You say I have no self-control?
I have more self-control than you ever will realize.
Because I wake up every day and I look at you… and I do not do anything. Because I stop myself.
I allow myself to get up every day knowing that you will never love me and that you will never know.
Because I will never tell you.
You like her. My friend. Forever.
And I will never say this because I am too much of a coward to tell you that I love you.
Because I value your happiness. And I value her. (Oh, so much do I love her, too much to harm her, ever, evermore will I love her… She is my only constant, my shining star, and she has always cared... She is what I can depend on...) And it hurts. Knowing that I must protect you, the two I love from me. (Love…fairy tales never quite prepare you for it do they? They are the worst kinds of lies.)
Ah, my friend... you deserve to be treasured, as you treasure me. (You never quite gave up on me did you?) And you… I suppose do not deserve you. And so I do not get you. (She does.)
My self-control… it keeps me from falling from this thin, fragile thread I call my sanity. (Or does it keep me there, suspended in slow motion as though from through sheets of molasses, to watch your ecstatic glances and your thrilled words?)
And I will never tell you. And you will never know just what self-control really means…
You say I have no self-control.
I have self-control.
But you will never know.
(I love you…)