Not mine, I swear. If it was, why would I be writing fanfiction? Sorry about the bad title-if anyone has any suggestions, please tell me in a review. Okay, a warning-after this chapter, it will mostly exclude Ron. I didn't plan it like that, but it turned out, so...Deathly Hallows AU.

"What are you doing with all those books anyway?" Ron asked, limping back to his bed.

"Just trying to decide which ones to take with us," said Hermione. "When we're looking for the Horcruxes."

"Oh, of course," said Ron, clapping a hand to his forehead. "I forgot we'll be hunting down Voldemort in a mobile library."

"Ha ha," said Hermione, looking down at Spellman's Syllabary. And then a mischievous light came into her eyes. "Actually..."

"Oh, come off it, Hermione!" Ron groaned. "I was only joking."

"I know you were, Ronald, I'm not an idiot." Hermione retorted coolly. "But the idea of a mobile library, well, I think it just might work."

Harry sighed and rested his forehead on his hands. "Okay, Hermione, explain to me the logistics of this decision."

Hermione's smile grew brighter. There was nothing she loved more than explaining confusing and useless theories to her friends. Except books. And chocolate chip cookies. And staging SPEW protests. And practicing curses on Draco Malfoy.

Okay, there was a lot that she loved more than trying to pound information into Harry and Ron's impossibly thick skulls, but that's not the point. The point is that-

"We'll have all the information we could possibly need at our fingertips. We'll have a portable and safe place to stay every night. We can add a potion's lab so we can brew everything necessary. We can even put a fireplace in so we can Floo your family, Ron. That way we can also stay up to date on all the Order news."

Harry looked up, green eyes shining thoughtfully. "The Floo network is monitored, though."

Hermione nodded. "Well, then we'll just have to create our own secret one. That'll be perfect, actually. The Order can use it for, well, just about anything. I heard that the twins were thinking of starting an undercover radio station to broadcast news, but this will be much more effective."

Ron slumped back onto his pillows. "But Hermione, how the hell are we supposed to create our own Floo?"

The bushy haired girl shrugged. "Not a clue. But I can set Fred and George on it and they'll probably have it figured out after a week. They're creative geniuses, remember?"

"How could I possibly forget?" Ron muttered.

Harry ignored him. "Wait. You said that this 'mobile library' would provide us with a safe place to stay."

"And..."

"How, exactly, is that going to work?"

Hermione practically started glowing. "Well, our original plan was to take tents and apparate with them around the country, casting wards on the area around us. But with this plan, we can simply cast the wards on the mobile library itself. We'll be able to make the protections much stronger; and since it'll be an actual structure we can make it Unplottable."

Ron said something sensible for once. "How are we going to get it from place to place? And how are you going to make it small enough and yet fit everything we need? Fireplaces aren't exactly compact, you know."

Harry sat up straight. "Why can't they? If we won't be traveling through it, it only has to be big enough to stick our heads through. We could make a fireplace the size of a microwave, and it would be perfectly functional."

"A Micro-what?"

"Hush, Ron." Hermione said dismissively, looking excited. "I think you're on to something, Harry! I don't know why nobody's ever thought of that before. Well, wizards do have no common sense....But what I was thinking we could do was....actually.....the theory's pretty tricky. Let me show you."

Hermione stood up and dashed out of the room and down the stairs. Ron looked at his best friend. "What is she doing?"

Harry shrugged. "I have no idea, but it's bound to be brilliant. And it might save the world. So if you mess this up, Ron, I will be irked."

The redhead snorted. "How is this going to save the world?"

Harry sighed. "Okay, it won't. But were you really looking forward to living in a small cramped tent in the cold with no cooking or proper indoor amenities for about six to eighteen months?"

Ron paled, his freckles stark against his skin.

"Yeah, that's what I thought."

Hermione ran back through the door, carrying a black corduroy backpack and a wooden dollhouse about two feet high. It was very intricate and in the Victorian style; it looked more like a collectors item than a child's plaything. She stopped in the door way and saw a nauseous looking Ron lying with his hands pressed over his eyes and his mouth moving quickly but no sound coming out. She though she might have heard the phrase, "I want my mommy to make me macaroni," but felt fairly confident that was an error.

Until Ron repeated it, louder, and sat up on his bed and began rocking back and forth with his arms wrapped tightly around his knees. Hermione turned to Harry, who was sitting on the floor with his back to the wall and smirking. "What did you DO to him?" she declared in exasperation, but Harry saw a tiny smile flicker across her face for a fraction of a second.

"I told him where we'd be staying if you hadn't gotten this idea." he said, chuckling slightly.

Hermione just rolled her eyes to that. There was a moment of awkward silence, and then she shuddered. "Can you make him stop that? It's creeping me out." Ron's eyes had gone out of focus and there was a vein throbbing in his forehead. His mouth was curled into a sort of odd grimace.

Harry looked at him and winced. "Yeah, I see your point." He stood up, walked over, and tapped Ron on the shoulder.

There was no response.

"I think you broke him, Harry." Hermione said, eyes wide. "I'm kind of glad this happened now and not later. Think what could have happened if he'd done this around a Horcrux, say. It could have completely controlled his mind and we'd never have known the difference. But.....okay, that's gross!"

Ron had started drooling and coughing up phlegm simultaneously. It was not an attractive sight.

Harry looked intensely reluctant to touch him again, but he hesitantly picked up a woolen blanket that had fallen to the floor and dropped it over Ron's head in a hasty movement. The shapeless mass that was their best friend quivered, then fell still suddenly, slumping back onto the pillows and twitching slightly.

Hermione gulped. "Is he all right?"

Harry peeked under the blanket. "He's breathing okay, but his eyes are crossed and his tongue is hanging out." he reported, dropping the cloth like it was burning him and wiping his hands on his jeans.

Ron's trainers, hanging off the edge of the bed, began doing an odd sort of dancing movement.

"Oh. My. God. Harry!" Hermione's voice rose slightly in pitch. "I think there's something seriously wrong with him!"

"I'm not so sure, 'Mione." Harry said, pushing his glasses up on his nose. "He does this every time he has low blood sugar."

Hermione's jaw dropped. "Are you saying that he's going into something akin to anaphylactic shock because he's got a case of the tummy rumbles?"

The tall blackhaired boy snickered. "Tummy rumbles..." he said gleefully. "That's hilarious...best phrasing ever...oh, I'm never going to let Ron forget that..."

"Uh, Harry? Focus, please!" The brown eyed girl tapped her foot and glanced pointedly at her wrist. "He could be dying before our very eyes!"

"Fine, fine, I'll try and get some food into his system." the teenager whined. He picked a packet of Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans off the floor and pulled a lurid purple bean out, carefully inspecting it. "I think this might be grape..." he mumbled. "Ah, well, can't be too far off..."

He pulled the blanket back over Ron's face and pulled the boy's jaw open with an expression of disgust clearly visible on his features. He dropped the candy into his mouth with a delicate movement, and poked Ron's throat to get him to swallow.

The boy stirred a little, but didn't express any mental activity.

"I think he likes it!" Hermione said enthusiastically. "Give him another one! And try for the same flavor, it seems to be a pretty safe one."

Harry nodded his consent, and rummaged around in the package. "I can't get the exact one, but here's a bright orange one....the neons are usually fairly normal; there aren't that many naturally found substances with that virulent a hue. Plus there's a lot of these ones left.....wow, there's a ton! I wonder why Ron doesn't eat this kind...."

Hermione just rolled her eyes. "Get on with it already! Maybe he's saving them for last or something. I dunno, the food seems to be helping!"

Harry kept feeding the jelly beans to Ron. Nothing happened. "Uh, Hermione..." he said hesitantly. "I think they're causing something to break out on Ron's face, because this is really weird."

"I....what?" Hermione said, walking over and looking at the prone redhead. "Oh my God, he has purple blotches on his face!"

"I know....what do you think it is?"

The brunette shrugged. "Maybe it's too much candy? Here, I'll go grab some vegetables; those might help."

She clattered down the stairs again and saw Mrs. Weasley sitting in the kitchen with a huge pile of cauliflower next to her. Several knives were magically chopping them, and she was leaning back in her chair as she supervised Ginny who was stirring some soup.

"Hello, Hermione dear, is there a problem?" Mrs. Weasley asked sweetly.

"Yes, I was just wondering if I could have a piece or two of that cauliflower? Ronald's feeling a bit under the weather and I thought it might help."

"Oh, of course you can have some vegetables! Just make sure he cleans his room."

Hermione nodded exuberantly. "Of course!"

She returned upstairs and saw the prone figure of her best friend lying there, his left arm spasming. "Has his condition improved at all, Harry?"

"No, I don't know why he hasn't been responding well to the candy. I mean,could it be possible he doesn't like the jelly beans?"

Hermione snorted. "It's Ron; he'll eat anything! Here, hold his mouth open and make sure he doesn't choke while I get some vitamins into him." She leaned over him, her hair falling in a tangled mass over his eyes, and broke off a sizeable piece of cauliflower, then dropped it cautiously into the Weasley's mouth. He swallowed, and his face contorted oddly.

"He responded!" Hermione said, delighted.

"He sort of grimaced..." Harry said apprehensively. "I don't think he liked it. Maybe we should get Mrs. Weasley..."

"Oh, Harry, I'm sure he's fine!"

"Okay...." Harry took a bit of cauliflower himself and fed it to Ron. The boy drooled slightly.

And ten minutes later, the two were still feeding their friend the white vegetable when Mrs. Molly Weasley stormed into the bedroom demanding to know why they weren't sorting gifts, then saw Ron.

And upon seeing her son lying on the bed, purple sores on his face, and an entire head of cauliflower inside his stomach, she promptly fainted.

You read it. So please, review?