nightelf37: Thanks to a certain application that is no longer available on Google Play, I am able to 'rescue' this fanfic from oblivion. MickeyDismantle, please notify me if you want this removed, because your account seems to have vanished, so I can't ask for your permission. And because the application doesn't track chapter names, there will be no chapter names.
Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing here. Team Fortress 2 is by Valve, and this fic belongs to MickeyDismantle. Now, may I present...
Red Sky At Night
"Now is time to run."
The trio of undercover Mann Co. assassins had never heard such truer words. There they stood amongst metal giants and their tyrannical overlord; flies on the wall as they listened in on Gray Mann's newest scheme.
Miss Pauling instinctively shrunk, appearing even smaller against the bulk of the Heavy and Soldier beside her. Only seconds ago, she stood there in her cardboard robot helmet, amazed that such an idiotic costume was fooling a horde of killer robots. Now that they were all staring at her, she felt...well...as ridiculous as she looked.
I'm so fired, Miss Pauling thought.
All jokes aside, they were incredibly outnumbered. No, outnumbered wasn't even the correct word. They were swamped. Gray Mann's entire robot army now had them cornered and awaited instructions.
Miss Pauling continued to silently berate herself. You're an idiot. I can't believe you went along with this stupid plan. Soldier's plan!
It wasn't her most well-thought-out scheme. But a week ago, she never expected this.
RSAN—RSAN—RSAN—RSAN—RSAN
One week prior...
"Nngh! This is impossible!" Miss Pauling growled. "In the Badlands alone there are 306 Mann Co. plants, office building, warehouses, and outlet malls! Don't get me wrong. It's amazing you've been able to save as much as you have. The museum, the quicklime factory..."
The young administrative assistant stood gathered around a large workshop table with the RED team mercenaries. Strewn in front of them were various maps highlighting previous conflict zones and decoy stations where they had clashed with Gray Mann's robot horde. It seemed like it was only yesterday that they were fighting BLU and capping points. Never in their wildest dreams did they imagine themselves fighting killer androids instead. Some of them even questioned why they even bothered staying with Mann Co. but the money those bots dropped coupled with an undercover sense of pride kept them going. When it was all said and done, Teufort was their home and the mercs had come to view each other as a sort of dysfunctional family as the years carried them forward.
Miss Pauling sighed. "But you can't be everywhere at once. Guys, I'm starting to think we can't win this." She let out a growl of frustration, pushing her cat-eye glasses back up her nose. "I'd kill to know where they're going to attack next!"
"The robots are going to attack the Mann Co. facility at 20 Gravel Pit Way at exactly thirteen hundred hours tomorrow," Soldier piped in, slamming his fist down on the table. "We will never see it coming."
"Uh huh," Miss Pauling responded dismissively, cradling her chin as her eyes continued scanning the maps on the table. "C'mon, think, guys! Where are they going to attack n-" Suddenly, Soldier's statement dawned on her and she abruptly looked up at him. "Wait, what? Soldier, how do you know all that?"
A devious grin spread across the Soldier's face and he beamed. "The robots told me!" He gave an impish chuckle. "When I infiltrated their secret robot meeting last night!"
By now, the rest of the team was rolling their eyes. They'd spent enough time around Soldier to be all too familiar with his delusional antics. Scout, however, remained oblivious to the topic at hand as he gazed drunkenly at Miss Pauling, blissfully infatuated. Another typical RED team meeting...
Miss Pauling narrowed her eyes as she tried to comprehend what she was hearing. "You infiltrated a...?"
It was Spy who interrupted her train of thought as he cleared his throat. "Miss Pauling,if I may?" Miss Pauling knew all too well that the Soldier's IQ level had long been in question, but Spy wondered just how much. "Soldier, did you infiltrate a top secret robot meeting last night?"
"Yes!"
"Indeed. Soldier, are we on the moon right now?"
"Yes!"
There was a moment of silence as the group exchanged looks.
"Gentlemen," said the Spy, "I've lost several liters of blood today. I will likely die defending a hat factory tomorrow. I'm going home."
He fixed his tie, heading for the door, followed by the Scout.
"You said it, pal!" Scout said as he jogged backwards through the door. "G'night, Miss Pauling!"
Once they were gone, the room remained silent for several tense seconds before Soldier took it upon himself to defend his information.
"But I did infiltrate the robots! Come on, guys! Why would I lie? We're all Americans here!"
"Well not all of us, obviously," said Miss Pauling, turning to look at the Heavy. "Medic's German and Heavy's from Russ-ow! What?" She was being gently elbowed by Heavy, who was silently pleading with her to be silent while Medic cleared his throat conspicuously. And then it dawned on her. "Oh!"
She had forgotten. Soldier was very...delicate...about his patriotism. Heavy quickly diffused the situation.
"Ha ha! Germany! Russia! Is big joke! Big American joke on Soldier!" he said cheerfully, putting on a great, big, nervous smile.
Soldier patted Heavy on the shoulder and chuckled. "Ha! You got me!"
"Ohh, America! It is the place I am from! ….All the time."
"You and me both, fellow patriot! Not like that Gray Mann! He was raised by eagles! In Europe! What an idiot!"
Luckily, the Demoman, who was also European, ignored this statement and busied himself with emptying another bottle of scrumpy into his maw. Sniper, Medic, and Engineer had decided they had heard enough. With tired sighs, they began retreating from the room.
"Heh. Eagles," quipped Sniper. "Right, mate."
"Enough of this nonsense. Gute nacht, everyone," said the Medic, following behind the Engineer with his dove, Archimedes, perched upon his shoulder.
Pyro followed suit, albeit with a soft mumble that Miss Pauling thought was perhaps a 'good night'. She couldn't be sure. It didn't matter, though. She was now fixated on the Soldier. It was no secret that he was prone to say things that were downright stupid, but Miss Pauling couldn't ignore the fact that he somehow knew details about Gray Mann that he couldn't have possibly learned from anyone but the source.
"Ok. The Administrator knows about the eagles. I know about the eagles. Soldier, how do you know about the eagles?"
Soldier gave an impatient sigh. "I told you! I infiltrated-"
"Show me how."
RSAN—RSAN—RSAN—RSAN—RSAN
It couldn't have been a prouder moment for him. Finally! A soldier amongst them who wished to know of his vast, superior intel! He beamed and bolted for the nearby lockers, followed by a still somewhat skeptical Miss Pauling. Soldier prepared to open his locker, but turned and looked at Miss Pauling slyly, as if he were getting ready to revel the greatest secret never known to mankind.
"Miss Pauling, are you braced? Because you will need to brace yourself for what I am about to show you."
"I'm braced. Let's see it, Soldier."
"Are you sitting down? Because you should not be in a comfortable bowel-emptying position for what I am about to show you."
Seriously? Miss Pauling glared at Soldier, incredulously. Already, what little faith she had in him was dwindling.
"I'm standing. You're looking right at me."
"Ok, but are you pregnant? You should not b-"
"Soldier! Show me!" Miss Pauling growled in frustration.
It must have been good enough for him, for Soldier reached into his locker and with a little bit of flair, pulled out a cardboard box which he promptly placed over his head. It had a square hole cut to reveal his mouth and his eyes were now covered by two plastic red cups, attached to the box by the worst duct tape job Miss Pauling had ever seen. To top it off, a wire coat hanger was protruding from the top of the box as an antenna.
"Beep boop! I am a robot!" Soldier said in a monotone voice, shuffling his arms stiffly back and forth.
Miss Pauling could hardly believe it. Massive hordes of killer robots were thwarted...by this? For a few seconds, her brain wouldn't allow her to do anything but stare in a deadpanned stupor at the joke standing before her. She wasn't sure if Soldier had just wasted three minutes of her life she could never get back, or if she was staring at the most ingeniously devised plan she'd ever seen.
A box.
Soldier continued his robot impressions before he noticed Miss Pauling glaring at him silently. "Beep boo—Miss Pauling?" He tilted the box up so that he could see her and became overwhelmed with genuine concern. "Miss Pauling? Don't be scared! I am not actually a rob-"
"Leave it on," Miss Pauling interrupted him. "In fact, tape together another one. I'm coming with you."
So that was that. If this is what it took to gather intel from the enemy, then so be it. And if an idiot like Soldier could pull it off, then anyone could.
Heavy, who had been idly listening nearby as he put his belongings into his locker, decided that enough was enough. He was no idiot. To have Soldier go and risk his life to gather robot intelligence was one thing, but it was another to drag Miss Pauling into it. He slammed his locker door shut and approached them, hovering over them like a giant.
"Fine. This idea you both have? Is terrible idea. But if Miss Pauling is going, Heavy goes too."
RSAN—RSAN—RSAN—RSAN—RSAN
And that's how it began. Every night, the Heavy, Miss Pauling, and the Soldier donned cardboard box helmets and dryer vent hose tubing and would sneak into Gray Mann's Gravel Co. compound. The first day, Miss Pauling felt horribly exposed and stupid as she stood amongst the enemy; amazed that the robots fell for such a primitive ruse. Her heart was nearly in her throat the entire meeting, but she set aside her fear and gathered enough information to keep their facilities safe. As the days went by, she became more comfortable with the idea of wearing a child's Halloween costume and standing in a room full of killer androids. But that was only because their numbers successfully hid the three mercenaries in the back of the room. Gray Mann just never took the time to fully scan his horde to notice any abnormalities.
That is, until now.
"For my latest creation, I've replaced all that rote worshiping circuitry with raw computational power," Gray Mann announced to his robot legion. "May I present the smartest addition to the Gray Mann army..." He stepped over to a tall cloaked figure on the platform beside him and with a devilish grin, whipped the cover off. "The MECHA-ENGINEER! You may hail now."
"ALL HAIL THE MAKER!" the robots chorused.
Standing menacingly tall, the latest robot creation immediately scanned the room as his master spoke. Already, it began analyzing its surroundings – void of any expression. Its yellow construction helmet and gloves were stark against its glistening silver and blue core.
Miss Pauling marveled at the machine from afar. She wondered if she was the only one weirded out that Gray's entire robot army resembled their living counterparts so much. Her contemplation came to an abrupt halt, however, when the giant robot Engineer spoke.
"Scanning...humans!" it raised its arm and pointed a finger in the mercs' direction.
Instantly, Miss Pauling shrank into herself as the entire horde turned to face the three of them.
"Ohhh boy, I'd hate to be those humans right now," Soldier said from beneath his cardboard box, slipping a hand underneath to pick at his nose.
"Heavy?" Miss Pauling said, meekly.
Already, the massive merc was turning to head for the exit. "Now is time to run."
She didn't have to be told twice. Instantly, she turned to her left to follow Heavy but they immediately stopped as an army of Rapid-Fire Demomen blocked their path; raising their grenade launchers and taking aim. Soldier still hadn't comprehended that their jig was up, so he was caught off guard when Miss Pauling and Heavy changed direction and pushed him to the right. The three stumbled for a moment before skidding to a halt; their path on the other side now blocked by Heavyweight Champs. They were surrounded and cornered against the wall in a matter of seconds.
"Hold your fire," Gray ordered.
Slowly, the robots lowered their arms but never kept their eyes off of the three mercs. Up on the platform at the front of the room, Gray Mann smiled, patting his Mecha-Engineer on the arm proudly before hopping down onto the floor. The robots parted and created a path as he approached the intruders, rubbing his hands gleefully.
"Oh no, here comes that European hippie," Soldier whispered to Miss Pauling. "Hold still. I'll handle this." He cleared his throat as Gray approached, suddenly going into a stiff robotic pose and shuffling his arms back and forth. "Beep! Boop! I. am. a. robot! Beep Bee-!"
He was cut short, however, when Gray smacked the cardboard helmet from his head. "Enough!" Gray barked. Immediately, the three mercs stiffened and went silent, allowing Gray to analyze them. "Well, isn't this ingenious? So, this is how you managed to sabotage all of my raids this week."
Gray stood before Miss Pauling and whipped the cardboard box from her head and for the first time ever, she was able to come face to face with her enemy. He was a small man; not much taller than her, and as confident as his behavior was, he looked quite physically frail. His face was old and withered; his legs short and thin. He gave Miss Pauling a grin and she saw his crooked, yellowed teeth. Gray was old. And not just in a normal, aging sense. He was past old; he was beyond his years. He had the same withered look as his brothers, who had defied nature and prolonged their miserable lives via artificial life-extender machines. Gray even had the same smell.
But Gray carried with him no massive contraption hooked to a wheelchair. There were no wires or pumps or electrodes attached to his liver-spotted skin. In fact, the only thing Miss Pauling could see and assume was keeping Gray alive was the centipede-like machine attached to his bony spine. But what was it? It was like nothing she'd ever seen before. And she had seen a lot.
"I must admit," Gray said, breaking Miss Pauling's train of thought, "I'm a little ashamed of myself for not noticing. You had been standing back here like little mice this whole time, haven't you?"
By this time, Heavy had also removed his cardboard mask and his body was tense; ready to pull Miss Pauling out of harm's way. Though he stood towering over Gray, he knew that one wrong move would have the robots firing upon them in an instant.
Gray spared no precautions, however. With a snap of his fingers, the Heavy and Soldier were immediately immobilized by a pair of Steel Gauntlets, leaving Miss Pauling standing exposed between them.
"Hey! Get your made-in-China hands off me!" Soldier ordered as he was manhandled off to the side.
Heavy also struggled, but his arms were promptly pulled behind his back. Miss Pauling could only silently watch as the two mercs were incapacitated. She suddenly felt horribly foolish standing there with dryer vent hoses on her arms.
"You must be the Administrator's secretary I've heard so much about," Gray said, eying Miss Pauling from head to toe. "I heard you were a calculated woman. Smart. Lethal. And yet here you stand in a child's robot costume with a man who won a nose picking contest."
Miss Pauling's cheeks began to burn.
"So now, what do I do with you three? I can't very well kill you, can I? You'll just respawn. Clever little fail-safe your Engineers have come up with, by the way." Gray tapped his chin pensively for a moment before turning his back on the trio and walking back towards the stage. He looked up at his Mecha-Engineer and seemed to say something unheard before he looked over his shoulder. "Take the three of them down to the boiler room."
Whatever passiveness the three mercs had flew out the window. They found themselves being dragged away as a Major League Scout came up from behind Miss Pauling and clamped its hands around her arms. Behind her, she could hear the Heavy and Soldier exchanging spats with their metallic captors, but the robots never faltered.
"YOU SCUM! I WILL NOT BE A PRISONER OF WAR!" Soldier shouted.
They continued their scuffle; Heavy doing his best to throw the Steel Gauntlet off of him, until they heard an unmistakable BONK!
The robot carrying the Soldier away collapsed in a daze. And then...
BONK!
A baseball. Right dab smack on the noggin of the bot dragging Heavy away, effectively causing it to release him and fall in a heap; a spring jutting out from its temple.
By this time, Gray and his entire army were frozen in bewilderment. Everything was happening so fast. And before anyone could react, the RED Scout jumped down from the rafters of the warehouse, landing on the shoulders of the robot holding Miss Pauling hostage and promptly snapping its head off with a deft twist. The robot made a choking, fizzled scream before falling over in a shower of sparks. RED's Medic and Demoman quickly followed suit, landing on their feet before a razzled Soldier and Heavy. Within seconds, Miss Pauling's recon team grew by three.
"What are you guys doing here?!" Miss Pauling exclaimed.
"Savin' your butts!" Scout exclaimed, readying his bat over his shoulder and facing the bewildered horde of robots before them.
And then, the three newcomers were off with a feral war cry and reckless abandon, leaving the unarmed Heavy, Miss Pauling, and Soldier staring dumbfounded against the wall in which they had been cornered. That is until...
RSAN—RSAN—RSAN—RSAN—RSAN
Thirty seconds later...
"Is bad rescue mission," Heavy mumbled as he was being led away by another Steel Gauntlet.
Behind him, he heard his fellow teammates curse and struggle against their robot captors. Their battle for freedom had ended before they even fired a single shot. Three mercs vs. ninety angry robots. Scout managed to last an impressive nine seconds before a Heavyweight Champ knocked him over the head and rendered him useless. Medic and Demoman didn't fare much better, quickly becoming overcome before Gray even had time to clap his hands in delight. It was all very comical to him and yet also incredibly humiliating. This was Mann Co.'s elite? This is what kept my army at bay for so long?
Miss Pauling shared his sentiments.
The mercs were silent with shame as they were led down a long, sterile-looking corridor. Metal doors lined the walls every ten feet or so and at the end of the hall, a staircase that descended into a soft, orange glow; like a fire was burning beyond. They hadn't seen or heard Gray since their capture; only seeing robots and hearing the monotonous drone of their stomping.
Miss Pauling was the first to reach the staircase and saw that the door at the bottom of the landing was metal, like the others, but held a small, round viewport on top. The orange glow beamed from the glass and when the Major League Scout before her opened the door, a blast of hot air hit her in the face and made her flinch.
Or maybe it was just that the rest of the facility was so damn frigid.
Behind her, she could hear Demoman complain in a slew of profanities. Without any hesitation, she was led down the stairs and unceremoniously shoved into the room. One by one, the other mercs followed suit in a chorus of objections, except the Scout who was thrown on the floor; still knocked out.
The mercenaries silently took in their surroundings. They were in some sort of large mechanical room; the roaring of machines behind them almost deafening. And in the center of the room was a huge open furnace, roaring with fire like a giant's Dutch oven. The source of the heat and glow emanating from the room became all too obvious. It was uncomfortably hot. A smell of burnt rubber made their eyes water and their throats clench.
The robots crowding the doorway parted, allowing Gray's sinewy figure to descend the stairs and stand before the mercs. He wrung his hands and smiled with satisfaction.
"Please. Get comfortable. Enjoy your stay," he said condescendingly.
Miss Pauling glared. "You know you can't keep us in here forever. The Administrator will send the others."
"I'm counting on it. It'll be easier to just kill you all in one fell swoop than to drag this whole nonsense on like some sick treasure hunt."
"YOU LIMEY RED-COAT!" Soldier roared, charging forward against the restraint of the Demoman holding him back. "YOU CAN TORTURE US ALL YOU WANT! WE'LL NEVER GIVE UP THE INTEL OR THE CONSTITUTION!"
Gray raised an eyebrow in amusement. "Oh, that's good. If this were 1775, I'm sure I'd be very worried."
"It's a year you will rue, pal!"
Miss Pauling rubbed the bridge of her nose in humiliation.
Gray clasped his hands together and took a deep breath. "My, it's hot down here. Anyway, until I figure out what to do with you, enjoy your stay. I'm going to go blow up your headquarters. Goodbye."
And without any amount of flair, Gray turned his back on the mercs and departed the room; the robots closing and locking the door on their way out.
The mercs were now alone in the orange, hot glow of the boiler room. The only sound they heard for the next several seconds was the roar of the furnace in the center of the room. That is, until Miss Pauling spun on her heels and unleashed a fury they'd never witnessed before.
"What the hell were you guys doing!?" she shouted, her eyes wide with incredulous anger behind her glasses.
Medic had immediately tried to busy himself with waking Scout up while Miss Pauling placed herself before a wide-eyed Demoman.
"Idiots!" she continued. "All of you! Now we're locked in here, Gray is going to attack the headquarters, and we have NO way of letting the others know to stage a defensive assault! Six of us, and only three with weapons, against a robot army?!"
"I couldn't let them harm me best mate," Demoman tried to reason, gesturing to Soldier.
Miss Pauling glared at him wryly and then turned her head towards Medic. "And what's your excuse? I always considered you an intelligent man, Medic. You really thought you could take on a horde of bots with a bonesaw?"
Medic could only look at her apologetically. "Herr Heavy is my comarade. Vhat kind of Medic vould I be if I left you all to die in battle?"
So if Demo showed up to save Soldier and Medic showed up to save Heavy...then that would mean...
Miss Pauling's eyes fell upon the Scout, who was still mumbling in a semi-coma on the floor. She rolled her eyes.
My hero.
"How did you find us?" Heavy asked the Medic and Demo.
"The lad told us about yeh," Demoman explained, gesturing towards Scout. "He'd been trailin' yeh all week."
"Why?" Miss Pauling asked, more sharply than she had anticipated.
"Prolly wanted ta prove himself to yeh. Who knows? He said somethin' about Gray buildin' a new robot. The only reason Medic and I showed up t'day was 'cus Scoot thought yeh might be in a wee bit a' danger. And he was righ'. For once."
The anger inside Miss Pauling died out only a little bit. Despite their whole operation being a complete and utter disaster, Scout appeared to have the best intentions. It was just too bad he was an impulsive moron.
"Ach. Sorry," Medic sighed and shrugged off his coat. He was already starting to sweat from the heat.
At a loss, Miss Pauling glanced around the room, trying to come up with a plan. But the boiler room was dark and void of any doors or windows save for the one they came in through. Large, black pipes and valves snaked across the ceiling, and the large furnace towered over them in the center of the room, spewing out heat. The door was their only way out.
Frustrated, Miss Pauling gave a sigh of defeat and her shoulders slumped. "Medic," she said. "Come help me figure out a way to open this door. We have to get out of here before Gray starts the attack."
"Jawohl," he replied immediately, abandoning Scout.
And so their great escape began.
A. , yeah I deleted my old story and started a new one. So sue me. The old one was such rubbish. Campy, full of plot holes, and going absolutely nowhere in 3 chapters. I have a much greater grasp on the plot for this one, so I'm hoping it turns out better than the last. It's still kinda the same concept, just laid out a bit better. And that's thanks to the Shadowboxer comic. I guess you can say this is my version of a continuation.
nightelf37: I have all twelve chapters (as he didn't seem to create more before the story disappeared), but I'm posting only the first for the time being. I don't plan on making a continuation of this, even if I had permission. I'd probably end up mixing it up with my Equestria Fortress 2 story. This fic will stay like this until any of the following conditions are met: (a) a month or more has passed, after which I'll continue, (b) I get a reply from MickeyDismantle, after which I'll do what he requests me to do, (c) this site orders me to take this down, after which I will do so.
See ya on Third!