Alec is really feeling weird these days. It seems Magnus is avoiding the eye-contact with him recently. And, Magnus is also looked sad even on his smiling face. Magnus was looked like he has a lot of troubles, but he never mentioned to Alec at all.
When Alec asking Magnus, Magnus mention casually like it never a problem to him. But Alec noticed that Magnus is in an unhappy state clearly. And now, Alec is going to find out the answer.
It is evening time in Magnus's loft.
Today, both Magnus and Alec were free and decided to spend their time at home together.
"Hey, Magnus." Alec is walking towards Magnus who is now sitting on the couch at living room with the Chairman Meow in his arms.
Magnus changed his sad moody look to a fake smile face. He is looking at Alec with a questioning tone. "Yes?"
Alec sighed lightly and sit beside Magnus. "Are you okay?"
"I'm good. Why you asked like this?"
"Come on, Magnus. I'm not that stupid. I can sense your tension and sadness lately. Did something bother you? Can I help with it?" Alec said, full of concern. He is ready to help Magnus at any time, as long as Magnus need him.
Magnus stunned and gazing at Alec with a confusing but touching look.
"Magnus, please tell me and let me help. Whenever you need me, I am here. No matter what happened, please always remember that you are not alone." Alec tries to convince Magnus with the eyes full of love and affection.
Magnus smiles softly and caressing Alec's cheek with red teary eyes. "You are so good to me, Alexander."
"Needless to say. Magnus, you are everything to me, and you should know it." Alec said with a sincere heart.
Alec's words are so touching, but also make Magnus feels under pressure at the same time. In fact, Magnus was thinking too much lately. He had a weird feeling when Alec was introducing his Shadowhunter friends to him. He felt shame when he was hanging out with Alec. Of course, Magnus is not feeling shame because of having Alec as his boyfriend, but on contrary, Magnus was being afraid that Alec may be disgusted with him, who is a downworlder warlock.
Before met Alec, Magnus was having fun and carefree lifestyle. He is always a happy-go-lucky person who enjoys his life very much, even he has an identity background which looked down by those Shadowhunters. But Magnus never cares about this so much. Magnus always knows very clear that although he is a mixed demon and human offspring, he has a pure kind heart and he is always a better man than those 'so-called Nephilim' who are half-Angels, but some of them never be a good person for once.
However, everything seems to get changes now. The closer distance that Magnus gets to Alec, he is knowing that he cannot be pretending anymore. The Magnus's love towards his lover, Alec, made Magnus feel so fragile and vulnerable. He is afraid one day he will losing Alec forever. He feels scared that maybe one day, Alec will leave him all alone, after Alec realized that how differences they are.
That's why Magnus is trying so hard every day to make himself a useful person to Alec, and also Alec's friends and family. Magnus hopes himself can get a close connection with everything that surrounding Alec, and make himself an indispensable and irreplaceable person. Once Alec needed him much, then Magnus can be less worry about Alec will leaving him soon. But all these efforts that Magnus made, only caused himself very tired every single day and become a paranoid person who already paralyzed by his those negative thoughts and emotions.
Back from the memories and get back on today.
Without getting any replies from Magnus, Alec is feeling worries now. He is observing Magnus's silence reaction with full of concern eyes. When Alec noticed that there are tears keep falling down silently from Magnus's face, Alec is being shocked and asked quickly. "Magnus?! Tell me what's going on now, please at least say something! I am truly worried about you!"
Magnus just shaking his head without saying any words. The Chairman Meow seems can sensing Magnus's sadness and Alec's anxiety now. Then, the cat is rubbing his head to Magnus's hands, trying to use its own way to comfort Magnus.
"Magnus, please talks to me!" Alec is getting worries now.
Magnus takes a deep breath but does not respond in any word. The more time Magnus spent with Alec now, Magnus is feeling damn stressed and fucking scaring that Alec will be weary of him one day. Alec is a kind-hearted person, he is caring and a responsible person. But… Even the best person ever, a perfect guy in this world like Alec, might also be getting tired be with him, right? Magnus can't help but think like this.
Finally, Magnus said with a soft tone and trembling lips.
"Please tell me that you won't leave me…"
"Of course I won't leave you! Magnus, why are you asking this? What had happened?"
Magnus shakes his head again. "Nothing."
"Don't lie to me! I know it must be something, right? You seem so broken!" Alec getting impatience now. "Come on, Magnus! Tell me, tell me so I can help you!"
Alec is wiping away Magnus's tears and asked again.
"Is this because of me? Did I do something wrong that made you feel sad?"
"No. These nothings to do with you. Alexander, you are great."
"Then, why? What is it?" Alec seriously can't figure it out. He wonders why did him accidentally missed up any important clues that causing Magnus to become like this?
Magnus sighed softly and turns his head away from Alec. After a moment of silence, when Alec thought Magnus won't speak anything to him, then suddenly Magnus said in a low sad voice. "You are being too good to me, which makes me feels like you are going to leave me one day."
"How come you will have such weird thoughts? I am good for you, but you still worry about I will leave you? Oh, Magnus. Let me tell you, this is not gonna to have happened! Got it?" Alec reassured with Magnus in a firm tone.
"You are a shadowhunters after all… Don't you ever feel shame to have me as your boyfriend? Even for once?"
"Magnus, are you crazy? Yes, of course, you are crazy! If not, you will never have this kind of thoughts!" Alec said angrily in a serious mode. He is looked upset when he heard what Magnus said to him.
"Magnus, listen up carefully. I really don't like what I heard just now, so please bear in mind and never think like that in the future anymore! Never mentioned it again!" Alec raising his voices harshly and uncontrollably.
Magnus's tears falling down like the pouring rain. He is getting losing control and sobbing helplessly like an abandoned child. Alec sighed heavily and feels his heartaches when he saw Magnus being like this. Alec quickly hugged Magnus into his open arms, which makes Chairman Meow jumped off from the couch and leave them alone to fix things up.
"I'm sorry for shouting at you. Magnus, but I want you to know that I was angry with you because you look too little at yourself. You are the greatest wonderful person, that I feeling so gladful to have you as my boyfriend. Do you know? You are truly amazing and magical to me! I love ALL ABOUT YOU!"
"Do you?"
"I love you. Because you are Magnus Bane, and also because you are who you are and what you are."
"I keep trying to make changes and want to be a better person who is more suitable to you. But I found out that it is getting so hard and tiring… I don't even know what am I become now…..." Magnus said.
Alec gives Magnus a wide shocked eye look when he finally understands what happened to Magnus. In honestly, Alec never thinks of that Magnus is changing at all. He never thoughts of that Magnus was trying that hard in secretly, just for pleasing him and want to become a better boyfriend to him.
"Magnus…" Alec sighed and his eyes become red and teary without his awareness.
"I'm sorry… I've been tried so hard… But I am still a failed boyfriend to you…"
"Magnus, please stop talking this nonsense. You are never a failed boyfriend to me. In fact, you are great like I mentioned before. I should be the one who apologizes to you. I'm so sorry that I neglecting your these kinds of insecure feeling at all for such a long time! I'm sorry that I am being too confident and arrogant to you and thought you will never feeling hurt when you be with me."
"No, it's not your faults at all. Alexander, it's mine, I am the one who should take this responsibility."
Alec is shaking his head and said in a soft tone. "Magnus, I love you just the way you are. You no need to make changes on yourself at all! Please just be yourself. I must say that again, I will always love you. You have no idea how much you involved in my life! I can't survive without you, and I hope you know this too! Please remember this as always!"
After that, Alec leaned forwards and kissing Magnus in lips to soothing Magnus stirred the heart. Once their lips apart, Alec gives Magnus an eternity promise one more time.
"By the angels, I, Alexander Gideon Lightwood is swearing that I will never be leaving Magnus Bane! I will always love him and treat him the best as I could! If I am broken this promise, I willing to take any consequences and punishment from…"
"Don't!" Magnus stopped Alec quickly by his fingertips on Alec's mouth. "Please never said it!"
"So how are you feeling now? Can you believe it now? Can you sense my sincere heart now?" Alec stroking Magnus's hair gently and continue to say. "Magnus, you are too important to me. In case you don't know it, I want to let you know again. You are a part of my life that no one can replace your existence. Got it now?"
Magnus nodded his head silently.
"Never say you are a failed boyfriend anymore and never trying to change yourself for pleasing me. Magnus, I will take you as you are, just like you take me as I am."
Alec smiles and kissing Magnus again with all his love and passion. Then, the two guys turned out laying on the couch together, and fall asleep with a soft smile in their sleep.
Now, finally, Magnus understand.
There is not about how many changes you made to pull the love closer. In fact, this way only will make the couples getting a long and far distance between them. In conclusion, there is the acceptance brings two people closer, instead of making changes blindly for the others.
[The End]
A/N: Well~ Don't know why, but I just want to write something like this suddenly.
Sorry for the poor writing as I am still a newbie writer. You are welcome to leave your reviews after reading, I would love to see that.
I will continue work hard and hopefully can make some improvement on writing.
Haha~ BTW, you are welcome to read my other fanfic works too. Much love ya~! ^o^