They said it wasn't a trial but they had said a lot of things since she had turned herself and the Normandy over to the Alliance. Shepard buried her head in her hands as she sat on the small toilet, hiding. The women's restroom was one of the only places that were safe from all the questions. The tribunal was supposed to be secure but that only meant that the press had to wait outside in the hall. Everyday she had to do the walk of shame between the double sliding doors of the council hall to her newly appointed quarters in Alliance HQ. During the day this toilet was the only place where she could get a bit of privacy.
"Ma'am," A distinctly male voice said through the cracked door to the hall, "The tribunal is about to be back in session. They'll want you back in there."
Well at least a little privacy, she thought coldly as she washed her hands and exited. The Lieutenant's muscular frame blocked her from seeing the path cleared as they passed through a sea of reporters. Everyone asked questions and flashed the lights of their floating camera mechs at her. She supposed they each hoped for that one day when one of them would ask a question that would push her to answer them but she wouldn't give them the satisfaction. It was the first thing Anderson had told her when she arrived, "Don't talk to the press. They're just looking for a chance to burn you." It was easy advice to follow as long as she didn't listen to the questions. Early on they had begun with easy friendly questions about her health more recently they had evolved into nasty accusations.
Just as a she passed through the doors Shepard managed to catch one of the questions and she almost stopped. "Shepard, what would you say to your former Alliance crew members who call you a traitor?"
She mentally flinched at the question but made her way to the podium in the middle of the room. It lit to her touch and various Admirals' faces suddenly appeared on screens around her beginning the performance again. The questions were not always the same but they were alike enough to frustrate her. They questioned her on Cerberus, on Aratoht, on everything she could have possibly done wrong. It was painful to hear the recounting of her failures and then be questioned about it again and again. The whole time she could still hear the echo's of Kaidan's voice calling her a traitor accusing her of betraying everything they believed in, everything they hoped for and the sad thing was she couldn't think of a single defense she had for her actions. It had hit her the moment her boots left Horizon's soil; she was the worst type of traitor. She was the traitor who believed herself true to the spirit of the law, the vigilanty. It was all she could think of and by the end of the day she was sick hearted. She walked the long walk to her quarters head held straight careful to continue the appearance of confidence but as soon as she passed through the doors she fell apart. Face down on her alliance issue cot she cried silently at first, racking sobs shook her body violently until sleep took her.
She awoke at chow time picking at her green beans as she watched the sun set over the bay through tented window glass. She wondered where he was for only a moment but chastised herself for it. How many times had he told her about that bay, that view? She couldn't say. He especially liked to do it when they were alone, in the quiet of the night. She placed her tray on the floor in front of the door and knocked taking her place well away from the door with her hands on the wall.
The door flashed open revealing James who looked at her and then away to quickly grab up her dirty dishes. "You don't have to take that stance you know. I trust you, Commander."
She looked away from him towards the large glass windows and said, "Haven't you heard James? I'm a traitor to the Alliance. I don't deserve your trust."
"I don't believe them."
A chuckle escaped her lips and she turned to face him, "But it's true James. Everything I said about what happened is true and it's true that I was a traitor. I worked with Cerberus. I destroyed a Batarian system killing billions of people. I deserve death. I've EARNED my dishonor." With her last statements she hung her head hiding tears from the young lieutenant.
"Commander, whatever happened, whatever you did, I know it was the best course of action. Even if you don't have faith in yourself, Commander, I have faith in your judgment."
As the door began to close behind James Shepard said under her breath, "I'm glad someone does."
It had been two months since she had arrived and the tribunal was still going strong. Shepard sat with her back against the tiled wall letting the shower rain down on her. Anderson had met with her the day before bringing her news from the preparations Admiral Hackett was trying to push through, preparations for the Reapers. He wasn't free to give a lot of details but from what she was hearing they weren't doing half as much as they should, maybe not even a third.
Outside the women's lavatory James stood with his back to the door as it slid apart.
"Better watch yourself, Lieutenant. I could have killed you, back to me like that."
"You could have killed me 20 times a day then, Commander. I think I'll trust you a little longer."
Alliance headquarters were never empty but on the weekends staff was considerably thinned out. Non essential personnel tended to take their leave on the weekends and the numbers of office workers were considerably cut down. It was very enjoyable for Shepard because for two days out of the week she didn't have to stand at a podium and explain herself. Instead I have to try to explain myself to a tougher audience, she darkly thought, inwardly chastising herself for her own mistakes had become a sort of hobby for Shepard. She was so busy doing so that she barely heard James ahead of her when he spoke up.
"So… I've been given permission to let you have free time outside today. Kind of like a field trip except no sack lunch and if the other kids tease you you're on your own."
Shepard's eyes narrowed as she thought over the possibilities. "So they're going to give me permission to run on the track or something, James?"
The muscular lieutenant glanced back at her with a peevish grin, "I'm allowed to take you anywhere you want to go in Vancouver, Ma'am, anywhere within reason that is."
Hope sprung in Shepard's heart for a moment as she thought of Kaidan and all the sights he had said he would show her, like private monuments of his heart that he recited to her over and over again but, she thought, without him what good would it be? Trying to re-live a lost love alone is foolish. "I… I think I'll just take a walk around a nice park, maybe. One near the bay if you can manage it."
James's face softened a bit before he looked away, "I think we can manage it, Commander."
The bench she sat on looked out on the bay. It was a beautiful sunset, better than she ever remembered on Mindoir. It was even more beautiful than the ones on Elysium had been. That was what was so painful. He was right. After all these years Kaidan Alenko's opinion of the sunset over English Bay was spot on. Just like his opinion of her. Pushing off from the bench Shepard waved as she approached the lieutenant who had perched himself within sight but not so close to be encroaching on her personal time.
"I think I'm done with this park for now, James," she said when she arrived next to him.
"You sure, Commander? I'm not sure how many times they'll clear out an entire park for you just so you can get some sun."
Looking out upon the bay Shepard smiled for the first time in a long time, "Yeah, James, I think I'm ready to head back. I didn't turn myself in so the Alliance could stop children from playing red rover."
James shared her smile, "Yeah I guess you didn't."
The transport back to headquarters was nearly silent and that night was peaceful. She was up late like most Saturday nights, reading galactic news on her special one way Alliance extranet terminal. There were more accounts of dead victims from the explosion on Aratoht. The numbers were staggering for Shepard. Following the links she found a picture of herself that made her stop. The caption read: Commander Wren Shepard still undergoing sentencing expected to receive life imprisonment despite cries for Batarian extradition. The picture they had used was an old one from her file, just after the attack of Elysium. Her scars streaked her face giving her what she had considered a hard look but now that she saw herself in the mirror it wasn't the same kind of hard she had then. Then it was a tough look of determination instead of the look of hard fatigue her face now wore, like the face worn by very old soldiers. A bloop from the interface startled Shepard awake and she saw a chat box had been the cause.
It said, "Shep, stop looking at depressing stories."
Shepard was quick to answer back, "Kasumi?"
"Glad to see confinement hasn't dulled your detective skills."
"What are you doing, Kasumi? I'm not supposed to have contact with anyone, period. Nothing in or out till after the tribunal."
"I would have thought you'd know I would find a way around that. I routed your signal through one of the terminals in an admiral's office; he's off playing golf on some Asari world. The Alliance's cyber defense system could really use an overhaul."
"I'll be sure to mention it to them when I get the chance, Kasumi. For right now, however, I'd like to know what was so important that you had to hack into Alliance security to contact me."
There was a small pause before Kasumi answered, "I… We've all been watching the trial pretty closely, Shep. We meaning me, Chakwas, Miranda, Jacob, Tali, Mordin, Garrus, Thane, and Bert, you remember him? Well anyway we're worried about you... collectively, not Bert I guess. He thinks you look the same. The team and I, though, think you've started to look well a bit down trodden. I just want to tell you that we all believe in you and you should too. We're all behind you."
Shepard read and re-read the message in her head for a few moments. She couldn't remember Bert but knowing that at least some of the team were on her side, having reassurance of it, helped her fell a bit more… like herself. "Who's Bert?"
"Really Shepard, you are so dense. If it's not battle plans or tactical odds it might as well be top ramen. Bert is that Cerberus guard who was always eyeing me. He's left Cerberus now, settled down on Omega with some Asari."
"You're spying on a former Cerberus operative to see what he thinks of the trail?"
"No, that'd be pointless. I just put a few feelers out to make sure he wasn't still hung up on me and just happen to read his diary."
"Have you ever read my diary, Kasumi?"
"Not important. What I wanted to say is I read in one of the admiral's files that they are going to sentence you Monday so brace yourself. He didn't say in the file what they had decided and none of the others even mentioned. DON'T WORRY! I'm sure everything will be ok and if not I can always find a way to drop power and get you out. Got to go now, security sweep wipes the system every twenty minuets. Stay strong."
In just seconds the message log disappeared and she was back staring at her former self, no longer considering how strained she looked now. Instead she blacked out the screen and buried herself in her Alliance issue blankets. What she needed now was a good bit of sleep and some positive thoughts. Thanks, Kasumi.