A/N: this is my first attempt at a songfic, so please don't kill me. I had
to put the song in asterisk' because the comp wouldn't let me put it on
otherwise. It's about Hiei and it's to Linkin Park's song By Myself, and
now for the disclaimer all us authors wish would die: I don't own YYH or
Linkin Park.
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They betrayed me . . . again.
*What do I do to ignore them behind me?*
*Do I follow my instincts blindly?*
Maybe I should give up and forget them. My demon instincts let me survive this long.
*Do I hide my pride from/these bad dreams*
*And give in to sad thoughts that are maddening?*
Betrayal . . . Being alone . . . Having no one there . . . it's all too familiar for me.
*Do I/sit here and try to stand it?*
*Or do I/try to catch them red-handed?*
They say they don't betray me . . . then why did they leave me to die there? I've caught them more then once . . . talking about me when they thought I wasn't there.
*Do I trust some and get fooled by phoniness,*
*Or do I trust nobody and live in loneliness?*
I've always been alone . . . not trusting to have these 'friends'
*If I/turn my back I'm defenseless*
*And to go blindly seems senseless*
*If I hide my pride and let it all go on/then they'll*
*Take from me till everything's gone*
I can't turn on them, then I'd be alone against even more people. They think I'm too prideful . . . but . . . I can't be without pride. My pride covers my weakness. They'd take more from me if they knew I had weakness.
*If I let them go I'll be outdone*
*But if I try to catch them I'll be outrun*
*If I'm killed by the questions like a cancer*
*Then I'll be buried in the silence of the answer*
*[By myself]*
I can't keep up with all the lies they tell me . . . but I have to or those lies will be my end. Whenever I ask, my questions are thrown aside . . . and it kills me inside. I'm alone, no lie there. They use me for my strength, otherwise, they would have killed me long ago
*How do you think/I've lost so much*
*I'm so afraid/I'm out of touch*
I've lost everything in life. My sister. My family. My 'friends'. There's no point in living for me.
*How do you expect/I will know what to do*
*When all I know/is what you tell me to*
'Just die' they say, not with words, but with actions. I don't know what to do. Maybe I will . . . just . . . die.
*Don't you know*
*I can't tell you how to make it go*
*No matter what I do. How hard I try*
*I can't seem to convince myself why*
*I'm stuck on the outside*
They come to me for help. Use me is more like it. I try to join in with them. Put forth my damn effort. But they push me away. Always an outsider . . . no wonder they all think I'm stuck-up . . .
*Don't you know*
*I can't tell you how to make it go*
*No matter what I do. How hard I try*
*I can't seem to convince myself why*
*I'm stuck on the outside*
Outsider . . . the title suits me well. But it isn't a title I desire to have.
*Don't you know*
*I can't tell you how to make it go*
*No matter what I do. How hard I try*
*I can't seem to convince myself why*
*I'm stuck on the outside*
They come to me for help. Use me is more like it. I try to join in with them. Put forth my damn effort. But they push me away. Always and outsider . . . no wonder they think I'm suck-up . . .
*I can't hold on*
*[To what I want when I'm stretched so thin]*
*It's all too much to take in*
They expect me to be able to keep calm. They have no idea what goes through my head every time they use me to fight. Neither do I.
*I can't hold on*
*[To anything watching everything spin]*
*With thoughts of failure sinking in*
Failing. Failing those I've sworn to protect. My worst fear. Failing to protect those I care about. I've already failed.
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They betrayed me . . . again.
*What do I do to ignore them behind me?*
*Do I follow my instincts blindly?*
Maybe I should give up and forget them. My demon instincts let me survive this long.
*Do I hide my pride from/these bad dreams*
*And give in to sad thoughts that are maddening?*
Betrayal . . . Being alone . . . Having no one there . . . it's all too familiar for me.
*Do I/sit here and try to stand it?*
*Or do I/try to catch them red-handed?*
They say they don't betray me . . . then why did they leave me to die there? I've caught them more then once . . . talking about me when they thought I wasn't there.
*Do I trust some and get fooled by phoniness,*
*Or do I trust nobody and live in loneliness?*
I've always been alone . . . not trusting to have these 'friends'
*If I/turn my back I'm defenseless*
*And to go blindly seems senseless*
*If I hide my pride and let it all go on/then they'll*
*Take from me till everything's gone*
I can't turn on them, then I'd be alone against even more people. They think I'm too prideful . . . but . . . I can't be without pride. My pride covers my weakness. They'd take more from me if they knew I had weakness.
*If I let them go I'll be outdone*
*But if I try to catch them I'll be outrun*
*If I'm killed by the questions like a cancer*
*Then I'll be buried in the silence of the answer*
*[By myself]*
I can't keep up with all the lies they tell me . . . but I have to or those lies will be my end. Whenever I ask, my questions are thrown aside . . . and it kills me inside. I'm alone, no lie there. They use me for my strength, otherwise, they would have killed me long ago
*How do you think/I've lost so much*
*I'm so afraid/I'm out of touch*
I've lost everything in life. My sister. My family. My 'friends'. There's no point in living for me.
*How do you expect/I will know what to do*
*When all I know/is what you tell me to*
'Just die' they say, not with words, but with actions. I don't know what to do. Maybe I will . . . just . . . die.
*Don't you know*
*I can't tell you how to make it go*
*No matter what I do. How hard I try*
*I can't seem to convince myself why*
*I'm stuck on the outside*
They come to me for help. Use me is more like it. I try to join in with them. Put forth my damn effort. But they push me away. Always an outsider . . . no wonder they all think I'm stuck-up . . .
*Don't you know*
*I can't tell you how to make it go*
*No matter what I do. How hard I try*
*I can't seem to convince myself why*
*I'm stuck on the outside*
Outsider . . . the title suits me well. But it isn't a title I desire to have.
*Don't you know*
*I can't tell you how to make it go*
*No matter what I do. How hard I try*
*I can't seem to convince myself why*
*I'm stuck on the outside*
They come to me for help. Use me is more like it. I try to join in with them. Put forth my damn effort. But they push me away. Always and outsider . . . no wonder they think I'm suck-up . . .
*I can't hold on*
*[To what I want when I'm stretched so thin]*
*It's all too much to take in*
They expect me to be able to keep calm. They have no idea what goes through my head every time they use me to fight. Neither do I.
*I can't hold on*
*[To anything watching everything spin]*
*With thoughts of failure sinking in*
Failing. Failing those I've sworn to protect. My worst fear. Failing to protect those I care about. I've already failed.