Trick or Treat, a darkwing duck fanfic

Hehe. Just a quick little fic I wrote to commemorate one of my favorite holidays! Darkwing Duck characters written traditionally? By me? Woah. I think it turned out pretty good. Happy Halloween everyone!

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It was cold. Cold and windy. Fallen leaves were whipping around through the air or just crunching under his feet like corn chips. Not many people would make that analogy, but considering how often he got a rigid corner of a mass produced snack jabbed into the soul of his foot, he thought the comparison was fitting. He let out an aggravated sigh as he thought of all the time he was wasting. Really, he had ten million other things to do, and this was something she really needed like a hole in the head. Which, he decided, wasn't too far from the most likely outcome. Only the holes she'd gain would be tiny and would help their dentist put a new wing on his house, or just buy another boat. Maybe it'd be named after them… the USS Mallard? He groaned.

"Dad." Snapped the green feathered monstrosity before him, he sighed and rested his eyes on the red headed 'zombie' child.

"Yes?"

"You've been standing in the same spot for like… twenty minutes. We're done on this street! Can you puh-lease pay attention! We've got twelve hundred and thirty seven more houses left."

"What?" He half shrieked.

"A…actually. Some of the houses in that new development down on Kenduck Street aren't occupied yet." Corrected the little lawyer with his brief case.

"Bummer, We'll just have to make up for lost candy elsewhere…."

"Gosalyn! I am not running all over the state for you to go trick or treating!" Drake said firmly, letting his anger clearly be displayed.

"Of course not…" She said sweetly, the fake pieces of gore hanging off her face dimming the charm of her smile. "… that's why you brought the car."

He tried to count to ten, took a deep steadying breath and flew off the handle.

"No that is not why I brought the car! How much candy do you need? You want your teeth to fall right out of your head?"

"Woah! That'd be awesome! Just like the Gumming Grannies in Over the Hill Horror!!" She mimicked what he supposed was an elderly hobble with intent for devouring flesh, toward Honker Muddlefoot (Attorney at Law).

"No it would not be awesome! It would be…." He faltered, having lost all train of thought as a new wave of pint sized monsters pushed past him to claim their 'hard earned' sugar rush. "… uh bad! Yes very bad!"

"Geeze Dad, way to be a buzz kill." She threw the lumpy sack over her shoulder, the candy inside crackling merrily. She started to walk toward the next street. "I'd think you of all people wouldn't care about dressing up and having fun…"

"Hey, hey, hey, what I do is different!" He said defensively trotting up behind her.

"You're right. You don't get candy."

"No I don't and I wouldn't take it even if they offered it! Though… a key to the city, or a statue might be nice…"

"Pftt, real noble Dad."

"Hey! If you want to stop trick or treating you keep right on talking."

"M… mister Mallard?" Asked the nasally voice by his elbow.

"What?"

The well kempt little bird pointed shaking-ly ahead. Curiously Drake followed his finger and found what it was aimed at. Quackerjack! No, not just Quackerjack! Quackerjack AND Megavolt! He silently rejoiced in the sight, he was beginning to be bored out of his skull. He grabbed a hold of Gosalyn and yanked her back a bit.

"You kids stand back, I'll see to this."

Luckily he came prepared, well, he was always prepared. Who could say that dangerous criminals wouldn't pop up in the produce isle at the grocery store? Or leap out of a toll booth on the highway? He was a firm believer in being prepared, so he found a high fence to duck behind and made his dashing change.

The two villains were huddled closely together, talking in hushed tones to each other as the blue smoke exploded around them.

"I am the terror that flaps in the night, I am the house on the street that only gives out pennies…. I am Darkwing DUCK!"

"Darkwing, aren't you a little old to be trick or treating?" Megavolt quipped, which earned a heartfelt shove from Quackerjack.

"What's that supposed to mean Sparkplug!" The jester growled.

"Ooo would you cut that out!" The rodent whined.

"I can't it grows right back!" Quackerjack sneered.

"Oh yeah? Well maybe you should just go take a skiing trip!" Megavolt blinked as a few sparks feebly sprung from the prongs on his plug hat. "No no, that's not right… a maternity leave? No. Accordion lessons? No. A dinner cruise? No…"

"A hike?" Darkwing offered.

"Yeah! That's it! Go take a hike chuckles!"

"Aw now don't be that way…" Quackerjack distorted his voice and held up his Banana headed doll.

"Don't you try and talk me out of it!" Megavolt shouted at the doll, prodding it with a finger.

"Talk you out of what?" Darkwing couldn't follow the conversation….he wasn't even sure there was a conversation.

"What are you talking about?" Asked Megavolt, apparently forgetting what he had just said.

"Okay enough with the comedy act! Are you two going to come quietly or what?" Darkwing put his hands on his hips.

"Or what." Quackerjack smiled.

"Hey wait we didn't do anything!" Megavolt waved his hands in front of him wildly.

"Ha, since when?" Darkwing sneered.

"Well… not today anyway." Megavolt corrected himself. Quackerjack tried to shift a large sack out of his view.

"Pardon me if I don't believe you! What's in the bag!"

"What bag?"

"That bag!"

"Look here you bully! We don't have to show you anything!" Quackerjack whined.

"Why are you taking his side!" Megavolt shrieked at the jester.

"I was talking to him." Quackerjack shook his head impatiently.

"Oh… Yeah! We don't have to show you any of our candy!" Quackerjack hit him again.

"Candy?" Darkwing repeated.

"Great. Now he's gunna frame us for something and take all our loot. Nice going Sparky!" Quackerjack frowned.

"Ooo! I hate it when you call me that!"

"So wait…" Darkwing scratched his head. "… you two… are trick or treating?"

"I could have told ya that…" Grumbled zombie Gosalyn as she stalked past.

"Yeah! Free candy is almost as fun as playing exploding jacks!" The jester giggled. As 'thrillingly fun' as the game sounded, it made sense to DW that the clown would take joy in something so simple and harmless…. But Megavolt?

"Okay, but what's your deal Megs?"

"I'm electrified."

"… I mean about trick or treating." Darkwing growled.

"Oh. Who doesn't like trick or treating?"

"I don't." Darkwing scowled.

"That's because you're no fun!" Cackled Quackerjack and Megavolt quickly joined him.

"Yeah? Well we'll just see how fun I am when I drag you down to the police station!" He fumed.

"Ya gotta catch us first Dorkwing!" Laughed Megavolt as he and his cohort took off down the street. He watched them mildly interested until they stopped two houses down, ran up to the door and rang the bell. After they collected their goods they continued their retreat. He sighed.

"Aren't you gunna go after them?" Gosalyn asked, her bag looking plumper than when he'd last seen it.

"Nah, let them have their fun. They'll be plenty of other times for me to grab 'em, times when they're actually doing something wrong."

"Oh my, what a wonderful costume! You look just like the real thing!" Came an old voice to his left.

"Wha?" Before he had time to think he found a little old woman placing a small candy bar in his palm and she closed the door. He stared at the bit of chocolate, it may not have been a key, or a statue, but it was something. He remembered why he used to love this day as a child. He walked back toward the street with Gosalyn and Honker. "So, how many more houses do you want to go to?"

"Honk?"

"There are approximately two hundred and sixty four houses, in the local area, that have given out good candy in our past studies." He stated as he struggled with his large bag of treats.

"Well then, we better get moving… I've got a lot of catching up to do." Darkwing smiled.

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