A/N: This is the first of four chapters.

BTW, this is Draco's POV so be warned, he's going to be the emotional and open one, which is a bit weird, but it had to be him, because A) I couldn't imagine doing to him what I'm planning to do to Harry :) and B) that stupid Gryffindor can be really annoying sometimes, Draco is much more fun to write about :)

Chapter 1: I love you

"No! Don't… Please don't go! Please… Don't leave me! Oh, God don't let him go!... Please…" my mind screams but the pleading words never reach my lips. The door slams and you're gone.

I'm sitting on the edge of the large, empty bed with tears running down my cheeks – I don't even fight them anymore. I'm still naked and start shivering in the cold hotel room but I refuse to put my clothes back on. I can't even bring myself to look at the crumpled piles all over the floor, they would just make me remember how you rushed into the room just half an hour ago, already all over me even before you closed the door behind you; how your impatient fingers almost ripped my shirt in the hurry to remove it; how you kissed me with such raw lust that it almost scared me.

I don't want to remember but I can't stop the memories that come back to my mind. I can almost feel the touch of your calloused hands on my skin, your soft lips on that hidden spot just behind my ear that only you know about. I remember your hand gliding down along my side and remember feeling your lips breaking into a teasing smirk – you had learned that from me – at the broken whimper that escapes me when you finally close your strong fingers around my aching hardness.

And I remember screwing it all up by letting sacred words I thought I had drowned long ago be born on my trembling lips.

"Oh, God, Harry… I love you"

I should have said something. I should have taken it back or convinced you that it wouldn't change anything. But I couldn't bring myself to lie to you again now that the truth I have been trying to hide for so long escaped me.

So I just watched you leave the hotel room that has over the last year become all the home I had. This small room was what I called home, not the cold, impersonal flat I had bought when selling Malfoy Manor shortly after my mother's suicide. This was home because I have shared it with you even if it was only for some careless hours of mind-blowing sex. For you it was just that – sex. But for me it was so much more. All that made my life bearable after losing family, friends and status, all that was worth living for, was in this room – with you. But I ruined everything by wanting too much.

You're gone, and now I have nothing left to live for.