AN: Warning: Spoilers for episode 1x11, character death and some dark themes.
At first I really wasn't all that fond of Rebecca, but she grew on me, more so then her UK counterpart. After the latest episode (1x11) I realized just how much of a shitty hand she had been dealt. Turned against her will, used as a pawn to get to Aidan. I'd be a wreck too. So here is my little ode to her, I guess.
He had meant for his little speech to haunt her, to turn her against Bishop and to help him with whatever plan he had conjured up in his sick mind. As much as it had pained her to admit it, his words had done some damage.
It was just one part of it though, which had sprang free from the bullshit he had been spouting and had firmly latched itself into her head, into her mind. Later, when she was pacing outside, she tried with all her might, but she could not let it go. Those few small words. She was sure that Marcus hadn't even intended for her to obsess over those particular words.
"Well, Silas wanted to die with honor, not as a monster, so... he took his dagger and slit his own throat."
While inside the building everyone was preparing for the dinner for the Dutch, she was outside, trying to get rid of that image, that idea of Marcus' brother choosing death over life. She trying to figure out what must have been going through his head, how anyone could choose death.
But what kind of life would he have led. What kind of live had she been living? She was a puppet, a pawn. From the moment she woke up into this new life of hers she had been stripped from her dignity, her integrity, her free will.
Somebody, a teacher maybe she didn't recall, had told her once that making choices, exercising your free will, even to make mistakes, was what made you human.
She had given up her free will. Everything she had done was either because Bishop ordered it or because her hunger had forced her. And she complied, because she had been so scared and alone. She had given in.
Her one rebellion had been turning Bernie, but now she had to admit, that she didn't even do for herself, but for Aidan. But the kid was gone now and it had left behind a hole in her heart, a feeling of such defeat. Hopelessness. Like she didn't want to fight anymore. Like she wanted to just lay down and take it.
"Silas wanted to die with honor, not as a monster."
She had become a monster. A weak pathetic sad little monster, who degraded herself, no, even worse, who let herself be degraded. And for what? So she could stay alive? Be a pawn in someone else's game for all of eternity? Be with Aidan?
He didn't love her, not really. He felt guilty. He wanted to take care of her, save her. Save himself.
Those words, those stupid little words. She could almost feel them slashing away at the barrier she had put up to deal with everything that had happened.
There was some commotion inside the building, the smell of blood and dust. Not really knowing what she was doing she went inside and stumbled upon Marcus beating the crap out of Aidan, then getting ready to kill him.
She made a choice. She picked up a piece of wood that lay nearby and she killed him. She killed Marcus.
When they were out in the alley, with Hegeman gone, she made her second choice. The idea had sprang from the cracks which Marcus' words had left in her barrier and she embraced it fully. She hadn't even realized that she was still holding the stake, maybe not consciously at least.
So she pleaded with Aidan. She felt almost cruel doing it, doing this to him, using his own words against him, forcing his hand. But it also felt right. It was completely selfish and that felt right. She wasn't doing this for Bishop, not for Aidan, or for anybody but herself.
Free will. The choice to die. Perhaps not with honor, putting up a fight, like Marcus' brother and yeah, it was in a filthy alley that reeked of garbage. But she died in the arms of someone she loved and most importantly, while she had lived those final days of her life like a monster, at least she died, being human.