A Whole New Beginning
A/N: I do not own any of the characters seen in the Gemma Doyle Trilogy, as well as the italicized introduction and the "Lady of Shalott" belongs to Lord Tennyson.
Prologue
Gemma's POV
The Rakshana have Tom.
The Rakshana mean to take my magic, and if I deny them, they will kill my brother. And if I attempt to draw upon my power now to save Tom? I cannot say that is solely my power, and I may do more harm than good. I've nothing at my disposal tonight but my wits, and they seem little aid just now. But at present, it is the only hope I have.
"I'm coming with you," Kartik insists.
"You'll get yourself killed," I argue.
"Then it's a good day to die," he says, and it makes my stomach flip.
I put my fingers to his lips. "Don't say that."
He kisses my fingers, then my mouth. "I'm coming with you."
"No," I tell him stubbornly. I cross my arms across my chest, the parcel sits on my bedside table. I am afraid for him. He may get killed, just like in my vision. I do not ever want that to happen. He has told me once that escaping is not his destiny. I want him to be with me, close to me. Fighting side by side against the Tree of All Souls. But I am frightened. I cannot risk that to happen.
I look up at him, his hands still wrapped around my waist. He has his eyes closed, breathing in my scent. I stare at him wistfully, tears forming. No. I do not want him to die. I simply cannot risk it. I love him so very much. Yet, he does not know it. I blink my eyes rapidly to stop the tears. He does not feel my queasiness or my anxiousness of what I have decided to do.
Summoning up my courage, I twist about in his arms, facing him. I wrap my hands around him and I whisper, "And at the closing of the day/ She loosed the chain, and down she lay," quoting the poem we learned the previous year. The Lady of Shalott.
Kartik's eyes opens slowly, confusion marring his brows. But I continue, "The broad stream bore her far away/The Lady of Shalott," He is staring at me now, and I stare back, trying to memorize his beautiful features. At the corner of my eye, I spy Fowlson waiting for me by a carriage. Kartik fail to notice him.
I skip a few lines, murmuring the poem and my hand touches his face, "And as the boat-head wound along/ The willowy hills and fields among," I graze his smooth cheek. Once again his eyes closes and nuzzles my palm as I come to an end, "They heard her singing her last song/The lady of Shalott."
With the last line said, I put both of my hands on his chest. I slowly curl my fingers, making a fist. I take a deep breath, imprinting this last peaceful moment in my mind. Then I push him away viciously. His eyes snap open with surprise, and he staggers backwards.
"Gem-" he starts to say, but I cut him off.
I sneer at him, hoping that my voice won't betray me, showing him what I really feel. "Do you know what came about for Elaine of Astolat?" I say bitterly. He looks at me, bewildered. I continue with my tirade, wanting to look away but couldn't, "And what of the mirror and the window?"
I swallow the bile that is rising up my throat. God, help me make this through. It is the only way, no other choice. None at all.
"Gemma…what-?"
I cut him off. "You are terribly pathetic, Kartik. I mean, how can you, an Indian, possibly give me my merits?" That hit home. Kartik's eyes flash with anger, surprise and the one thing I do not want to see the most – hurt. I will myself to not look away. Kartik's brows draw together, as I keep punching more buttons. "You think that dream we had in the Caves of Sighs will truly come true? Can you even be more naïve? A dream will always be a dream. Nothing more. Just like what the mirror portrayed."
It hurt so terribly to say this. I have wanted the dream to come true. I still do. But for his own sake, I must endure this. "You will go back to India." I say, weaving a spell on him. "And you will never return here. You will forget about the Rakshana and the Order. About the realms and Tree of All Souls and Amar. You will forget about the Caves of Sighs and everything that happened." I take a deep breath, "And you must forget about me," I whisper; my voice breaking.
His eyes close. His features suddenly become peaceful. No frown scarring his face. No hatred to stab me. I will miss him so. Once his eyes open, he looks about his surrounding, finally coming to a stop and looking at me. He doesn't recognize me and it hurts. His warm brown eyes has this steady gaze, waiting for an explanation.
"Thank you Mr. Kartik," I say, making up anything. I don't really care what I say, as long as it hides what I genuinely feel. I made the inevitable choice and I must live up to it. "Thank you for…" My mind goes blank. What? What am I gratifying him for? My eyes skim the spacious room and it landed on the parcel I just received. "…this parcel." I end lamely.
He nods, probably still feeling confused. But no matter. This must end now and I have to save Tom. "I'll show you to the door," I mutter. Once again, he nods, his eyes never stray to my face. That is very well expected of him. I am a lady and he, a…what? He is my friend. And I want him to be more than my friend. Yet, this terribly cruel fate is playing with us. With me.
I go down the stairs, Kartik slowly follows me. I lead him to the kitchen and show him the back door. I cannot jeopardize Kartik being found out in my household by Fowlson. It will be dreadful. Kartik goes outside, genuflecting down to me, never once looking straight to my eyes. Then, he leaves.
My eyes follow him, and I wonder if he will go back to India; following my orders. An irrevocable choice I made for him. And for me. And for the whole realm for he was of the Rakshana and I was of the Order. Was, being the keyword.
I refuse to give in to the tears that are threatening to fall. No. I must carry this out. With my chin up, I walk to the front door, and I will save my brother. I will save the realms. I will defeat the Tree of All Souls. If the untouchables and any of the realm creatures refuse to make an alliance, then I will do these alone. Utterly alone.