Disclaimer: don't own Harry, Voldemort, or Hermione No money so don't sew please and thanks
Summary: Voldemort meets miss Swan what more can be said. Humor/parody short story
Warning: if you don't like senseless humor then don't read this. Flames will be used to heat my house Mawhahaha cough choke ah much better hahahahaaha that is all.
P.S.: I know my spelling is bad you don't need to tell me so don't okay
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Voldemort: what the hell is this?
Me: my story
Voldemort: Listen here you Muggle let me go or else
Me: No I don't think so
Voldemort: How are you going to stop me?
Me: Like this
A piano drops on Voldemort's headVoldemort: rubbing head as he gets out from under the piano Hey that hurt girl
Me: lady
Voldemort: Whatever
Me: Well now you know what will if you try to hurt me or try to escape so sit down shut up and enjoy the story.
Voldemort: Fine I will sit but I am not going to enjoy the story.
Me: Fine and now let the story begin
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Okay its 7th year Snape was found out to be a mole for Dumbledore and is now with him (Don't worry he's fine) Draco decided he rather be good then bad
Story starts off in a dark castle (you guys know the scenario dark, rain, lightning, on a huge mountain, nighttime, basic evil hideout) where the Deatheaters and Voldemort have Hermione trapped in a cage.
Voldemort: Tell me where Harry is.
Hermione: No never
Voldemort: Please I will be your friend and I will give you candy. (Yes I know he would never say that but hell this is my story)
Hermione: Why would I want to be friends with a freak like you and candies bad for you
Voldemort: Why you little B**** I am going to kill you Ava-
Peter: Um sir we need her alive she's the bait
Voldemort: Are you telling me what to do you stupid worm
Peter: But sir the-
Voldemort: Yes I know she's the bait man this day is no fun at all life's so unfair
Hermione: Oh you poor baby ~rolls her eyes~
Voldemort: Ava-
Peter: Sir
Voldemort: Oh right I forgot
Knock at the doorVoldemort: Who is it?
Voice: Me lucius
Voldemort: Come in
Lucius: Yes sir
Lucius comes in followed by some other Deatheaters
Voldemort: So why are you here?
Lucius: We found a Muggle woman who claims to know where Harry is
Voldemort: Well just don't stand there bring her in
Lucius: Yes sir
Voldemort: to Hermione you should have told me what I wanted to know now you will regret it
Peter: Sir bait
Voldemort: Ah ya, ya, I know
Lucius and the other Deatheaters come in with an Asian woman. She is a short chubby little woman warring a dress.
Lucius: This is she
Voldemort: Well hello what's your name?
The lady: Miss Swan
Voldemort: And you know where Harry Potter is?
Miss Swan: Yes
Voldemort: Well?
Miss Swan: Yes?
Voldemort: Oh brother where is he?
Miss Swan: Who?
Voldemort: H-A-R-R-Y P-O-T-T-E-R!!!
Miss Swan: Oh why dint you say so you not say that! (That's how she talks from what I remember)
Voldemort: Fine Where is Harry Potter?
Miss Swan: He
Voldemort: Yes
Miss Swan: He
Voldemort: Yes!
Miss Swan: He
Voldemort: Yes!!
Miss Swan: He
Voldemort: Out with it!!!!
Miss Swan: Calm down me tells you. You must be patient
Voldemort: Okay I can be calm see this is me being calm okay?
Miss Swan: Okay
A long pause is now on as Voldemort and Miss Swan stares at each other
Voldemort: Well?
Miss Swan: Well what?
Hermione: He wants to know where Harry is
Miss Swan: Oh okay
Voldemort: Well where is he?
Miss Swan: He
Hermione: That's it I am going to sleep zzzzzzzzzzzz
Voldemort: Hey wake up oh never mind where's Harry
Miss Swan: He look a
Voldemort: Yes he look a go on
Miss Swan: He look a pause like a man
Voldemort: WHAT!!!
Miss Swan: He look a like a man
Voldemort: Yes I got that but what dose it mean?
Miss Swan: You not listening
Voldemort: Okay I am listening
Miss Swan: He look a like a man
Voldemort: What?
Hermione: Oh for crying out loud she said He look a like a man
she said as she wakes up
Voldemort: Butt out ! Now tell me where Harry is now.
Miss Swan: He look a like a man
Voldemort: ha, ha, ha, He look a like a man, He look a like a man, He look a like a man, la, la, la, I get it there he is.
Points at lucius
Voldemort: Harry prepare to die
Lucius: Hey wait its me I am not Harry
Voldemort: Of course you are Avada Kendavra
Lucius drops dead
Voldemort: Harry there you are
Points at a deatheater
Voldemort: Avada Kendavra
Voldemort: Harry there you are
Points at a deatheater
Voldemort: Avada Kendavra
Ten minutes later all of the Deatheaters are now dead thanks to the fact that Voldemort has gone crazy (more crazy then he already is that is) the only ones still alive are Hermione, Miss Swan, and Voldemort. Voldemort runs around looking for Harry then all of a sudden.
Voldemort: A there you are you thought you could trick me ha, ha, ha, but I know it you Harry you thought you could trick me dint you well I am to smart for you.
Hermione just stared at Voldemort as he screamed at his own reflection in a mirror ~the guy was totally nuts~
Voldemort: Prepare to die Harry Avada Kendavra beam of green light came from his wand and bounced off the mirror and hit him. Voldemort fell dead to the ground
Hermione: Boy that was wearied hey Miss Swan will you let me out of here please.
Miss Swan: Yes I will
Miss Swan goes over to the cage and gets Hermione out
Miss Swan: I told him but he just not here what I said
Hermione: Yes I know he just did not get it and it was so simple
Then all of a sudden a door burst open and in came Harry, Ron, Draco, Snape, and Dumbledore. They look around and see the dead Deatheaters and Voldemort
Hermione: Took you guys long enough!!!
Harry: What just happen in here?
Snape: Yes I demand to know what happen
Dumbledore: lemon drop Miss granger or Miss Swan.
Hermione: You know her points to Swan
Dumbledore: Yes were good friends
Harry: to Miss Swan what happen here?
Miss Swan: He
Harry: Yes?
Miss Swan: He
Harry: Yes!!
Hermione: Here we go again
THE END
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Voldemort: what the hell was that
Me: My story
Voldemort: but I died
Me: I know
Voldemort: hey that's not fare
Me: So my story my rules bye
Voldemort: Grrr can I go now
Me: Um I guess so bye