Hurting
oh dear, i've only just realised that this is a lot like another story. i didn't mean for it to happen, i really really really didn't!
still, here it is. review, please, and the rest will be better and more original. this story connects with both 'until the end' and 'together yet a world apart'. this is the middle story, the 'TYAWA' is first, and 'UTE' is the last. care to read? after this, of course...
oh, i have a deviantart account, with pictures! of albel and nel. PM me and tell me what you think!
The pain. It hurts…so much. It builds up inside, clawing, growing, till I want to scream. It's so real, this pain, that I can see it, laughing, mocking. I can feel the jagged claws piercing my heart; I have to bite my lip so hard it bleeds to stop myself crying out. Flames roar to life, burning, scorching, and yet at the same time, I feel cold, icy fingers grip my heart, trapping it like a bird in a cage.
I want to scream, I want to cry, all at the same time. Biting my lip even harder, the blood fills my mouth. The small pang of discomfort is nothing compared to the sharp pain of my heart breaking. Everything is numb; the cold night air doesn't register as the shadows blanket me. My nails dig into the building I hide behind, until they're torn and bloody.
The cold moon hangs in the sky, watching me, blurring slightly as hot tears form and spill. The pale glow highlights his strange black-blonde hair as he moves, his back facing me as he stands in the empty streets of the city. The snow falls gently, melting on my face, adding to my tears. But why do I care? Why do I feel such sadness as I see this? Why? We were enemies! We still are! I'm so angry, confused…I remain here, hidden, watching as he slowly raises his hand, too gently, to touch her cheek and brush away her silvery tears. He whispers something, but the pain has grown so much that I can't hear his words. They aren't meant for me, anyway. They never will be. Words meant only for her and the night.
It isn't fair! It isn't right! Everything we've been through, everything we've done…did it all mean so little to him? I shouldn't be surprised, I shouldn't care…yet I do. I do care! I do feel! Why is this happening? Why now? Why not me? It's all so confusing…all these feelings…but it's no good…trying to hide from it…by being angry…
But I look back up at him, and I see him, and all of those thoughts come rushing back. I watch as he touches her shoulder, I can see his expression in my mind. Those amazing crimson eyes…
She looks up at him, eyes begging, pleading, filled with resignation. He stands there, tall and strong, back facing to me as if knowing I'm there and rejecting me. Even if it's unconscious, it sill hurts. Her eyes are angled up in that way that I know she's looking up at him, her brown eyes meeting ruby.
The icy grip tightens; it's as if it's his claw that holds my heart so mercilessly, his talons that pierce it.
I whimper. I can't help it.
Her hand falls lightly on his left arm, on the bare part, just above his metal gauntlet, the dark sleeve of her dress partly covering her hand, black as the shadows, the fingers transforming into hideous claws as if she's some malicious demon trying to steal him away from me.
She isn't ugly, though. Far from it. She's stunning, perfect; a beautiful disaster. I hate it. Her beauty mocks me as she smiles hesitantly at him.
The tears in my eyes well up this time before falling, the time between more than enough for another scream of pain to try clawing its way up my throat. Barely able to keep the sound back, I don't know why I don't cry out and stop them as the arm she's touching is now wrapped around her back gently, the claws pulled back slightly to prevent them from hurting her. They're standing so close to one another; the pain running through me reaches new levels as he still has his free hand against her face, his fingers moving slightly to tuck a few strands of her long hair behind one ear.
His two-toned hair hides his face from me as he shakes his head. She seems calmer now, since she had first found him sitting on the street. I had followed him, wanting to talk, to share these new emotions, when…she appeared. They had begun to talk, and I had hid, ready to go back, not really intending to overhear them. They sounded like old friends – maybe someone he had met a few years ago? And then he had quietly said something, and she had started crying…
He shakes his head once more, his voice far too quiet now for the night to dare surrender even the slightest sounds. She nods, sadly, and steps closer. She murmurs something, and his fingers slide from her cheek to her chin; gently he tilts her head back with one slender finger. I try to look away, try to scream, try to do anything rather than let it continue, but the numbness that had been slowly building now completely paralyses me; but the blessed tears again blind me, blurring my vision – but not enough to miss him dipping his head closer to hers…
I blink them away, forcing back a sob that would reveal my presence. The tears don't well up anymore, just fall, burning, cascading down my cheeks like her black hair does in the moonlight, shimmering as he gently strokes her back. His lips brush lightly against hers, and I feel the claws slice upwards, cutting me in two, tearing through my flesh, carving me as if I were some dead animal.
That should be me…she shouldn't be in his arms. It should be me. Me! My tears he brushes away, my lips he kisses! Why isn't it? Why now? Why on the night I try to say that I love him? Why? It isn't right! It isn't fair!
…Why aren't you holding me as my tears fall onto the stones beneath, like the blood from my torn heart?
I whimper softly, and make my way silently back to the inn where we are staying. As silent as the shadows, like always.
Inside now, I stumble across the uneven floorboards, forcing back the pain, until I reach my room. Finally inside, I throw myself onto the bed; the inn's large enough that I don't have to share my room with anyone. I am alone in my pain. Just like I've always been destined to be.
I let it all out; the pain, the rage, the sorrow. Thrusting my face into the pillow, I finally scream, letting out everything all at once. The scratchy fibres rub against my face as I bury my head deeper, adding to my pain. And I scream…and I scream…
Slowly the screams give way to sobbing, and I curl up, hiding behind my arms. Images of him flit through my mind as I close my eyes, pictures of the man I had come to love despite all the odds…only to have him kissing some woman I don't even know.
Yes, some woman! Some stupid woman who probably can't hold her own in the world, some noblewoman who's never done a day's decent work! How dare she? How dare she! Has he just forgotten? What about our adventures, our experiences? Is he just willing to just throw them away? What about…what about…everything…
What about me…?
It hurts…it hurts so much…the pain running rampant through me as I can only cry…Only cry and know that it's just going to keep hurting…and hurting…it shouldn't hurt so much…I should have known…should have known…should have…but I did…just hoping…praying…why…?…
It hurts…