I wrote this for an angst meme on LJ. I had to tweak the timeline to make the prompt work. The prompt in question was Rachel/Quinn Miscarriages happen and life goes on or at least the people in it try to. Obviously there is sensitive subject matter here for some people. I haven't really written anything like this before so any feedback, concrit included is welcome.
She hadn't even made it three months but she had made it long enough to start thinking about the person growing inside her and the person they would be. Maybe it was a mistake and hatred and upset had pushed her away from Finn to Puck and caused it all to happen but that didn't mean she wasn't starting to think about being a mother. Rachel was one of the only girls not to call her a whore, Rachel was one of the only girls who tried to be helpful, even if it involved endless babbles about vitamins she could never afford and horror stories of the birth she hadn't wanted to think about. Her pregnancy was really only in the open for a few weeks before she had found herself in a crippled heap in the bathrooms at school, blood covering her horrified hands as her stomach cramped under unbearable pain and she felt her baby's life slip away from her but that had been long enough to change everything forever.
She had lost everything.
The perfect boyfriend, cheerleader status, reputation, friends, family and now her child was being taken from her. Memories of the hospital and Mr Schue telling her it was going to be ok are blurry and really she just wants to forget because all it entailed was pain and sympathetic glances. Members of Glee flocked to her bedside out of moral obligation and both Finn and Puck watched her with glazed broken eyes. That forced her to tell Finn the truth about her night with Puck, he told everyone else and after that moral obligation didn't matter. No one came to see her after that, no one except Rachel and though she would feel bad for thinking it later, Rachel had really been the last person she wanted to see. Her parents, so damn much, Finn more than she could say if only to say sorry one more time and Puck because it seemed he was the only one that could possibly understand.
She was sent home to her parents who took her back but ignored her and her room became her sanctuary and prison at the same time. Pale yellow walls adorned with trophies and banners seemed to childish and irrelevant after everything she had endured and she spent all her time at home wishing she was somewhere else. Puck came to see her once with a bullshit story about school work and passing things on and they shared a moment of grief for a child they would never see but could never have taken care of anyway. After that, Puck didn't talk to her again, closed himself off to shield himself from the pain and avoided her once she went back to school, moved on, or tried to.
Rachel actually did bring her schoolwork and went to the hospital before that, because she wanted to and not because she felt she had to. Quinn had appreciated it and stopped calling her names. Even in her head. When she did go back to school, still not a Cheerio but still a loser (though she got pity filled glances now), it was Rachel she hung around with and though she should hate that, she found she really didn't mind so much.
They practised for Glee together at Rachel's because Rachel never stopped singing and it meant Quinn didn't have to go home to a cold room that didn't feel like hers anymore and parents who would never look at her the same. They got closer and butterflies settled into Quinn's chest. The nought around her heart felt that little bit lighter and she looked forward to spending more time with Rachel.
One day she kissed her. Soft and sweet, gentle and inquisitive and wondered if she might have a new beginning with the girl who had stuck by her through it all. She tried. Really she did. Rachel had beamed and though Quinn was confused and had never acted on feelings for another girl before, the brunette had let her take her time. Things had gone slowly and it was chaste and gentle and at times didn't even seem like a real relationship. It was nothing to share with people who didn't really care about them anyway.
Months past. They went to sectionals and Rachel stole the show. They stumbled towards regionals and somehow won that too and Quinn had been so proud of her girl that she had kissed her in front of all the members of glee. She hadn't cared who saw or about the shocked faces. There was just her and Rachel and everything seemed ok for a moment. At that point, Quinn thought she might be able to build a new future, one where she didn't wake up in the middle of the night with tears streaming down her face, arms wrapped around her stomach trying desperately to protect a baby that wasn't there anymore. Rachel had tried to get her to move on, move forward and make a life for herself but that didn't mean she could forget. She had had a miscarriage and she had to move on.
But then she saw a mother with a baby at the mall, squalling infant in a stroller as the mother cooed and tried to soothe the screaming child and knew that should have been her. Maybe she wouldn't have Rachel because they might not have got that close and she might not have felt the same way but a part of her twisted as she knew she would give up Rachel for the baby she had been horrified to realise she was having. Quinn wasn't sure it was right to think that but she wasn't able to stop herself. Maybe she would have been a bad mother, maybe she would have given the baby up but now she would never know and there would always be a part of her missing, snatched away by some cruel twist of fate. Rachel and life wasn't going to be enough for a long long time. She had had a miscarriage and she should try to move on but all she could do was try to.
Reviews are love.