Fabricated Forgetfulness
"Tonight your memory burns like a fire
With every one it grows higher and higher
And I can't get over it
I just can't put out this love
I just sit in these flames and pray
That you'll come back
Close my eyes tight, hold on and hope
That I'm dreaming
Come wake me up."
Her hands shook violently as she realized who was on the caller ID.
A pale hand reached for the phone and held it to her ear. "...Hello?"
It was a hoarse greeting; but at that moment, it was all she could utter.
The doctor had called; speaking in a stern voice as he told her the test results.
There was nothing they could do.
Tears immediately sprang from her eyes as the phone plundered from her hands. "…I'm sorry, Ms. Rianara."
She was welcome to come to fade away in the hospital.
The dial tone quickly echoed the somber apology; a simple buzz that kept her brain in the cruel hands of reality.
She was dying; and there was nothing she could do about it.
Six to twelve months left to live.
All her hopes and dreams had been and were being achieved through her violin.
Eventually, that would be the only remnant of her.
She was not one to dawdle when there was a deadline.
Rain pelted the window of the plane as it shuddered slightly with the force of the winds.
She had written her bucket list; and seeing him one last time was first and foremost. She had not seen him in eight years after they had graduated high school. He spoke of high ambitious goals: surpassing his father in the family company, marrying well, conquering his competition.
She had no doubt that he had not gotten to accomplish those goals—and possibly more. They had been best friends since kindergarten; and she knew him well. However, a plaguing thought captured her mind: Would he even recognize her? Or even have time to spare from his elaborate goals to perceive her?
Her destination was Tokyo; and there she would face those dreaded memories of her family's demise—all for him.
As she stepped out of the cab and onto the street, she took a deep breath as she headed to the hotel. Tomorrow, she would face the cause for her mission: him.
The night passed rapidly; and her alarm mercilessly woke her from her fortunately dreamless slumber. She instantaneously maneuvered herself into morning mode to prepare herself for the immense step she was about to take. She left her hair in its natural, curly waves and pulled on a professional, grey dress she had, a few months before, purchased for her profession.
A musician.
She promptly entered his office at eight o'clock. His taste was simple yet colossally formal with his business edifice. She felt meager and small in its presence; but with a deep breath she entered the immense glass doors.
She wondered how beautifully an instrument could echo in its immense infrastructure.
A pretty secretary who was borderline between professional and inappropriate typed hastily as Rin entered the room.
"Hello? What floor is Mr. Takahashi on?" She asked politely as she smoothed the fabric of her clothing.
The blonde sent her a glare before responding in a sickly sweet voice. "Mr. Takahashi is very busy this morning, Miss. Please do not waste our time with silly requests."
She drew her mouth in a tight line. "I only wish to speak with my good friend, for a moment, Miss…Hakunori. So, please, tell me what floor and office number he is in. That would be greatly appreciated."
The secretary looked taken aback by her authoritative and urgent tone. "Yes, Miss—"
"Rianara."
"Miss Rianara. I will phone Mr. Takahashi immediately."
The secretary, whose name Rin did not find important to remember, directed her to Sesshomaru's office.
A large, tinted glass window that she could not hope to peer into lined the wall of his office in the hallway; with a beautifully crafted mahogany door guarding the entrance to his domain.
She gently turned the golden handle and entered the room; only to see him at his desk. His handsome features, as always, took her breath away.
His booming voice shattered the silence between them. "Before you enter the office, it is expected that you knock before doing so. I could fire you without a care in the world with one word—Rin?"
His golden eyes widened as he took in her features. In seconds he was in front of her; gathering her into his arms.
"Rin, what is wrong?" He whispered as he placed his face against her neck.
Several lines passed through her head. "…I missed you."
Golden eyes softened against her face; but he remained silent.
'As I, you, Rin…'
"Come to dinner with me."
Later that night, he had taken her to one of the most notorious and expensive restaurants in town—the L'amour De la Luna—as casually as walking into a commonly known fast food restaurant. Knowing him, it was normal to do so.
She had dressed herself in her best black gown; an old hand-me down from her mother that her grandmother had kept until she was of age.
The beautiful sweet-heart neck lined dress shimmered from the chandelier's light as she sauntered with him in tow after the waitress to their table.
They sat in silence pondering what they would like; and she gaped at the prices.
"Sesshomaru, I…don't have the money to pay for this."
Golden eyes looked up to her face. "Do not worry about it, Rin. I took you out on this outing; it is on me." He had said.
She pondered other things while he ordered; and she soon followed.
"Do you still play your violin?"
Brown eyes locked with his. "Yes, I do. That's what and how I got into music school, actually. I have a performance coming up soon, if you'd like to attend. But I know that you're busy and all—"
"I would love to attend."
A smile formed its way to her lips. For the first time in weeks, she had felt alive; as if nothing was wrong.
He had invited her to dinner; which had led to more and more outings. The last time she had seen him was her violin concert.
Yet, two months had passed by; and as the second drew to a conclusion, he had seemed to grow even more distant.
She had not seen him as of late; and he had made no effort to contact her by any means. She had but he had ceased to contact her.
This time, she had had enough. She would get to the bottom of this.
"You're really gonna marry her, Sessh?"
The elegant head looked up from the piles of paper work to turn towards his brother. "Yes."
"Why? You know her estrogen is going to come through here one of these days and blow the roofs off at some point. I'll take her." Miroku grinned as he joined in on the conversation from his desk.
He had had enough. The ningin woman had forced herself into his corridors; and he would force her out. Yumi, the demoness his mother had arranged for him to marry, had required most of his attention at late; but he had even considered many times to accidentally slice her in half in the midst of her complaining episodes.
"Yumi is not for your taking. Neither are you to place your hands upon her or you will find yourself with no hands nor feet."
"What about Rin? You know her current condition—"
Miroku's fist landed directly in Inuyasha's abdomen.
The hanyu instantly remembered Kagome's orders about Rin's wishes.
'Kagome's gentle orbs glistened slightly as she listened to the girl's horrid news.
"I just want the remainder of my life to be normal. Even if I'm dying, I don't want him to know. It's not my place to interrupt his life."
"He should know, Rin. Think of how he will feel if you don't tell 'em." Inuyasha offered as he came to sit beside Kagome in the living room.
She sighed. "I haven't seen him in eight years, Inuyasha. If he cared at all, he would have contacted me by now. I won't waste my breath to speak news that will not be heard on deaf ears." '
If it weren't for his mother's will to have an arranged marriage, or his conquest of controlling the business world with acceptable connections, he would love to have run off with his Rin. But Rin wasn't his.
However…this world bore him: a world of constant routine that required absolute reservation and composure at all times.
No. It cannot be undone.
His phone went off; jarring his pondering.
'I want to talk to you about the press announcement of our wedding and engagement. I'm coming over now. Meet me at the front doors.
~Yumi'
Shit.
He gathered his papers quickly as if preparing for a tornado.
As she waited for the subway train to bring her to her destination, she observed the sickening paleness—seemly translucent—of her skin. It wouldn't be long before he would notice and ask questions.
She wanted to tell him herself before—
before the grenade went off.
She always ruined everything she touched in her life.
Except flowers.
She had learned to keep her distance from people, everyone.
But…she couldn't let this chance pass her by.
Her body seemed to be in an 'auto pilot' mode; for she found herself on the street of his business building.
More like his street.
Just as she was rounding the corner to the main door, the entrance to the glass edifice opened to reveal a rushed figure coming towards her.
"Sesshomaru!"
She sat dumbfounded, on the cold floor.
The television was paused on the program she had been watching earlier that morning; his face etched on the screen in that same smile—of which only she had been privileged to see on rare occasions—directed towards her.
The question of "Why?" haunted her mind; yet she only wanted him to be happy.
That was enough...right?
"I'll always be there to protect you."
Was the connection she felt only one sided? Heaven forbid that she, of all people- a starving musician—could be considered worthy of a creature of his caliber in the superior society.
"Play your music. If that is what you want to do, strive for it."
But…he was her best friend; the person who had always been there for her no matter how severe the situation was.
"Rin…you shouldn't let them walk all over you like that. No matter what they say, you are the sole director of your life."
A loud ring jarred her from her reminiscing, When her phone demanded her attention, she answered as if it was a rehearsed speech.
"I am fine, Inuyasha. There is nothing to be upset about; I hope Kagome and the baby are doing well?"
Kagome, Izayoi, and often Sango herself, checked in on her; but she merely presented them with a smile and her usual cheerful charisma.
He had made not an ounce of effort to contact her. She had been informed by Inuyasha that the "selfish bastard was neck deep in work and business meetings."
Yet she continuously doubted her worth to him. Maybe she was just a pawn to amuse him; just as every other breathing creature that ever crossed paths with the Sesshomaru Takahashi, CEO of Takahashi Corporation, and most eligible bachelor in Japan.
A few weeks later, when she had thought she had pushed the whole ordeal out the window, the wedding invitation sent her flying back to that dark hell hole.
Maybe if she closed her eyes, she would discover that she was dreaming; and not living reality. He would come back to save her from herself. Her mind was her prison guard; repeating vicious thoughts to her. The saying, "I am my worst enemy" rang true for her- and there was nothing she could do to escape. Hell, if she could turn back time and change their last meeting, she would.
She had bumped into him on her way into his immaculate business building. "Rin…" A surprise tone on the usual calm and collected baritone jarred her from her happy thoughts.
She tried so hard to squash her love; telling herself it was a mere childish wish that would eventually meet reality. Yet all was in vain. It was selfish of her to wish she was the one that held the key to his heart; and she knew it.
She looked him square in the eyes and opened her mouth to pour her heart—her soul—to him.
"Sesshomaru I—"
"Sesshomaru!" a sharp, needy voice shattered her resolution. "We need to go!"
His face remained empty as tears betrayed her carefully assembled composed exterior. Pity hidden behind the golden eyes flickered for a mere moment—but immediately vanished when footsteps came closer to them.
"I'm sorry, Rin," he began as he passed her. "Just…don't come around anymore. It's for the better of both of us…"
That was six months ago.
The lights played with her dark tresses as she loomed over a bottle of strong alcohol.
She could usually just drink him right off her mind—push him right out of her heart; and often, Friday nights were her heydays. However, this time, his presence burned as if it held the power of fire in her veins. She couldn't escape; and while she burned, he was getting married tomorrow—and finally having the life he had always desired.
'Come wake me up from this nightmare…anyone…'
A sob ripped itself from her throat as she threw money on the counter.
The bar tender eyes snapped to the petite woman with a black locks in a complete disarray, make up smeared, and bandages wrapped around the length of her arms force herself through the doors.
"Miss!"
She only felt pain.
He wouldn't come this time to save her. He wouldn't be there to catch her when she plummeted. There would be no safety net for her this time.
Soon, she would be out of his hair. No worries. He probably wouldn't even know she had died.
As if perfectly on queue, rain pelted her skin. Soaked to the bone and no money left for a cab, she treaded through the streets.
She had promised she would be present at the wedding; but there was no promise made to stay.
If only he knew.
She found herself at the entrance of the immaculate white church.
Many other guests were seated in the pews; and she was merely gazing at the beautiful roses outside—seeming to pretend it was not real.
She had come to a resolve that the only thing she wanted—should want— was to see him get married and be happy.
Yumi was not any plain Jane: the demoness had beautiful sakura colored hair with gentle matching markings upon her face.
Rin herself paled even in the mention of her.
She had promised she would be here; and she would stay to at least the reception.
"Rin."
Kagome.
She forced her perfectly crafted smile to her face as she watched her gorgeous friend walk to her.
Her brown orbs widened as she took in her gaunt yet still beautiful form. "You've lost a lot of weight…Rin, I am deeply concerned for you. You're not okay…"
Her smile dropped. "I know, Kagome. I'm just trying to forget and enjoy what I have left."
The older woman swallowed hard as a lump formed in her throat. "Rin…please tell him at some point today. Please. Promise me."
She pulled the girl into an embrace against her—as much as she could, anyways.
"Please, Rin. I know that we all seem to be nagging you or asking much of you, but you do not know what effect you have on Sesshomaru. He loves you, Rin. But he's being forced to marry her. Please don't let him do this, Rin. Please." She spoke hurriedly into her ear.
She closed her eyes to avoid showing the others her tears. "I…can't, Kagome. He is happy. He wants to be with her. They will live long and happy. Much more than I…could ever hope to give. What kind of friend would I be if I destroyed that? Not a good one. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go inside…."
As she stepped out of the embrace, she stumbled and fell to her knees; effectively bruising her legs on the concrete.
"Rin! Are you alright?"
She nodded and struggled for breath.
Did her illness have to remind her of how little time she had left?
"Yep... I'll just go inside now..."
Little did she know a pair of alarmed golden irises were watching her every move.
She ran her hand over the glossy mahogany of her instrument.
It had been a gift from him so many years ago; one of which that she had treasured the most.
"Rin…" Kagome placed a hand on her shoulder as she pulled the violin from its case.
"Have to play…the violin for the…wedding…"
"You don't have to do this, Rin. You do not look so well… Rin wait—!"
"I'll be alright, Kagome…you'll see…"
She and the instrument stumbled towards the stage. The announcer looked alarmed at her current state, but said nothing; almost as if he was concerned for propriety.
"…Ladies and gentlemen, now here is Japan's world renowned violinist Rinera Rianara!"
He had asked her to play for the wedding reception—for their first dance. It seemed selfish, but he had to. She would do anything for him despite the cost—whether emotional or however taxing—and it would be the last time she would ever play.
She put her soul into her playing—to let it express both her sorrow and joy for his wedding.
She closed her eyes at the sight of them dancing their first dance together on the wooden dance floor.
Her mother's voice echoed the last words she had spoken to her daughter. "We are so proud of you, Rin…we'll be back in a few days. Be good for Baa-chan."
"We are sorry to inform you, Ms. Arai, but Mr. and Mrs. Rianara passed away in the plane crash…"
"We are proud to announce the union of Sesshomaru Takahashi and Yumi Tahauro!"
She gripped the bow tighter as she continued to play.
""Hi my name's Rinera but everybody calls me Rin! What's your name?"
"….Sesshomaru."
Tears escaped her tightly closed lids as she gasped for breath.
She reached the end of her piece and ran off the stage as applause thundered about her. No one noticed the musician run off in tears as the attention was placed upon the newlyweds.
She left her violin in its open case by the door as she ran towards the garden.
"We are sorry, Ms. Rianara. There is nothing we can do…we can try to run some tests…"
"You should tell him, Rin…"
"And ruin his wedding? I cannot, Kagome…"
She collapsed by the water fountain and slumped against it.
The pale edifice was her only source of support as sobs racked her body.
She imagined him coming out to see if she was okay; but as the minutes passed, she remained alone.
Blood dripped from her mouth as the run took its toll upon her battered form.
"Just give me…one last chance…to tell him…please…" she whispered as she lost consciousness.
Her gaze turned to look up at the pale aura of the crescent moon.
"How fitting…"
She searched frantically for the girl in the crowd.
Ignoring the irritated facial expressions of those around her, Kagome hobbled as fast as possible towards Sesshomaru.
He was in the midst of talking to a few of his friends when a hand urgently pulled at his arm. "Sesshomaru, forgive me for interrupting, but this is an urgent matter that I must speak to you of right now. Follow me."
His brow furrowed in confusion as he followed her to the hall way. "Rin's gone; but her violin is still here."
His face remained nonchalant. "She must be in the restroom, Kagome. Nothing to worry about. If there is nothing else—"
Her eyes narrowed. "You don't get it, do you? She left because her heart is broken! And even if this makes me a horrible friend by telling you her secret, so be it!" Tears ran down her face as she struggled to say the words. " She is terminally ill, Sesshomaru…she made us all promise in hopes that it would not disrupt your happiness and be the best decision to face the situation on her own with valor."
Time seemed to halt as reality crashed down upon him.
Money and wealth traded for her life.
How despicable.
"I will find her. Go with Inuyasha." He used his demonic strength to frantically search for her.
His heart beat a million miles a minute as she continuously failed to be present.
Her scent lead him in the direction of the garden.
Of course; she loved flowers.
"You got me roses for my birthday? Really for me! I love them!" A very hyper seventeen year old hugged the flustered demon.
"She seems to love them even more than the gold bracelet you got her, Sessh," Miroku had teased.
Ignoring the taunting, the demon subtly nodded as a response.
He found her slumped against the weeping angel fountain.
"Rin…Rin!"
She was vaguely aware of arms pulling her against a hard chest. "Rin! Rin! Rin?"
Despite her name being called, she couldn't respond.
'Sesshomaru…'
"I do not know what to do any more, Rin…" his arms embraced her gaunt frame as he shook with grief. " I find out on the day of my wedding day that you're dying? Rin…I…I don't know what to do but all I want to do is stay here…right here with you, Rin. But I can't get out of her will, Rin. I had a plan set out for my life…but I have one no longer. Why didn't you tell me sooner?"
Brown orbs gazed into the pained golden. "Sessh…"
Her pale hands stroked his silver strands as he folded towards the ground.
She could feel her life slipping away from her finger tips as she struggled to get the words out. "I wanted to stay with you as long as I could, Sess. I didn't tell you because I didn't…I didn't know if I was of any worth to you. I just wanted you to be happy…that is all that I…ever wanted…"
She watched his reserved and carefully crafted facial structure fall apart.
A demon bound so tightly with forced social conformities was breaking down over a mere human.
Her.
Hands reached to bring her broken facial features up. "You are all that matters to me, Rin. The only person I truly…love. I love you, Rin. I've been trying to figure out what is right and what is wrong; but I do not know what it is. I do not have such freedoms to choose, Rin. For the company to expand, it needs this marriage…but I…"
He placed a gentle kiss to her forehead. "But I…don't wish to be a part of such a life that I do not want…I love you, Rin."
Tears fell from her eyes as she gently smiled at him. "I love you too, Sesshomaru…"
He softly placed his lips against her own as he drew her closer.
'Forever and always…'
Her brown orbs gazed at his face once more, and closed for the last time.
An anguished cry broke the peaceful silence of the air.
"Rin!"
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