The Kunoichi Strikes Back
A/N: This story immediately follows the "Bachelor Party." It's yet another epilogue that didn't quite fit in with the original story, but I liked it too much to drop. I fleshed it out a little, so it's not absolutely necessary to have read the story, but it probably would help. If you're planning to read "The Bachelor Party", read it first as there are some spoilers in this story.
Konatsu succeeded in not smirking as he watched Ranma and Akane walked in the door of Ucchan's completely exhausted. The Kunoichi knew the couple had worked through the early afternoon trying to get the lovestruck mob at the Cat Café under control. It seems "someone" had stuck a banner on the Cat Cafe with the simple words "HE'S DATING!" on it. As a result, all of Nerima now knew that Mousse was considering non-Amazon options for future romance. Every college and high school aged young woman had stopped in to try and snare the interest of the suddenly popular young man. Ranma and Akane had been in the midst of it trying to bail the newest Ono brother out of the mess. Now the couple probably wanted someone to wait on them. "Oh dear. Look what the Cat Café dragged in. Long day, Master and Lady?" Konatsu teased kindly. He was working the shop by himself since it was between meal times and was dressed in his usual waitress attire.
"Give us anything that isn't Chinese food," Akane pleaded.
Konatsu chuckled and said: "Two of the usuals coming up. How did the parties go last night?"
"You haven't heard the stories yet?" Ranma asked. "With all the chaos going on in town, I was sure you had heard something."
Actually, Konatsu did know a lot about what happened to the young couple at the Bachelor and Bachelorette parties for Tofu and Kasumi, but he wanted to hear their take on the matter, so he stuck to local gossip. "Let's see," Konatsu said thoughtfully. "According to the latest rumors, you're dead and cremated," he told the shape-shifter. "Lady Akane is wanted for nine murders including yours and folks can't understand why Inspector Ojima hasn't arrested her yet."
"Ten," Akane stated tiredly. "I'm going to kill Sayuri as well for spreading the rumors."
"I'm afraid your hit list is going to get longer if that's the case," Konatsu laughed in a feminine voice as he spread out the dough. "Since no one's seen hide-nor-hair of Ryoga, folks believe he is lost somewhere in Kabukicho and Akari is using Katsunishiki to destroy downtown Tokyo trying to find him."
"They were both at the house helping to clean up and Katsunishiki is still at the farm," Ranma answered. "They slept in very late and missed most of the aftermath – I'm envious of the idiots."
"And the winner for the most outlandish rumor is that Kasumi has broken up with Tofu for betraying her and is red in the face from crying. Tofu's been banished from the Tendo's and is wandering around town heartbroken," Konatsu finished.
"She's red from laughter, not from crying," Akane said with her own half-laugh. "She's been that way ever since she confessed what happened last night to Tofu. He confessed to her as well which didn't help her state. They exchanged dope slaps, kissed, and forgave the other – not that there was anything to forgive really. Kasumi still breaks out in spontaneous laughter every now and then from what Nabiki said when she stopped by."
"And Tofu is not wandering," Ranma added. "He's running around putting out fires. So far he's had to rescue three of the strippers from Kasumi's party, stop two fights among the mercenaries, undo four pranks that got out of hand, and calm two people down."
"Two?" Akane asked.
"Like Ojima, Ciren hasn't had a proper date in a decade either," Ranma filled in. "She's in a panic like he is about their date tonight. She left her apartment to her guests, took all her clothes, went to a hotel room, and is now trying to figure out what to wear. Tofu sent Kasumi and Nabiki to help her out. Mom tagged along – we are on our own for dinner. Daran and Mausu are with Ojima. Ryoga and Akari went home after checking on us at the restaurant. Olaf is with Tofu helping to stop the fights."
"If the rumors about him are true, the 'giant' should be fairly persuasive," Konatsu commented. Anna from the House of the Falling Star had stopped by earlier this morning and filled Konatsu on the goings-on at the Bachelor Party, but Konatsu didn't want to mention that right now.
Ranma just nodded in response to the comment. "So what really happened last night?" the cross-dressing ninja asked as he checked the toppings before he spun the pies on the grill.
Before Akane and Ranma could start, Ukyo walked in the door of the shop and said: "Hold up you two! I want to hear this! I especially want to know how Akane made bail and Ranma returned from the dead!" Konatsu thought his beloved mistress looked very animated.
"Nice to see you too, Ukyo," Akane smiled tiredly.
"Give them colas on-the-house, Konatsu!" Ukyo ordered. "I don't want them falling asleep before they finish the story. Let me put these groceries away first!" The chef ran back to the pantry, shoved everything away, and then hurried back to the counter. "And don't spare the juicy parts!" she said as she tossed a photograph in front of the couple.
Ranma took one look at the photograph and fell off his stool laughing. Akane's face turned a beet red and she burst out: "Make that eleven, Konatsu! Nabiki's on the hit list too!"
Konatsu looked at the photograph and immediately had to use every bit of his Kunoichi training to keep a straight expression on his face and not join Ranma on the floor. The picture was of Akane wearing a long skirt and blouse while holding her baseball bat standing in the middle of a cowering group of men. Obviously, these were the eight strippers from Kasumi's Bachelorette Party. All the men were dressed in leather pants with no shirts on and crouching on the ground, hiding their faces in mock terror. Konatsu knew the picture existed from Sasuke Sarukomo who had also stopped by this morning and told Konatsu about the goings-on at the Bachelorette Party. He and Sasuke exchanged info about the couple frequently. However, Konatsu had to admit the actual picture surpassed any description.
"I'm having that blown up for your bridal shower. I'm crashing it if necessary!" Ukyo smirked as she snatched it back before Akane could destroy it.
Akane growled but let it go. Instead she nudged Ranma roughly with her foot. "Get up dummy!" she told him sharply. He continued laughing.
"Not a kick?" Ukyo teased. "My, my – things have changed."
Akane threw her a black look and then hopped off the stool. She bent down and, using both hands, grabbed Ranma by the collar, half dragging him up. She then gave him a fierce kiss which surprised him (and everyone else). Akane ended the kiss and looked at her stunned fiancé. "Do I have your attention now?" she asked. Ranma nodded, so she said "Good!" and then let him go with a small shove, causing him to fall back against the floor, banging his head.
"Ow…Damn, she learns fast," Ranma groaned. Akane smirked as she hopped back up on her stool.
"Whoa…things really have changed…" Ukyo said with a wide-eyed expression. She also had a half-smile on her face – she was over Ranma enough to appreciate Akane's performance. Konatsu looked on with proper appreciation as well. Akane winked at the two of them.
Ranma got up and shook himself. "You could say that…" he agreed as he took his seat again rubbing the back of his head and nudging his love in the ribs.
"All right! Enough preliminaries! What happened?" Ukyo demanded.
Akane and Ranma took turns telling their stories as the okonomiyaki were cooked and then served. Every now and then they paused so Ukyo and/or Konatsu could serve customers. It became apparent to Konatsu - and Akane and Ranma - that the customers were listening too, but the couple obviously figured that there were too many rumors out there to worry about it. The truth couldn't make things worse. Konatsu noted that they embellished parts of the stories while toning down others. Ranma's Kitsunes were transformed into mages (something the folks of Nerima were use to), Akane's four hours of Tea Ceremony torture became six hours of hell, Ciren became a classically trained singer with a mesmerizing voice who enchanted the ever-implacable Inspector Ojima, Olaf was a Jusenkyo 'victim', the young Kitsune Tomo became a barkeep's son playing practical jokes, the Kunoichi stronghold was an hour outside of Tokyo in a random direction, and Nodoka behaved exactly like the cool and even lady persona she projected (her comments and actions were attributed to mythical Tendo relatives). The Kunoichi Anna had either missed or failed to mention Ranko's antics at the Hostess Club or the Pepper Duel at the bar to Konatsu, but, otherwise, Konatsu was familiar with most of the going-ons. All-in-all, the related story was still pushing the limits of the believable, but the limits were Nerima-bounded limits instead of Ranma-and-Akane limits.
Ever the merchant, Ukyo made the couple's check vanish as her restaurant filled up and people ordered second and third pies. Some of the crowd was Yuletide season shoppers, but many of the customers came because word had spread that Akane and Ranma were holding court at Ucchan's. Finally, Ranma finished with the story of Ryoga telling Mousse about a smitten Kunoichi having written her phone number on Duck-boy's forehead with permanent marker. Konatsu guessed that Ranma figured Mousse couldn't erase the numbers anyway, so there was no harm in telling a sanitized version of the tale. The entire restaurant burst out laughing at the Chinese gentleman's "misfortune".
"Did all that really happen?" Ukyo asked between the tears of laughter. She started to make two more pies for a customer.
"More or less," Ranma admitted.
"We toned it down a little so people would believe us – and to protect the guilty," Akane smiled.
"I don't know, you two," Ukyo teased. "I think you made up a few things too. Surely Konatsu would know if this Kunoichi sex appeal projection/attack was real."
"Beg to differ, Mistress," Konatsu cut it. "But it is very real."
"How about a warning next time?" Ranma prompted.
The ninja shrugged his shoulders. "You already knew the counter for it – run like hell," he said honestly.
"There's no other counter?" Akane asked with disbelief.
"None what-so-ever. The technique taps into the mind and the body, triggering two very elementary responses," Konatsu replied. "You can fight it, but it takes a lot to fight and very little energy to maintain. The defender is at a distinct disadvantage in an extended showdown. If your attacker actually touches you, they can up the effect ten times and shatter most people's concentration. Ranma's response was the correct one – run! Or get to a place that can be defended like Ryoga did."
"Would the attack work on a girl? Even if she was straight? Noa seemed pretty confident it would," Ranma pushed.
"Oh, yes," Konatsu said. "The sex of the attacker/defender doesn't matter. The thing is, it's very limited as an attack. It ups the fight-or-flight response of the defender, or rather the mate-or-flight response. It won't force anyone to mate with the attacker, as Noa found out. Instead, it upped Ranma's speed so she had no hope of catching him." Ranma seemed to be nodding thoughtfully. "It will persuade the half-willing, and cause the neutral or even the reluctant to give the matter serious thought, but it will drive away the unwilling," Konatsu continued. "Honestly, it works much better as a defense than anything else."
"But it could turn a violent attack into a rape," Akane pointed out.
"Yes," Konatsu agreed. "But the rapist would let their guard down to commit the act because they perceive their target to be willing. The rapist would quickly become an attempted rapist and then a deceased rapist."
"The best kind," Akane said with a snort. The others agreed.
"Let's see this sex appeal in action," a skeptical Ukyo said. "This could be amusing."
"I will hurt you badly," Ranma promised the Kunoichi. "I spent a good chunk of last night dodging it."
"But you know he's a guy," Ukyo pointed out.
"Doesn't matter," the other three said together.
"That would just make me run faster," Ranma finished. "Since Ukyo wants to see a demo, hit her instead."
"I couldn't do –" Konatsu started to say.
Ukyo laughed at the idea of the cross-dresser filling her with desire, catching Konatsu off-guard. "C'mon sugar – give it your best shot!" she urged.
Konatsu felt a surge of emotion flood through his normal restraint at her laugh. The deep surge caught him completely by surprise. It was a combination of hurt, pride, annoyance, and an even deeper ulterior motive. He loved Ukyo - she was his world. But her mocking - even if it wasn't malicious - cut him to the quick. Something inside himself felt the needed to take a stand and remind her exactly who and what he was - he wasn't just a naive apprentice chef. One eyebrow shot up as he concentrated for a very brief moment.
Ukyo made a little "eep" sound and blushed a bright red from her face all the way down to her fingertips. There was chuckling from the crowd.
"You can target one person in a room like that?" Akane asked. "I only saw you raise an eyebrow, and felt nothing."
Konatsu nodded his head. "I don't need any props like negligee or a bare chest – I'm somewhat talented." He made sure to sound very confident of himself, but he didn't want to be boastful. "My apologies, Mistress. Are you all right?" he asked solicitously.
"W-What?" Ukyo stuttered as the blush faded. "Uh, yeah." She paused, took a deep breath, and continued: "No big deal. I am a Martial Artist after all." She seemed to shake herself and added: "O.K., I guess I could see how a guy would be affected."
Konatsu felt a little embarrassed (O.K. - maybe "mortified" was a better word) at having lost control like that. He was also concerned about Ukyo, so he said: "Maybe I shouldn't have done that? It looks like it hit you harder than I intended."
Ukyo forced a laugh and kissed Konatsu on the cheek. "Don't be silly, Sugar! I felt the onrush and the fade. That was shorter than a spark. You've thrown much harder punches at me when we spar." Just then, new customers walked in the door and Ukyo turned her attention to them. Still, she looked unsteady as she chatted with them.
"How hard did you hit her?" Ranma asked.
"She's right. Barely a touch," the ninja answered.
"You know, Ranma," Akane commented thoughtfully while watching Ukyo. "I really don't appreciate you enough – especially if you had to dodge that all night." Ranma just winked at her. "Is she going to be all right?" Akane asked Konatsu.
"Since she kissed me and didn't get angry or defensive, I think so," Konatsu answered thoughtful. "She didn't have a negative reaction to the technique." He paused for a minute and added: "Still, it hit her very hard." The cross-dresser straightened up. "Anyway, since you two are on your own for dinner, how about another okonomiyaki?"
Ukyo turned out the lights in the restaurant after one final check. She had already sent her assistant to bed half-an-hour ago. Judging from the sounds upstairs, he had turned in. She wanted privacy when she went upstairs and wanted him asleep. "Damn, I haven't felt this frustrated since Ranma's and Akane's first date. What the hell is wrong with me?" she thought. "He only sent that quick pulse and I'm still caught."
She crept up the stairs and saw his door was closed. "Good. One cold shower coming up," she thought again. However, the cold water did nothing to cool the flames. In fact, it made them worse and her body was becoming wired and taunt. "I'm never going to get any sleep like this!" Finally, she drew a hot bath and fetched one of her romance novels.
After ten minutes, she decided that the book wasn't working and it was time to indulge in a forbidden fantasy – or at least it was forbidden ever since she acknowledged the true nature of Akane's and Ranma's relationship. "Desperate times call for desperate measures," she told herself.
A few minutes later, she decided the fantasy wasn't working either. "What is wrong with me? What do I want?" she screamed silently. Suddenly, the memory of how she found out Konatsu was male flashed into her head, followed by memories of a few times she caught him coming out of the bath without a towel. "Right," she told herself. "Desperate times call for desperate measures," she repeated.
Konatsu lay on his side in his bed listening to the sounds of the night. He heard the sounds of footsteps outside the shop as people walked home from bars or early Christmas celebrations. He heard the sounds of traffic dropping off early due to the Sunday night. He heard the building hot water heater kick in and run through its cycle. And if he listened very carefully, he heard the sound of his boss finally achieving peace despite her best efforts to keep quiet.
He rolled over and looked at the ceiling with thoughtful eyes. "I shouldn't have done that. That was very risky," he thought. "She could have thrown me out, or a wall might have been created between us. On the other hand, she's over Ranma now and I need to make some decisions and live my life. Part of Love is letting go and finding out where you actually stand. I needed to know if it is time to move on. Judging by her reactions, it seems I should hang around and see where things will go…"
A/N: Hope you enjoyed it. You know, I started out trying to write a very simple story. You would think Kasumi getting married would be a nice straight forward plotline - yeah, no such luck. My ADHD keeps adding: "But you forgot this and this...and surely 'this' wouldn't be that straight-forward...and what about this?" The result is a wandering mess that changes tones and perspectives so many times it's unreadable. So I go back and try to organize it, and pieces fall out that match one another, but not the original story. So I organize the pieces, flesh them out, make a new story, and then things like this story fall out - the child has a child. I like it, but it's not quite like it's parent - it focuses on Konatsu rather than the Ono brothers so it needs to stand alone. Oh well, there are worse things written (I hope)...
Anyway, that's the end of this splinter (for now). Next splinter to fall out of "Kasumi's Wedding" is a Tatewaki story - Kuno finally ticks off the wrong person. I think it will be titled "Down the Rabbit Hole" although the working title I had was "Curiouser and Curiouser" (and that's all the hints you need). I hope to start it before the end of the month. Talk to you then...