Chapter 1: Denial
Helpless. That was how she began to feel shortly after the war. Despite being integral to the five nation's recovery, she could not permit herself any self-compassion as a reward.
She developed a system where one healer could help up to 20 patients with minor injuries and two healers could take in 7 patients with severe injuries. Her method was adopted by all major healers from each nation and was quickly put to use. It had saved lives, cut down on lost time, and boosted morale and poltical relations. Her name was beginning to circulate no longer as the fifth's disciple but as Konoha's top healer.
Yet she could not feel joy. The Raikage specifically held her name in honor, publicly stating that she and Shizune were excellent apprentices to the fifth. He was especially thankful for Sakura's hand in reconstrucing the Cloud nation's health procedures and updating their antidote inventory. The more praises she was given, the more she realized how hard it was to accept feelings of pride or joy.
It angered her to feel this way, as she knew the exact cause.
Sasuke.
He was not talking to her - at least not willingly. Awkward silences were normal between them, and it began drain her patience and sanity. Sakura tried in any way that she could to grab his attention. She knew he wouldn't be staying long in the village after the war. She didnt know if she would be considered important enough to be part of his life after such life changing events, but she had to try.
At times her pride would sting whenever she attempted to strike up a conversation. He would say one word replies, and would then excuse himself and leave. There was such a formal distance between them, that each word Sasuke used felt like slap in the face. Sakura couldn't help but berate herself for hoping so much. It led her to question her worth, and soon the strong ego she cultivated under the guidance of Tsunade began to wilter. What was so repulsive about her in the first place? Why was she never interesting enough - deserving enough - of something outside of Sasuke's one word responses?
But she wanted in. She so desperately wanted to be in his life through whatever means possible, so long as there was a thread of hope, a silver lining of him seeing her as someone worth loving. A man must want to acknowledge a woman who would put everything on the line for him. How can one not want someone as devoted as her? She silently chanted to herself to be strong, despite feeling heart close to giving up.
It just has to be me. I've done so much for him, it just has to be...
There was just so mucb baggage with the Sasuke, she thought. There was so much pain in the way he carried himself that just watching him talk made her heart swell with affection and empathy. It was painful to swoon over someone who had hurt her this much. However, the pain she felt was only a testament to how much she cared. This is love, she would herself. She ignored the voices that said that he could help himself, and that Naruto was already a driving catalyst in Sasuke's changing perspective of life. She ignored the voices, because if she listened, she'd again start to believe she wasn't worth anything, and that whatever growth he was experiencing had nothing to do with her.