"Spence, time to get up." He heard JJ's gentle voice. His dreams slowly vanished as she handed him a fresh, warm cup of coffee.
Spencer rubbed his eyes with his free hand, trying to wake up enough to function. There was about 10 minutes before they landed in Wyoming for their latest case and Hotch wanted to recap the information before they arrived.
The unsub was targeting teenage blonde girls, with brown eyes. The time line was one body found the 14th of every February. There were four dead and one missing. They had at least 48 hours before her body would likely turn up somewhere. The police never suspected the murders could be connected until they found one too many similarities.
Once they arrived, JJ and Rossi went to the local church to meet the parents of the last victim, while Hotch stayed at the police station and set up the evidence board.
It appeared that the girl was murdered in her bedroom while the parents where out to a movie.
Reid, Morgan and Emily examined the latest crime scene. "It almost seems unreal." Emily said as she walked around the house. "Look at her room. She was so young and had so much to live for."
"I know, Prentiss." Morgan tried to sympathize.
Reid was unaware of his college's voices. He examined the girl's walls (now covered in blood). For some reason he couldn't concentrate. There was something in the back of his head that kept him from thinking clearly.
For the rest of the day, Reid tried to be as helpful as he could. After they returned to the station he made up the geographical profile. After trying to ignore the strange feeling he'd had, he finally got the chance to sleep. The team went to their hotel and got situated for the night. Everyone knew they wouldn't get a whole lot of sleep, but they were going to try.
Reid stayed up longer than the rest of the team. They figured he'd be working on the case, following a possible lead or something. How wrong they are.
Reid laid on his stomach, across the bed, and scribbled in a book. What was in this book, no one really knew. No one suspected Reid to be a secretive person, so there was no need to question. But Morgan was starting to catch on. He'd seen Reid writing in it before, and he was starting to get curious…
The next day went by rather fast. Everyone had several cups of coffee, and they got a lot accomplished. Reid and Hotch paid a visit to the morgue to see if they were any further connections between the bodies. Back at the station JJ had confirmed that all 5 of the girls were on the same soccer team, but never in the same year. Garcia dug up that the coach of the soccer team was accused of rape the same year the third victim died, but the charges were dropped due to lack of evidence.
They gave the profile and added the soccer coach to the list of possible suspects. Slowly the pieces were coming together...
That night, back at the hotel, everyone was getting ready for bed when there was a quiet knocking to be heard in the hallway. Emily opened her door, shocked to find Morgan on the other side.
"Hey." Emily said, a little confused at Morgan's presence.
"Can I come in?" He replied quietly. Emily didn't say anything, but quickly stood back, and opened her door wider, allowing Morgan entrance.
Once they were inside, Emily's voice drifted trough the silent hotel room. "What can I help you with?"
Morgan took a few deep breaths before speaking. "I like Reid." He said with his eyes a little wide. He'd been shocked he even said it, even though that's exactly why he was there. He'd never admitted it before.
Emily tilted her head a little, her eyes were wide as well. That wasn't what she expected. She stood up a little straighter, and thought for a minute before replying. She knew choosing the wrong words could damage their friendship. "How long?" She asked quietly.
"A long time. I don't really know." Morgan balled his fists in his pockets and continued to take deep breaths, knowing fully well that if he didn't tears would spill down his face.
"And does he…?"
"I don't know." Morgan said quickly. It came out almost in anger and he didn't mean to direct it at Emily. "I'm sorry." He said after a brief silence.
"It's okay. You didn't mean it." There was another small silence before Emily asked another daring question. "How long have you known?"
"After I met Reid. He's the only guy I've ever liked….Liked…" He repeated the last word, but it wasn't to Emily, it was to himself.
"Derek…" Emily said, putting her arms around him in a hug. "I know it might be scary, but it's okay to love someone."
"And I do…I love him, Emily…And I am so scared…" a tear made it's way down his cheek, which Emily quickly wiped away.
"It's okay to be scared. It means you're human." She smiled. "Even if this job requires us to think like monsters, you're still human." She chuckled a little, which got a small smile from Morgan.
"Even if it is against the rules, I accidentally profile you guys all the time. I don't know if you noticed, but Reid's been acting a little weird lately." She had a serious look on her face. "You should go check up on him." Morgan nodded, and with a pat on the shoulder in support, he was on his way.
Morgan took a deep breath. He was glad Emily was always there for him. He raised his hand and lightly knocked on Reid's door. No answer. Morgan knocked again. Nothing. He slowly turned the doorknob and opened the door. "Reid?" Morgan called.
The light was on, but there was no Reid in sight. Suddenly he noticed the light coming from under the bathroom door. Morgan walked in and closed the door. He figured he'd wait for him. He was eyeing the space that Reid was temporarily living in. There was stuff relating to the case on the kitchen table. And the Morgan noticed Reid's leather bag on his bed. He'd always wondered what he carried around in there. Now was a good chance to see. Should he take the risk? Yes.
He wondered over to where it was and opened it up. He saw a few papers that didn't look interesting, and he saw a thick book that Reid had probably already finished. Nothing terribly interesting. He dug around some more before stumbling upon an unfamiliar book. He pulled it out and opened it up. He knew it was Reid's by the handwriting on the inside. He flipped through the pages.
There were small paragraphs. Morgan read them.
He sat up on his bed, with his back to the wall. He took slow, deep breaths with his eyes closed, though it didn't matter, for only darkness surrounded him. It was quiet, except for his breath, which was caught in his throat. Tears made there was down his face. He had never felt so alone…
Morgan was a little confused. It was totally random to find something like this. Why would Reid have poetry? It didn't make sense to Morgan, but he continued snooping anyways.
Though my eyes are closed as I lay here, I can still picture your beautiful face. Your perfect smile. Your loving eyes. But it saddens me to think all I will ever have are my thoughts of you.
Morgan questioned for a moment. He thought his heart skipped a beat. Or two. He wondered who Reid was referring to in his poetry. Was he writing about himself?
The room is spinning. I'm so dizzy. I'm so tired of fighting with myself. I just want you to hold me…Is that so bad? Would you be there for me…? If I fall, will you catch me? Tears stain my face as I remember how alone I am.
Morgan was getting more intrigued with every word he read. He flipped through more pages. He finally got to the end. He was in the middle of the book, now reading the last passage Reid wrote.
"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone gets inside and messes you up. You build all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life…You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love." Such a brilliant way to describe the feeling that is love. I recall that when I was in love it started off as a feeling of being lightheaded. I would feel butterflies when he'd walk in the room. I'd laugh for no reason and smile like an idiot. It's a hard feeling to describe. But when I realized all I could have were my dreams, I gave up. My mind started to fall apart and thus I found a magnificent quote to idolize how I feel on the inside.
Morgan re-read it. He found one word that was out of place. It gave him a pillar of hope. "when he'd walk in the room."
He'd
Was it a mistake? No it couldn't have been. Reid doesn't make spelling mistakes. But Reid couldn't have been gay. Wouldn't have he caught on? And that lead to the final question. Who was "he"?
Morgan scanned the rest of the page. On the very bottom in small letters was something that made Morgan smile.
When I first saw you, I fell in love with you and you smiled, because you knew.
Morgan heard Reid open the bathroom door, so he quickly put everything back the way he found it, and left before Reid saw him.
The next day Morgan was figgety. He couldn't stay still. Reid was acting perfectly normal, and kept giving Morgan weird looks. Morgan was drowning in his own thoughts. He was relieved when he tackled the unsub and put him in cuffs. He drew a sigh when he finally shoved the soccer coach in the back of a police car. Finally he could just go home
Morgan didn't speak to anyone most of the way home. Finally Reid came and sat down across from him. "You're always checking up on me…But right now you seem like you need to get something off your chest. " Reid spoke in a quiet voice. Morgan sighed and rubbed his eyes.
"Pretty Boy," His heart skipped a beat "I just need to think." Morgan said gently. Reid nodded his head and moved back to where he was sitting next to Emily. Emily had ben keeping a closer eye on Reid since her talk with Morgan, but she hadn't said anything to him.
After the plane landed, everyone said there goodbyes and departed to their cars. Reid was looking for Morgan, but couldn't find him. It seemed he left as soon as he got off the plane. "Emily!" Reid shouted across the parking lot. Emily looked up from her car and turned back to face Reid, who was running towards her.
"Yeah?" She asked.
"Have you heard from Morgan?" Reid said out of breath.
Emily looked at him for a minute. "What do you mean?"
Reid looked at her. "Has he said anything to you about his personal life? Because he's been acting kind of weird."
"He's having a hard time with his love life, I think." Emily said trying to be a dead give away.
"Oh…" Reid voice had lost all happiness.
"Why? What do you need to talk to him about?" Emily wanted to get the information out of him fast.
"I…Love him." Reid said as he starred at the ground.
"And what are you going to do about it?" Emily asked. She didn't even have the slightest shock to find that he was gay. It wasn't that she was expecting it, it just seemed normal, you know?
"Should I confront him?" Reid asked, playing with his hands. It was obvious he was uncomfortable having this conversation.
"Follow your heart." Emily smiled and gave him a hug.
"Thanks…" Reid smiled slightly and turned around. He walked to his car and drove home.
Reid lay in his bed starring at his ceiling. He hasn't slept in days. He wipes away his tears with the back of his hand, as he tries to stifle his sobs.
Morgan lay in his bed, tossing, turning, face down in his pillow as it collects his tears and listens to him sniffle.
Both Reid and Morgan lay away countless nights thinking about their memories together. They thought about the wonderful years they've gotten to spend with each other. They thought about how much they loved each other…
Reid couldn't take it. He had to do something. It seemed a little out of character for Reid to confront someone about his feelings, but he thought "I better do it now before I loose my courage."
It was 3:00 in the morning and Reid was standing outside Morgan's house. It was one of the coldest nights Reid could remember. He picked his hand up and knocked on the door. He hoped Morgan would answer. His courage was slowly slipping away.
Finally Morgan opened the door. His eyes were puffy, like he'd been crying. "Yeah?" He said rubbing his eyes.
"Morgan, I love you!" Reid blurted out. His eyes widened immediately.
"What?" Morgan was in disbelief.
"I love you." Reid was starring at the ground again.
Morgan sighed and Reid's heart skipped a beat. After a moment of silence Morgan spoke.
"I love you too, Pretty Boy."
"When I first saw you, I fell in love with you and you smiled, because you knew." Reid smiled and looked up at Morgan. They both had tears welling in their eyes. Then Morgan leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Reid's lips. It was a magical sensation for both of them. The feeling of hot skin on freezing skin. They wouldn't ever forget it…
The end
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