Not sure how this turned out, hopefully funny
The Force
"…Vader was seduced by the dark side of the Force." said Ben Kenobi to Luke.
"The Force?" the younger man questioned uncomprehending, what Force, force of gravity? Friction, what?
"Ah the Force," Obi-wan stood up and walked to a nearby shelving unit and picked something up. "The Force is like Duct Tape, it has a light side and a dark side, and it binds the galaxy together…" To demonstrate his point the former Jedi Master tore a piece of tape from the roll he was holding and held it up, adhesive side first, than the other. Unfortunately the Force seemed to have conspired against him, for as he was trying to throw the strip of tape away, it stuck to his left hand.
"Eh, woops!" he said sheepishly.
Ten minutes later…
"Excuse me sir, is there anything I might do to help?" Threepio questioned eagerly.
"Yes! You can get this blasted tape off my hands!" growled Obi-wan. The sight of a Jedi master, albeit former, hopping around his living room, a 5 Credit roll of duct tape dangling from his fingers was quite comical to say the least.
"I could attempt to remove it if you were stationary and in reach." C-3PO's prissy tone irritated Kenobi even more.
In the Force, two spirits stood side by side watching the scenario unfold.
"Well, perhaps I could have cut costs back during the Clone Wars and just have used Sith Tape on captured Jedi, ah?" Dooku chuckled.
The man next to him snorted, "Sith Tape?"
"That green eared, gimer-stick wielding, undercover Sith used to use that tape when younglings asked to many questions back in my day."
Qui-Gon laughed. "I should've thought for Obi-wan. Speaking of—" he trailed off.
"Stop laughing and help me you lazy wiener!" shrieked Obi-wan. Luke was literally rolling on the floor, trying, and failing to supress his laughter.
"I'm not warning you again!" this time the voice was much laughter and angrier.
Artoo tweeted something and Threepio translated, "Sir, Artoo here wishes to remind you that 'anger is against the Jedi code' frankly, I don't know what he's on about this time."
Luke stopped laughing for a second to ask, "It is? Why?"
"Because it is a path to the Dark Side." Obi-wan bit out. His anger was understandable from a certain point of view, as eight of his fingers were stuck to a strip of tape. Besides, the roll unwound itself and was dangling near his feet. Furthermore, while attempting to free him, the protocol droid got it's digits stuck to the same blasted tape!
"So that means," Luke gasped, "YOU'RE TURNING TO THE DARK SIDE!"
"I darn well shall if I don't get free in thirty seconds!"
"Oh no! Artoo, what do I do?" Luke panicked. He ran over and hid behind the astromech.
"Artoo says that Jedi usually kill dark-side users." After a view more bleeps C-3PO added, "Oh, and he also says that Darth Vader is actually your father, it was all Obi-wan's fault!"
With a scream of rage, Obi-wan released his anger. Blue-purple lightning coursed through his fingers. The golden protocol droid was sent flying across the room, the Duct Tape ripping off the former Master's hands with the force of the push.
When he was free Obi-wan turned to face Luke. The young man was surprised to see that Ben's eyes were yellow. Half the way across the galaxy one black-cloaked figure laughed maniacally. Soon it would have a new apprentice, one far wiser and more sarcastic.
"You weren't supposed to know!" Darth Hermit hissed, "Now young Jedi, you will die." He gathered himself up for a leap.
"Don't … Don't t-tr-tr-try it!" Luke tried to sound intimidating, but his voice failed him.
Obi-wan leaped.
In desperation Luke ignited his Father's lightsaber and began swinging it in random arcs. Any fifth-year initiate would've been able to best Luke, let alone a newly-turned Sith, but luck, or the Force, or both were with him. Somehow, as Darth Hermit was about to land a kick on Luke's chest, the young man swung his weapon in just the right way to instantly amputate Ben Kenobi's two legs and right forearm.
"NOOOOOO!" yelled Obi-wan in pain as he slit to the floor of his hut.
"NOOOOOO!" yelled Palpatine in anger, half way across the galaxy.
"Fewph!" sighed Luke were he stood.
"YESSSSS!" shouted Darth Vader in joy on board his star destroyer, startling the bridge crew.
"What will I do now?" Luke questioned the walls.
"You will go the Dagobah system," Luke shrieked when the walls seemed to answer, "There you will learn from Yoda, who actually instructed me." Luke picked himself up from the floor and looked around the room. Near the entrance he saw two shimmering blue figures. One was wearing a brown cloak and had grey hair and a curved-hilt lightsaber at his belt. The other wore robes similar to Ben's but he was taller and had long chestnut hair.
The first guy congratulated Luke, "Well done, young Skywalker, now go and get a ship called the Millennium Falcon and go to Dagobah."
"And remember," the other added, "The Force is not Duct Tape, nevertheless it will be with you, always." With that they vanished leaving Luke alone with a with an unconscious Sith, an astromech, and a barely recognisable C-3PO.
Father's gonna be grumpy! Luke thought and moved to pick up Threepio's parts.
The End
Disclaimer: The joke about Duct Tape and the Force originates from Mythbusters "Duct Tape Hour". Thus I do not claim credit for it.
If you can be bothered send me a review and tell me how I did. :D
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