Journey's End
I couldn't just leave without saying goodbye. After all we had gone through together here, they deserved more than a daughter running away. I knew my mum would understand. It took me so long, three years travelling through all those universes to find the man who changed my life. And those three years nearly killed me. All that I faced, the aliens, the darkness, the loneliness, nearly defeated me. I was running for my life without him with me to share in the adventure, and that is not the way it is supposed be. I can't leave him again. I promised him my forever. My forever is what he will have. We'll be a team again.
Hope and Glory. Mutt and Jeff. Shiver and Shake.
The stuff of legends.
"Hold on... this is the parallel earth, right?"
"You're back home."
He couldn't do this to me, not again. Donna said he was broken the day I was lost to him the first time; if that is true why is he leaving me here? He knows I will never have the life I love again if he does so. The first nineteen years of my life, nothing exciting happened. But then I met this man, big ears and bright blues eyes dressed in a leather jacket, and he told me to run for my life. And I did and I have never looked back. It's what I live for, the adventure, and I want, no… need, to share that adventure with him.
I could see the emotions flashing through his eyes. Pain, loss, resentment, peace. He thought I would be happy here, able to grow old and live a normal life while he ran on through the stars with the memory of me as I was, young and happy as I ran with him to the aliens. How could I be happy here with a life stuck on earth?
"No… Doctor…" I had to make him see how much it would hurt me to stay here. It's not my home. "But I spent all that time trying to find you. I'm not going back now."
"But you've got to," he replied, as if he was pleading with me. "We saved the universe, but at a cost. And that cost is him." The metacrisis. There's always a cost. Always. And now it's him. Someone who looks like my Doctor.
"But he's not you"
"He needs you, and that's very me."
Donna smiled, her eyes begging me just as the Doctor's did. "But it's better than that, though. Don't you see what he's trying to give you? Tell her, go on."
To my surprise it was the metacrisis who spoke up. "I look like him, and I think like him. Same memories, same thoughts, same everything. Except… I've only got one heart."
"Which means?" I replied. What did that mean? One heart? But as I spoke my mind caught up. One heart would mean… But he couldn't. He just couldn't. Not to me. My Doctor is not human. He's a Time Lord not…
"I'm part human. Specifically, the aging part. I'll grow old and never regenerate. I've only got one life, and I could spend it with you, if you want." So this was what the Doctor wanted for me. The domestic life, the one he could never have and never really wanted to have. My Doctor doesn't do domestics, but now he could live that life through the metacrisis.
"But it's still not right." My voice broke. I fought to hold back the tears. "Because the Doctor's still you" Could he not see? I want the Doctor who will take me to the stars to defend civilisations, not argue about which curtains and carpets will go best together.
"And I'm him."
He was right. My Doctor is any and every version of him, every face he has been, every face he will be. The metacrisis is just the Doctor in a human body, he's still mine. Still my Doctor. But he would live the life I shiver at the thought of. If the Doctor was there I could bear the domestics, but I would not be truly happy.
"Alright. Both of you, answer me this." The one question I needed the answer to. From both of them. Without this, I will make up my mind too late. Oh you stupid, crazy Time Lord. "When I last stood on this beach, on the worst day of my life, what was the last thing you said to me? Go on, say it."
The Time Lord spoke up first, his face breaking my heart. The sight of the unshed tears pooling in his eyes. "I said, Rose Tyler…"
But he can't leave it there. If this is to be the last time I see him, then I need the Time Lord Doctor to say it. It's been three years since that day, the worst day of my life, and he never said it. He ran out of time but he still has time today.
"Yeah, and how was that sentence going to end?"
"Does it need saying?" Of course it does. Of course it does. Oh Doctor. You'll always be the Doctor, no matter what you say now. It won't change you, but it will give me the strength to do this. Please.
"And you, Doctor," You really could be my Doctor if I let you. "What was the end of that sentence?"
And he bent close to whisper it in my ear.
I love you.
That's all I needed to hear. He had the strength to say it, to say the words that always cost him so much. And that's why I made the decision I did. No matter how much this Doctor needs me; he has enough human in him to survive. To live. To thrive. He may have been born in battle, he may have committed genocide again, but he's still the Doctor and he has the strength to continue no matter what I choose.
So I took his face in my hands and brought my lips to his. The first kiss between the Doctor and I, without any outside influences. And it was wonderful. My Doctor.
My Doctor. Goodbye.
I broke from him and ran to Mum, as the Doctor and Donna opened the doors to the TARDIS.
"Check in the box I kept all those years. I love you Mum. You and the family. Never ever forget that, because I won't forget you and all you've done for me. Goodbye. I love you."
And she understood. My amazing mum understood what I was about to do.
"Stay safe darling. Stay with that daft alien and stay safe. I love you."
With that, I ran to the TARDIS doors as the familiar whirring noise started up. You're not getting away from me that easily. With a feeling of home invading my heart, that incredible, familiar hum of the TARDIS in the back of my mind grew as I made contact with the doors. Gosh I'd missed that noise. And they opened without the key, which was glowing gold the closer it was to that magical machine. The Doctor and Donna looked up as I waved one last time to the family I was leaving behind, before closing the door behind me with a sigh.
"Rose! What?" His mouth had dropped open in confusion. He turned to Donna then to me again. "What? What?" I couldn't help but chuckle at the memory of his old self, my leather jacket Doctor doing something so similar on the very day I met him.
"Why are you here?"
"I wanted you safe, my Doctor. Protected. Safe. Loved. Bit of a smile. The old team back. Shiver and Shake."
He repeated, "Shiver and Shake." His voice was hesitant, quiet. "Hope and Glory, Mutt and Jeff, Shiver and Shake."
"Which one's Shiver?" I asked.
"Oh, I'm Shake." He replied with that grin I loved so much. I knew he had understood what I was saying, by repeating those words from the day I had lost him for what had seemed forever. He had my forever again. His grin grew, before his face clouded over with confusion and anger.
"But we've left. That's it. You'll never be able to see them again. Your own family Rose. You've left them! This isn't another twelve hours turns into 12 months situation, it is forever. Rose, you'll never be able to see them again. Is this what you really want?"
"Doctor. Oh Doctor. I made my choice a long time ago. You asked how long I was going to stay with you and I said forever. And I meant it. I'm never going to leave you."
And with that he picked me up and twirled me around, laughing quietly. Rose.
"I thought we could try the planet Felspoon. Just because. What a good name, Felspoon. Apparently, it's got mountains that sway in the breeze. Mountains that move. Can you imagine?" Oh, Donna. Lovely Donna. I… I… I'm so sorry.
"And how do you know that?"
"Because it's in your head, and if it's in your head, it's in mine." The Doctor Donna. She sounds so happy, so relaxed. And it can't last.
"And how does that feel?"
"Brilliant! Fantastic! Molto bene! Great big universe, packed into my brain. You know you could fix that chameleon circuit…" Fix it! I love the big blue box. My home. ".. if you just tried hotbinding the fragment links and superseding the binary, binary, binary, binary, binary, binary, binary, binary, binary, binary, binary, binary, binary, binary…" She gasped. The ordinary temp from Chiswick, now the most important women in the universe. She save it, but with a cost.
"I'm fine. Nah, never mind Felspoon. You know who I'd like to meet? Charlie Chaplin. I bet he's great. Charlie Chaplin. Shall we do that? Shall we go and see Charlie Chaplin? Shall we? Charlie Chaplin? Charlie Chester. Charlie Brown. No, he's fiction. Friction, fiction, fixing, mixing, Rickston, Brixton…." This gasp was so painful to hear. The most important woman in the universe and you can't have the future with the Doctor you always wanted. The one everyone wishes they could have the first moment they step through the doors into the TARDIS.
"I was going to be with you forever."
"I know." And the pain, and hurt in the Doctor's voice. Another companion, no, another friend being lost to him. Oh Doctor.
"The rest of my life, traveling in the TARDIS. The Doctor Donna. No. Oh my gosh. I can't go back. Don't make me go back. Rose. Tell him. Tell him. Let me stay. Please. Don't make me go back."
I stepped forward and wrapped my arms around the shaking woman. She has done so much for my Doctor, and this is how the universe repays her. No memories left of the best time of her life.
"Oh Donna..."
"Rose… give him the forever I can't. Don't leave him again. He loves you, and all the time I've known him he hasn't looked at anyone the way he looks at you. Give him your forever."
"Oh Donna. You know he has it. And you know he loves you. The most important women in the universe. They'll still sing your song, the Doctor Donna. And the Doctor's best friend."
I gave her a smile and backed away, tears starting to spill down my face as I watched the Doctor and Donna break saying goodbye.
"Donna. Oh Donna Noble. I am so sorry. But we had the best of times." And the tears rolled down his face. "The best. Goodbye."
"Doctor. Take her home. Doctor." My voice broke him out of his trance, staring at his now lost best friend. "She loves you. But she needs to go home now." I wrapped him in a hug. Right now words were not what my Doctor needed. I could feel the hum of the TARDIS strengthen in my mind, as if the TARDIS was reaching out to her pilot through me. He won't be alone again.
Forever is the promise I made all those years ago. Forever is the promise I thought broken when I stood on that beach on the worst day of my life. Forever is the promise I won't break again.
Hope and Glory. Mutt and Jeff. Shiver and Shake.
The Time Lord and the Bad Wolf.
The Doctor and Rose.
For the first time in how long she didn't know, Jackie opened the door to her daughter's room. The pink colours of her childhood had changed to pink with TARDIS blue circular patterns swirling across the walls, and drawings littered the room. Drawings of her daughter and her leather jacket alien, the one who stole her away, of her daughter with a man in a pinstriped suit. Joining these pictures were ones of a man in a World War Two outfit, ones of various aliens and creatures, ones of outer space and a big blue box. Her magical machine.
Jackie choked back a sob. Despite how much she would miss her daughter, she knew Rose would never be happy here, on this Parallel Earth. Jackie had found the man she loved again, and after over twenty years without him she finally had a future with Pete. But Rose could never stay here when the man she loved, the man who had shown her a better way of life was out there in their original universe travelling the stars. Her daughter had always maintained that the reason she loved her life on the TARDIS was for all the lives she could be a part of, for all the lives she could save. Running for her life hand in hand with the Doctor was a bonus.
Reaching underneath her daughter's bed, Jackie felt her hand hit a wooden box. Pulling it out, she set it on the bed. It was a beautiful redwood box with a gold circular pattern on the lid. Jackie knew this was the same pattern that was on the door of Rose's room on the TARDIS, that was carefully etched by hand and not by machine; she could remember the day Rose found the new addition to her door. Rose was wearing a huge smile, her trademark tongue touched smile, as she raced back into the console room, leaping onto her leather Doctor's back chanting "Thank you" over and over again. A lone tear escaped as Jackie thought about her daughter.
After what seemed like hours, she finally gathered enough strength and courage to open her daughter's box. Rose had started it the day she was stranded in the parallel world, adding to it week by week, until it was full of everything dear to her in her new universe. Sitting at the top was a letter.
Jackie Tyler
Mum
Hi Mum, it's Rose. If you are reading this then I'm not coming back to you again. The last goodbye I gave is really my last goodbye. Hopefully I've found the Doctor and am travelling with him again. That's been my goal with this dimension cannon, yeah the stars are going out and we need the Doctor to help, but if I've found him I'm not leaving him again.
He's a good man Mum. But he needs people around him after all he's seen. People who remind him to see the good in life, not just the bad; he helps so many but he only seems to remember those he failed to save.
I've seen the life he leads. It's not easy, it's not magical and more often than not you're faced with death after death. Aliens and creatures who only want to do harm to other people. And once you come face to face with them you have a choice. You choose to give up or to make a stand. Remember what I said when I thought I was trapped on earth? When you said he had done the right thing sending me back to you? I said that the Doctor showed me a better way of living your life, and that he showed you it too. If something is wrong you don't stay silent, you don't just let it continue to be wrong.
You make a stand. You say no. You have the guts to do what is right when everyone else just runs away. It's not smart, but it's standing up and making a decision because nobody else will.
The Doctor has been running all his life, and when I met him for the first time he was running from the loss of his race. But he was also running to all those who needed him, to the adventures that awaited him. The universe is changing all the time, planets die and stars are born. Ancient civilisations burn while new civilisations are only just learning how to walk. And I want to be there with him when he comes face to face with something new. I want to be there when he has to make those decisions that affect others, even him.
I love you Mum, but there's nothing here for me. And I am so, so grateful for you Mum, really I am. You helped me get back to the Doctor and save him. You helped me take care of him after his regeneration. And above all Mum you raised me. Despite everything you loved me and tried to do what was best for me. You wanted me safe. You even slapped a nine hundred year old alien because you thought he hurt me! You know, he said "Nine hundred years of time and space and I've never been slapped by anyone's mother!" You were right; it is one hell of an age gap.
But I love him. I really do. And I can help him. After all he has done and all he has seen, he needs someone. He's not a god. He's not all powerful. But he is a good man and …. I love him. I'm giving him my forever. He's not my boyfriend, he's better than that. He's so much more important. Not just to me but to so many. And he deserves someone's forever, not just a few years but decades. I need him. More than anything because there is nothing left for me here.
Mum, you know, if you saw it out there, you would never stay home.
I love you.
But this is goodbye. Just remember me. I'll think about you all the time, just now I won't be able to call or pop back for a visit. I'm living my life in a better way.
I love you, forever and all ways Mum.
Rose Marion Tyler
The Bad Wolf
The Defender of Earth
Your daughter forever.
Love you.