A/N: Super short one-shot. This is the result of a lot of sugar and too many R/T discussions. Also I needed a quick break from The Pemalite Chronicles.
-T.
Free Fall
I could not stay in my old meadow. I couldn't let him find me. So I relocated, moving north to Yellowstone to find a new territory. It was different from the one I had grown to call home, and only Cassie and Toby knew where to find me. I suspect some of the other Hork-Bajir knew as well, but they kept their distance. Their simple minds did understand loss, after all. How couldn't they, after what their race had been through? The two visitors I did have made their presence known erratically, and this was fine by me. Their visits meant that I had to pull myself from the recesses of the hawk mind. Their visits inevitably meant conversation, which in turn meant remembering that which I wanted to forget more than anything.
"Tobias…" Cassie had said once, looking at me with dark, pleading eyes. She was worried about me. They all were. I didn't care, "Tobias, please, talk to me. I've been talking to Marco, and he said that Jake –"
(Jake.) I said stiffly, feeling a tsunami of white-hot rage blaze up inside of me. I spread my wings and flew away from Cassie. She did not attempt to follow, knowing that our conversation was over.
As I soared on the plethora of thermals caused by Yellowstone's geyser's I could not help but think of our former leader, Jake. The fury I felt towards him was like a physical ailment. Because of him I had lost everything. He had made the decision, he had made the call. He knewthat she would go. He knew…
Below me, movement. The faintest twitch of grass, giving away some rodents location. Without thinking I stooped into a dive. The air rushed around me, all of my anger and resentment being channeled into speed. Faster, faster, the wind roaring by! I had to be going nearly as fast as a peregrine falcon – a thought which only fueled the suicidal dive.
At the last moment I flared my wings, pulling up, talons outstretched. They closed on the helpless shrew and I began to feast. The warm blood of the kill was comforting. The hawk was happy, and when the hawk was happy the boy did not need to exist.
The anger was still there, but it had placated. The distance that I had put between myself and Cassie had helped. Still, I did not regret her visit. That one word, that one name had reminded me. It had reminded me of bitterness and war and a reckless grin that would never again exist.
Most of all it reminded me of my hatred towards the person I had once followed unconditionally. I welcomed that hatred. Anger is all-consuming, leaving no room for other emotions. Between the content hawk and the angry boy there was no room for sadness or despair. As long as I hated him, I did not have to grieve for her.