SCENE 1
[Sweden and Finland are drinking morning tea in Sweden's house. It is a week before Valentine's day.]
FINLAND: So ummm Sweden?
[Sweden grunts in reply and just barely looks up from his morning paper.]
FINLAND: Well I was just wondering, [Sweden is actually looking up at him now, kinda] if we are going to might maybe do something for valentine's day maybe?
SWEDEN: I am going to Norway's house.
FINLAND: [looks disappointed] Well I thought that maybe, since I am your wife and all, and now that we live together, that maybe we could do something together for valentine's day?
SWEDEN: No. Norge is expecting me.
FINLAND: But-
SWEDEN: Discussion ended.
FINLAND: Oh… okay. Well on a different topic I made you some pancakes for breakfast, I know how you get hungry in the mornings. [Back to reading an article about America and China arguing over an air space, he grunts in reply.] I also cleaned the entire house last night while you were sleeping because you said we had a guest coming over today. I also set up the patio table because I thought we could eat breakfast on the balcony together and- [The doorbell rings and Sweden gets up to answer the door completely ignoring anything Finland was saying.]
SWEDEN: [opens the door to an irritated Norway] Norway what a pleasant surprise.
NORWAY: I believe this belongs to you. [shoves an opened letter into Sweden's hand.]
SWEDEN: Are you hungry, I have pancakes. [Ignoring Norway's irritation Sweden drags Norway inside by way of his outstretched hand.]
NORWAY: [irritated] No I'm not hungry, I already had breakfast with my little brother. And would you please let go off me?
FINLAND: [standing meekly in the corner but smile and waves] Hi Norway.
NORWAY: Oh hello Finland, I didn't see you there-
SWEDEN: Don't mind the help [He drags norway onto the balcony that over looks a forest.] There now we can be alone. What is it that you needed?
NORWAY:I came to give you back this horribly written love letter. I thought that I told you to stop sending them.
SWEDEN: If I stop sending them how can I be sure that you do not forget my feelings for you? NORWAY: How could I forget, you never stop reminding me. I thought that your marriage to Finland would stop this.
SWEDEN: Is that why you did it? [he looks at the ground]
NORWAY: Did what?
SWEDEN: You went on a date with Iceland! Don't deny it you said so yourself!
NORWAY: What are you talking about you rass hoel? Iceland is my brother-
SWEDEN: [take Norway's hand] I promise I will give you all you want and need, anything you heart desires just ask.
NORWAY: Kristus [rolls eyes]
[Suddenly a giant axe slams into the wooden railing of Sweden's balcony, a distressed Denmark is hanging onto the handle, seeing as Sweden apparently lives in a cottage in the mountains.]
DENMARK: Ummm Norge? Can you help me out here?
NORWAY: What the helvete are you doing here?[sighing Norway helps Denmark onto the balcony]
DENMARK: [now securely on firm ground hugs Norway tightly] I heard you had been kidnapped by stupid Sweden so I came here to be your knight in shining armour!
NORWAY: For the last time I do not need rescuing! I came here of my own free will, do you forget the viking age? You both should know that I can handle myself! [Norway is twitching with agitation]
DENMARK: [goes on as if he hadn't heard Norway] Norge he didn't touch you did he? He just can't get over the fact that you chose me over him can he? I'm so sorry I didn't get here sooner. [Snuggles his head into Norway's shoulder]
NORWAY: Why do I even try...
SWEDEN: Why would anyone chose a wanna be king over the lion of scandinavia?[Norway rolls his eyes content to wait out their tantrums]
DENMARK: Lion of Scandinavia? You were nothing more than a bully beating up helpless baby nations!
SWEDEN: At least I didn't slaughter countless members of their nobility!
DENMARK: If you hadn't had questioned my authority as King of All Norse Land I wouldn't have had to kill off your nobility!
SWEDEN: Are you saying that I am at fault? [Whips out his staff from nowhere]
DENMARK: Of course! You are the one who broke up the family! [Fixes his grip on his axe]
[Finland sees the commotion from inside and rushes onto the balcony]
FINLAND:Wait guys! Don't fight! Norway do something! [he looks desperately at Norway]
NORWAY: Why is it my problem? I'm not their babysitter. The only person I have to look after is Iceland.
[Upon hearing Norway say another man's name both Denmark and Sweden stop their fighting]
DENMARK: Have you been hanging out with Iceland again?
NORWAY: Well he is my little brother so I am obligated to look after him-
SWEDEN: You think that's all there is?
NORWAY: What are you talking about?
DENMARK: How can you not know?
NORWAY: I'm so confused. Look all I wanted to do was give Sweden back his stupid letter and now-
DENMARK: Letter? What letter?
SWEDEN: None of your business.
DENMARK: As Norway's significant other I do believe that is my business!
NORWAY: My what?! You're not-
SWEDEN: Norway would never date you. He has higher standards.
NORWAY:You know what I'm leaving. [Denmark and Sweden continue bickering]
FINLAND: But Norway-
NORWAY: [continues walking] I would rather be anywhere but here.
FINLAND: But Sweden and Denmark are only-
NORWAY: I don't care [walks out the door]
FINLAND: Norway wait! [follows]
[Norway and Finland disappear and Sweden and Denmark continue to argue…]
SWEDEN: You're a war obsessed narcissist.
DENMARK: No I'm not! You just can't handle my amazingness! Isn't that right Norway? [silence] Norway?
[Sweden and Denmark look around, just now noticing their beloved's absence.]
SWEDEN: Norway seems to have disappeared...[Sweden runs out the door going god knows where]
DENMARK: Don't sweat it Norge, I'll save you! [runs out the door but heads in the opposite direction of Sweden].