AN- This is a scene we wrote a long time ago, and yes we know, it is grasping straws, but hell, the crudités thing is good.
Scene #
(Mace Pink Sabre is playing with one of those picture phones and gets in touch with his father, who is half man, half crudités. Unfortunately his split down the middle)
MPS- Daddy, there's something I've got to tell you, a shocking revelation. (drum roll) I'm also the trademark gay.
Dad (lights up)- So?
MPS- So..you don't care, your not even a teensy-weensy bit shocked?
Dad- Listen son, my father resembles a tin of pate, my aunty was robbed of her rear for Jean Elkins to make canapés, your brother is a multipack of sausage rolls, and I'm comprised entirely of carrot sticks and thousand island, you're hardly the black sheep.
MPS- Do you have any lessons in love for me?
Dad- Hardly, that's one of the great sorrows of being Hors d'Ouvreian, you can't even stand someone rubbing your ear without suspecting something more sinister.
MPS- I'll take that as a no then.
Dad- But, of course, I do have a philosophy.
MPS- Which is?
Dad- Stay away from champagne and book launches. Goodnight son.
MPS- Nighty Night.
Dad (reappears like an odd redention of that garbage-can guy in Sesame Street)- Doesn't it seem like somewhat of a cliché, you being gay and all, with a name like Pink Sabre?
(Dad disappears while children's voices coming out of a sun-shaped stereo say 'bye bye' in an overly enthusiastic manner)
(Dad reappears)- Oh and by the way, chum-bucket, doesn't it seem odd that Yoda hasn't died during this straw-grasper some would call a scene?
We see the silhouette of Yoda' hanging corpse through the window.
This production was brought to you by Pepsi. Be Young. Have Fun. Drink Pepsi
Sideeffectsmayincludechronicdysenteryandanuncontrollableurgetodressupagiantasparagus.