Title: The cold truth . . .
Characters: Surprise, Randy Orton, Shawn Michaels
Mentions of Edge/Cena, Edge/Jeff, and Edge/Dave
Rating: Over all T/M
Warnings: M/M Rape, physical/verbal Abuse, Language, Angst, Drug use, Suicide.
Mentions of: M/M Relationships and Implied sexual relations.
Feedback: Please
All Alone…
My heart pounding as I turned the corner sharply, running down the stairs, my lean legs carrying me far but not fast or far enough. I run down to the basement, looking behind me to see if I'm still being followed, my pulse beating against my ear drums, as I throw the closet door open, running in, pulling the door closed. Throwing my back against the wall, sliding down into a corner and hugging my knees to my chest as I began silently sobbing. I began praying he wouldn't find me.
I don't know how I ended up like this. A pitiful disgraceful shell of my former self. How I ended up with him. How I lost, how I pushed everyone I loved, everyone who cared about me, away. How it started out, when I was with John, remembering the day, he made love to me, and asked me to marry him.
XX~ Flash back ~XX
April 14, 2004
I feel myself smiling as John's strong arms encircled me holding me close like a King would hold and protect his Queen. Making me feel safe like he always did. I blushed as he looked into my forest green ones, kneeling between my thighs as he grasped my hand, kissing my middle finger. Sure he kissed other places, my lips, my neck, other more privet places but even as we made love, he always looked into my eyes as his lips always came back to my middle finger.
As we reached our climax together, he looked into my eyes, told me he loved me, held me close and grasping my hand he kissed my ring finger again. As we broke our embrace John grabbed something out of his pants pocket, hiding it in his hand, kneeled so he was eye level with me, and pressed his lips to my finger once more, before finally kissing me, as he held my hand in his, telling me to close my eyes.
I did, feeling something cold sliding over my finger. When he told me I could open them, I did, seeing the most gorgeous ring I'd ever seen, almost glowing on my ring finger and now it had all made sense as I looked into his intense ocean blue eyes.
John smiled as tears cascaded down my cheeks. "Will you?" he asked as I tearfully had nodded my head 'yes'. John's smile of happiness melted my heart as he threw his arms around me, basking in our happiness.
XX~ End of Flash Back ~XX
I hugged my knees tighter to my chest as I sobbed. We never got married. My greed to be Champion after I returned had broken us up. I chased him away; John would end up marrying his partner and my former friend, Shawn Michaels. A friend, my greed and mistakes had also chased away.
Later in early 2007 I would hook up with Jeff Hardy. He loved me I knew this. Had ever since I'd been with John, but all we ever did was fight and argue, our greed to be champion, our ego's a match which could arguable that mine is worse then his. Our relationship didn't last long, when my depression had pushed him into the arms of my former tag team partner Randy Orton.
I still remember the day I came in to see Jeff in a lip lock with Randy, How my anger took hold and I socked Randy so hard it fractured his jaw, it didn't stop there, I began punching him in the nose, rutting into him viscously as Jeff begged me to stop. Randy suffered a broken nose from that as I now realize that what they have was true love, and I loved Jeff but had never been in love with him, another mistake on my behalf. Ever since then neither have talked to me.
I Began quivering all over as I hear the basement door slide open, hear those heavy footsteps coming down the stairs and closer to me. The tension sitting in, as I bury my face in my knees.
"I know you're down here, bayy-bie" he drew out in a sing song teasing like voice. I prayed to any God who was listening that he would just go away and leave me in my misery. I let out a cry of surprise as he ripped the door open, smirking as I pushed myself farther away. " Why don't you make this easy you pathetic slut" he said sneering at me as I closed my tear filled eyes tightly, wishing the " I can't see you so you can't see me" rules applied to this, wishing the walls would open and swallow me whole, wishing I could just die right now.
There was no hope for me, I realized as I felt his hand fist in my hair and rip me out of the closet. And so my night had just gotten longer, I felt every punch, every kick and stomp he had to give. None of it bothered me as much as the names I was called though. "You're nothing but a bitch, a slut" he called me. Just as I thought my hell was over, he let Hunter in, and then both roughly had their ways with me. "Clean this fucking mess up, clean yourself up and get ready to leave for Smack Down, you have a match tonight." He told me as he turned to kiss Hunter, laughing as they left.
I didn't move until I heard the car driving away, assured they were gone for now. I slowly tenderly pushed myself up, I looked at the clock after I'd taken my shower realizing I was late, that I didn't have much time and I'd have to put the consealer on at the arena. I quickly dressed, grabbed my gear, and rushed out the door.
As I parked at the arena I looked in the mirror, gasping as I saw the dark purplish ugly shiner beneath my eye. I grabbed my shades putting them on, checking to make sure they covered it, they did. I sighed as I grabbed my bag and gingerly walked inside.
I closed my eyes, plastered the fakest smirk on my face, my façade covering my real self. I saw Jeff, I saw Randy, I saw Shawn and I saw John, I saw all had the same look in their eyes, on their faces', all of what I hate. Looks of pity, because they know who I'm with, they see the marks, they see the bruises, they see me limping from time to time, they're the only ones who can see right threw my Façade.
I want to say I hate them for it, but I can't bring myself to, I want they're help, they know I do but they won't help me, because I know what they're waiting for, an apology, they want me to ask for it, because if I can't help myself, they can't help me. I ignore them, sit my stuff down and remove my shades. I remove my shirt, gritting my teeth because I feel so venerable so exposed and I hate it. I instinctively cover my chest and turn my back to them as my façade falls apart, tears running down my face.
I see Shawn's eyes on me as I walk into the bathroom quickly applying the concealer, I quickly got into my gear rushing out to grab my World Heavy Weight Championship, my façade now firmly in place. I force a confident smirk to my face, as I glance down at the title in my hands. Asking myself, "Was a strap of Gold and Leather Worth losing John?"
"No" I whispered aloud, watching John kiss Shawn on the lips, the price of fame, wasn't worth it. I hurried threw my match with Shannon as I rushed to the back. The locker room was empty as I pulled out a bottle that read "Aspirin", and pulled out two pills, swallowing them without water, I then pulled out a crayon box and opened it, pulling out the hidden syringe, injecting the drug into the vein in my thigh.
"So this is what you've become then?" I jumped turning to see John. "What's it to you" I sneered glaring at John as I pushed myself up. "Not like you care" I slurred almost falling as the drug set in fast. Would have but John wrapped his arms me. "I do" he whispered voice full of angst. "Sure you do" I slurred. "You want out and away from him, I can help you" he replied quietly. "Ya ne'er cared 'fore" I slur relaxing.
"I always did. All you had to do was ask"
"Jus' leave me 'lone"
I pulled away and ran falling into everything to get away from John.
"It's his choice isn't it?" Randy asked eyes full of pity and sadness, Jeff's matching.
"Unfortunately" John whispered as Shawn put a hand on his shoulder in comfort. John closed his eyes to stop his own tears from spilling. Adam would continuously run away from him. He knew Adam would most likely get killed one of these days, Dave would kill him, he just knew it.
Two days later
All Alone
The thought hit like a ton of bricks. The hard cold reality, the cold truth of it.
Adam knew the drug would soon wear off, and no amount of drug or alcohol could make him forget, and he wanted to forget alone, wanted to forget everything. Dieing, lots of people were scared to die, but it's not so bad if you're dead on the inside.
He grabbed the gun, placing it under his chin, eyes closed, as he realized, he'd never forget. "I'm sorry John" Adam whispered as he pulled the trigger.