Hello, everyone! Good to be back in the parody business! For all of those who have read my very original parody, Ocarina of Konoha, I present to you the awaited sequel, ANBU's Mask! If you haven't read Ocarina of Konoha…do so. Now. Stop reading this and go read the first one.
For the first chapter, I'll be doing the disclaimer. Although it makes me very sad, I don't own Nintendo, Naruto, or subliminal messaging. Not that I would ever use subliminal messages.
And remember to review, everyone! Note: If this text stays on screen for more than one-sixteenth of a second, please contact me.
Thanks goes out to The All-Seeing Sharingan, the director for this production! Everyone, applause for her!
(Raises glass) To the first chapter of what I hope will be a stellar sequel!
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In the land of Hyrule, there was a legend. A legend held close by the Royal Family that tells of a boy. A boy who, after battling evil and saving Hyrule, crept away from the land that made him a legend…
Done with the battles he once waged across time, he embarked on a journey. A very secret and personal journey…a journey in search of a beloved and invaluable friend. A friend with whom he parted ways when he finally fulfilled his heroic destiny and took his place among legends…
At least, that's how the story was supposed to go. Due to a few…minor inconveniences, our legendary Hero wasn't able to go through with his journey. So instead, a loud, blonde ninja trekked through the thick wood, riding on the poor, tired back of a tiny dog with white fur.
The reasons for him searching through the woods were roughly the same, though rather than look for a beloved friend, our hero was searching for his bossy, rude, irate, gender-sensitive fairy partner with a strong parental streak.
"Lonely…I am so lonely…" Naruto Uzumaki sang softly, depressed. "I have no fairy…to call my own…"
In his wistful stupor, he failed to notice the two glowing orbs of light hovering up high above him. One glowed bright white, while the other was a dark red-purple. They exchanged glances quickly, nodding, before whizzing up in a flash of fairy dust.
Akamaru whined, exhausted, and continued to move forward, legs shaking slightly from the weight of the blonde on his back. Naruto petted his head sympathetically.
"Don't worry, Akamaru," he said. "You can make it…and if you die, Kiba will kill me…we're almost there, come on…"
Akamaru's legs gave way, too tired to care anymore. Naruto jumped up and off the poor puppy's back, panicked.
"Akamaru! Damn it, what will I do now?" he whined.
Someone tapped him on the shoulder. "Excuse me," a girl's voice said. "I think I'm lost. Can you help me?"
Naruto ignored the voice, instead continuing to stare at Akamaru, nudging him with his toe. The girl cleared her throat noisily, tapping him on the shoulder again.
Naruto sank to his knees, now poking Akamaru's side gingerly. The female fairy turned, incredulous, to the other fairy, who shrugged.
"Fine, we'll do this the easier way," the female fairy sighed, her tiny fist making a loud sound of impact as it connected with the back of his skull. He was sent sprawling forward, unconscious.
"Told you we should've done that from the beginning," the purple fairy said arrogantly.
"Shut up," the female rolled her eyes bitterly. From between the trees, a rustling was heard, and a heart-shaped mask with spikes adorning the sides and large yellow eyes peeked out through. It appeared to be made, rather crudely, out of sand.
Gaara stepped out, pulling out his script with little interest and raising his mask to survey the near-dead dog-horse and the out cold ninja. "Hee, hee," he drawled, sounding as if he was desperately wishing to either be shot or taken far, far away from where he was. "You two fairies took long enough."
"I tried to tell her, but she wanted to do things the sneaky way," the male fairy began, but was cut off when the female hit him, nearly sending him out of the air.
"I wonder if he's got anything good on him," Gaara ignored the bickering pair, sounding almost intrigued. "Looks like he has a weapon, but that shouldn't be a problem." He started forward, kicking Naruto over and searching through his kunai pouch.
"Ooh, ooh! Skull Kid, let me see the Ocarina!" the male fairy said excitedly, whizzing forward as Gaara brought the Ocarina of Time to his lips, blowing a quick note on it. He gave it a disdainful look.
"You can't, Zaku," the female, suddenly recognizable as Kin, said sharply. "I mean…Tael. What would we do if you dropped it and broke it? You can't touch it!"
"Aw, but sis!" Zaku protested. "That's not fair! I'm not that much of a klutz!"
"You can barely throw a kunai straight," Kin sneered. Zaku opened his mouth to retaliate, but froze suddenly.
"Ugh…" Naruto groaned, sitting up very slowly. "Ow…I haven't felt like this since I died…"
"Nice punch, Tatl," Zaku said sarcastically.
Gaara looked at Naruto, almost surprised, before tucking the Ocarina behind his back rather poorly. "Oh, you're awake…" he looked around shiftily, eyes landing on Akamaru. Naruto's jaw dropped.
"Hey! That's my – HEY!" Naruto sprung forward as Gaara jumped onto Akamaru's back, digging his heel into the dog's side slightly to make him go. Naruto dove, grabbing Akamaru's leg. The dog barked and sped up, dragging the blonde over the rough ground, his skin being tugged at and torn by loose branches and rocks.
"Sorry," Gaara apologized tonelessly, sending his foot directly into Naruto's face. The blonde yelled, releasing Akamaru and clutching at his face painfully. Akamaru, still with Gaara on his back, kept going, heading right into what appeared to be a hollow tree trunk.
"Damn it…" Naruto cursed, propping himself up on his grubby hands, wiping at his brow. "Was that…Gaara?" he plopped back down on the ground, eyes wide in realization. "I see…so the chapter has started, then…"
"Took him long enough," a familiar voice said in exasperation from off screen. "Idiot…"
Naruto scrambled to his feet, taking off through the tree stump after him, indignant. "Gaara, get back here with my horse!" he yelled, blinded by irritation. He ran inside the tree, entering a hollowed-out room with logs leading up to a door. Upon a happier time for Naruto, he wouldn't have known what to make of this, but by now he recognized it as the place he was meant to go.
He jogged up the steps, hopping across to the next log. He eyed the next gap a little warily before jumping over to the next log, cart wheeling off the side. Almost automatically, he jumped to the next one, doing a flip in midair.
"I see," he smiled slightly. "The game makers use the first chance they get to show off what they've done to the game…" he snorted, jumping across to the doorway. Without thinking, he ran forward, running down the corridor at top speed, unable to see through the piercing darkness. His foot slipped off the side, and his eyes widened in terror when he realized the floor was no longer there. With a scream, he plummeted.
Odd, colourful symbols flew up to meet him, it seemed, and he didn't even realize it when he finally landed with a loud thud on a flower-like platform. Shallow water seemed to be the only barrier now between him and Gaara, who was casually being suspended, courtesy of the wire team, while Kin and Zaku bobbed pointlessly on either side of him.
"What was this that horse of yours?" Gaara asked tonelessly. "It wasn't even a real horse, and it doesn't obey orders. I did you a favour and got rid of it for you."
Naruto stiffened in horror. "Kiba will kill me," he said definitively. "I'm dead…"
"You wish," Gaara replied flatly. "You have no chance of beating me as I am now." At this, he shook his head roughly, making his mask quiver from side to side, waves of power shaking free. Naruto inhaled sharply, before his vision went black.
Through the darkness, he saw small, familiar wooden creatures accosting him from all sides. Recognizing them as Deku Scrubs, Naruto drew back in horror.
"No!" he yelled, squeezing his eyes shut. "I thought the molesting would stop once I left Hyrule!"
There were suggestive murmurs from all directions, becoming louder and louder until it was nearly unbearable. The Scrubs faded away, only to be replaced by a Scrub twenty times larger than normal. It began heading for him, interestingly shaped mouth heading right for him, trying to suck him in…
Naruto opened his eyes. His body felt lighter, and he distinctly remembered everything looking…smaller before.
Filled with absolute dread, Naruto peered over into the surface of the water and screeched. "I'M – I'M A – a prostitute plant!"
"Hee, hee, hee," Gaara 'giggled' unenthusiastically, his tone bored, although the corners of his mouth were tilted in a very small smirk. "You'll stay here looking that way forever."
The wires suspending him began to move, pulling him through the open door. Zaku immediately followed. Naruto started forward, still inwardly horrified at how he practically skipped along the water, only to be stopped by Kin, who hit him again, bouncing off his head with a faint growl.
"S-sis!" Zaku called through the door, and Kin spun around just in time to see the door slide shut. Kin flew forward, frantically beating her tiny fists against the door.
"Skull Kid, you bastard, wait for me! I'm still here!" she hollered. "Tael, you can't leave without me!" she threw her light body at the door, hoping in vain to accomplish something. She stiffened and turned back to Naruto, flying at him at top speed.
"You!" she shrieked. "If I wasn't dealing with you, I wouldn't have been separated from my brother!"
"I didn't know fairies even had families…" Naruto mumbled, digging his small wooden foot into the dirt, almost sheepishly. Kin rolled her eyes.
"Fairies are people, too," she snapped. "Now don't just sit there, Deku boy! Do something!"
"Look, I don't know what kind of Deku Scrubs you know – even though they're probably like the ones I know – but I'm not like that!" Naruto protested. Kin blinked.
"You're disgusting," she said contemptuously. "I meant help me, or something!"
Naruto stared at her. Kin flew over to the water anxiously. "What? Why are you staring?" she demanded. "Is there something on my face? …No, it's perfect," she sighed in relief. "Shame I'm a fairy right now, though…I miss my hair…"
"You expect me to help you?" Naruto snorted. "Kyuubi didn't raise no fool!"
"I seriously doubt that," Kin said, looking at him condescendingly. "You aren't even speaking properly."
Naruto glared indignantly. Kin made a sound of frustration. "Will you stop staring and open that door for me?" she pointed needlessly, before grabbing his small wooden shoulders and shaking him roughly. "Come on! A helpless little girl is asking you, so hurry up!" she yelled, exasperated.
She flew over to the door once again, hovering anxiously. "Oh, Tael…I wonder if that child will be alright on his own…?"
At this, Naruto chuckled. Kin glared at him witheringly. "What?"
"You just remind me of someone," Naruto shook his large walnut head. "Do all fairies act like that?"
"Stop stalling and help me before I find a way to take your controller," Kin gritted her teeth, balling her fist. Naruto hastened forward, opening the door. Kin flew forward, and Naruto did an odd sort of spin, gliding forward and leaving a streak across the dirt ground. He regained his balance, disoriented.
"Whoa…that's what I do instead of drawing my sword," Naruto said groggily, almost nauseous. Kin whizzed forward, flying in front of his face.
"Hey, don't leave me behind!" she said indignantly, before looking down at the ground and saying, very insincerely, "Yeah, so, uh…that stuff back there…I apologize. So…take me with you!"
Naruto looked surprised. Kin, taking notice of his doubtful expression, continued hastily. "You want to know about that Skull Kid who just ran off, right? I just so happen to have an idea of where he might be going. So take me with you, and I'll help you out. Deal?"
Naruto hesitated, and began to shake his head, opening his mouth, but Kin interrupted. "Good, then it's settled! Now then, I'll be your partner…or at least until we catch Skull Kid."
"Wait a second!" Naruto yelped. "I already have a guardian fairy! I don't need you!"
Kin scoffed. "Some partner. Where is she now?"
"He," Naruto corrected automatically. "He's very sensitive about his gender, dattebayo. And Kyuubi…" he trailed off. "Well, okay, maybe Kyuubi wasn't a very good partner, but he's still my friend."
"Those days are over, then," Kin sniffed. "I'm your new partner. My name is Tatl."
"Tatl?" Naruto repeated. "…What's your real name?"
Kin looked startled. "Why does that matter?" she asked, astonished. "This is a parody. It shouldn't matter."
"I'm different," Naruto shrugged, blinking his fiercely glowing eyes. "See, look, I get to keep my own name and everything. So I want to know who you actually are."
Kin hesitated. "…My name's Kin. You don't know -"
"I remember you!" Naruto declared. "You got beaten in the Chuunin exam by Shikamaru! You're a Sound ninja!"
"…Who I am," she finished, scowling. "Yeah, well, it's in the past, as far as this parody is concerned. Look, nice to meet you or whatever. Now that we have all of this straightened out, can we stop screwing around and get moving?" she snickered. "Although, now that's you're a Deku, you should get used to screwing around."
"Shut up!" Naruto snapped. "I don't like you. You're mean." He paused. "Of course, Kyuubi would probably have been a lot meaner…and a lot sooner…"
"Since you don't seem to be used to your Deku body yet, press the up button to talk to me. I'll ring this little bell if I figure something out." For emphasis, she rang the tiny golden bell. Naruto looked up expectantly.
"What did you figure out?" Naruto inquired. Kin smacked him.
"Nothing, you idiot," she rolled her eyes, looking down at the blonde and wrinkling her nose at him. "I was doing it to – forget it," she said in disgust. "Just get going. You can use those pink flowers by burrowing into them, and then springing out. To do that, hold the A Button and release it when you're ready to fly."
"Fly…?" Naruto blinked. Kin rolled her eyes.
"You really are oblivious," she sighed. "Just do it. Learn through experience and stop bothering me."
Naruto hesitated, looking down at the flower critically before taking a deep breath and burrowing deep into the centre. His oddly shaped – and rather suggestively shaped – mouth stuck out from the top, sucking in air frantically. He was obviously uncomfortable. Kin watched him.
"…You didn't forget to release the A Button, did you?" she asked disinterestedly. Naruto suddenly sprung up form the flower, two smaller versions of the pink flower rotating like pinwheels, keeping him airborne. He stared down at the fathomless ground in shock, his glowing eyes flickering up to the flowers in his hands.
"I'm flying," he said in complete disbelief. "Is it true, then? Fairy dust really does make you fly?"
"Don't be stupid!" Kin retorted. "Your body's a lot lighter now than it was before. You can use those flowers now anytime, as long as you're stuck as a Deku."
"That's a big consolation," he muttered sulkily, steering himself for a platform when he felt gravity begin to work. Kin snickered, obviously still amused at his plight.
Naruto opened the tiny chest on the platform, eyes widening slightly as his voice caught between forlorn disgust and nostalgia. "I haven't come across Deku nuts since I left Hyrule."
Kin coughed lightly. "I suggest you rephrase that a little."
Naruto looked blankly at her for a moment, before sputtering. "You're sick!" he said accusingly. "No one normal would try reading into that!"
"You're a Scrub now," Kin shrugged. "Get used to people reading into what you say."
"This sucks," Naruto grumbled.
"So do you," Kin replied smugly. Naruto swatted at her, but she flew up higher out of range. "Come on, let's get going! We don't have time to waste around here, you know!"
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Kin froze, looking up above the strange line. "What the hell was that?" she asked cautiously.
"That was a time-lapse line," Naruto explained, scrambling up the tiny stone steps. "There'll be a lot of them, so you should get used to them…the author adds them in whenever she feels too lazy to write out the rest of a scene or writes herself into a corner…" he frowned. "At least, that's what Kyuubi used to say."
Kin frowned slightly as Naruto pushed open a door, entering what appeared to be inside some sort of tower. Water pooled at the ground, and large cogs and wheels turned slowly, somehow adding to the almost eerie background music without disturbing it.
Naruto hiked up the small steps and across a sturdy-looking bridge, moving up towards the tower's exit. The two grand wooden doors seemed almost imposing, and Naruto ran forward, eager to get out of the dreary place. The music faded away, unnoticed.
"You've met with a terrible fate, haven't you?"
Naruto jumped badly, and Kin automatically whirled around Naruto, using him as a shield. From the shadows, a dark, hulking figure looked up, eyes illuminated enough for Naruto to see. He backed up involuntarily, almost crushing Kin against the door.
"Watch it," Kin hissed angrily.
The figure stepped forward into the light, only to reveal that he wasn't at all the hulking form they had thought he was. Two puppets almost entirely covered in masks were strapped onto his back, threatening to slip down from the weight. Kankuro tugged at the straps holding them up.
"Kankuro," Naruto brightened. "What are you doing here? And what's with the masks?" he said frowning.
"I own the Happy Mask Shop in Hyrule, that luckily no one ever bothered going to in Ocarina of Konoha," he told the Deku-boy. "I travel far and wide in search of masks, but during my travels a very important mask was stolen from me by an imp in the woods…" his eyes narrowed, and he muttered, "I'm so going to tell Temari on him..."
"What was that?"
"Nothing," Kankuro recovered quickly. "So here I am at a loss…and then I find you," he said, stepping forward with a grin. Naruto's eyes widened and he held up his hands defensively.
"Listen, I'm not that kind of Scrub, dattebayo!" he said desperately. Kankuro stopped in his tracks, looking surprised and a bit disgusted.
"I'm not talking about that," he spat. "I have a little more dignity than to do that!"
Naruto blinked. "You went to the cast-party last time with your puppet as your date."
Kankuro stiffened. "So?"
Kin laughed from behind Naruto, still hiding. Naruto shifted uneasily. "…Uh…nothing, I guess. You were saying something…?"
"Right," Kankuro said, still looking mortally offended. "Now don't think I'm some kind of creepy stalker or something, but I've been following you…"
"Doesn't that kind of define stalker?" Kin piped up sarcastically, before hiding again. Kankuro scowled.
"Shut up! What I mean is…" he took a deep breath, and a creepier, disjointed version of the background music started. "I know of a way to return you to your former self."
Naruto's eyes widened considerably. "Are-are you serious?" he stuttered with joy. "I'm not stuck like this forever?"
"Of course not. What do you think those game makers are, cruel?" Kankuro laughed heartily. Naruto wisely chose not to respond. That's right – NARUTO did something WISELY. "All you have to do is get the item the imp stole from you back. But," he narrowed his eyes again. "That won't be free…"
"I told you before!" Naruto panicked. "I'm not that kind of Scrub!"
"Shut up!" Kankuro shouted, slapping his hand against his forehead. "I'm not talking about – look, just get my mask back from the imp and we'll call it even, okay?"
Naruto stared at him. Kankuro raised an eyebrow. "What? Is that too hard for you? It shouldn't be a problem for someone like you…"
"I…guess not," Naruto said hesitantly.
"Except…"
"Here we go," Naruto sighed.
"The thing is, I'm a busy guy," Kankuro said casually. "I have to leave this place in three days. I'll need my mask before the three days are up, you see?" he gave him a critical look. "Yeah, you'll be fine. You have enough courage to do the job."
Hidden, Kin raised an eyebrow. "He's kidding, right?" she thought briefly of how her new partner had acted so far. "Courage…yeah, right…"
"You'll probably find it right away," Kankuro continued, not hearing Kin's mutters. Naruto grimaced.
"You're jinxing me the more you talk," Naruto said. "It's just finding a mask…it shouldn't be too hard, right?"
"Exactly," Kankuro declared. "I'm counting on you, so get going."
Naruto nodded his large, walnut-like head, running up the stairs and pushing his way out the door. It slammed behind him loudly, making him jump slightly. Just then, the screen went completely black, and the words 'Dawn of the First Day' imposed themselves on the screen. In smaller, less-threatening looking text, it read, '72 hours remaining'.
"What the hell was that?" Naruto exclaimed. Kin ignored him. "Kin? Did you see that?"
"Damn, that guy gives me the creeps," Kin said, looking disdainfully at the doors they had just come through. Naruto blinked. "That guy was the salesman that we…" she trailed off.
"That you…?" Naruto prompted. Kin smacked him.
"I was just thinking out loud! Don't eavesdrop!" she said chidingly. Naruto gave her a strange look.
"You're hovering in front of me," he pointed out. "How am I not supposed to…?"
"I can't believe he's only giving us three days," Kin continued bitterly, as though she hadn't heard the Deku-boy. "Even without sleep, that only leaves us with seventy-two hours! Talk about demanding!"
"We won't need to sleep, we're in a game parody now," Naruto chipped in. Kin ignored him again.
"Don't just stand there," she snapped at him. "We're going to see the Great Fairy!"
"Great Fairy?" Naruto repeated, surprised. Kin rolled her eyes.
"You want to find the Skull Kid, don't you?" she said condescendingly. "The Great Fairy will know what he's up to. She watches over everything, and between you and me, the Skull Kid would be no match for her. So, get going to the shrine near the North gate!"
"North gate…?" Naruto began, but his voice faded away when he took his first good look around. Amidst the business of the small, quaint looking area, the location read 'South Clock Town'. Naruto took a few steps forward, staring around in awe. Suddenly he yelped, pointing up at the sky in shock and terror.
Orochimaru's pale face sneered down at him, but frighteningly, JUST his face was suspended. It was as if someone had attached his face to a gigantic boulder and hung it from the air, dangling it above the clock tower they had just exited. The effect was terrifying.
Kin lit up. "The moon," she said, a spark of wickedness in her voice. Naruto turned to her, paling.
"The moon?" he repeated weakly. Kin nodded.
"It looks a lot bigger than it normally does," she observed excitedly. "Now, let's forget about the moon for a while and get going! Get to the shrine!"
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"Oh, no! The Great Fairy!" Kin yelled shrilly, flying forward. Naruto followed, confused.
Dozens of what looked like glowing, winged lanterns flitted helplessly along the clear water surface, squeaking and squealing. Kin stared in shock.
"…Her body was broken," she realized. "Skull Kid must have…" she paused. "Damn it. I don't know what to do now." She turned expectantly to Naruto. The Deku-boy blinked a few times before realizing why she was staring.
"Oh! I don't know what to do!" he shook his head. "That's usually what I have Kyuubi for!"
Kin groaned in disgust. "Well, that's just great."
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"Six hours left," Kin groused, staring up at the giant clock tower. "I can't believe we wasted nearly three days! You're useless!" she screeched at Naruto.
Naruto wandered aimlessly, looking depressed. "It's not my fault, dattebayo," he said gloomily. "There was nothing I could do…"
"Maybe we can ask him for more time," Kin said, sounding breathless. "Yes…that's what we'll have to do. Come on," she said, tugging on his hat harshly. Naruto's heads jerked forward, making him protest. "We're going back inside that stupid clock tower…"
But just as she said the words, midnight struck. A few fireworks went off in the distance, and the Clock Tower began to rise up, the end of it tilting downwards and landing in position with a thud.
"What the…?" Kin gaped. Naruto pointed at one of the many posters around town.
"It says it's a carnival," Naruto observed. "It's supposed to start now. I guess it has something to do with that tower."
Kin shrieked in anger and frustration. "This is such a pain in the -" she stopped. "Wait. Do you hear that? The music changed."
Naruto listened carefully. "Yeah…that weird sort of ominous, mystic-like music?"
Kin nodded, and her brow furrowed. "And that rumbling…what is that?" she said loudly. "It's been going on all day, and it's making the ground shake."
Naruto looked up at Orochimaru's face. "The moon's even closer today," he said faintly. "It's been getting closer the entire time we were here…"
The rumbling started again, this time knocking Naruto flat on his back. He stared up at the moon. "That's it," he said, aghast. "He's coming closer. He's…" his eyes widened in panic. "He's going to crush us!"
"What?" Kin said demandingly, staring up at Orochimaru. A small smirk played on her lips, yet at the same time, her eyes were wide in fear. "He's…the entire country will end up being crushed," she said with a short, hollow laugh. "How perfect…"
Naruto gave her a look of horror. "You're supposed to be on my side now!" he yelled.
"I'm…I'm trying," Kin blinked up at the Orochimaru-moon, still caught between triumph and fear.
Naruto looked at a nearby clock. "What the…" he gasped. "How did five hours pass so quickly?"
"We're stuck in game time, remember?" Kin snapped. "It's only actually been a few minutes…" her mouth hung open, eyes transfixed on the clock.
"…This is it."
The clock struck six, marking the end of the third and final day. The tip of Orochimaru's giant nose crashed into the top of the clock tower, waves of heat and debris creating a thick layer around him from the sheer force of gravity. Naruto began to sweat, feeling the waves threatening to crush his tiny wooden body, gasping for air.
Kin's glowing body flickered out, and she was sent flying, too far away for Naruto to see where she went. Not that it mattered, because the crushing force on his head wouldn't have allowed him to move. He felt as if his soul itself was being driven into the ground, forcefully pushed out of his body and dragging his life with it. A familiar sensation reminiscent of a horribly sharp, yet somehow numb, ache overtook him.
"I'm…dying," he said, wasting his last few breaths. He closed his eyes, feeling the overwhelming force send him flying, too, his insides feeling as if they were crumbling, dissolving, something in his mind and heart bursting with desperation, the very last of his life being sucked away as everything went black –
"You've met with a terrible fate, haven't you?"
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FINALLY! Chapter one of the sequel is finally here! Thanks to all new readers, and thanks even more to my old readers! Nice to have you back again!
For those who were around during Ocarina of Konoha, I need to clarify something. I tended to update almost daily last time, but sadly, I won't be able to do that this time. School's starting for me, and as much as I don't want to, I have to put that first. I'll try to update as much as possible, though!
Please review – tell me if I'm doing OoK justice!
