Hello everyone who is reading this. Who else thought last nights episode was intense?? I did. So much that I couldn't think right or calm down last night before falling asleep. But, that got me thinking of what would happen in my way afterwards, and so I decided to type it up today. I hope you guys like it.

AFTER 5.17

SPOILER TO THOSE WHO DID NOT SEE IT YET!!! It is a one shot and takes place after Derek yells at Meredith to go home. But in my story, she doesn't leave.

Here it is…

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Meredith sat in one of the few lawn chairs sitting out on Derek's porch. Since he had fully moved in with Meredith there wasn't a lot of stuff out here. At least there wasn't until he moved all his clothes from their closet. Their. Everything had become theirs when he moved in. Their bed, their room, their bathroom, their closet, everything. Until today.

He had yelled. A lot of yelling had taken place five minutes ago. Go home Meredith!! He had repeatedly said, pushing her away. The words repeated over and over in her head like a broken record. And each time it came back around it stung her with more pain each time. Like a slap in the freaking face.

He gave her an out. She could've left. She still could. But she wouldn't. She had told him that they were in this together, that she was going to be there for him. So many times he had been there for her, so many. Her mom's death, which she ended up pushing him away from, Susan's death, which she also pushed him away from, and her drowning, that she again pushed him away from. But he was still there, for her to talk to if she wanted to. He was there, so she would be too.

This was bad. This was very bad. Derek had been called a murderer. A murderer. Derek wasn't a murderer. He was the farthest from it. Sure, he hadn't saved every patient that had walked through those hospital doors to see him, but he had tried. He had taken the impossible and tried it. He was a hero in so many people's eyes. Even hers, especially hers.

She had already informed him of this stuff, but he hadn't wanted to hear it. He was mad. So mad. At himself, and apparently at her too. She didn't know why he was mad at her, or if he was just taking it all out on her. She didn't know. What she did know was that she was going to wait. Either for him to come back out for another round of beer can baseball or for the light to go out in the trailer and for her to sneak in while he was asleep. She was waiting.

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Derek was furious. He felt empty, lost, confused, like a failure and mad. Very, very mad. He was in the trailer banging any door, drawer or cabinet opened and shut. Just to be able to hit, slam, or punch something. Mark had only worked for one night. Derek knew he was in the wrong with hitting Mark. Sure, Mark should have read his body language before telling him something that important. But he knew Mark wasn't good at that. Mark only thought about himself, and apparently Lexie now.

Derek finally sat down to catch his breath and any thought that came to him. The Chief. He had yelled at the chief, refused to do surgery on his patients. But Derek couldn't do that now, he was a murderer. He had a law suit. He was a mess. He couldn't operate. And when he left he hospital earlier that day he went straight to Meredith's house, which use to be his as well and grabbed all his stuff. Apparently he had thought moving out would be the right thing to do at the time. He stopped by the grocery store and picked up some beer and headed to his trailer to get drunk and just mope.

Meredith. He had pushed her away this time. In his logic it was so she wouldn't be able to push him away first. Again. She had done a lot of pushing, a lot of running and a lot of avoiding. And tonight he had thrown that all in her face, another stupid thing he had done recently. He knew she was whole and fixed, he knew she was better, she was committing, and she wanted him to be the father of her crappy babies. She did. She was there, she wasn't running, she wasn't pushing, she wasn't avoiding. They had moved in together and were making progress. So much progress he was ready to propose. He shouldn't have thrown the past in her face. She was better, he was better, they were better. All he could picture in his mind was the look of hurt, annoyance, anger and pain in Meredith's eyes when he had yelled that stuff at her, but yet he still saw love in her eyes too.

She still loved him; she said she wasn't leaving and that she wasn't going to give up. But he yelled. Really yelled. Telling her to leave, giving her an out. And maybe she had listened and taken it, he hoped not.

He couldn't live with out her that was the reason for the ring. The ring she had mentioned. She knew. That's what she had said. I know there's a ring! She knew, and yet she still came to him. Came to see why he had moved all his stuff, came to see if he was okay, to see how he was doing. And he yelled, pushed her away.

Tears started to roll down his face. He had lost an important patient, had possibly lost his job, and now the one thing he knew he couldn't live without, he had pushed away.

He snapped his head up, looking at the clock. It had only been about ten minutes since she left. Maybe she was still here, maybe if he got in his car he could chase after her, anything to get her back. He pushed himself up off the couch, no longer drunk after everything that had happened, and threw back the trailer door in one swift motion.

"Meredith!! Meredith!!" He yelled out, looking towards the driveway.

"I'm here." She said softly. Hearing her voice he turned to look at her. There she sat, in one of his chairs staring at him with a tear stained face. She had been crying. His heart broke at the sight of her broken, because of him. He had said awful things. Horrible, horrible things.

"Oh, Mer." Derek whispered. He walked up to her and pulled a chair similar to hers and sat down facing her.

"I'm here. I'm still here. And I'm not leaving. You can't make me. I said I would be here, and damn it, that's what I'm going to do. Because I love you, and I want to help you because you help me, everyday you help me. With my Cristina crap, and when I have sympathy towards death row patients you don't hate me and because I don't want to lose you. I don't. I've lost you enough to know I don't want that. I want this; I want us, I freaking want forever with you! You got me to want all these things and you can't push me away that easily and take it away from me. You can't!" Meredith rambled.

"Meredith, I know. And I'm sorry."

"You can be a real ass sometimes, you know that right? I mean to throw all my past crap in my face…"

"I know Mer, I'm so sorry. So, so sorry. I shouldn't have done that. I'm just, I'm angry. At everything, at everyone and I took it out on you and Mark because you guys are closest to me. I shouldn't have done that, at least not to you."

"Or Mark." Meredith added.

"Well, he sometimes deserves a beating." Derek said trying to joke, but the smile still not meeting his eyes.

"Derek, talk to me. Either talk to me about the things you still have with my past and me, or tell me about the Jen case. Because both are bothering you, and we need to talk. I'm not giving you make up sex until you talk." Meredith told him. He was normally the one who had to get her to talk, but now she was the stronger one.

"Mer…" Derek said, beginning to decline talking.

"No, you want me committed? I am. I'm here. I've been here. Talking, all the time about the stupid things going on in my not-so-dark-and-twisty brain. But I'm only not so dark and twisty anymore because of you. So talk." Meredith ordered.

"Ok, I guess we'll talk about the Jen case." Derek responded, not going any further.

Meredith wasn't any good at this. She thought he could just talk and her listen and throw in encouraging sayings that she has been already using, but apparently now she had to ask the questions too.

"First, why were you so into the case? I mean you have always been dedicated to the cases, but this one you broke, you were really into it. Why?" Meredith asked, surprising herself with the in-depth question. Maybe she wasn't so bad at this.

"She was a good person. She was married and pregnant. They had a future together. She got you to open up and tell me about you wanting to have kids with me. And…" Derek started saying then ending mid-thought.

"And what?" Meredith prodded.

"And, she was the most excited about me proposing to you." Derek finished.

"Oh." Meredith responded. It was more like a rush of air escaping her mouth, but it still came out as an 'oh'.

"Yeah, she was so excited. Wanting to know when I was going to do it, how I was going to do it and she wanted me to tell her all about it." Derek said with a sad smile on his face.

"Who else did you tell?" Meredith asked.

"Well, first I asked Cristina, only for her opinion and then Mark but Mark told everyone else. I'm surprised you didn't find out sooner. How did you find out?" He asked curious with his sad eyes.

"I was in the hospital filling out paper work at a table when the Chief came over and talked to me about you. Seeing if I could get you back, I told him people just wanted to be left alone, meaning you, then he told me you were planning on proposing and that meant you didn't want to be left alone. So I packed my stuff up and headed home, only to find all your stuff gone. Then you know the rest." Meredith supplied.

"I'm sorry Mer." Derek said again, tears swelling in his eyes.

"We'll get back to that. One thing at a time, Jen." Meredith said, returning to their original conversation.

"I've saved a lot of people. A lot of bad people, a freakin' death row guy! So many jack asses and so many jerks. But when I want to save the nicest, most deserving people, I can't. They die."

"Derek, you're not God. You don't know when it's right for them to live or who is most deserving. You do what you can to fix them, to give them a chance. You do amazing work, and you are one of the best. But, it's not up to you if they live or not. If it's their time there is nothing you can do about it. But when things go wrong you can't blame yourself when it's not your fault, you can't give up on work or us. You have to keep going. It's ok to be sad, to be upset, but you have to remember that you are an extraordinary surgeon. I love learning from you Derek. Your one of the best and you have made me interested in Neurology. You're a wonderful surgeon, Derek and you are my hero." Meredith provided. Trying to show him the best of himself and the greatness he withheld.

"Thank you, that means a lot to me." Derek told her, looking better but not completely.

"Did I fix the Jen problem?" she asked hopeful.

"It's going to take more, but yeah." Derek said, not looking her in the eye.

"Derek, what else is there?" Meredith asked knowing there was more he wasn't telling her.

"In the OR." He stated.

"Ok, what about it? I was there, maybe I can help you with something." She said.

"When you said she wouldn't be Jen anymore, I just…I kept thinking about how I would feel if it were you. If you were in that surgery. Would I want you alive even if you weren't you anymore? If you couldn't recognize me? If you couldn't remember me? If you had to live your life hooked up to machines? I could only keep thinking about it being you, married to me, pregnant with our first child and having this major surgery. I just, I broke. And I just started doing what I thought would work. I just…I lost it." Derek explained breaking down into tears once again.

"Oh Derek…" Meredith breathed. She pulled Derek into a hug, not knowing what to say to that. It was worse then she had thought. It must have brought up the drowning again and everything. This was worse. "I'm here. I'm fine. I'm not leaving you. I promise when we have kids I will take care of myself, I'll even eat right. I know that doesn't really do much if I have an aneurysm or something like that, but I won't let that happen Derek. I promise." Meredith promised.

"You can't promise me that Meredith." Derek said looking up in her eyes while still also holding her. She had somehow ended up sitting on his lap, hugging him.

"No, but I can promise you I will try my hardest and fight for me to stay with you as long as I can." Meredith said. "I'm not leaving you."

"Ok." He said softly pulling her closer so he could feel her more alive then ever.

"Ok as in ok you believe me and are fixed a little or just ok and you aren't fixed." Meredith wondered.

"You fixed me, it's going to take some time but hearing you promise you won't leave me without a fight and that you want kids still made it better." Derek said with a smile that began to reach his eyes.

Meredith returned the smile and felt proud of herself for fixing him. After all the fixing he had done with her, it was now time to pay him back. He started to move in for a kiss when Meredith stopped him.

"Not so fast buddy, those things you said to me?" Meredith asked.

"I shouldn't have even said them. I don't feel that way about any of them. You've changed. You are fixed and healed, you haven't been running away from me or avoiding. You've been doing all the opposite. You've been so committed recently and that's why I got the ring. I'm such an ass." He finished off his rant.

"Yes you are, but I still love you. So you don't think I don't want you living with me?" she asked.

"No, you've been very good about that. Giving me room and making it my home. Our home, plus your roommates." He added with a smile.

"True, I do want you there Derek. But I was thinking you know if you wanted, maybe we could start building our dream house. At least get blue prints ready for it." Meredith said nervously with a slight smile.

"Really? You want to move out of your childhood home?" Derek asked with a smile of his own.

"Yeah, I'm finally ready. I'll let Izzie and Alex and Lexie live there for rent or whoever. I want that house with you Derek." Meredith confessed to him. She finally felt ready to move on in their relationship. He was the love of her life, she knew that now.

"I am so happy to hear you say that Mer." Derek responded with a smile finally reaching his eyes. He looked happy. Generally happy and that made her even happier.

"And I don't want to rush you or make you do it soon or whatever or even if you want to still do it…"

"Mer, spit it out." Derek said cutting off her rant.

"When you propose, if you propose, or if you ever even want to, know that I will say yes. Ok? If that eases your thoughts or makes you want to run, which ever, just know that it will be a yes." Meredith told him nervously. That was the big one, marriage. And she had just told him that she was ready. In more words then needed, but she did.

"When, not if. I will, I just want everything to be cleared up and fixed before I do that. Same with the house, if you don't mind." Derek told her.

"I don't mind. You've given me time to get all fixed and healed so it's your turn. I can wait. Just know that I still want that future with you." Meredith told him with a smile.

Smiles brightened both of their faces and they automatically pulled near each other as if they were magnets, and their lips locked. Meeting the others and turning it into a passionate, heated kiss that set the mood and confirmed their future.

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There's my one-shot. I feel much better that I wrote that now. I was so worked up last night about that episode. It was intense. Anyone know any spoilers about what happens with them?? I would love to know, just to make sure they stay together. I'm done with them teasing us.

Ok, so review please. Tell me what you thought about the show, or the story or both!

I love talking about Grey's Anatomy!!

Thank you for reading!