The End of Solomon Grundy
J.J.: Hello folks! J.J. here! How would you like another Fanfic by yours' truly?
Yuki: Fuck you.
J.J.: Damn! Could you be anymore cruel?
Shuichi: J.J.! I'm HOME!
J.J.: Yeah! Shuichi's home!
Yuki: Why are you so excited?
J.J.: We didn't tell the readers. Since the publication of "Can I be Earless Too?" I have been living with Shuichi and Yuki.
Yuki: More like mooching.
J.J.: There was this one time, during regent's week, that I had to stay home with Yuki…It was SO boring! All he did was type on his laptop. If we ever talked, it was a monologue! He only got out of his study to have coffee, smoke, and use the bathroom. I feel for Shuichi.
Yuki: Who ever said you can live with us?!
Shuichi: Oh! –tears in his eyes and blushing-
Littlekely: Shuichi?
Shuichi: -latching onto Yuki- US! HE SAID US! "OUR" HOME! I'M SO HAPPY! OH YUKI!
Yuki: Get the fuck off of me!
Shuichi: AWWW! Don't be like that!
J.J.: I'm so lucky to have roommates like this.
Yuki: Don't be surprised if your clothes find their way into a dumpster.
J.J.: You didn't kick me out in the last 3 days! Why are you being so cruel?
Yuki: I've always been cruel.
Littlekely: He has.
Tohma: He can be.
Sakano: He has.
K: He has.
Hiro: He has.
Fuji: He has.
J.J.: He has.
Ryuichi: KUMAGORO!
K: RYUICHI!
Everyone: …
J.J.: Let's get on with the disclaimers.
Yuki: Why do I have to say it?
J.J.: You hardly ever do any work here!
Yuki: I act for your sorry ass!
J.J.: Besides that you do nothing!
Yuki: Fuck you!
Shuichi: She doesn't own Gravitation.
Littlekely: Or Godchild.
Yuki: You've got to be kidding me!
J.J.: What?
Yuki: You took it from another Manga?
J.J.: I was bored. Also, I paid a visit to the library with Littlekely and I took it out. Kind of cool if you ask me. If any of you readers have ever read Godchild, I'm sure you did, I got the title of this Fanfic from volume 5. Pretty cool, huh?
Yuki: You should get arrested.
J.J.: Hey! As long as I say I don't own it, I won't get arrested. However, they could probably take my work and make a profit off of it. Dammit! Maybe I could do a poor man's copyright?
Hiro: It's not your work. You'll get arrested to 10 to life in prison.
J.J.: Fuck. I'm a genius and they won't allow me to publicize. That's fucked up.
Yuki: Just continue with the fucking story so I can leave!
J.J.: Alright! Alright! Alright! Geeze! Here we go, dammit!
MONDAY
I once knew a man who dies in a week. His name was Solomon Grundy.
On Monday, he is born.
On Tuesday, he gets christened.
On Wednesday, he gets married.
On Thursday, he falls ill.
On Friday, he gets worse.
On Saturday, he dies.
On Sunday, …
…
Then it starts…all over again.
******
Beep!............Beep!............Beep!............Bee-
Damn alarm clock! I hear you! I hear you! Another rough morning for Eiri Yuki once again. Yuki disarmed the alarm clock and looked at the time.
"Damn. I overslept again." Yuki grumbled as he tried to get up but his bed looked so inviting. The mocking clock read 10:15 in the morning. Then the memories of last night came flooding back to him.
Flash Back
Going to a bar…
Drinking to my hearts content…
Tohma was there as well…
…I don't remember anymore…
End of Flash Back
Along with the memories came a splitting pain in his head to remind him why drinking too much is bad.
"Morning's good, but this hangover's bad." Yuki mumbled. Tohma must have dropped me off at my place. Yuki slowly got out of bed and walked into the bathroom. He opened the medicine cabinet and pulled out his secret stash of Ibuprofen. Lucky! I still have the 600 mg left. Yuki popped two into his mouth and stood to wait for the pills to do their job. Back to my boring life, with a boring job, with boring clients. Man sometimes I wish I was a mime. At least people would think that I decked them in the face with an imaginative force… Yuki got dressed in his usual work uniform and walked out to get his Mercedes. Yuki drove for at least 20 blocks until he got to his destination. Cat Café. I can't believe I can only get a job here. After avoiding the crowd of fan girls, Yuki popped into the staff lounge and found his boss.
"Why the hell are you so goddamn late?!" His boss said. Yuki grit his teeth. One person I DON'T want to see when I have a hangover. Shut the fuck up will you?
"I'm sorry Tatsuha." Yuki grumbled as he put his coat in his locker.
"It's "Boss" to you Yuki!" Tatsuha grinned. Will I really get into trouble if I kill someone again? The thought's looking pretty tempting again… "Yuki! I need to be the waiter again today. Apparently, Yoriko is out again so I need you to cover for her." Tatsuha said heading towards the door.
"Why the fuck do I have to do it?! You have other employees!" Yuki argued.
"You bring more customers in than my penis. Now get to work!" Tatsuha said with a smile. "Oh yeah, our store anniversary's coming up…you know what that means right?" Tatsuha said with an evil grin. Yuki's vein popped. Naw. I doubt it. Tohma can cover for me and I can dump the body in Kyoto bay.
"I'm going to be absent again then." Yuki said.
"I'll give you a raise!" Tatsuha persuaded. Yuki popped another vein. I might just kill him now! Yuki stormed out the room and left Tatsuha by himself. Tatsuha frowned. "You need a person in your life Yuki. Don't end up alone or else Mika's gonna kill me."
******
"Welcome to Cat Café, home of the best homemade coffee. What will be your order?" Yuki asked with no emotion.
"One black coffee and a kiss? Please?" A girl asked. Yuki wasn't even paying attention, he was too fondled with a way to kill Tatsuha. I wonder if poisoning him is too lenient. He should suffer before he croaks. Yuki poured sweet tea in a cup and added three sugar packs. Maybe slice off his limbs and feed it to a shark…naw. That's just not me. Maybe I should rip all his porn magazines and then force him to eat them while I'm burning his hair off his head… Yuki added some cinnamon and nutmeg. Or maybe I could just snipe him from his window with a swirling bullet… Yuki put milk in it and closed the lid and handed it to the lady. "A kiss please?" She asked. Yuki's vein popped again.
"You can take your kiss and shove it up your ass, whore!" Yuki yelled and stormed into the staff lounge. Great I yelled at a customer. I'm a retired novelist I can't even handle a small job. Maybe I should go back to writing again. But…I never wanted to write in the first place. I only did it because of Kitazawa… Yuki gritted his teeth. I don't want to remember right now.
"YUKI!" Tatsuha called. Change of thought. I'd rather have Kitazawa right now. "Why'd you yell at a customer?!"
"Why are getting so hot-headed about this? She comes EVERY WEEK! No matter how many times I give her the wrong coffee! She's going to be back!" Yuki yelled as he took out a cigarette.
"She better be! I like how she smells…" Tatsuha said blushing. Yuki's sweat dropped.
"Keep your premature balls in your pants." Yuki said walking towards the back door.
"You better be grateful I gave you job! You keep getting fired at all the ones you apply to! Why did you quit being a writer, you were so famous Eiri!" Tatsuha whined. Yuki said nothing and walked out the door. Lighting his cigarette, he took a drag and sighed. I quit because I wanted to. It's none of your business Tatsuha. And besides, it's not my fault I get fired. People don't know how to keep their hands to themselves. Yuki finished his cigarette and watched as it squished beneath his shoe.
"Maybe I should go back to writing…" Yuki said and lost his train of thought when he saw a young boy with pink hair limping towards him holding his arm and covered in blood. Yuki's eyes widened. The kid continued to walk over to Yuki while Yuki just stood there; crazed out of his mind. When the kid walked over to him, he smiled and Yuki just stared in bewilderment.
"H-Help me…please…kind sir…" Then the kid fainted in Yuki's arms; bloodying his clothes. Dammit! I was so looking forward to getting drunk today!
******
What's going on? What is this sensational warmth? It feels comforting and soothing…
"Hey!" Yuki yelled and the kid's eyes snapped open. The kid's eyes met Yuki's and he gasped. He tried to get up but Yuki forced him down. "You shouldn't be getting up yet. You have a nasty cut on your left hand and you were bleeding from your head, arm, and I think you got stabbed in your leg; you had one hell of a deep cut there." Yuki said as the kid lay back down.
"Thank you so much for your kindness. I'll never forget your gratitude towards me." The kid said. Yuki's sweat dropped. Why the hell is he speaking so proper?
"I hope you don't mind me going through your things but, um, I found your I.D. It says "Shuichi Shindou". Is that you?" Yuki asked. The kid just stared at Yuki and shook his head. Yuki sighed. Why must this happen to me of all people? "Soooo…what's your name?" Yuki asked. The kid sighed.
"I do not remember. I do not know." The kid said and hung his head down holding something in his hands. Yuki noticed this and sighed.
"What're you holding?" Yuki asked. He kid flinched and looked at Yuki with a questioning look. "In your hand." Yuki stated. The kid looked at his hand and Yuki saw a pendant of a rose and it had rubies and emeralds all over it. It had a total of 4 green emeralds and 3 red rubies. He must be loaded to have this! Maybe it's not so bad after all! "Anyway, do you mind if I call you Shuichi Shindou from now on?" The kid looked at Yuki and blushed. He averted Yuki's eyes.
"Shu…ichi…?" The kid asked. Yuki's vein popped. Is this kid slow or something?
"Yes." Yuki said in an annoyed voice. The kid's eyes glowed and he embraced Yuki which made them fall on the floor.
"Thank you for giving me a name! I am so grateful to you!" Shuichi said. Yuki looked at the screw loose with his sweat dropped. What's wrong with this kid? "By the way, may I ask what your name is?" Shuichi asked. Yuki blushed but tried to hide it.
"Yeah. It's Yuki. Eiri Yuki." Yuki said trying to get the idiot off him. Shuichi smiled even wider.
"Thank you for everything Yuki." Shuichi said and this made Yuki blush. This queer is getting on my nerves! Yuki pushed Shuichi off him and dusted off his clothes. Shuichi smiled as Yuki turned the corner; to busy to notice that one of the emeralds was missing.
******
I once knew a man who dies in a week. His name was Solomon Grundy.
On Monday, he was born…
J.J.: How was it people?
Hiro: Nice plot twist. It would've been even better if you came up with your own ideas.
Yuki: Took the words right out of my mouth.
J.J.: You guys can be so cruel! –tears form- WAHHH! LITTLEKELY!
Littlekely: There, There.
Shuichi: Review please!
Fuji: Don't you think people notice the pattern J.J.?
J.J.: Huh?
Hiro: You keep merging manga. Why?
J.J.: I thought it was genius.
Yuki: You must be an idiot then. You'll never get my approval.
J.J.: Bucho! –hugs Yuki-
Yuki: Get off of me!
J.J.: Man! –snaps fingers- I thought it would work.
Littlekely: What did you call him?
J.J.: The boss! Yep that's right! I used a Japanese word people! I'm so genius!
Yuki: Idiot.
J.J.: Bucho! –hugs Yuki-
Yuki: Knock it OFF!
Shuichi: Please review before we lose our author.
J.J.: AAAHHHH!
Yuki: You bitch!
Shuichi: …
K: Too late.
Tohma: -typing in computers- Obituaries…Ah! Here it is! Jennifer Jackson. Died Friday January 30, 2009. Killed from a blow to the head and pride. No one will miss her.
J.J.: You bastard! I'm not dead!
Sakano: Review and let's end this please?
K: I actually agree with you.