Now and Then
She clambered up the stairs, barely making it to my door before she burst into tears. Severus. He was so stupid. Just because he was a year older…
Lily Evans jerked the dormitory door open and threw herself onto her bed and proceeded to start ragging out large sobs. She should have been at dinner, but she couldn't go, she just couldn't go, not with the Slytherins there. Stupid Slytherins. Stupid Severus. Stupid, stupid, stupid. If there were just something she could do. She couldn't believe he did that.
Today, in Potions, he had written all over the blackboard 'Lily loves James' in big, bold chalky letters and bewitched it to sparkle bright yellow. She couldn't believe. Was it her fault she couldn't get over James Potter? No. She'd liked him since the second week of their first year, at flying lessons. He was just so funny and popular and cute and smart and good at everything it seemed. And now they were in their fifth year and she couldn't help but still like him. Like him a lot. A whole lot.
Of course, he had always known, but now he REALLY knew. Everybody knew. Everybody. She could have just crawled up and died right then and there. Everyone was laughing and laughing and laughing and James kept getting redder and redder and shrinking into his desk, as if even knowing that bookworm freak liked him embarrassed him. Oh, if only she were dead, if only she were dead.
She rolled over on her side after a while and stared at the wall, thinking over and over again how she could never go back out and face everyone again. Especially James. How would she do it? How would she do it??
Suddenly, she heard Katrina coming inside. Katrina was a gossipy girl in her grade that shared the dorm. Lily harshly wished her face wasn't plastered with dried tears and new ones rolling down and desperately tried to make her shoulders stop shaking and pretend to be asleep.
"Oh, Lily," Katrina voice drawled out, "It's alright. James is a nice boy. But…he just doesn't like you. Maybe you should go for someone more your style. I mean, you're so timid and book-smart and he's so sporty and, well, popular. Why don't you and Peter hook up? You'd be perfect." She began to catch on that Lily wasn't going to talk or even look at her, she sighed and walked out, closing the door with a sharp click that seemed to say, 'James is mine, anyway.'
Katrina liked all the popular boys, especially Sirius. Then Remus and then James. James was just third place for Katrina. Just third. How could anyone put someone like James in third place??
Harry stared out at the lake. It being his fifth year, Voldemort had indeed come back. It was half-way through the year, almost Christmas and everyone was just trying to be normal, just waiting for him, just waiting for Voldemort to come…
He had imagined this moment for almost all of this year. Of course, parts of it were missing. He wasn't just gazing in peace at the lake, but in deep worry and she wasn't here. She being Ginny Weasley. Yes, Ginny had finally started to grow up and not be afraid of Harry. Now she had moved on in some ways, starting to like some guy in Hufflepuff. The only problem was…well, now, Harry had started liking HER. In some ways, he just wanted to be alone, but in others, he wanted her here. She wasn't like Ron or Hermione. She understood that sometimes you just needed to sit and think and not talk.
"Harry?" he turned. The voice was soft, but belonged to Hermione.
"Hey." He said, his voice soft and scratchy.
"Harry, you can't just keep sitting out here every night. Maybe it's better you don't think about it."
"If I don't, who will? We have to be prepared. I have to be prepared. And sometimes there are just things I can't…explain. There aren't…words." He forced out the last word. She knew what he was talking about. His parents.
"You'll be fine, Harry. You can beat this. You've got Dumbledore, remember?"
"I know, but what if it's like last time? What if it's unexpected? There's nothing Dumbledore or anyone can do for me then. And what if I'm not ready? What if-"
"No more what ifs. I worry about you. We're only fifteen. Don't carry the world on your shoulders when you have the choice to lay it down."
"I know, but I-"
"Here, I brought you an apple from dinner. You didn't come again. How are you going to do anything, including study if you don't eat? You'll fail the exams."
"Hermione, it isn't even Christmas."
"You can never start preparing too early."
A shadow of a smile appeared upon his face.
"Made you smile." She nudged his arm playfully.
"Almost." He said. He just stared at the apple, not eating it, but poking his fingernail into it, ruining it.
She sighed, "You'll be alright, Harry. I know you. You will." She seemed to convince herself as much as he in saying this.
"Before I would've been. But now," he gazed up at her, "I don't know-I just don't know."
A/N: Okay, this is my first fic, so be gentle. Like it? Didn't like it? I wish I knew!!
She clambered up the stairs, barely making it to my door before she burst into tears. Severus. He was so stupid. Just because he was a year older…
Lily Evans jerked the dormitory door open and threw herself onto her bed and proceeded to start ragging out large sobs. She should have been at dinner, but she couldn't go, she just couldn't go, not with the Slytherins there. Stupid Slytherins. Stupid Severus. Stupid, stupid, stupid. If there were just something she could do. She couldn't believe he did that.
Today, in Potions, he had written all over the blackboard 'Lily loves James' in big, bold chalky letters and bewitched it to sparkle bright yellow. She couldn't believe. Was it her fault she couldn't get over James Potter? No. She'd liked him since the second week of their first year, at flying lessons. He was just so funny and popular and cute and smart and good at everything it seemed. And now they were in their fifth year and she couldn't help but still like him. Like him a lot. A whole lot.
Of course, he had always known, but now he REALLY knew. Everybody knew. Everybody. She could have just crawled up and died right then and there. Everyone was laughing and laughing and laughing and James kept getting redder and redder and shrinking into his desk, as if even knowing that bookworm freak liked him embarrassed him. Oh, if only she were dead, if only she were dead.
She rolled over on her side after a while and stared at the wall, thinking over and over again how she could never go back out and face everyone again. Especially James. How would she do it? How would she do it??
Suddenly, she heard Katrina coming inside. Katrina was a gossipy girl in her grade that shared the dorm. Lily harshly wished her face wasn't plastered with dried tears and new ones rolling down and desperately tried to make her shoulders stop shaking and pretend to be asleep.
"Oh, Lily," Katrina voice drawled out, "It's alright. James is a nice boy. But…he just doesn't like you. Maybe you should go for someone more your style. I mean, you're so timid and book-smart and he's so sporty and, well, popular. Why don't you and Peter hook up? You'd be perfect." She began to catch on that Lily wasn't going to talk or even look at her, she sighed and walked out, closing the door with a sharp click that seemed to say, 'James is mine, anyway.'
Katrina liked all the popular boys, especially Sirius. Then Remus and then James. James was just third place for Katrina. Just third. How could anyone put someone like James in third place??
Harry stared out at the lake. It being his fifth year, Voldemort had indeed come back. It was half-way through the year, almost Christmas and everyone was just trying to be normal, just waiting for him, just waiting for Voldemort to come…
He had imagined this moment for almost all of this year. Of course, parts of it were missing. He wasn't just gazing in peace at the lake, but in deep worry and she wasn't here. She being Ginny Weasley. Yes, Ginny had finally started to grow up and not be afraid of Harry. Now she had moved on in some ways, starting to like some guy in Hufflepuff. The only problem was…well, now, Harry had started liking HER. In some ways, he just wanted to be alone, but in others, he wanted her here. She wasn't like Ron or Hermione. She understood that sometimes you just needed to sit and think and not talk.
"Harry?" he turned. The voice was soft, but belonged to Hermione.
"Hey." He said, his voice soft and scratchy.
"Harry, you can't just keep sitting out here every night. Maybe it's better you don't think about it."
"If I don't, who will? We have to be prepared. I have to be prepared. And sometimes there are just things I can't…explain. There aren't…words." He forced out the last word. She knew what he was talking about. His parents.
"You'll be fine, Harry. You can beat this. You've got Dumbledore, remember?"
"I know, but what if it's like last time? What if it's unexpected? There's nothing Dumbledore or anyone can do for me then. And what if I'm not ready? What if-"
"No more what ifs. I worry about you. We're only fifteen. Don't carry the world on your shoulders when you have the choice to lay it down."
"I know, but I-"
"Here, I brought you an apple from dinner. You didn't come again. How are you going to do anything, including study if you don't eat? You'll fail the exams."
"Hermione, it isn't even Christmas."
"You can never start preparing too early."
A shadow of a smile appeared upon his face.
"Made you smile." She nudged his arm playfully.
"Almost." He said. He just stared at the apple, not eating it, but poking his fingernail into it, ruining it.
She sighed, "You'll be alright, Harry. I know you. You will." She seemed to convince herself as much as he in saying this.
"Before I would've been. But now," he gazed up at her, "I don't know-I just don't know."
A/N: Okay, this is my first fic, so be gentle. Like it? Didn't like it? I wish I knew!!