grinned uncertainly and led me over to my bed where we sat across from each other. As he took my hands in his, I couldn't help but again recall that first conversation we had had after kissing at Dalton.
"Kurt," he started. "I have never loved anybody like I love you. You're the most amazing, brave, beautiful person I have ever met and I love spending time with you more than anything else in the world. You've taught me so much, and I think we're always better when we're together. I can't even explain how much you mean to me, but I guess that's the best I can do. I love you."
He paused for a second and I was about to interject with a grandiose speech of my own but then he added, "and Kurt? You know I've loved you for a long time. Before today I mean." He glanced away and repositioned himself a bit on the bed. "Ugh. I was just scared."
He leaned in and I followed his lead until our foreheads were touching. He breathed out deeply. "But I'm not scared anymore." He smiled. "I love you and I want everybody to know it."
Once again he had rendered me speechless and I wondered when I would stop being surprised by such things.
Well, mostly speechless.
"I miss you."
He was laughing again. "You miss me? Kurt, I'm right here—"
"I know. I just mean, I miss seeing you every day. I miss getting coffee after rehearsals. I miss singing with you."
Understanding flooded his face. "Yeah," he agreed. "I miss it too."
We were silent for a few moments, both thinking on our own. And then Blaine spoke up.
"You know. It's just a couple of weeks until school gets out." He looked up at me and started rubbing my hands in his. "And then we've got the whole summer to be together."
My face lit up and I gave him a quick peck on the lips before leaning back with him horizontally on the bed. I snuggled up into his shoulder and he held onto me tightly. "It's been a pretty good year for me too, you know," he added. "And the next one can only be better, right?" I nodded. I suddenly felt certain, there in the arms of the person who really loved me, that we were going to be in this together for a long while, and somehow, the fall would take care of itself.
A/N: A long LONG while, yes? please?
Also, I like reviews. How am I going to know that you read my story and didn't think it sucked if you don't review? It doesn't have to be long...:p