The Ragged Flower
I was told that by writing down my feelings, I could alleviate some of the immense pain and heartache that I'm feeling, however, I fail to see how pouring out my heart and soul on this minute piece of paper will help me. I lost my best friend, my second-half, hell, you could even call him my soulmate. Dean and I did everything together, living life to the fullest as if we didn't have tomorrow. Unfortunately, Dean ran out of tomorrows just a little too soon. I should have seen it coming, but I allowed my feelings to cloud my judgment, and for that, I cost Dean his life. I've heard of the five stages of grief, but so far, I've only felt one. Anger. Dean and I had had a fight on that horribly tragic night, and I've been beating myself up ever since. Dean had caught drift of another hunt that was two states over, but I had insisted that we focus on the Mark of Cain. Ever since he took on the burden of the Mark, something inside him changed. I hardly recognized the man that he had become, but I was told that I was a dreamer, still living in the past. I had looked at Dean the same way as when I saw his broken soul on that godforsaken rack in Hell, but in the last few days that he was alive, I saw something attached to his soul that surprised me. Dean was the brightest soul in Hell no doubt, but after he claimed the Mark, his soul darkened to pitch that could only be recognized as pure evil. Darkness had encroached Dean in its dark wave, and it seemed as if there was no hope left for him, but as I look back now I realize that there was too much hope for him. After many failed attempts of curing Dean, he just gave up, and I honestly thought that we could cure him, but it seems as if that just wasn't in the cards. The fight that I mentioned earlier was what I feel like sent Dean over the edge. Although we've had our differences, we always managed to work it out somehow. The thing that you need to know about Dean is that he is like a ragged flower. In the dark of the night, the light gives him an aura of mysteriousness and a dark beauty that can only be admired from afar. However, in the light of day, his soul radiates warm light that can draw anyone in. His smile is as warm as the sun, his eyes shine like the emerald green leaves on a newly bloomed rose. He is beauty, love, and all that I could ask for. I just wish I could have told him all of this before I lost him.
Forever Loving You,
Castiel