Author's Note: Headcanon for my newest Jedi Knight, Quix Aurell. If you've followed some of my other SWTOR stories, she's apart of the same family. She's not Aurell through blood, though. She's Ibonar's adopted sister (like he doesn't have enough sisters already). This is my means of adjusting the story to fit for two Jedi Knights in one legacy for my own headcanon/fanfiction/drabbles. Credit goes to fandombutterfly on tumblr for helping me with the idea!

ξ

THE SHIELD

There was once a time in which I was afraid to step into the precipice and let myself fall. But things are different now, and I know who I am. The Force guides me, but it is not my sole base of power. I channel the Force. I am one of its mediums or vessels, but I am not bound by it. I am not fearful of falling one way or another. I am willing to make difficult decisions, even if those who taught me about the Force guided against it in my early years of training. I do not desire serenity or passion. Those are too far from my grasp. They are too far on either side of the spectrum.

Out of all the things in the galaxy I could have, all I wanted was a family.

I had no family. No living family, at least. There was my master, a Miraluka like myself who taught me how to use Force Sight for combat situations and everyday living. She taught me how to defend, not to provoke. Her name was Melria Solverion. She taught me the basic tenements of the Jedi, of the Republic, of what I would possibly expect in the future throughout the galaxy. But my training was cut short.

Master Solverion was called away, sent away to Alderaan in my later years with the Order, when I was about to become a knight, and I understood what her duty was. But when I felt her presence leave the galaxy to join the Force while I myself was on Balmorra, offering aide to resistance soldiers alongside Republic troops, I felt that emptiness choke me with physical pain. I forced myself to step away from the heat of battle and forced myself to meditate on it for hours. Eventually the pain faded away and was left with determination. I wanted to do my part and I needed to move beyond these simple missions and make something for myself. Master Solverion would have told me that I needed to watch my ambition and my eagerness.

I wasn't the only padawan to lose a master during these difficult times. She was the only family I had then. But we never called it family. It was just a bond. A simple bond, that's all.

Despite the initial failures of the Republic on Balmorra, I was offered a medal for my heroism − I saved a band of Republic soldiers and civilians from annihilation against a Sith. When I returned to Tython, I was promoted as a knight of the Order for my actions. I was offered my own ship to navigate the galaxy, but I declined. I preferred traveling with civilians. I left for Alderaan after that, half-wanting to avenge my master who died there, half-wanting to continue her work, and half-wanting to reconcile my grief.

I worked on Alderaan, serving as a bodyguard of House Organa for two years. I received a few commendations for my service and an honorary rank in the Organa military for fighting back House Thul. When my services were no longer needed, as the Organa military could solely take over in Alderaan's defense, I returned to Tython requesting reassignment. It was at this time that serious trouble stirred. Initially myself and several other travelers, Jedi and non-Force users, were not allowed to take the shuttle from the orbital station to the planet's surface. There was news about some sort of crisis that I was not informed of. You see, there was severe trouble hovering in Tython's atmosphere. An Imperial Destroyer with weaponry that most padawans and even some masters could not fathom orbited the planet. It was technology that could destroy not only civilizations but planets as well.

By the time the crisis was solved, everyone on the orbital station buzzed with curiosity and confusion. Rumors spread quickly. Accurate news did not arrive from the planet to the station as com channels were shut down for security reasons. The shuttle ride was a long, dreadful one, as most Jedi returning to the planet were suddenly overcome with unusual worry and impatience.

News spread much quicker on planet. There were two Jedi who returned to Tython, not simply as knights, but as heroes. A dangerous piece of Republic technology had fallen into the hands of a Sith Lord who wanted to destroy the Jedi home world. They were the ones that the padawans whispered about. They were the ones who saved Tython in its hour of need and vulnerability. They saved what I considered to be home. Saved it from the negligence of the Republic and the mal-intent of the Sith. For that I am grateful.

But I did not expect what later happened. As I write this, I feel things that the Force never could provide. To others, non-Force users, they would have called it a stroke of luck or a golden opportunity. I was told that the Force brought people together. I am very thankful for what transpired.

We were all gathered around the entrance to the council chambers, waiting to congratulate and give thanks to the two Jedi who would always be remembered as the heroes of Tython. There were rumors about the two, some more exaggerated and unrealistic than others. The rumors said that Master Ibonar Aurell was a student who joined the Order in his later years and was trained under the now-with-the-Force, Master Orgus Din, a veteran of Coruscant. Others said that Master Aurell's padawan, Kira, was an ex-student of the Korriban Academy. Others said that the two were romantically involved.

The stories people can tell. I later learned that most of these rumors were in fact true. The question of whether they were romantically involved at the time was something that I did not try to explore. It was not my business. They did their jobs and they did them well, and even now I especially am not in a place to offer judgment.

I'll admit that I was a little surprised when the council chambers opened and I was asked to come inside by Master Satele Shan herself. I was beyond honored. She asked me to wait in the back of the chamber while the meeting continued.

I expected for the two of them, Master Aurell and padawan Kira Carsen to be bitter after several years of war and battle and tribulation. They had just seen the Republic at its worst. Seen each other at what they would later decide to be some of their lowest moments. But they saved Tython. They saved thousands of lives that day, and only they knew how many more beyond that. They were heroes. Padawan Kira Carsen was made a Jedi Knight thanks to her master's approval and the admiration of the council. I could not imagine how honored they must have felt. But they simply smiled at the grand masters and bowed their heads with humility.

Master Shan then addressed me and asked that I come forward. "This is Knight Rina Quixot," she began.

I turned and bowed towards the two Jedi, my expression stoic and serious. They bowed in turn, with expressions that read a mixture of calm and suppressed excitement.

"Now, Knight Quixot, a few of the other council members and I have a proposition for you. We were previously discussing a mission that may serve as an opportune use of your talents, given your skills in front-line combat and knowledge of Imperial battle tactics on Balmorra."

"Of course Master Satele, you know I'm more than willing to serve wherever I'm−"

"Yes, we know. Please, let Master Tol Braga here explain what is being asked of you. It is not a decision to be taken lightly. "

I nodded and clasped my hands behind my back. I turned my attention to the master who immediately spoke after.

"I am organizing the strongest and brightest minds in our Order to take the battle against the Empire directly to the Emperor himself in a secret strike team. I am looking for Jedi who do not know the meaning of failure, Jedi who are willing to make sacrifices. It is a top priority mission and it must remain as quiet as possible if it is to succeed." He paused. "Those who are in support of this mission are already looking for holes in the Emperor's protection. We know that there is an ancient Imperial fortress orbiting Dromund Kaas. It is hidden by a powerful cloaking device."

"It is from this fortress that the Emperor rules his people." Master Shan added. "Not even the highest ranked Sith know of its whereabouts."

"But we are going to find where this fortress is, storm it, and seize the Emperor and bring him to the Light, in front of the entire galaxy."

"You don't dream small, do you Master?" I asked with a momentary spark of humor.

"Bringing peace to the galaxy is never a light task," he gestured towards the other two Jedi standing beside me. "We have already spoken with Master Aurell and Knight Carsen, who have agreed to take part in this mission. I am requesting your help as well. You and Master Aurell are the greatest Jedi that the Order has seen in generations."

I stood stunned by his compliment. "W-well, you humble me, Master Braga. I'm honored that you hold me in such high esteem, but I only do my duty−"

"Holding off Imperial soldiers and Sith on the Balmorran front lines alongside the Resistance for as long as you did is remarkable. We may have not succeeded in pushing back the Empire in the short run, but in the long run you boosted morale for the Resistance. Standing as a palladium against the Sith, saving the lives that you did was no easy task. Your work on Alderaan, bringing House Organa into power is a significant step towards ending the civil war on that planet and bringing stability again."

"Thank you." I bowed my head.

"With you both working side by side, I have foreseen success. You both are masters of your separate lightsaber techniques, you with the defensive Soresu form and Aurell with the power of the Juyo form. You are a shield while Aurell and Carsen are swords. A good balance."

"Yes, the rest of the council agrees as well. We have discussed this matter with Master Aurell and Knight Carsen, and they think it will be for the best as well." Master Shan explained. "You will travel together on the Defender. We have taken the liberty of upgrading the Defender's equipment for this mission. The first assignments involve finding the Emperor's whereabouts. The targets for the technology required are Balmorra and Hoth. You will have contacts on-planet."

"I'll gather my supplies and I'll be ready to leave as soon as possible." I stated to Master Aurell.

"We have also outfitted the Defender with new rations and armor for all three of you. There is cold weather armor that is upgraded to provide protection and flexibility while you are on Hoth. Your T7 droid can come as well, Knight Quixot."

"We'll contact you when you are in Balmorra's orbit." Master Braga added. "On Balmorra you will be meeting with an older member of our Order as well as some members of the Resistance who will help you organize your strike against the Sith at the same time."

ξ

"I'm sorry to hear that." Master Aurell stated. He looked at me with honest empathy. "I know what it's like to lose a master. It's never easy."

I nodded and offered a small smile. "It's... it's partially why I went to Alderaan as soon as I became a knight. I felt compelled to complete her work."

"Which I think you did in more ways than one." Kira added with a smirk. "When we were there, the problem with House Ulgo was essentially over and in recovery."

"Thanks, I appreciate hearing that things were still going well there."

"And so Balmorra was after Alderaan?"

"Yes, it was. I was there for about two and a half years. We had to hold up the Balmorran Arms Factory for as long as we could. The Sith and the Imperials overpowered us, eventually."

"You held the line. You saved civilians. You did what needed to be done."

We then walked off the elevator into the hangar. The three of us walked up to the large Consular-Class Cruiser, the Defender, standing boldly in the large expanse.

"I think T7 should already be here. I sent him here to find his way into the cargo area of your ship. That little droid likes his technology."

"What droid doesn't?"

I nodded and smiled. "So is it just the two of you?"

"Yep, that's correct." Kira added, but she rolled her eyes. "Unless you include C2-N2, Annoying Human-Cyborg Relations."

"Annoying? Does he talk a lot?"

"A little too much, if you ask me."

"Maybe I can take a look at him."

"You know how to work with droids?" Ibonar asked as the three of us stepped onto the landing ramp. A moment later, the airlock door opened and we stepped inside after the air had decompressed.

"Only the basics. T7 needs his parts upgraded now and then, and when you're out and about in the galaxy with an astromech droid, you have to know how to repair him."

"Maybe you can look at C2's motivator. Maybe turn his excitement function a little down?"

Ibonar laughed, but I stood confused. "Droids don't have an excitement function−"

"It's a joke," Kira patted my shoulder. "Thank the Force they don't."

ξ

They really were an inseparable team, Kira Carsen and Ibonar Aurell. They were good people fighting the good fight, people who certainly wanted nothing more than to rise above their station and leave−to finish their business and retire somewhere more quiet. Somewhere calm and collected. I was honored to be offered the ability to stand alongside these users of the Force, to see how they wielded it and in turn, learning from them and their experiences.

In some ways, it was the family I desired. We certainly never called it that, family, but it was something close, something real. I liked to think that we were more than comrades. Maybe we were bonded through the Force somehow. I did not know much about relationships and the way the Force affected them at the time.

I will admit that I was completely surprised by the closeness of the two Jedi at first. I had seen other padawans in what they claimed to be love, but what I saw was something different. While the padawans engaged in hasty relationships, these two enjoyed a much healthier one, albeit a relationship built upon humor and snark. They enjoyed the other's company, and I gave them their privacy.

My relationship with my new comrades was much more informal, though not casual, than anything I had ever experienced before. They did not share a typical master/padawan relationship. If anything, those were just words to them. They seemed more as youths who finished their training at similar times, though from what I knew about Kira, her promotion was delayed because of her past. Ibonar helped her overcome that stigma.

I think Kira appreciated having someone else to talk to. While Master Aurell and T7 tinkered with the ship in the lower level, Kira and I sometimes sparred or meditated together, while we were on our way to Balmorra. C2 would sometimes interrupt our sessions, unfortunately, with updates about our arrival. It took only two days to get to Balmorra.

Our mission always came first, however, and we discussed it over our two main meals. Given what I knew about Kira, I was not surprised to hear of her eagerness towards defeating the monstrous entity, the Emperor. I knew it would give her peace of mind. She expressed hope that justice would be served. Ibonar hoped the same, with as much enthusiasm, if not a little more. While Kira and I were skeptical about the possibility of bringing the Emperor to the Light, Ibonar solely believed in that part of the mission. We never asked why. There was something to his feelings, but we never asked.

I did not feel as worried as I perhaps should have been. I knew the difficulty of the situation, but I had no idea of what it would truly entail.

It required traveling to Balmorra, first of all. Balmorra was one of the places I dreaded, as it was the first place Master Solverion let me travel to alone as a padawan. I was one of several Jedi who arrived on the planet to aid the Resistance and to fight the Empire secretly. I saw plenty of troubles there as a padawan. I saw oppression and indifference towards suffering. I saw corruption. I saw political outmaneuvering. It was a shock at first. But Master Solverion always reminded me to have faith, and I needed even more of it when I felt her pass in the heat of battle. So I did what was necessary. The military rewards didn't mean anything to me. The promotion was an sign of merit and coming of age to a degree, but my master was not the one to give me the rites.

Balmorra didn't sit well with me. But the mission came first. It always did. It had to come first. I had to keep focused, even when being focused became difficult because of a certain... someone. I certainly couldn't be distracted, not now, not with the mission at hand−

But that was before a certain someone chose to challenge that by calling me probably what I would now call the beginning of my "damnation," as some would call it, all because of one word. Sweetheart.

Now, I'm not one for pleasantries in conversation. I always prefer to get to the point. My lightsaber sometimes echoes words I never could express. I'm not a diplomat. I'm just a shield, I'm just a soldier. Sometimes I don't call myself a Jedi, sometimes I call myself a warrior, and that can turn heads, because some Jedi don't like that word. Some think the word "knight" suits me well. It's not that I'm not able to hold a conversation for long, because I can, if and when the dust has finally settled and it's just me and someone else. Some people think I'm not smart or that I'm not as quick as others, but it's nothing like that. I just don't have a need to express my, well, it isn't exactly intellect, but thoughts, I suppose, to the galaxy. I keep those reserved for one person and one person only.

"Sweetheart" is something I never expected to be called. The sweet part especially, because I'm more brute and brawn than what I guess the word sweet draws upon itself connotatively. Kira later told me that that's what flirting is, or can be, from people like Doc − the sweet-talkers, people she warned me of. I didn't even know that he was flirting with me, and I wouldn't have known had it not been for Kira explaining it to me when I asked her after the first instance. She explained the idea of "pet names" to me. She has a "pet name" for Ibonar: "tough guy." He really seems to like it when she calls him that. But I was raised amongst the Miraluka and then the Order, where flirting (and more), if it took place, occurred behind closed doors, if anything. So I didn't really catch the whole "flirting" bit.

But when Doc, a Resistance medic, called me sweetheart, I actually started to laugh. I found it ironic and too humorous. He tried the same stunt on Kira, but Ibonar stopped him dead in his tracks. Doc must have picked up the hint and didn't call her sweetheart anymore. Instead, he constantly called me "sweetheart" or "beautiful," instead of my name. I'll admit I giggled each time. It made me feel special. Kira's warning fell away from me quickly enough. I thought it was innocent enough to play along with it.

The light-heartedness faded quickly enough. While Ibonar and Kira infiltrated the Okara Droid Factory, I helped with the Resistance as best as I could. I helped escort supply shipments, droid parts, tools, equipment, weaponry, whatever needed to be transported and protected against both Imperials or colicoids. There was one instance in which I saved Doc's life on a medical convoy from the front lines. He, being a medic, was a mostly defenseless target while he took care of wounded soldiers. It was on one of these convoys that a sniper tried to fatally kill Doc from a lookout in the hilly mountainside while we passed through a canyon. With my attunement to the Force, I am sometimes able to see things that those with regular eyesight cannot. I saw the blaster shot zooming in the air, and I managed to push Doc out of the way, taking the hit in the left side of my chest.

He immediately insisted on taking care of me, and in my adrenalized state, I told him that I didn't feel the pain, that I was alright, because in that moment, I really did feel alright for the most part, or at least immediately after. But I guess both the wound and I started to look pretty bad according to Doc. I didn't look down at my armor. This time though, he didn't use any "pet names;" instead, he essentially ordered me to get in one of the convoy AT's, as I profusely started to bleed out. When he finally forced me to lay down on one of the cots besides a couple other resting soldiers, he apologized for what he was about to do. I didn't understand his humor at all.

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm apologizing for this." And then he started to open my armor, taking off the metal platings around my waist quickly, piece by piece in order to remove the dented and shattered pieces to access the wounded area. The armor didn't cover the breastbone sufficiently. The metal plating here was scorched. The blaster fire pierced through it. I stared up at him and grabbed his arm, in order to stop him. Suddenly I wasn't comfortable with this. He placed my hand back down by my side and told me to relax.

"I have to do this."

A few moments later, the armor was gone and placed elsewhere in the AT, and with only the thin under-cloth temporarily remaining, he cut the top part of it and tore it apart with a sufficient tug. Without even bothering to say anything else that he possibly could have been at that moment in time, he started to tend to the gaping wound.

Even in my half-delirious, half-conscious state, I still blushed profusely, though I would never know if it was from the rush of blood to my head, the wound, or something different. It was the first time someone other than myself saw the white breast binding, but now it had absorbed the blood from the wound. My head started to pound and throb. I clenched and clasped my hands into fists as the world began to spin. Doc noticed this.

"Hey, Quix, don't you fade on me, alright? Stay afloat with me." I felt my eyes begin to loll back, the eyelids heavy, my grasp with the Force fluctuating. I heard a muffled voice far off, something yelling at me, telling me to hold on. Then I was out cold.

ξ

"Hey Doc, she's waking up."

"Alright, alright, give her a little space. The medicine's wearing off. Hand me a kolto pack, will ya? I'm going to redress the bandage."

My vision through the Force was weak, and I could hardly see. Everything was dark, blurry, and no definite shapes took form. My body ached, especially my shoulder. I heard a voice and it eventually began to take upon the slight nuances of a voice, inflection, and a calmness to it. As consciousness grappled with me, I felt the wound from sometime before's presence, and I clumsily reached a hand up to where it hurt. He sat down beside me and moved my hand away.

"Hey, hey, sweetheart. Calm down. You'll mess with the bandage."

"What's... what are you talking about?" I said out in a low voice slowly.

"You took a sniper shot for me."

"And the convoy?"

"Made it just a couple of minutes off schedule. Nothing too big. The other soldiers are being tended to as we speak. How're you doin'?"

"It hurts, but I've had worse."

"Bragging about your battle scars now, are you?"

"When you've got 'em, flaunt 'em."

"'Atta girl." I saw the outline of his jaw shift, and I knew that he was smiling, if not grinning.

"I've got a kolto pack here if you want to rest for a little while longer."

"What?" I ask, as I bounced back out of a momentary daze. I wasn't sure if I had been caught staring at him, though I suppose he wouldn't have known given the lack of eyeballs, but I indeed was − I was looking at the outline of his face and jaw through the Force.

"I said that if you want to rest a little while longer, I'll put some kolto on it, and that should ease the pain enough for you to sleep."

"I feel alright." I slowly sat up and rubbed my shoulder while doing so. I rested my weight on my left arm. I felt smooth skin on my shoulder blade, but then a few brush strokes later, I felt the cloth of a kolto-wrap.

"You sure sweetheart?"

"Think so." I shrugged slightly. "Back when I was stationed on Alderaan, I used to take sniper shots often, you know? House Ulgo had all of their elite hunters and trackers. Sometimes could take four or five shots before they took me down. I pushed through the pain."

"You know that's a bad idea, right? You can permanently hurt yourself."

"Yeah, well, when you're storming a fortress full of guards on all sides, targets pointed all over your men, and you have to lead them into it, you can't stop to smell the daisies over a kolto pack. So I just would take a shot of kolto, only one, and I'd keep going." I laughed. "They actually called it a 'Quix Fix.'"

"You use stims?"

"Of course not. Don't need to get addicted to those things. Plus, I've got the Force on my side. The Force gives me strength, you've probably heard all of that Jedi jargon before. Why would I need a stim when I've got the best source of power credits can't buy?"

"Even if I tried to count all the times I've heard a Jedi brag about the Force, I'd have to borrow the entire Resistance's hands and feet. Probably some of the Imps' hands as well."

I grinned and he laughed a little, until his jaw relaxed again.

"So, uh," he began in a much more serious tone of voice, "thanks for taking the shot for me."

"Don't worry about it, you know? That's my job. Ibonar and Kira run in sabers blazing right behind me, while I cover them. I wield a saber decently, but not in the techniques that those two know of. I can take more nicks and shots and jabs than them, probably. While they take down their enemies quickly, I wear mine done, should I ever be in a one on one duel." I paused and tried to meet his gaze as best as I could. "Besides, you're the best medic the Resistance has right? Couldn't let the Imps take you down."

"A Jedi, willingly fueling my ego? Aren't you guys against pride?"

"Not all Jedi are the same."

"Yeah, I suppose you all aren't." He smirked and stood up. "Let's just say 'ole Doc owes you one, alright? How's that?"

"You don't have to pay me back for saving you life."

"Well, that's what I do, alright? When you think of something that I can do, let me know." He paused for only a moment, before he leaned in close, his lips hovering over my ear, "And I'll do anything, Rina."

My cheeks inevitably flushed. Before I even knew what I was doing, I leaned in closer to him, searching for his−

That was until I bumped into his head.

"Hey, hey, slow down. What're you trying to do there?"

Now I really felt embarrassed. For a moment I was speechless. There are only a couple of moments in my life that I can recall where I stumbled with my own words let alone was speechless. This was one of them. "I... well, I uh−"

I saw his jaw flex into a wide grin. The outline of his face, seeing his sudden excitement was more thrilling than I imagined. "Sweetheart, you got to go slow, ease into it carefully, else you'll bump heads."

And before I could stumble out another response, in almost the same swift move, his lips met mine and his hand reached up and clasped my neck gently. As silly as it sounds, my skin fluttered and tickled. I had never been kissed and never had my neck touched in such a way before. His lips encouraged me to join in, to mingle in dangerous waters, and to trust him most importantly. I wasn't thinking at all, but I leapt across that precipice and joined him by pressing my lips tentatively against his.

It ended before I knew it.

"See, beautiful? Slow and steady." He stood up and patted my shoulder. "Consider it a get-well-soon kiss."

ξ

It didn't take long for the confusion and unsettling feelings to seep in. In fact, they rushed in only moments after Doc left inside of the small med-bay tent I was in. I kept asking myself what I was thinking. The answer was this: I wasn't. The only solution to the mass of strange and conflicting feelings that I didn't know how to grapple with was to meditate, something that I only did on occasion, when I was desperate. I didn't like to meditate, in general, as I was one for action, getting a job done, and saving lives. Meditating didn't solve problems for me, but I was desperate. I needed it.

I knew the Jedi code and I honored it, but only so far as it was necessary. I know Ibonar struggled with finding a reconciliation between the passion of battle and the stoicism of the Jedi. The Jedi code made working with soldiers of the Republic Army difficult, as at times they didn't understand the downfalls of seeking vengeance, the dangers of becoming too blinded by hate for the enemy. Trying to reconcile these feelings with civilians was even more difficult. Thus, my task was to protect and save lives, in order to prevent these whirlwind feelings. Though I could sympathize with loss and grief, I always had to put the mission first, because that's what a soldier does...

Some call the Jedi powerful heroes or fearless soldiers, but as I meditated on these thoughts, I felt the singes of cowardice, I felt the residing sensation of his lips upon mine − wait, what was I doing? Certainly not thinking at all... But could I not argue that I was brave for doing something I had never done before? I stepped into the unknown. But I wasn't thinking. A double-edged truth.

I worked alongside Doc and the Resistance for about three months, while Ibonar and Kira gathered intelligence on the power generator that would allow us to infiltrate the Imperial headquarters, find the plans we need, and perhaps win Balmorra for the Republic. But the Resistance wasn't just against the Imperials. There were also the colliccoids, large, nasty bug creatures that are meat-eaters. They reminded me of the Geonosions and the Killik hives. There was the wildlife, excluding the bug creatures, also, that we needed to worry about. The terrain was precarious, as snipers lurked all over the mountainsides and rocky cliffs, perched and ready to take their shots. Little could be done to prevent the sniper attacks. The only thing one could do was to pay attention in canyons and near these dangerous zones and, in my case, remain attuned to the Force.

But how was I supposed to look at Doc again? Well, at least I didn't have to actually meet his gaze, perhaps we wouldn't mention it again, perhaps we wouldn't even bother bringing it up, perhaps it was nothing to worry about, nothing to be concerned with. Maybe it didn't mean anything at all, maybe I could just brush it off, not even think about it again−

I jolted out of my meditative state as I felt a hand placed on my shoulder.

"Quix?"

I turned my head towards the sound of Kira's voice. I sensed her Force signature. A mixture of the Light side of the Force and a small smidge of darkness, though I could not decipher what this darkness resulted from. It didn't concern me. I moved out of my meditative position and stretched out my legs, gesturing for her to sit down.

"I just wanted to come and check up on you. Ibonar and I are going to need your and Doc's help for the next few parts of the mission."

"Well thanks for stopping bh. I'm just meditating. Sometimes it helps my body relax after it's been battered a bit." I hoped that she didn't catch the small white lie.

Her body spoke differently. I saw the outline of her eyes move in what probably was a quick eye-roll.

"Yeah right, you and I both know that we aren't the kind of Jedi who get much out of meditating." There was a small hint of humor in her voice. "What's on your mind?"

I hesitated. Kira sat down beside me in the small med-bay tent. It came down to so much and so little in that moment. What harm could there be in asking an older Jedi, an older woman, at that, about a simple incident that was now bothering me? Maybe she could set me straight.

"You know Doc, right?"

"You mean Doctor Sweet-Talk? Yeah, of course I do. Can't get him out of our hair. Ibonar set him straight with us." She paused and I saw her brows narrow. "Wait, he's not still giving you trouble, is he? That man just screams trouble. He's a walking hormone."

"You think so?"

"He may be a good medic, but he'll do whatever he can to sneak a peek or get you under his spell."

"Well I doubt that, he isn't Force sensitive at all, I would have felt that−"

"I don't mean a literal spell, Quix." Kira interrupted with a half-hearted laugh. "I'm talking about him trying to flirt with you. If he's still giving you trouble, just flat out say it."

"I, uh, well, he just sort of took care of me when I was out for a little while, and all," there I went, stumbling again, "and I woke up, and I told him I felt alright, and he said that he owed me one for saving his life, which of course he doesn't, I was just doing my duty for the Resistance, and he leans in and says he'll do anything−"

"Quix." She firmly stated, with a little worry in her voice.

"−and I really wasn't thinking, and I just leaned in a little and bumped his head, and he laughed and we sort of just sat there for a moment and then he−"

"He kissed you?"

I hesitated again, but I nodded. "I...I just wanted to know what it felt like, that's all."

"There's nothing wrong with that."

"There isn't? But what about−"

"Trust me, you'll never have any fun in life if you stay awake during a council meeting or strictly adhere to the Jedi Code." She paused and sighed. "If you feel shameful for what you did, don't. It's natural to be curious. You've never been curious about it before?"

"The moment never presented itself." I shrugged and reached up to touch my wrapped shoulder and breastbone. My fingers trailed up to my neck, where his own were. "Everyone always saw me as soldier, Jedi, warrior, protector, shield, hero, and leader first. Then, if they managed to get through all of that, they saw maybe a semblance of a female. But no one really tried to... well, no one really bothered. I'm so small that some soldiers, having never met me, confuse me for a young boy, especially when my hair was shorter."

"There's nothing wrong with trying something new, but just be careful. Doc's... well, I can already tell that he's a smooth-talker, that he's played this game before many, many times. He's experienced and if you aren't careful, he'll play you like a sabaac card, discard it, and then draw a new card from the deck, without it even bothering him."

"So what should I do?"

"Just be aware. Perhaps you should distance yourself a little. If you aren't comfortable being alone with him, just tell Ibonar or I."

I nodded and ran a hand over my pulled back hair.

"Anyways, Ibonar and I will debrief you and Doc with the Resistance folks and Sedoru. We're going to be in the bigger tent. Meet us there in fifteen."

"Got it."

"See you then."