While I love fanfiction as much as the next person, there are some things I either wish I could read but can't find, or read and find that it's not quite what I'm looking for.

So.

I like cats, I like Naruto, and I like fics with cats. Unfortunately, many fics I stumble across containing the three tend to be a little... lacking. I'm not saying they're all bad - some I'm very fond of - but the majority I find are... not my thing. So, I figured I'd tentatively foray into the wide and wonderful (and terrifying and somewhat-unhinged) world of fanfiction, to make an attempt at something that is.

(Go, me.)

So, my first fanfiction ever. Fun times. Yes, it is a parody fic, but I'm going to attempt to keep it serious enough. (Not sure how well that'll go, but why not. Challenges build character and all that.)

Set in an alternate Japan for a few reasons: language barriers are a thing I don't want to deal with, and I've been on a bit of a kick lately for all things Japanese mythology: legends, supernatural, spirits, youkai... also mochi is amazing and my favourite ever.

No pairings are planned. Romance is really not my thing, so I'm going to keep it gen. (But if you manage to find subtext – which, I assure you, will be completely unintentional – and it's your thing, then by all means, subtext away.)

Updates may (probably will) be slow, erratic, and of varying lengths.

Constructive criticism welcome, reviews welcome, but don't feel pressured.

Also, more notes at the bottom. I promise I won't have those author's notes that are longer than the actual chapter, I just wanted to clear a bunch of stuff up because I've never done this before and am actually very nervous.

Story Disclaimer: Naruto and all associated characters, plotlines, settings, ideas, concepts, etc. etc. etc. belong to the rightful owners. This story is for fun and personal satisfaction (and hopefully satisfaction of anyone who's interested, but whatever).

Shiki crouched down before the cardboard box. It was damp in patches from the recent rain, held shut by a loosened strip of tape. A number of small, round holes, like the ones made by pencils, peppered its sides. Soft sounds could be heard from inside. "How curious," he murmured, reaching for the top. "Leaving a box on our doorstep... oh?" Inside was a small red cat with grey-brown eyes. It eyed him warily, flexing its claws. "Oh, my. Isn't that an interesting curse."

The cat stilled, eyes narrowing warily. Amused, Shiki tilted his head and smiled. The cat's shaggy fur bristled. Chuckling softly, Shiki flicked the box lid shut, lifted the box into his arms and stood, straightening his yukata. The cat was jostled slightly, displeasure expressed through low hisses.

With a flicker of will, the front door unlocked and soundlessly swung open. Shiki glided into the house. "Tori-chan! Present for you!" He sang.

The Western-styled house was full of shadows. The evening light streaming through the large living room window was a dull grey, while the corner lamp cast everything into sharp relief. Hitori was curled cat-like in one of the armchairs. Luminescent eyes shone like a cat's, flashing in the dim light. "I see," he muttered, voice soft. He eyed the box warily. 'Do I want to know?"

"It's terribly interesting," Shiki offered. He turned around, opened the box, scooped up the cat one-handed, and tossed the box into a corner. Shiki spun back to present the shaggy-furred cat to his friend. "See?"

Hitori tilted his head in curiosity, eyes narrowed. "That is not a cat."

"Precisely!" He drew the cat to his chest, partially wrapping his jacket around it. "I thought you'd enjoy checking it out. I mean, it's probably a cursed human – 'cause let's be real, animals aren't exactly curse-worthy, they're more likely to end up food or dead - and, well, you and curses are a thing. So. Happy birthday!"

"It's October." Hitori gestured for the cat to be passed over. It remained stiff as it changed hands, though its fluffy tail twitched in warning. He settled it in his lap and scratched between its shoulders. It stayed tense. Humming to himself, Hitori flattened his hand over its back. When he spoke, it was to the cat. "It is unclear who cast the spell; whoever it was has far more power than I. The curse is too strong for me to lift. I may be able to weaken it, but only enough for you to temporarily revert at certain times."

The cat swished its tail and meowed. Hitori's eyebrow twitched.

"That was rude."

Claws dug into his thigh as it hissed. "Yes, I can."

"Takes one to know one," Shiki chirped, ducking back into the room. He was holding a small plate with shredded chicken. He waved it in their direction. The cat glared at him. "Cats speak cat. I come bearing chicken, cooked fresh last night; figured you'd prefer it over cat food we don't have. Hitori, I ordered sushi. It should be here in ten minutes or so."

The feline awkwardly jumped to the coffee table, landing stiffly. Shiki placed the plate in front of it. It sniffed the chicken suspiciously, before starting to eat. its movements were awkward, as if it wasn't used to eating in such a fashion. Its ears remained swivelled in their direction.

"So, curse," Shiki continued, flopping down gracelessly onto the couch next to him. "I got the bit about weakening at certain times, but do you have any idea of when that might be?"

Hitori tucked his legs in closer. "The curse was cast during a full moon, so the weakest point would be the new moon. He would likely keep his form for... an hour, maybe two. The curse is tied in with the life force; it seems like he was killed, then brought back and turned into that." He gestured with his fingers at the cat. "It's not common, but it has happened before, bringing the dead back in a cursed form. Whoever did this must have been incredibly powerful; bakeneko can manipulate the newly-dead, but to bring them back... The caster would have to be a minor deity, at the very least. Possibly one of the mountain kami? No, they mostly keep to their own business... maybe one of the forgotten fertility spirits, for renewed life, or..." He trailed off. Shiki flicked a finger at him, tugging a strand of his hair. Hitori twitched and glared at him, but continued. "Two AM to three AM would be the most likely hours. During the witching hours of Japan, when the veils between the living and the dead are at their thinnest. His old form is dead, while the new one is alive, but if I... well, twist the curse, or add another stipulation, it should be able to temporarily make a switch. Hypothetically."

The cat finished the last of the chicken and sat facing them. Shiki took the time to examine it properly, rather than the cursory scans of earlier.

It – no, he; Hitori had referred to it as a male – had narrowed, grey-brown eyes, a shade Shiki hadn't known cats could possess. His fur was long, shaggy and dark orange-red, with faint lighter patterning. The back legs, front paws, chest and muzzle were white; his fluffy tail curled around his front paws as he sat. Shiki idly wondered what it thought of them: Shiki, with his high waist-length ponytail, careless behaviour, and traditional Japanese yukata; Hitori, with his white hair, cat-speak, and curious knowledge of curses. Despite the doubtless confusion of the curse – more so if he really had been dead, and now found himself alive; Hitori had no reason to lie, though, so it was probably true – the cat had been composed, almost apathetic. There were no overt indications of interest, or paranoia, though he had noticed the cat eyeing them with a calculating gaze. He probably thought they were normal humans, if rather foolish ones with strange abilities. He wouldn't be the first, nor would he be the last. "You have a name?"

The cat blinked slowly. Shiki had the distinct feeling it - he thought Shiki was an idiot. "Well, we can hardly keep calling you 'cat'. If you don't want to tell us, though, we can always give you a nickname of some sort. You are pretty fluffy..."

The tail swished to curve up over his back, akin to a scorpion, as he hissed reluctantly. "Sasori," Hitori translated.

"Nice." Shiki bobbed his head. "Hitori, got any idea how to tweak the curse?"

He opened his mouth, but was distracted by the doorbell. "Sushi?"

"I'll get it. Just let me get my..." Digging through his pocket for money, Shiki almost skipped to the door.

He turned back, box in hand, to the sight of Sasori and Hitori staring into each other's eyes, motionless but for their breathing. Even Sasori's twitchy tail was still. A strange tension ran through the air, thrumming softly with the underlying hint of youki. "Feels like I'm disturbing something," he said, interrupting cheerfully. He plopped the take-out box next to the empty chicken plate. "Here, 'Tori, I got you tuna and salmon. Ooh, inari-zushi, yes!"

Hitori blinked, breaking the eye contact. "You sound so surprised, yet you ordered it," he deadpanned. Sushi roll in hand, he wriggled further back into the chair. "I fixed the curse."

Shiki paused. "Already?" From the way Hitori had been talking, he'd expected it to take longer than thirty seconds.

His friend shrugged. "Technically, I was only adding on to the stipulations. Less complex than altering the entire structure, as well as being quicker."

Humming in both understanding and delight at the delicious food, Shiki glanced towards Sasori. The feline was watching them. It was a little creepy. "The full moon was about two and a half weeks ago, so we have one and a half until the new moon. We can see if the alteration works properly then."

Sasori's tail flicked impatiently. "I will set you up a bed on the couch, Sasori-san," Hitori murmured, rising. His sushi had already vanished into his stomach. Shiki had barely seen him eat. His speed was a little unfair. "Also, Shiki, your sister called while you were out. She will be coming over in the morning."

"Aw, really?" He groaned and collapsed back, throwing his arm over his eyes. "I literally just finished growing my hair back."

"Shut up and deal with it."

"Ouch, 'Tori. Right in the heart." Shiki absently mimed being stabbed with his free hand. "You know what time?"

"No. Early, likely." Hitori's voice was muffled, like he had his head in the linen cupboard. It probably was, come to think of it.

"Is Asuka coming? I know Kazumi was visiting her, she might have taken some time off…"

Hitori stepped back into the room. A soft blanket was wrapped around an old pillow. "She may be. Sasori-san, do you have a preference on place?"

Sasori turned his face towards the armchair by the window. It was a warm gold-brown brocade, with a good viewing range for the living room, partway down the hallway, and out over the front garden. Hitori nodded and moved to make up a cat-bed.

Shiki yawned and glanced at the antique clock resting on the wall. It was only eight-thirty on a Saturday night and he was already tired. He was by nature more of a nocturnal creature, but the past few days had been hectic for him, and the last time he slept for more than three hours was the Friday before last. It would be nice to get a full night's sleep, especially on such a cool summer night. "I'm gonna go sleep, then. 'Night."

"Goodnight," Hitori replied, stepping back from his handiwork. Sasori jumped to the floor and trotted over to it in his stiff-jointed manner. "Will you be wanting breakfast tomorrow?"

"Probably should, if Kazumi's coming." He yawned again, hiding it behind his hand as his jaw stretched almost inhumanly wide. "I'll wake myself up, don't worry."

"I wasn't planning to. Goodnight, Sasori-san." Hitori brushed part Shiki as he left. Smiling, Shiki waved to the cursed cat and followed, switching off the light.

Brief notes:

-chan, -san: Japanese suffixes. From what I understand, –chan tends to be for children/younger people, girls, and cute things. –san is a common polite term, kind of like saying Mr., Mrs., etc. that you use for people you don't really know well. Using (first) names without suffixes is very informal and tends to imply either family or very close friends, I believe. There are a few more suffixes, but they haven't come up so I'll leave them out.

Shiki's informal enough to use suffix-less names for pretty much whoever, while Hitori's politer, thus the –san for Sasori. The two have been friends for a very long time, so they (read: Shiki) decided it was enough to drop the suffixes. (Hitori was worn down eventually.) Kazumi's the same.

I figured that, since this story is set in an (alternate) Japan, I'd keep them in. They aren't exactly translatable, per se, but they do add a kind of something I've always been fond of.

Yukata: Japanese traditional wear. A casual summer kimono. I think it's also worn after bathing? Shiki likes them.

Gratuitous abuse of artistic license has been used in the planning of this story. I do, actually, have a plot for this. (…in a manner of speaking.)

Shiki and Hitori are OCs, as are Kazumi and Asuka (next chapter). Trying to keep them original (not sure how well it's working so far but it's only the first chapter so hey) but it's anime fanfiction so I figure some leeway is cool. (I mean... plant-people. Shark-man. Blue hair. Pink hair. Yep. Kept it pretty tame, considering... well.)

I actually went and researched what I wanted all the cats to look like for this, so I have a 'real base' to work off. I figured I'd go for more-or-less-recognisable realism. (Not-really-spoilers: I refuse to apologise for Pein/Nagato. 1000% keeping that. Also, 'blue' when talking about the cats is not sky-blue, parrot-blue or whatever, but the shade animals like dogs, cats, horses, guinea pigs, etc. get. It's a kind of faintly-blueish-grey? Just... go Google Image it. Russian Blue cats are cute.)