Disclaimer: I own nothing. Nada, zip! The characters are not mine, the places are not mine, Stargate belongs to…the sci-fi channel I think and MGM and all those other people who own it. Don't sue me, please!
Spoilers: Well, the first episode of Season 9. Not sure what it's called.
Note: This is AU b/c I only know what happens in the first ep. of season 9. So lets pretend our friends got out, had a great adventure, and Daniel was freed from Vala but decided to stay on to help with some of the new stuff SG-1 discovered.
Summary: Another videotape is found in Egypt and it contains some amusing material for SG-1. Will it change anything between Jack and Sam? Or will Daniel's spy tendencies still not be enough for them to get together?
Rating: PG for language.
Stargate, Spies, and VideotapeBy: Taya Henderson
Jack approached Daniel's office slowly. The younger scientist was busy studying his laptop, probably some new ancient language or something. The SGC certainly had not changed much since he'd left, and thankfully, neither had Daniel.
"Yo, Space monkey." Jack smiled.
Daniel didn't look up, oblivious to Jack's presence. "Danny-boy."
Again, Daniel kept staring, not even noticing Jack.
"Daniel!" Jack said loudly, causing the archeologist to fall out of his chair, surprised.
"Jack!" Daniel grinned as the older man helped him off the floor. "What are you doing here?"
"Vacation." O'Neill looked at the computer screen. "What's this? Looks like ancient."
"Yeah, it's from Atlantis." Daniel nodded, adjusting his glasses. "So, you've been commander of Home world Security for what…two months and you are already on vacation?"
"Hammond's daughter is getting married, again. I got invited." Jack shrugged. "Figured I'd make a trip of it, pop in, see everyone. Where's T? And your shadow?"
"Um, he's around, I think he took time off to take Cassie out for coffee. Cameron called us all back for some pretty crazy stuff." Daniel explained.
"I know, I read your reports." Jack nodded, playing with an ancient artifact.
"You read our reports?" Daniel's mouth almost fell open. "You're kidding, right?"
"Well…okay, only because it was your reports and I figured SG-1, gotta be exciting. It was. If not a little weird. That, and I wanted to see how Cameron was doing." O'Neill shrugged. "So, how is the new guy doing?"
"You just said you read the reports." Daniel smiled. "Fine. Not you, and it was weird without Sam, but…still, it felt good to be out there, doing stuff again. And I am glad to be rid of Vala, that's for sure."
"Uh-hu. Wanna find T and go somewhere?" Jack asked.
"What happened?" Daniel looked worried.
"Nothing, I swear." Jack held up his hands. "Really, just something…amusing."
"Amusing how?" Daniel followed Jack out of the room. "Jack?"
Jack walked down the hall as Daniel followed, dodging people as they got out of Jack's way.
"Come on, Danny-boy, T should be back …" Jack looked at his watch. "One minute from now."
"How do you do that?" Daniel asked, dodging yet another technician.
"Do what?" Jack looked confused.
"No one ever runs into you in the hall." Daniel replied. "And I get hit by every sergeant, scientist and technician on the base."
"Because you're a scientist, Space monkey." Jack grinned. "Besides, I have infinite power over the lives of everyone on this base."
"That's a frightening thought." Daniel mock shuddered. "And-"
He was interrupted by Teal'c opening the door in front of him, knocking him down.
"Oh, geez T. Nice timing." Jack smiled, helping the scientist up to his feet again.
"I apologize Daniel Jackson." Teal'c smiled. "General O'Neill, it is good to see you."
"You too, T. We're gonna go get Carter for lunch. Wanna come?" Jack asked.
"I was under the impression that Samantha Carter was in…NA-Va-Da." Teal'c attempted to pronounce the name of the state. "And could not join us here for several days yet."
"Well, there are perks to being commander of home world security." Jack smiled. "And now, let's see, Carter should be arriving right…now."
"Hi guys." Sam smiled, walking out of the elevator. "Long time, no see."
"And now, we go to lunch." Jack nodded, leading them all to his car. "All of you are now off-duty, by the way. No rank business, Carter."
"Yes sir." Sam nodded, sliding in the front seat. "Where are we going?"
"Hmm? Oh, someplace nice and special." Jack grinned, driving them to his cabin.
"It's your cabin." Daniel said, unimpressed.
"Actually Daniel, it's not really my cabin anymore. I sold it, the new owners just don't arrive for another month of so." Jack nodded, opening the door. "It also has a hired five-star chef to make us steaks."
"Oh. Okay." Daniel shrugged as they all walked in. "Like, steaks, steaks? Is that all?"
"No, Space monkey, pretty much anything you want, they'll get." Jack shook his head. "Have a seat. I'll get some beer and we can order."
"This is weird." Sam commented as she sat down. "He's acting really strangely."
"I agree. O'Neill seems to be on edge about something, despite the relaxed persona he is attempting to portray." Teal'c nodded.
"I don't know. I think it's something…good and bad." Daniel sighed. "He said amusing."
"Okay, beer for you, beer for you, beer for you," Jack said as he handed out bottles to each of his companions then sat down with one himself. "And one for me."
"So, what's up, Jack?" Daniel asked as the other three leaned in closer to their former leader.
"Well, we've got steak or chicken or…hamburgers. Order up, and after dinner I'll explain." O'Neill grinned.
The others reluctantly ordered their dinner from the hired waiter. While they ate, they caught up and talked pleasantly about the past and what they planned to do next. Finally, all the dishes were cleared away and the hired help had left.
"O'Neill, if you do not explain what is going on-" Teal'c began.
Carter held up a hand to stop him. "I got this one, Teal'c. Tell us or we're going to put your reproductive organs on the inside of your body."
"Ouch, Carter." Jack cringed, putting a tape in the VCR. "This just came in from a dig in Egypt. I haven't seen all of it, but I saw the beginning."
The camera fizzed for a second, and then cut on. Daniel was holding the camera on himself and grinning.
"Okay, I found some batteries and another tape…so, uh…I'm gonna show everyone how we've been living the past few years. I know, I know, I should be documenting important stuff, but, what the heck. This tape is for personal use, okay? Whoever gets this, you can't show it to anyone except for the members of SG-1, both past a present. We're not on work detail today, so we have some free time, which is always enjoyed. Where do I begin? I guess I'll just show you how we live now, we have to be quiet though, might wake the happy couple." Daniel grinned.
He turned the camera away from himself and snuck into the hut he had been standing by. Jack was asleep on a pallet, a woman in his arms. The woman rolled over to reveal her identity: Sam.
"As you can see," Daniel whispered. "Being 5000 years away from no-frat regs, these two didn't waste much time. I guess you could say they are married, same basic ceremony. I kind of like it here, so do they, I mean, we all want to go home, and we hate living under the Gou'uld, but…well, let's just say, there are a few perks to living here."
Daniel rambled on, going over the interior of the hut before returning to the sleeping couple. Instead of a peacefully sleeping couple, the very irritated face of Jack O'Neill greeted him.
"Daniel. Run fast." He growled.
"Take it, Teal'c!" Daniel exclaimed.
The tape jumbled as it was apparently tossed to Teal'c. "What do you wish me to record, Daniel Jackson?"
"Get this." Sam said from behind him.
Teal'c pointed the camera at a half-dressed Jack chasing Daniel madly around the camp, screaming things at him.
"Would you like to speak to this device, Carter?" Teal'c asked.
"I would, thanks T." Sam replied and he turned the camera on her. "This is what I look like in the morning when I've had a good night's sleep. Jack and I got married, mm…well, in case the timeline changes, uh…I'm kind of looking out for Cassie…I'm a Colonel in the Air force and a member of SG-1. What else should I say, Teal'c?"
"We should record the antics of Daniel Jackson and O'Neill." Teal'c suggested.
"Sounds good." Sam nodded, and the video camera swerved to locate the two men. Jack now had Daniel pinned.
Teal'c walked up to them so he could hear the whole conversation.
"Spying on me, Space monkey? Hmm?" Jack demanded.
"Not actually…okay, yes, but it's for the future!" Daniel replied. "It's for posterity or...yeah! Posterity."
"5000 years is not posterity. 5000 years is five centuries! It's a frigging artifact, for crying out loud. Do you know how many people will see this tape? Hell, Sam and I may still be court marshaled." O'Neill got up off his friend. "Watch what you tape, Space monkey. Now, delete the part about us."
"Of course. Teal'c, can I have the camera please?" Daniel asked, hopping to his feet.
Teal'c handed Daniel the camera and Daniel pressed several buttons. He was still visible on the screen because the camera was not actually turned off.
"What did you do, Daniel Jackson?" Teal'c asked.
"Erased the tape. I don't want future Sam and Jack to get in trouble because of what they've done here." Daniel winked at the camera. "Let's start over. Introduce yourself and tell us a little about you personally."
"I am Teal'c. I was once First Prime of Apophis…" Teal'c described his journey with SG-1 and the destruction of the replicators and the Gou'uld hold on the Jaffa.
"Now do your favorite TV shows and movies and such." Daniel prompted.
"I enjoy watching the show called 'The Family Guy' and 'Star Wars'. I also have enjoyed several games of…hockey with O'Neill and boxing." Teal'c paused. "Do you wish me to continue with anything else, Daniel Jackson?
"No, that's good." Daniel's voice was heard and the camera cut off for a second, cutting on again with Sam sitting in front of it.
"Okay, I'm Colonel Samantha Carter-O'Neill. I am married to General Jack O'Neill…okay; here I'm married, in the future, it's definitely not allowed. My guiltiest pleasure was Desperate Housewives, and I liked to work on all the neat ancient devices we have now. You wanna see something funny? Come here. I've been working on sort of mouse-trap things to trick Jack with tat we can maybe put to use against the Gou'uld." Sam got up and Daniel with the camera eagerly followed her.
O'Neill was working on the tent when Sam called him from behind their hiding spot.
"Jack! I need the basin from Daniel's tent!" She said.
O'Neill appeared to be muttering something under his breath and as he walked into Daniel's tent, a trap was triggered. A cord came up, causing Jack to trip. Then as he fell, another wire was triggered, causing two giant sacks of flour and a bucket of water to dump themselves on him.
"Daniel!" Jack bellowed, getting up off the sand.
Daniel and Sam appeared from their hiding space, laughing hysterically.
"Jack, you look awful." Sam grinned as Jack walked over to them covered in a paste-like substance.
"Who's bright idea was that?" He looked accusingly at Sam.
"Why do you think I did it?" Sam retorted.
"Please, like Daniel could ever rig something like that up." Jack laughed. "Okay, Danny, it's make-up time. Cut off the camera."
"Okay." Daniel pressed a button but didn't actually turn the camera off.
"Daniel, we know it's still on. The red record light is still on." Sam pointed out.
"Damn." Daniel sighed and walked away, studying the camera.
The next half an hour was the ensuing joke war between Sam, Jack, and Daniel. Teal'c did not participate in one particular side, but aided them all equally. Then Daniel's head appeared on screen.
"Okay, so. Me. Well, I'm not exactly your every day archeologist. I mean, I fight evil; I carry a gun…I guess I'm almost like Indiana Jones, only not quite. I just have to say I'm glad we all could find an existence here on Earth. It's a pleasant change from meetings and trips through the gate where we always end up getting shot at."
"We didn't always." Jack said from behind the camera.
"Most of the time, we end up getting shot at. Here, not so much." Daniel grinned. "So, if you're me, I have no doubt we still like the same things. Okay Jack, you're turn."
Jack and Daniel switched places.
"First of all, this place has been great for all of us. We want to come home, but this isn't exactly hell either, except for the whole Gou'uld rule, that'll be over soon. Second of all, I hate this place because I will never see another episode of the Simpsons again. I do not know how I have functioned so far, but I have. Oh, General Hammond, I quit! For real this time. I also like beer and fishing, a combination of the two works great too. Um, my best buddies are still Teal'c and to a lesser extent, Danny-boy. Okay, so we're not in Kansas anymore, but maybe with a little help from the munchkins, we can keep the tornado from ever taking Dorothy away."
"If you've got anything else, say it quick. Camera's almost done." Daniel said.
"Get over here, quick." Jack commanded as Teal'c and Sam came running. "You too, Danny. Set the camera on a rock where we can see it or something."
"Okay. It can see you. It should hold all of us in frame." Daniel smiled, joining the group.
"Look at the camera boys and girls. This is SG-1, the original SG-1. No matter when or where, that's what we'll always be. So, live from Egypt it's-"
Then the tape cut off, leaving the four companions stunned.
"I can't believe we used an entire extra tape for personal stuff." Daniel shook his head.
"You were probably the one who convinced me to let you do it." Jack sighed. "That was certainly interesting."
"You haven't seen that?" Sam asked, dazed.
"No. As soon as I heard the first part about it being for SG-1, I decided to get everyone together before I watched it." Jack explained, rubbing his head.
"We were indeed relatively happy." Teal'c nodded.
"I don't think it was happy so much as…we knew we were gonna overthrow the Gou'uld, we knew that the end was coming soon, and we knew that we were going to succeed one way or another. We just took pleasure in simple things." Daniel shrugged. "Hey, Teal'c, can you help me in the kitchen for a second."
"Daniel Jackson, I do not believe there is anything in the kitchen." Teal'c raised an eyebrow.
"Yes there is, I brought a surprise from home, and I need your help." Daniel looked at Teal'c, who finally understood.
"I will assist you." Teal'c nodded as they left the room.
"Sir…" Sam began.
"What did I say about rank, Sam?" Jack asked.
"That it doesn't apply right now," Sam replied. "But it does apply when we go back to work. We could get in serious trouble."
"I am not asking for much, just that you call me 'Jack' when we're not on duty." He sighed.
"I just…every time there's an alternate universe or dimension or time frame, we always end up together. It's frustrating that I know I've had many relationships with you and all, but I don't remember any of it. I never actually got to be the Carter that you were involved with…and…you know…" She trailed off.
"Yeah Sam, I know. Well, not actually, cause the time loop thing…yeah, you don't remember it, but I do." Jack sighed, trying to find the words. "Of for crying out loud, I've known you for nine years, this shouldn't be so weird."
"How about we just start with lunch as friends?" Sam suggested, smiling at him. "That doesn't break any rules."
Teal'c and Daniel peered through the door at the couple talking.
"Can you hear what they are saying?" Daniel whispered.
"No. It appears to be an awkward but still plutonic conversation." Teal'c replied.
"Damn. We have to get them together somehow." Daniel sighed.
"I do not believe it will ever happen due to the regulations of your world." Teal'c pointed out.
"Oh crap. Teal'c, run! They see us." Daniel exclaimed, bolting out the door.
"You're a spy now too!" Jack exclaimed, running after Daniel and Teal'c.
Sam chased after them as well, Daniel looked back to see Jack hot on his tail, not really looking where he was going. He ran right off the edge of the back yard and into the lake.
The other three burst out laughing as a now soaked Daniel waded his way out of the water.
"Oh, yeah, that's very funny." Daniel nodded. "Great fun for all. Now Teal'c!"
Teal'c whipped out two super soakers and aimed them directly at Carter and O'Neill.
"I told you I had a surprise." Daniel laughed as Sam and Jack tried to run away from the super-soaker.
After several minutes, Teal'c was all out of ammo and the three wet humans were laughing at themselves.
"Guys, wait a second." Sam grinned, "Teal'c isn't wet."
"Colonel Carter, I am perfectly comfortable as I am now." Teal'c backed away slowly, and then ran as the others chased him, cornering him and eventually pushing him into the lake.
"Karma, T. Karma." Jack grinned, ringing his shirt out.
"What am I going to tell Hank when I bring you three back looking like this?" O'Neill asked.
"Start thinking now, Jack. We need them." General Hank Landry said from the house.
"Let me guess, time to save the world again?" Daniel asked.
"Well, you're good at it." Jack shrugged, walking up to meet his friend. "Ah, Mitchell. Nice to see you again."
"General O'Neill, sir." Cameron saluted, barely containing his laughter.
"Go ahead and laugh, Cameron." Jack shook his head. "I'm sure we look great."
"Yes sir." Cameron nodded. "The planet is in danger, guys."
"Again?" Daniel asked, sighing.
"Again." Sam nodded, biting her lip. "You up for it, Teal'c?"
"As always, Colonel Carter, I will help you save your planet yet again." Teal'c nodded, smiling.
"Okay, well, let's go." Jack shrugged and the group disappeared into the house.