Blackfoot padded along the moor silently, Runningnose moving seamlessly beside him. The only sound filling the air was the medicine cat's occasional sniff.
As they came in view of the Mothermouth, the doubts that had been silently filling Blackfoot were coming to a boil.
Runningnose seemed to sense this, glancing up at the cool, Leafbare sky and sniffing again.
"StarClan seems distant." He mewed. Blackfoot twitched an ear, saying nothing. "They should be happy- Both TigerClan and BloodClan are gone from our forest." They stopped, a cool wind coming from the mouth of the dark cave.
"Then why are they so distant?" Blackfoot finally growled, flexing his large claws into the hard ground. Runningnose was quiet again, only shrugging his shoulders.
A monster roared by on the Thunderpath. A WindClan patrol was visible a distance away. Guilt cut into Blackfoot hard, like a swipe of claws, but he remained rigid, pulling his yellow gaze from the patrol and back to his medicine cat.
Runningnose was sitting patiently, the tip of his gray and white tail twitching from side to side gently.
"It can be frightening, at first." He encouraged as Blackfoot stepped closer to the mouth of the cave, sniffing at the stale air. Blackfoot snorted.
"I'm not frightened." He clarified, even though fear was howling in his ears like a warrior of LionClan. Runningnose peered at him, his eyes narrowed, not in an unfriendly way.
"Very well, then, go inside and earn your lives." The elder medicine cat sniffed. Blackfoot stared straight into the darkness before padding forward without another word to Runningnose.
The tunnel was tight around Blackfoot's massive shoulders, and he used his whiskers to feel along to sides. He could feel pawprints imbedded in the stone, from past leaders and medicine cats. Firestar had been the most recent cat here, but before then... Tigerstar.
Blackfoot shook his head to clear his thoughts, nearly whacking it off the rocky tunnel.
After a short while of stale air, Blackfoot following the natural dip and the tunnel widened into a room filled with glittering light. Blackfoot couldn't help but gasp quietly at the sight, glad no one was there to see him.
The moonstone glittered in the moonlight, filling the cave with light.
Blackfoot took his time, eyeing the stone carefully before approaching, sending a quick glance behind him. He settled down in front of the stone, but did not touch his nose to it right away. He could see his reflection ever so slightly, gleaming yellow eyes blinking back at him.
What if StarClan refused him? After all he did, under Brokenstar and Tigerstar. All the terrible things that happened, that Blackfoot did nothing to stop. That Blackfoot committed.
His nose filled with the scent of blood and before he could flash back to the sight of Stonefur, dying in the dirt, he thrust his nose forward and touched the cold stone.
Almost immediately, his thoughts dissipated and he fell into a heavy, deep sleep.
When Blackfoot awoke, he was in a shimmering place he had never seen before. The grass was long and soft, and glittered with starlight. Blackfoot was distracted for only a moment, when movement caught his eye. He got to his paws defensively, then recognized the scruffy molly.
"Yellowfang?" He clarified, twitching one ear back in surprise. The old medicine cat wrinkled her short nose at him and snorted.
"Have I changed so much, you don't recognize me?" She snapped, the familiar tone in her voice calming to the tom.
"No... in fact, you don't seem different at all." Blackfoot muttered, eyeing the speck of a flea leaping from the molly's thick fur. "I just... didn't expect to see you here. I thought you considered yourself a ThunderClan cat now." He blinked as Yellowfang sighed, her tail twitching irritably.
"And I suppose you think Tigerstar received all his lives from ThunderClan cats?" She snorted. Blackfoot resisted flinching at the name. "Blackfoot, I'm here to give you a life for endurance and foresight. This will be hard on you. But, if you can endure it, you will be able to look further than your own nose and know what is best for your clan." Yellowfang reached and touched her nose to Blackfoot's.
He felt his entire body go rigid, preparing itself for what was to come. But at the same time, he felt confident, plans of what could happen flashing through his mind. The life was short but powerful, leaving the large tom swaying slightly. Yellowfang stepped back, her amber eyes blinking sorrowfully.
"Good luck, Blackfoot. Restore ShadowClan. It was my home, once."
"I'm sorry, Yellowfang." Blackfoot grunted quickly, quietly, before the molly could leave. She hesitated. "I knew you would never kill those kits." Yellowfang's eyes softened for a moment, before turning away from the tom padding away, stars swirling in her wake.
When Blackfoot blinked again, he was surrounded by starry figures. He turned on his paws in surprise, trying to take them all in. Some faces he recognized, some faces he did not. Most notably, his mother, brother and sister. Hollyflower flicked her tail at him, a warm light in her eyes, while Flintfang and Fernshade looked on proudly. He expected at least one of them to step up and give him a life, but instead, a much smaller kit stepped forward, his eyes glowing excitedly.
Blackstar recognized him immediately, losing his breath for a moment.
"Volepaw." Blackstar dipped his head down to be level with the kit-apprentice.
"Hi, Blackfoot!" The small brown tom chirped, his tail flicking from side to side. The kit had died after Brokenstar began forcing them to train with rats. "I'm giving you a life for trust. Don't be afraid to put trust into the cats who have earned it. It will benefit you in the end!" He thrust his nose forward, making Blackfoot flinch in surprise.
The life was more painful than Yellowfang's, ricocheting through his body and making him shake as his fear of trusting others was forcefully drained from him. And though he could feel it refilling him slowly as Volepaw turned to race away, he knew he would hold the life dearly. To his shock, the next cat to approach was as small, Volepaw's brother, Mosspaw.
"I will give you the life of compassion." The big kit announced. "Feel for all those around you, may they be weaker, stronger, or your equal. Help and expect nothing in return." Blackfoot, again, had to bend down to touch noses to the kit. The life seemed as though it would be easier, but it still shook Blackfoot to his core with the raw power of it. He straightened, sighing and trembling.
"I'm sorry, the both of you." He whispered. The brothers look at Blackfoot with small smiles before disappearing back into the throngs of StarClan cats.
A commotion distracted Blackfoot, and he looked towards the source, seeing cats part as two kits tumbled through, giggling and pouncing their way towards Blackfoot. He thought immediately back to Yellowfang, for the two kits he had just apologized for, and here they were.
Marigoldkit and Mintkit finally stopped their playing when they reached Blackfoot, their small tails fluffed up in excitement.
"Blackfoot!" Marigoldkit panted, out of breath from their tussle.
"We're giving you a life for curiousity." Mintkit continued. Blackfoot felt his heart drop to his stomach.
"Don't be afraid to look beyond boundaries and rules! Sometimes it can be necessary." Marigoldkit added.
"Just make sure you stay safe." Mintkit shuffled his paws, looking almost guilty. The both hurried to brush their whiskers against either side of Blackfoot's face.
Again, the sheer force could have knocked Blackfoot off his face. But the life was innocent enough. He felt transported back to the nursery, the familiar scent of moss and milk, his brother and sister, his mother's warm fur. He absorbed every new sense, wanting to know even more about it. Just before the kits pulled away, the scent of fox and blood filled his nose, and Blackfoot felt his fur bristle.
The kits tumbled away with loud giggles, not a second look back at Blackfoot. He reached out a paw for a moment, a small whimper escaping him, until he saw the kits rush towards Brightflower. She pulled them close with her paw, squeezing her eyes at Blackfoot until he was able to place his paw back on the ground and catch his breath.
Now, an unfamiliar ginger-and-white tom approached. He wasn't quite a warrior, but not the kit-apprentices Blackfoot had seen so far. He was thin and wiry, like a WindClan cat. His scent held true, and Blackfoot realized he was indeed from WindClan.
"Greetings, Blackfoot." The tom sat in front of Blackfoot, hardly reaching his chin, but staring at him like an elder warrior. "You may not remember me, but my name is Gorsepaw. I'm from WindClan, as you might have noticed. Tigerstar killed me while trying to convince WindClan to join TigerClan." Blackfoot immediately remembered the apprentice, feeling his throat tighten. He had held back a frantic tortoiseshell molly as she screamed and yowled for her kit to be released. Blackfoot had not seen what Tigerstar did behind him, but he had seen the horror and disbelief in the molly's eyes as the apprentice behind him let out a strangled scream.
Blackfoot shook his head, clearing his thoughts from the look in the molly's amber eyes.
"Don't forget." Gorsepaw encouraged, his voice firm. Blackfoot looked at him in surprise. "I'm giving you this life for independence. Don't follow blindly. We are cats, not sheep. Be independent enough to not need to take orders, and refuse to do what you know is wrong. Don't forget the look in my mother's eyes." He touched his nose to Blackfoot's.
Shuddering, the life filled him with the strength and confidence to be his own cat, not to follow a poisoned leader, but to make his own decisions, the right decisions. He felt the fear Gorsepaw must have felt, Tigerstar's strong paws pinning him to the ground, and he heard with distinct clarity, the rage-filled shouts of 'Gorsepaw! Gorsepaw!', meaningless words he had faintly overheard during the strenuous battle with BloodClan, now holding a whole new meaning.
Gorsepaw stepped back and dipped his head to Blackfoot, who returned it without hesitation. The small tom fell back in line, and yet another kit-apprentice took his place. But this one had a place in Blackfoot's heart that made him step back, shocked.
The black and white kit seemed excited, glancing back at his mother. Fernshade nodded encouragingly, eyes squeezed shut. Badgerfang stepped closer, ignoring Blackfoot's discomfort.
"Uncle Blackfoot, it's me, Badgerpa- er, fang." He sent a sheepish glance at his uncle Flintfang, who only smiled softly.
"No.." Blackfoot swallowed the massive lump in his throat.
"You may be the biggest warrior, but I'm the smallest." Badgerfang puffed up his chest, as though it was something to be proud of. Blackfoot hesitantly came forward, the sight of his nephew crushing his heart between massive jaws. With a careful glance looking for Gorsepaw, Blackfoot looked back down to his smallest warrior.
"If I ever find out what rabbit-breath killed you, I'll-"
"Uncle Blackfoot!" Badgerfang cried, his ears flattening. "This isn't the place for that." The small kit assured the tom. Blackfoot swallowed again, settling back on his haunches silently. "I'm giving you the life of mentoring. I hope you can be as good a mentor to your clan as Uncle Flintfang was to me. They will need your guidance like apprentices, even the warriors! Know their limits, but don't be afraid to encourage them to push past them." He stretched his neck up, and Blackfoot bent to meet him.
The life ripped through him like a bolt of lightning. Blackfoot had to grit his teeth and root himself with his claws as it surged through him, filling him with pride and fear until it was over in a flash.
Badgerfang stepped back, but paused to brush his cheek against Blackfoot's foreleg.
"See you, Uncle Blackfoot." He purred, padding back to Blackfoot's kin and sitting between his mother and uncle. Blackfoot had to count how many lives he had received. He wasn't sure how much longer he could go on like this.
Three more, he had figured, when the next cat approached. She was a beautiful young cat, with brown tabby fur and a distinct ginger tail. Blackfoot couldn't recollect who she was until he met her warm amber eyes, and once again recognized the fear in them.
"Remember me?" She wondered with a flick of her unusual tail. "I am Rosetail of ThunderClan. You killed me while trying to steal ThunderClan kits." Blackfoot shut his eyes and looked away, feeling shame overwhelm him. "Lift your chin. I'm not here to guilt you." Slowly, Blackfoot obeyed. "In short, I'm here to give you the life for listening to your elders." A wry smile crossed Rosetail's face. "You are young yet- you have much to learn. You may have just been following orders, but I was murdered, under orders or not. Learn to take advice and orders from the right cats, the ones who have lived longer, seen more, and understand better. The older you get, the more regret you will gain. It's inevitable. But you can keep them low by listening to the right cats." Rosetail, without warning, touched her nose to Blackfoot. She smelt strongly of forest and bracken, undeniably of ThunderClan. Before he had another moment to absorb her scent, he was rocked by her life.
It was the easiest life so far. Unlike the life from the kits, it was gentler, and the strength it carried was calm, relaxed, like a kit lulled to sleep by an elder's story. Blackfoot almost wanted it to continue, and felt Rosetail pull away too soon. She brushed her thick tail along Blackfoot's shoulder before walking back into the crowd, disappearing. Blackfoot sighed. Only two more lives were left. He hoped that they would be as easy as the previous.
But as the next cat approached, he knew it would not be.
Stonefur walked up to Blackfoot steadily, the first cat to finally meet him at eye-level. He looked as he did before the days of TigerClan, muscles strong and fur thick and full. Blackfoot did not flinch this time, meeting Stonefur's blue gaze steadily, despite the fact his heart was racing.
"Greetings, Blackfoot." Stonefur rumbled, twitching one of his shredded ears. "I should hope you haven't forgotten me."
"Stonefur." Blackfoot replied quickly, his voice hoarse. Stonefur cocked his head slightly to the side.
"I give you the life for forgiveness." Stonefur explained slowly. Blackfoot could feel him trying to read his expression. "Learn not only to forgive others, but more importantly, yourself. Remember that was has happened, has happened, and dwelling on it will change nothing." Blackfoot stepped back, and Stonefur didn't hesitate to advance. "Do not live in the past. Your clan needs you to look to the future." Without another word, Stonefur touched his nose to Blackfoot's. Similar to Rosetail's, it did not have the sheer force of the past lives. But it wracked Blackfoot with guilt until he felt like he would burst, his lungs struggling to expand under the weight of it all and his mouth falling open in horror and pain. Suddenly, it was washed away, completely, until Blackfoot was left with a cool peace settled over him.
Stonefur stepped away, looking at Blackfoot closely.
"I'm sorry." Blackfoot choked out, his legs shaking. Stonefur nodded, and he knew nothing more needed to be said. Suddenly, Stonefur's head jerked up, his teeth baring.
"Blackfoot, d-"
Before Blackfoot could react, he was swallowed up by darkness. When his eyes adjusted, Stonefur and the rest of StarClan were nowhere to be seen.
"I have little time here, so listen closely." An all-too-familiar voice sounded behind him, and Blackfoot whipped around in shock. Tigerstar was there, his wounds looking at fresh as the day he died. His organs dragged on the ground as he approached Blackfoot, scarred nose twitching.
"You stink of every clan in the forest. What sort of lives do you carry?" He growled, his amber eyes glowing. Quickly, he shook his head. "Again, little time. I'm here to give you your final life." Blackfoot stared in shock. His final life, from Tigerstar? "I give you this life for ambition. I have made ShadowClan strong again. I expect you to carry on my legacy, and continue until ShadowClan is without a doubt the strongest clan in the forest." Tigerstar leaned forward, then hesitated, his voice low as he whispered. "And until you crush that kittypet and his worthless clan."
He thrust his nose against Blackfoot's. Blackfoot felt a darkness fill him until he could no longer stand and collapsed, gasping for breath.
"Blackstar, Blackstar." Tigerstar breathed against Blackstar's ear just as he passed out.
Blackstar awoke with a shock, immediately retching and trembling, his breath coming in terrible gasps. He scrambled to his massive paws and away from the stone, his chest heaving.
After about a minute, he was able to calm down enough to find his way to the tunnel and leave the moonstone, trying to shake the terrible feeling from his fur.
When he came into the fresh air he gulped it down, glad for its steady coolness. Runningnose had curled up next to the entrance, and while he appeared to be sleeping, was immediately alert when Blackstar appeared.
"Hello, Blackstar. Did all go well?" He got to his paws, licking his paw and brushing it over his face.
"Yes." Blackstar nodded firmly, refusing to tell his medicine cat of what happened down in the tunnel. Runningnose noticeably brightened, flicking his tail from side to side.
"Good! Let us get back to camp, then." The tom began to lead the way back, tail erect and twitching cheerily. Blackstar hesitated before looking up at the star-filled sky, swallowing the lump in his throat once more.
"Please, StarClan, let me carry these lives. Leave me with eight- I don't care. But let me carry the rest." He muttered.
"Blackstar! Come on." Runningnose called. Blackstar hesitated for only a moment longer before following. Runningnose squeezed his eyes shut as Blackfoot caught up. "You've got a clan to lead."