Mother's day
I always hated this day. Once a year I would steel my nerves and, make the long trip to Risembool with a purpose. Not a simple trip to visit, well not to visit Al and the Rockbell's. No. I was visiting my mother.
A bouquet of flowers and forced smile were my only presents.
I always hated this day. Once a year I would bravely climb the hill and pass the stone graves one by one till I found hers, a dark stone in a forest of others, identical to all the others except for the words carved into the cold surface.
"Mother," my voice was a mere whisper, unable to raise it in fear that the tears would fall. Al had been here, before I had arrived in Risembool. He knew that I preferred to be up here alone, and he knew I would need a warm bath and something to eat.
I always hated this day. Once a year I would face my sins, my mistakes and the reality would crash down on me. I would cry freely here, on a hill with no one in sight I was free to show my true feelings. No one was here to see me crumble, break apart at the carefully welded seems, all walls crashing down and nothing but raw emotion would be left.
"I'm sorry." I knelt down by the grave that represented my mother, ironic that such a cold and heartless thing could represent such a warm and tender person, when it was me who was the person who performed such a cold and heartless act towards her.
I always hated this day. Once a year lilies, alchemically shaped into ring, she had asked for one, her last wish. It was only now on this day once a year that I had the guts to make her one. The flowers that so reminded her of the man she loved, the man that wasn't even there when she had left us, the man that I ever resented for making her ever happy face sad and her ever sparkling eyes dull and lonely.
"For everything mamma." Only on this day would I slip and let myself be like this, childish and open, no walls and no hiding my feelings.
I always hated this day. Once a year I would come here, selfishly think over on the past on a lonely hill, regretting actions long since passed and wishing to go back and change. Forgetting my goal and my goal to leave the past behind and use my legs to go forward. Forgetting all promises and living in a dream for one day. A make-believe world where everything was like it was back then. Before she left us.
"I'm sorry for everything mama."
I always hated this day. Once a year it would come.
Mother's day.