The Tale of Seven
1
Sleeping in the barns wasn't exactly my idea of comfort, but I'd rather smell like a steaming pile of moo-moo dung than be sleeping with the octoroks. Hyrule was never my kind of town anyways. I just wonder why people take so much offense to the heritage of others. You'd think a gang of thieves would enjoy having the illegitimate heir to the throne of Hyrule in their midst. It's not as if I posed a threat to the organization; my family certainly wasn't looking for me. Odd how one's past can always catch up; you never get used to being haunted by a past you never even had the privilege to live. Most people tend to only know what they hear, but when they start hearing thing like how, "That legendary hero got to tap that!" things can get out of hand. It's not good for a child's well being to hear about his illegitimate father's sexual exploits while he wanders the street, thrown out of his home, but I digress.
It's been about five months since I'd been recognized, turns out my home wasn't the only place I wasn't welcome; most people would have lived to personally throw me out of Hyrule, but I had no problem living in the shadows. Dens of thieves and petty crooks accepted me, they didn't know who I was, most didn't care, but whenever they discovered my past death threats were sure to follow. And now was no different, shame really, my last group was probably the least grungy one I'd ever belonged to. I must show them some respect at least, for they were the first mob to actually succeed at running me out of town. Not that I had to go far, few people can track me for long. Thanks to my skills, developed from years of a life of crime, I didn't have to flee any further than Lon-Lon Ranch. My arrival here was accompanied by bright lights in the sky, and a woman shooting at some orange, pumpkin-like creatures from her horse, so I hid in the barn for the time being. I can still hear noises out there. I'll just rest until daybreak; I hope not to wake in the middle of more turmoil.
I awoke not to the sounds of some mysterious battle outside, but to the thunderous roar of a moo-moo farting in my face. Needless to say, I evacuated the barn immediately. Crisp summer air was a welcome refresher from the fetid stench of the barn, but I still felt like I could use a bath. Getting a bath shouldn't be too much of a task thanks to my infallible guile. I'm sure I could convince the country folk here to provide me lodgings, hopefully far, far away from the barn.