A/N: This isn't my first Star Trek fic but it's the first I've posted and I'm really nervous! I don't really know where it's headed, one shot or multi-chapter. It just depends I guess. Well, enjoy!

The middle of the sentence breaks that are in -'s and italicized are Kirk's thoughts. McCoy's will be bold, Spock's will be underlined, Winona's will be bold italicized, and should Spock Prime ever pop up, his thoughts will be underlined italicized. I don't think we'll delve into anyone else's thoughts.

Disclaimer: Haven't, Don't, Won't.

The day James T. Kirk got back to Earth after the whole Nero thing-and God, wasn't that a bitch-he stepped off the Enterprise to realize he was a hero. It was kind of sad how long it had taken to sink in for him but he'd never really got around to playing hero when he was younger. He was always the villain. So when Jim finally felt that sense of rightness, he didn't acknowledge it.

Not until it had been accompanied by the sense of wrongness when he walked down the silent halls of the academy. And if there was one thing Jim knew, it was that sense of wrongness. That vague creepy-crawly sense right under the skin. How everything seemed to be tainted by it. Yeah, Jim definitely knew that.

After getting his commendation, he was told to report to Admiral Pike in his quarters. Jim nodded absently, not quite sure what was going on, and the cadet that reported to him took off, not looking back, walking with his head down.

Tainted. Everything was tainted, just like Tarsus IV.

Jim stopped at Pike's door. That thought had just flicked through his mind, barely acknowledged, but it struck a chord in Jim.

You see, contrary to popular belief, not everyone represses horrible memories. Then again, not everyone suffered from continual flashbacks either. Jim was one of the lucky ones. Or not, depending on the perspective. The memories of the Hell that was Tarsus IV weren't constantly playing over and over-and over and over and over like some other memories-in Jim's mind, but he remembered everything in perfect, vivid detail. Almost like he had a Vulcan's memory.

The one thing that Jim managed to remember after he had gotten back from Tarsus was when he saw his mother again.

Even though she had been light years away when she got the news, Winona Kirk had flown home as fast as her ship could go. Not even the threat of Klingons attacking stopped her from speeding back home to her son.

Jim closed his eyes as that flash of memory followed the original. It wasn't much. Just eyes that were too scared to be Winona's-his mother was never scared, she was a fighter-and that breathless whisper, filled with heartbreak and apologies and relief and love--"Oh, Jimmy!"-when she wrapped her arms around the gaunt body Jim had gotten from his experience.

Just when it was getting to the good part-where Winona told him how proudproudproud she was that he'd been a survivor, a fighter like her-the door to Admiral Pike's quarters opened.

"Admiral Pike," Jim started formally. He had learned some diplomacy after his dressing down by the Admiralty after all. "You wished to see me, sir?"

Pike looked up from his wheelchair--so sorrysorrysorry, all his fault, should have saved him sooner-and raised an eyebrow.

"You sure you're the James Kirk I pulled out of a bar and into this mess?"

"Mess, sir?" Jim asked, confused, as he followed Pike inside and shut the door. He sat on the squishy couch in the center of the room at the Admiral's request and looked at him questioningly.

Pike pierced him with that hard stare-the one that got him here, made him Captain-and said, "No one ever chooses to be captain, Kirk. And no one from your family has chosen to be famous. But you Kirks just have to fly out into space on a routine mission and do something heroic that makes everything go away."

Jim tugged on his shirt sleeve and tried to stare into the Admiral's eyes confidently as he replied, "You're absolutely right, sir. I didn't ask for this captaincy. But I can tell you one thing."

Again, Pike raised an eyebrow. "And what's that? Captain?"

"Now that I've got it," Jim said fiercely, this time glaring into the hard gaze in front of him. "Nothing's going to take it away from me."

This startled Pike into laughter. "Well, that's the attitude to have. Did you find out what ship you're assigned to yet?"

Jim grinned crookedly. "Yes, sir. They gave me the Enterprise."

"Of course they did."

The two men spent the next few minutes just talking-no pressure, not here, not now-and finally, Jim stood to leave.

"I'm sorry I have to cut this short, Admiral Pike," Jim said when they reached the door. "If I want to reach Iowa before dark, I have to leave soon. I decided I'm going to drop in on my mom while I'm grounded."

"That's right kind of you, boy."

Jim nodded, smiling, and walked out the door. He was halfway down the hall when Pike called out to him.

"Just when did you get so polite? What happened to the brawling, screaming boy I brought back here?"

Laughing, Jim replied, "He shut up and kept his hands to himself when Starfleet told him that if he didn't they'd take his ship away!"

Eyes sparkling, Pike watched his protégé walk away until he turned the at the end of the hall. Turning around, he rolled back into his quarters and hoped to God that if the Federation had another crisis, there'd be a Kirk around to stop it.

The shuttle ride to Iowa was quicker than Jim thought it would be. It was also a lot more frustrating than he thought it would be. Everyone recognized him as Starfleet's newest poster boy. By the time he actually got to Riverside, he was tired and cranky and God, someone else needed to save the world soon because he could not handle this for too long.

The farmhouse looked just like Jim remembered, except it was freshly painted and there was a new hover-bike in the driveway. Jim hoped his mother didn't have a new boyfriend-because Frank was bad enough and would she ever stop with the meaningless relationships and why did he care since he was the same way-at the house because he really wasn't interested in meeting a new boy toy that would-inevitably-piss him off and then ruin what was supposed to be a loving reunion.

Nevertheless, Jim plucked up his courage-he was a Starfleet Captain now and how could he face insane, murdering Romulans if he couldn't face his mom's boyfriend, which he was hoping didn't exist-and walked to the front door.

He knocked lightly. His mother must not have heard him because there was no response.

He knocked a little louder. He wasn't prepared for what he got back.

A voice-nothing sweeter in the world than his mother's voice and he wished he could hear that breathless whisper one more time--came from inside. "Oh, can't you wait just a minute? I'm kinda busy watching my little boy on a newscast!"

Jim grinned-it really would be a surprise and he hoped his mom liked it because it was all he could give her right now-and banged on the wood frame of the screen door, not risking calling out.

"Fine!" his mother screamed from inside the house. "But if I miss a single important minute I'm gonna-"

Jim never got to hear what she was going to do because at that moment she opened the door. He decided he liked his mom being surprised-gaping like a fish, how many times did she tell him to close his mouth-because it gave him a moment to look her over.

She was still looking good, if a bit thin. Her blond hair waved down her back with just the barest hint of silver in it and her eyes sparkled with shock and happiness. When he got through soaking in his mother's love, he decided now would be a good time to talk.

He cleared his throat and said, "Hi, Mom."

A tear fell from her eye and, before Jim could panic, thin arms wound their way around his body. He dropped his bag and wrapped her in a tight hug, holding her close. The best part was when he got what he always--ever since he came back from that spit-pit-wanted. That special whisper, this time filled with love and relief and pride, but nothing sad.

"Oh, Jimmy!"

A/N: Sooo…yeah…that's the first part of my Star Trek fic. It might turn multi-chapter if I get enough reviews {hint hint}. I hope you liked it and I hope Kirk's thoughts weren't too hard to understand!

Happy Readings{please review}

~S.A.