Author's note: I feel that there's something slightly off about this fanfic, but I don't know what. Tell me in a review if you feel the same. Maybe because it's more realistic than others...Hopefully this story is somewhat decent. Please give feedback if you can, it's much appreciated!

The visions were too bright, too clear, and she could not sleep. Christine sighed and turned over on her side, curling up into a ball and staring at the wall, which offered no answers or condolence to the images flashing by in her head.

Love was irrational and could not be reasoned with. She knew that. But did it have to be this extreme? If only there was some lever she could pull to toggle her love for another, and if only her heart would obey.

Erik. Again. Mary, mother of God, she was ready to cry. Why hadn't he stopped affecting her like this? Even after she got married to Raoul, through her memories, Erik insisted on having the last word and the last laugh. Again. And again. And again.

Every night now they came. Memories from three months ago as sharp has yesterday's. Fuzzy, unfocused images of the day brought to vivid life at night. Erik and her—everything that had happened between them. Everything. She did not forget the anguish, the pain he made her feel as the opera house burned above them, but she remembered more the romance, a gentle seduction that turned into a wave of hardly-contained desire onstage. Everything from the touch of his hands to the precise shade of green that was his eyes…even the heat of his body…

"Past all thought of 'if' or 'when'…No use resisting…Abandon thought and let the dream descend…What raging fire shall—"

Christine exhaled sharply and threw the covers back, pulling on her dressing gown and hurrying out the room, glancing at Raoul, sleeping quietly in the bed she had just left.

Chaotic turmoil reigned in her mind as she strode silently through the manor's moonlit corridors. When her hands found the carved maple that was the back door, she threw it open with a sigh of relief, standing still and breathing in the sweet night air before padding down the manicured lawn in her bare feet.

The deep night of May concealed everything, yet revealed everything. A constant breeze blew and ruffled Christine's hair as she walked down to the small lake, a faint glimmering line in the distance. When she arrived at its edge, she had to stop and take in the sight. The lake stretched majestically out to her right, but on her left, the lake turned in a rough semicircle before blending into a small forest that made up the other side. The full moon became shattered on the water's surface, becoming twinkling flashes of light that existed for only a fleeting moment before disappearing forever. Despite the light wind, the lake was quite still, and in the stillness the moon's many tiny reflections glinted at her more intensely. Like a code, like they were trying to communicate with her.

What are you trying to say? Christine thought, staring at the glittering flashes as the breeze hummed in her ears.

Like the blank walls of her bedroom, the lake refused to answer her.

He stood just out of sight in the trees across the water, watching her. Recently, she had started to come down to the lake more often. Like all the other nights, she was barefoot in her dressing gown, her hair tumbling down in dark waves around her shoulders, a look of lonesome wistfulness on her face as she looked up at the moon. So close and yet so infinitely far away…he longed to caress her cheek, feel her vitality and warmth, and if there was none, to bring some back to her heart. But each time he gritted his teeth and withdrew further into the darkness. He couldn't do that, couldn't do anything but watch her and silently feel with her. Any more than that would make the situation worse. She had made her choice, and he had made his. To reveal himself and attempt to stir up past feelings was only a hopeful lie.

But tonight, something was different. He could see that whatever pain she had been feeling was worse tonight as he studied her solitary figure, dwarfed by the lake. Looking so sad and so incredibly alone. And in that instant, he knew he could not just silently watch her anymore.

She sensed him before she saw him. The fragments of the moon on the lake flashed brightly as it emerged from the thin cloud it had disappeared behind, and in that moment a breath of cool air whirled around her as she saw something shift in the shadows.

She froze, her breath catching in her throat as her hands clutched her dressing gown tighter around her. Someone was there. Was it Raoul? How could she possibly explain her reasons for being outside in the dead of night?

No, it was not Raoul. She peered into the dense shadows. A flash of white, suspended above the ground…a man stepping out into the moonlight…

No. It couldn't possibly be.

It was not Raoul. It was his polar opposite.

The Phantom of the Opera had returned.

Erik moved so fast that Christine could not quite believe her eyes. In three heartbeats, he had whipped around the left edge of the lake and come to a stop just fifteen feet away from her.

"Christine…" the single word held all the weight of the world as the wind carried his whisper to her ears.

Her composure almost broke at the sound of his voice. "Erik…" she replied with a pang of longing as he stepped closer and slowly took off his mask, allowing Christine to see him. He wore his customary cape over a shirt of darkest blue and black pants.

They regarded each other in the silence that fell, punctuated by the soft lapping sounds of the lake as it kissed the rocks and the breeze that whistled around them unconcernedly. Erik's disfigured face betrayed nothing, but she could almost detect some emotion buried deep within that was longing to burst out. In the haze of memories that suddenly spring up unwanted and undealt with, Christine's mind filtered out the more painful ones for her. His agony and pain, the terrible choice thrust upon her, and as he finally experienced his first inkling of love, the total destruction of his world and everything that he had lived by.

It was enough to make her cover her mouth with sympathy and remorse so deep she didn't sense a beginning or ending to it. Faint hints of tears made her vision mist over.

His heart, her heart. Connected not by love alone, but by a bond invisible, yet stronger than any tangible substance on earth.

"Oh, Erik," she managed, "I'm so sorry." She knew that it would come across as too little, too late. But she also knew that this would be the only apology she could ever make for what had happened, what he had to go through after all was said and done. Knowing that this was her one chance, she put all her heart into it. "I'm so sorry for the way things had to go. How I couldn't stop myself from falling in love with Raoul all over again. How I went off with him, and left you so alone…again…" her eyes closed against the onslaught of guilt, too scared to observe his reaction.

Her eyes opened in surprise as his gloved hands wrapped around her forearms, making her aware of how very close they were. "Do not apologize to me. The past will never change, no matter how much we want it to."

Christine's head dropped in defeat. He did not accept her admission of guilt. Part of her had not expected him to. But how could she possibly live out the rest of her life knowing that he had rejected the one and only apology she could give for everything that had happened between them?

"Look at me." The gentle command tugged at her heart, but she did not have the courage to look up. Erik's fingers slid under her chin. "Christine, look at me."

Fearfully, reluctantly, her eyes slid up to meet his.

"I didn't mean it that way," he murmured apologetically, his thumb gliding over her cheek. "What I meant was that, yes, apologies can reconcile differences and close great divides between people, but they do not erase or alter the past." Christine made to turn away, but Erik cupped her face with his hand, his eyes soft. The seductive heat of his palm coursed through her body and made her stop in her tracks.

"Angel…" the word rolled off his tongue, dark as velvet, sweet as nectar. "I forgive you. I do."

"How is that possible?" Christine whispered, gazing at him sadly. "Look at what I did. You loved me and adored me and requested so little in return. Instead, I ran off with my childhood love, who I had made my reacquaintance with mere months ago. In my childhood I devoted myself to you without question, yet at a glance from Raoul, I threw away everything I had with you. How can you possibly forgive me for that?"

"Forgiveness is not my forte," Erik said quietly. "But we need to do it in order to live, to survive. And I survive. I always do."

The words rang true in Christine's mind. Erik was a fighter. He was not able to survive his anger, pain and loss unscarred, but he did survive.

Her sense of guilt alleviated as she put her hand over Erik's. "Thank you," she whispered.

Erik's eyes softened as he reached up with his other hand to tuck a lock of escaped hair behind Christine's ear. "You miss me." It was not so much part of a plan to enchant her away so much as a statement of truth. "Do you regret choosing to live out your life with Raoul?"

Christine opened her mouth to answer, then closed it. She knew that although Erik was aware of the selfishness behind it, he was secretly hoping for a reply in the positive, any excuse to whisk her away again. But she could not lie to him. Even if she did, Erik would be able to tell. He always could.

"No, I don't regret it," she replied. She dropped her hand from Erik's to wrap her dressing gown tighter around herself. Swallowing, she continued. "He's a good man. He makes me happy. But without you, I'm not myself. I'm not whole."

She expected him to reply, but he did not. Only the breeze murmured and conspired as they stood under the full moon, almost swallowed by the lake, and the light wind did little to lessen the words that the two Angels wanted to say to each other, but could not.

She bit her lip. "So what happens now?"

Erik cocked his head at her. "I really do not know. What do you think?"

Christine looked down at the ground. "I don't know," she said softly. Her eyes flicked up to meet his. "You were the one who always told me what to do."

Erik's breath caught in his throat. She was evoking a past when he was her teacher, her Angel and her pathway to God. In those days she submitted humbly to him, lived for his every word and gloried in his praise. And he loved her and nurtured her in return. It was almost romantic to him…

He returned to the present. It was time to break apart from all of that.

He swallowed, knowing this would probably be one of the most painful things he would ever have to do. "Christine, I…I can't see you again. We can't go back to what we had. It's not fair to Raoul, you know that." Unable to help himself, he ran his fingers along her cheek. Tears filled her dark eyes as he continued speaking. "What we had was…it was dangerous and it was very beautiful. But now it's over, and Raoul needs your love and attention right now, not later when you're done grieving over the past." His thumb caressed her lips, causing them to part. He was having trouble keeping his voice steady, but he pushed on. "I would rather die a thousand times in a row than tell you these things. For our sakes and Raoul's, we have to do this. But know that I love you. No matter what. And should you need me for any reason, I'll be nearby." He wiped away the silent tears cascading down her cheeks. "You have no idea how much I wanted a happy ending for the both of us. But while you're married, I can't give myself to you, and you cannot seek me out. You know that society absolutely forbids it; you'll be treated like a pariah. And after all I've been through, that's the last thing I would want to happen to you. And think of Raoul, Christine…he wants you, not a shadow or a ghost. Do your best to give him that."

Erik's fingers could no longer keep up with Christine's tears. Her eyes glittered with hurt as she gazed at him. "So…you came here to tell me to never see you again, that there's no hope, and to swallow my pain and pretend that the past never happened?" She asked shakily. She suddenly slapped his hand away from her face. "I don't accept that. Never." She stood there, quivering with anger, her jaw hard, trying to ignore the brief glint of surprise and pain in his eyes.

"You have to, Christine," he replied, trying to keep his voice level. "You'll find that if you choose not to, it will bring us nothing but trouble. Sometimes, like me, you have to pretend," he said, putting his hand up by his face briefly in a gesture reminiscent of his mask. "Nobody said it was going to be easy. But in life, nothing is. You'll find that you'd rather pretend to be wholesome and happy with Raoul than enduring constant scorn from your peers…"

"For you, maybe!" Christine replied angrily. "I do not care, I'd rather have both you and Raoul and endure the scorn than pretend to be happy! I've already done enough pretending on the stage for a lifetime! Why can't I…why can't I have you both and…why does someone always have to suffer and…why can't it ever be a happy ending…?"

Her anger and disbelief broke down as she began to cry. Erik's throat hurt at the sound. There were two choices: either comfort her, or do nothing but stand there. Comforting her would only make it more painful, giving the both of them a hint at what they could never, ever have. On the other hand, just standing there would make him seem cold and uncaring. The choice was not hard.

He approached her and gently took her in his arms. In a mindless litany, she cried, "I can't do this, I can't, I can't, I can't…"

He held her without making a sound as she gradually sobbed herself out.

"I'm so sorry," he said quietly. "You have no idea how much it hurts me to say these things."

She drew away enough so she could look into his eyes. "It's all right," she replied even more quietly. "I know it won't be easy, and that it seems unfair, but I think you're right." She wrapped her arms around him under his cape and held him tightly. "I wish I could have you, stay with you. You don't know how badly I wish that."

Erik swallowed. "I think I do." He helplessly let his thumb glide over Christine's lips again.

Her face inched closer to his, silently pleading.

"No," Erik said, stopping her. "We can't." He put his gloved fingers over her lips. "I've already done too much: revealed myself to you, spoke to you…memorized your face…" Unable to stop himself, he stroked her cheek again. "If I do more, I won't be able to stop. You won't be able to stop."

"Erik…" Christine whispered. "Just once. Please…"

He couldn't bear to see her like this, her eyes shining with unshed tears, every part of her begging…

Leaning in, she kissed the marred side of his face, and the last walls of his resolve tumbled down into ashes.

He kissed her on the mouth, a little harder than was necessary. Christine stiffened in surprise, then let out a soft whimper as she relaxed, melting into him. He clutched her closer to him as the kiss deepened, turning into a fusion of two souls: beyond reason, beyond comprehension, beyond death. She kissed him back with an uninhibited passion, knowing that this was the end, this was goodbye…

He was drowning in the kiss, wanted more…much more…but was returned forcefully to earth when Christine gasped and broke apart from him. She looked over his shoulder and Erik followed her fearful eyes. Lights glowed from the upper windows, a clear warning penetrating the darkness.

"Raoul…" She whispered, terrified, clutching Erik to her harder.

"Your husband's looking for you," he replied swiftly in explanation as another light illuminated in the manor's dark silhouette.

"What shall I tell him? What kind of excuse do I have for being out here?" she said almost hysterically, staring at him with wide eyes.

"Go and meet him. Tell him you were sleepwalking," He said, cupping her face swiftly as he started to withdraw from her.

"I beg you…one more…" Christine whispered frantically, clinging to him and refusing to let him go.

He gave in and kissed her again, quickly but deeply, immersing himself in her beautiful essence. "Now go. Go. Go!" He urged her, pushing her towards the mansion. With one last look that lasted forever, she turned around and ran back towards the house. Pulling his walls back up, Erik backed up step by step until the trees swallowed him once more in velvety darkness.

Under the full moon, the lake glittered innocently, choosing to reveal nothing of the clandestine meeting that had just occurred.