Title: Countdown
Author: Lassy Pepper
Pairings: Nitori Aiichiro/Matsuoka Rin
Rating: PG-13.
Warning(s): Flangst with toothache in the end.
Word count: ~3k
Summary: Ai is feeling neglected and Rin doesn't seem to care about him.
Disclaimer: This fiction is based on characters of Free! – Iwatobi Swim Club, Japanese anime television series directed by Hiroko Utsumi and produced by Kyoto Animation.
Note: Nitori and Rin are two insufferable brats in this. Also, I don't know if Samezuka Academy is just a school for swimming, but I implied it wasn't (don't worry, there aren't new characters explored in this).
Countdown
Ai was fed up. He had enough of running after Rin's approval. Of course he still admired him as a team member, but not so much as a person anymore. Not as his own person, mind you, Rin was allowed to have his problems of course, but as a friend he knew how he saw Ai, as an annoying kid who was always hanging around.
Nowadays Ai would come back to his room solely to sleep or to study, if he didn't want to bother studying somewhere else. He made sure his actions looked routinely instead of carefully planned like it was. Sleep until minutes before Rin was up, so he could slip out to the showers and be out of sight when he woke up. Have lunch with his classmates rather than his teammates. Stay out of dorm and go to the library unless he was sure Rin wasn't at the dorms.
w-w- ⌚ -w-w
It had surprisingly gone smoothly. All of it. For almost two months now, he was always out of Rin's sight and it was never brought out when they saw each other.
He was lying in his bed, stomach up, when Rin entered the room. The lights were out and Rin didn't turn them on. He heard Rin changing clothes and he clenched his fists. It wasn't supposed to go like this. Rin wasn't supposed to accept the fact he wasn't seeing him as much as before. So all the trouble Ai had towards him was for nothing? All the time he worried and tried to cheer him went straight through Rin's head? He grinded his teeth. A lump was forming in his throat and he tried to breathe evenly to force it down. He couldn't, he realized. If he didn't let his feelings out he felt it would consume him. His body was burning up in anger and his eyes hurt from the moisture forming around it.
He sat up and glared at Rin.
"Ah, Nitori. Sorry, I didn't think I was being loud." Rin said, stepping in his pajama's bottom.
Ai narrowed his eyes and fumbled for his cellphone. He hopped out the bed and moved to the wardrobe, picking up his track pants and hoodie.
"Are you going out?" Rin asked, apparently confused.
"I'm going running" He snapped.
"This late? It's almost curfew time" Rin sounded worried.
Ai's legs were trembling. His fingers itched to punch something. He had to go out. He couldn't stand staying close to this man any longer. Why the fuck do you care, he thought enraged. He pulled his pants on and zipped the hoodie.
"Yeah" he muttered. He turned to Rin and plastered a smile on his face, which probably looked like a grimace. "I know!" he enthused and the lump in his throat grew bigger.
He felt like a mad man. That's it. He was going mad. He was mental. He went out of the room and took a moment until he felt steady on his feet again.
He went out of the building and started running. He ran for a while until he realized he was crying. Tears were pouring out of his eyes and he didn't feel he could stop them. He was in love with Rin. He was in love with a man who didn't care if he saw him or not. He was in love with someone who didn't love him back.
He never thought it would be like that. They had a time where they went out together everywhere. When they had fun together. The thing was, Rin didn't feel the same. Ever since he was back on his relationship with his childhood friends, Rin didn't need to go out with him anymore. He didn't even notice when they didn't. He was probably relieved they didn't. He had been a mere substitute to Rin's old friends and it had taken a lot of time until he realized it.
He stopped running. He wasn't going to let that happen. He wasn't letting himself be in love with someone so egocentric. He'd stay far away from Rin until his feelings died out. All this time he had been abstaining from Rin's presence because he wanted to get a rise out of him. He wanted Rin to ask him to spend time with him. He wanted to be wanted. Now he wouldn't do that anymore. He wasn't going to spare Rin from his presence, he wouldn't care if Rin was there or not.
Ai made his way to the dorms and debated upon whether or not take a shower. He felt exhausted, mentally. He hadn't run that much and didn't sweat a lot, so he decided to sleep right away. He went to his room and his eyes immediately seeked Rin's lump in the bed. He cursed himself. He wasn't doing that anymore.
He changed into his pajamas and climbed to his bed, the crying had left him quite sleepy and it didn't take long before he dozed off.
w-w- ⌚ -w-w
After that, he made his best to be unfazed by Rin's behavior. He still spent most of his time outside the dorm room simply because Rin's sight annoyed him. He didn't want it to, but it did. Even though he wasn't planning to stay away from Rin anymore it seemed that now they still seldom saw each other. Five months had gone by and he barely talked to Rin anymore. They still went to practice, but he preferred to do it out of Rin's schedule. Sometimes he didn't even sleep at their room; he'd sleep at one of his classmate's.
When Ai came back from the showers, finally not smelling like chlorine, his room was packed. Makoto, Haru, Nagisa and Rei were at the room with Rin, chatting and laughing. He gripped the knob and smiled politely at the occupants of the room.
"Sorry for the mess, Nitori. I didn't know they'd come today" Rin said dismissively, while the others greeted him apologetically.
"Don't worry. I just came here to get my notebook." Ai said. He grinned and moved towards the desk, packing his notebook and pencils.
"Ooh! Ai-chan looks so cool doesn't him?" He heard Nagisa saying.
"I think he's now taller than Rin!" Makoto stated.
Ai turned and stared blankly at them. He knew he was taller and no longer baby faced. But did he grow up that much? He stared at them and Rin turned his head, looking annoyed. Right. Not welcomed then.
"Let's measure them!" Nagisa said, pulling at Rin's arm to get him closer to Ai.
He panicked. He didn't want to be close to Rin at all. He couldn't. He adjusted his backpack on one shoulder and forced out a laugh.
"I'm actually kind of late right now," he said quickly backing up to the door "Maybe next time?"
The boys seemed a bit taken aback but Rin didn't even glance at him, he just batted Nagisa's hand away. Ai felt embarrassed that he had caused a commotion for no apparent reason, but he couldn't afford his plan to crumble just because he knew proximity and Rin were dangerous factors to him.
He bid them good-bye and left the room, rushing to the library. He debated sleeping at his classmate's dorm, but he usually did that when his classmate sneaked out of the building to sleep at his girlfriend's. He admitted to himself that tonight he wanted to see Rin, just like Rin's friends did, even though Ai wasn't one of them anymore.
On his way back to the dorm, Ai thought about their relationship. So much time without having a chat with Rin and nothing changed. Rin still didn't do as much as try to ask him why he had stopped hanging out with him. But still, Ai wanted to see him. He still wanted Rin to need him. Maybe he had approached this the wrong way, he thought. Love probably didn't stop just because it was unrequited. He rested his head against the glass and cursed his heart. If only he could like someone nicer.
When he arrived to the bedroom the boys were gone. Rin was still awake, lying in bed. Ai nodded to him and Rin turned his head. He placed his backpack on the floor and sat at the desk, he unoccupied it and was organizing his books when Rin spoke.
"Gonna sleep in then?"
Ai startled. They didn't talk much whilst alone.
"Un," he nodded.
"Good. I almost offered your bed to Haru tonight, glad it wasn't a wasted opportunity."
He saw red. So Haru was invited to stay over while Ai was refused to even be called his first name.
"Had I known you planned to have sex tonight I'd be out of your way in no time!" He answered heatedly.
"What did you just say?!" Rin was on his feet in seconds, glowering at Ai
Oh. So he only got Rin's attention when he was yanking his chain.
"You heard me, Matsuoka! Don't blame losing the chance of bedding your precious Haru on me!"
Ai was trembling. Rin's face was nothing like he had seen before. His eyes were bright with anger and he looked ready to punch his face.
And that's what happened. Suddenly pain exploded on the right side of his jaw and he was shoved on the wall.
"HOW DARE YOU SPEAK OF HARU LIKE THAT, NITORI, WHEN YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'S SLEEPING AROUND EVERY NIGHT?!" Rin yelled and pressed him closer to the wall by his collar.
He was having trouble breathing but he tried to focus on Rin's face. He seemed honestly hurt. In fact, he seemed about to cry.
The realization of it felt like a stab in his stomach. He was making Rin ache. What kind of love did he have if he was hurting the person he cared the most? He let go of Rin's wrists and hugged him.
"I'm sorry, Rin-senpai. I'm so sorry!" It took a couple of seconds for Rin to lose his grip on him and let his arms fall by his sides.
Ai stepped closer and hugged him harder.
"I didn't mean any of it, I'm so sorry. I know Haru is your friend, I didn't mean it." He assured ruefully.
Rin suddenly was hugging him back, his face tucked in the crook of Ai's neck. Ai realized for the first time their height difference. He could press his chest on Rin's, he could fit his whole body against his. He could… He tentatively pressed a kiss on the top of Rin's head. Rin jolted and lifted his head to stare at his eyes.
"I'm sorry," Ai said again. Not knowing if for the whole argument or the kiss.
Rin tried to pull away from his embrace but he was having none of it. He pulled Rin flush against him again and hugged him more. He tried to convey all his love towards Rin in the hug. He could smell Rin's hair and feel his breathing. It was heaven. Rin tentatively hugged him back again and they stayed like that for a while. Feeling bold, he slipped his fingers into Rin's hair, caressing his scalp and relishing in the feeling of the soft strands between his fingers. Ai felt tired. Like a man who had been fighting for a long time and finally got to his destiny.
"Rin-senpai," he said quietly, not sure how to ask him what he wanted "Rin-senpai?" he asked again when Rin didn't answer.
"Hm?" Rin murmured.
"Let's go to bed"
Rin tensed in his arms and Ai realized what he must have mistaken the suggestion for.
"Just to sleep, I mean," he explained embarrassed.
Rin didn't relax in the embrace again. He pushed away firmly and sat at his bed. Ai was constricted. He was afraid that was a rejection, but Rin hadn't say anything. Gathering all his courage he moved towards their bunk bed, reaching the top one for his pillow and blanket. He placed the pillow beside Rin's and sat beside him, blanket on his lap.
"Can we?" He felt the need to ask.
If Rin rejected him now it was all over, he knew. If Rin couldn't bear to sleep next to him, he'd never want their relationship to go further than this. But if he agreed he knew it didn't mean Rin loved him, but it could mean he liked him and maybe trusted him.
Rin seemed uncertain, he was staring forward as if million thoughts were going through his head.
He reached for Rin and hugged him sideways.
"Please, Rin-senpai"
Rin bit by bit relaxed again and Ai pulled them backwards to lie on the bed. He used the blanket to cover them both and lowered his pillow a bit, so when he lied on the bed he could tuck his head on Rin's neck. He hugged Rin's torso and slipped a leg between his.
Rin made an exclamation of exasperation but didn't complain any further. He chuckled and used his free hand on Rin's back to draw uneven patterns on him. He could hear Rin's heart thundering under his ear and he knew Rin wasn't going to sleep for a while.
"I'm sorry, Rin," he said frankly, "I never meant to insult Nanase or you."
Rin just huffed.
"Your hair is longer" Rin said vaguely.
All right, so he preferred to change subject.
"Yeah," Ai smiled.
His breath hitched when Rin started to caress his hair, shifting through the strands gently. Did friends do this? He thought desperately. He wouldn't cuddle in bed with any of his classmates, at least. He felt a spark of hope rising and crushed it much with effort. No. He'd let Rin set the pace of their relationship. He knew already that he loved Rin, he would now wait to see if he corresponded his feelings and not draw conclusions anymore.
"I don't understand you" Rin said quietly.
Ai's brow furrowed. "What do you mean?"
"I thought you were tired of me" Rin whispered chagrined.
He tried to get up to look Rin in the eyes, but Rin held him in place.
"Rin?" he asked panicking. Rin's breathing had accelerated and after a while he heard a pained sob. Ai couldn't do much, so he hugged him closer and waited until Rin spoke.
"You stopped talking to me after I made up with my friends" Rin managed between a few seconds. "I didn't know you pitied me that much to try to make friends just because I was alone"
Ai's stomach dropped. So that's what Rin thought their relationship was? He felt horrible. He had put all the guilt on Rin, he had shunned him and thought terrible things about him, while he himself didn't understand none of it.
He rose up forcefully and Rin hid his face in his hands.
"Rin, look at me," He said firmly. Rin shook his head and stayed quiet.
Ai sighed and pulled at his own hair.
"Rin," he continued anyway, "I never pitied you. I," he took a deep breath. It was now or never. "I love you" he said softly but clearly.
Rin seemed to have stop breathing. Ai realized he wasn't breathing either.
"What?" Rin finally asked.
Ai needed to say everything now. Everything was better than not knowing how to react towards the person he loved.
"I love you. The reason why I haven't been around you it's because I felt you didn't like me back" He said, realizing how selfish he was. "I thought if I didn't see you as much I would stop liking you. I knew it would trouble you, a boy and a person like me having those feelings"
Rin uncovered his eyes and levered himself up on his elbows. His eyes were wide and Ai couldn't read his expression.
"I'm sorry," He felt the need to add. He vaguely thought that Rin must have been disgusted, sharing a bed with someone like Ai, but he squashed the thought. He wouldn't try to read Rin's feelings anymore.
"I thought you hated me" Rin said. He scowled and then glared at Ai. "You are an idiot, Nitori!"
He didn't know how to react. Rin sounded angry but at the same time relieved.
"You were always around and trying to make me do stuff, then suddenly you weren't even sleeping in the bedroom anymore! And you glared at me too. All the time!" Rin shrieked in a tirade. "I thought you hated being my friend and only did it because you felt sorry for me."
He lounged himself at Rin.
"I'd never do that! I love you, Rin. I hated that you never complained we didn't go out anymore" he admitted, face heating in shame.
Rin thwacked him on the head and huffed in annoyance.
"You are awful, Nitori."
Ai nodded and apologized again.
Rin pushed at his shoulders, so Ai let him go. Rin then rolled them over so that Ai was lying and Rin was pressing both of his hands on the bed, trapping Ai in the middle. He looked uncomfortable.
"Are you dating someone?"
"No," Ai replied then scowled, "I just told you I love –" he was cut out in the middle when Rin suddenly lowered his head and kissed him. It was over so quick he almost thought he had imagined it, but he still could feel where Rin's soft and warm lips had touched his.
He looked up in awe and Rin ducked his face.
"I like you," Rin said. "But I'm still angry at you" he added glaring at Ai's face.
Ai felt so happy he could barely breathe.
"I'm sorry," He managed.
Rin tsked and looked downwards, Ai could swear he was pouting too.
"Is that the only thing you can say?"
He hugged Rin, dragging him down on top of him.
"I love you, I love you so much" Ai repeated with feeling.
"Me too" Rin mumbled under his breath, Ai's eyes filled with tears but he laughed in joy.
Being wrong had never felt so good.
The End
Author notes: UGH! I couldn't make them make up sooner, I'm so sorry!
This is my first Japanese fandom fan fiction and I had so many struggles. Like, Nitori just wanted to call Rin "Senpai" all the time, but it didn't seem fitting in the writing and "senior" looked just too wrong, so he just called him Rin all the time.
Also, I couldn't drop the "-chans". Nagisa calling someone without it looked too out of character and having the boys talking without it didn't feel like Free! anymore.
HOW IS IT DONE? TIPS PLEASE!