At six in the morning, Gaby knocked on her door and promptly let herself in. Basil rose happily and wagged her tail. Gaby let her out through the sliding door and pulled the covers off of Emily.
"Up and at 'em, monkey" she called.
Emily let out a grunt and reached for the covers, growing upset and letting out another moan when she didn't find them.
Gaby could already see her wrists, so she didn't feel the need to inspect them, but as Emily rolled, she sat herself on the bed and stopped her once she was on her side.
"Stop there" she instructed, "I'm going to check"
They'd been checking her hip and her wrists on a daily basis in the morning- Gaby and Shay both. They had to narrate the fact that they were going to look every morning. Emily had developed a new level of self-consciousness, Antonio couldn't check- she wouldn't let him, and if Gaby or Shay had pulled the hem of her pants down to check, she'd have a minor freak-out. It was as if she'd had some physical or sexual abuse or trauma, but she hadn't, only self-inflicted.
"I didn't do anything" she whispered.
"Unfortunately, you brought this upon yourself, if you hadn't done what you did, we wouldn't be doing this" Gaby told her.
"I didn't mean to…" a tear slipped down her cheek.
"That doesn't really matter, because it happened."
There was nothing there, just as Emily had said. She was not only checking for the possibility of new cuts, but also to make sure the old ones were still healing properly. Because she had only half a spleen, infection came easy to Emily. As with the scars on her legs, the cuts she inflicted didn't heal brilliantly. While she did a relatively good job keeping them clean, it wasn't enough- they still got infected and they still damage. They would fade eventually, maybe five years, but they wouldn't be nearly as pronounced until then.
"How do you feel today so far?" Gaby asked her.
It was six in the morning and she had just woken up, she wasn't feeling anything but guilt over the slight conversation that had just taken place.
But then there was a revelation. A revelation that brought new tears to her eyes, "It's been a year" she whispered, her eyes filling instantly and spilling over.
Gaby sighed, "Yeah…"
"Will you lay with me for a moment?"
She swallowed her breath. Emily had been on a strict schedule- get up at six, shower for fifteen minutes at most with music as a time-guide, she eats at six thirty, and then gets her meds, they make sure of it, her hair dries while she eats but she finishes getting ready by seven-o-five, and then they leave for school, which starts at seven thirty. Shift starts at eight, so she hangs out until they leave for that. Gaby doesn't want to disrupt that.
She's been thinking for too long, "You know what?" she said, hastily getting out of bed. Basil stopped dead in the yard, looked towards them and then trotted to the door.
"Nevermind" she continued, grabbing a towel from the back of her desk chair, "You wanna know how I feel?" her voice grew, "I ask you to do ONE thing for me that pertains to how I feel and you can't do one thing?! We were doing well Gaby! But that's fine, I'll tell the therapist how I feel and then you don't get to know!" she'd backed herself into the bathroom and slammed the door.
Gaby slumped, tears now arriving behind her eyes, and sat for a moment. She knew she messed up. This would be one of those times where she should worry that Emily might do something extreme to let her emotions out, but they'd had an argument or two already and Em was always clean. She rose and let Basil in, who scampered past and sat by the bathroom door.
"I'm sorry" Gaby said to her, feeling guilty.
Basil tilted her head forward in a nod and wagged her tail, the only way to tell Gaby that she knew and understood.
Emily finished, came out and ate in silence, took her meds, and disappeared again. Gaby only packed some snacks for then both because she knew lunch would be made at the firehouse.
The drive was silent. Gaby looked back at Emily every few seconds through the rearview, watching her sister text- probably about her and how awful she was.
At the firehouse, she was a little passive with everyone, but still said hello when they greeted her.
She set down her things and tried not to cry as everyone was being so nice to her and being so careful. Then she went straight to the fridge and unloaded her cooler into it- Basil's raw meat and her meds.
Mills walked into the kitchen to make some breakfast for all those firefighters who hadn't eaten. He reached over her head for the orange juice and set two glasses on the counter. He poured her a glass and slid it towards her.
"Here ya go Em" he said
"I'm not thirsty, I already ate" she mumbled unhappily and walked away.
She picked her things back up and went for the locker room. Basil looked conflicted standing in the doorway. As Mills looked at her, she held eye contact, looked in the direction Emily went and looked back. She released a whine and finally went after Emily.
Gaby walked into the kitchen and pulled the glass away from Mills as he tried to pour it back into the bottle. She downed what was left and loaded the cup into the dishwasher.
"What's up with her?" Mills questioned.
"I messed up this morning. She shouldn't take it out on you guys and she knows that, but she's not talking to me and since she is speaking at least short sentences to everyone here, she's releasing her feelings on you. Give her time, she'll talk to someone and it'll be over with." Gaby explained.
Severide looked over as they talked, listening in a little. He got up and followed her to the locker room. He heard her toss something into the locker and watched from the end of the aisle, hidden mostly from her view. She wrestled to get her dance bag in the locker and slammed the door shut after.
He watched her face as it grew sad and watched as she set her back against the locker and slumped to the floor. He looked around- there was no one there, and emerged, walking toward her.
She looked up at him as he appeared beside her. Her face didn't change, didn't get happier. He sat, back against the lockers beside her.
"Wanna talk?"
"Do I have a choice?" She retorted.
"Listen kid, everyone here is on your side. No one can make you do anything, but everyone is here for you if you want to. So no, I'm not gonna make you, but I might follow you until you tell someone."
She rested her head on what was meant to be his shoulder, but she was short so it wound up being his very large bicep.
They sat for a moment, "It's been a year" she blurted out.
"Yeah, it has. That what got you down?" He felt her shake her head.
"Tell me what's up then" he pushed.
"Gaby asked me how I was feeling this morning. And I told her that same thing and asked her to lay with me because I got sad and she had to think about it!" Her voice became croaky and strained by the end of the explanation, "She had to think and she thought for too long. She couldn't do one thing! The stupid schedule that I have half an hour of leniency on during shift days and she couldn't lay down for 3 minutes!"
She turned her head to press her face into his arm. He released a sigh and looked up to think about and look for an answer. He spotted chief standing right about where he had been a few minutes ago.
"I know it's hard" he told her.
He moved his arm and she sat forward, allowing him to maneuver it around her back and pull her onto his lap. She curled against him and he rubbed her back.
"Kelly" Boden called, emerging, "They need you to make sure all's good with your engine" he nodded.
"I gotta go munchkin" he murmured into her hair.
She nodded. He pressed a kiss to the top of her head and rose, placing her on the bench that she had just been eye level with. He left, noting that Boden wasn't leaving and receiving a nod from the older man as he passed him.
Boden walked towards Emily and straddled the bench beside her.
"It'll get better" he told her, scooting closer.
"It was just one thing" she squeaked.
Her face pinched and she leaned into him he accepted her easily, pulling her up so she could wrap her legs around his waist, her arms around his neck. She took a deep breath, taking in the scent of the smoke from the fires off his collar.
"Your sister..." He started, "Is trying to figure out how to function with you now. I'm not going to lecture you, but for a while, things are gonna be different, you know that. What she did was just a glitch, and probably won't ever happen again." She nodded.
Shay rounded the corner, looking down. She stopped short when as she took her eyes off the ground, "Oh… Sorry, I didn't mean to… I'll just…"
"No, no" Boden interrupted her stuttering, "She could use a woman's explanation" he said.
"Oh yeah?" she asked, chuckling a little and opening her locker.
"Yeah" Boden said, doing all the same things Kelly did before leaving: placed a kiss on her head, set her on the bench, and squeezed her hand.
Shay shut her locker door and looked to Emily as she stuck the lock back on it.
"She told me" she said
"Yeah? She tell you how she how hard she had to think about her answer?"
"Yeah, she did"
"Why?"
"Because she knows. She knows she did something wrong and she knows it hurt you pretty bad. She said she let Basil in and apologized 'cause she didn't know what else to do" Emily let out a chuckle at that.
"She's still trying to figure things out" Shay explained
"Will it ever stop?"
"Maybe. But you're gonna be in college one day and she's going to ask you how you're doing and if you say stressed, she's gonna make sure you aren't doing anything bad." She continued.
Emily didn't say anything. She knew Gaby was in the wrong, and she didn't regret what she said to her because she meant every word, but she still found herself feeling bad about the argument.
She opened her mouth to speak and looked up at Shay, but just as the first sound left her throat, the bell sounded: "Apartment fire 1751 Blanchard road… Truck 81, Ambulance 61, Squad 3, Battalion 25…"
Shay gave her an apologetic look and rushed out into the garage. And thus, Emily was left alone.
Kelly stormed through the door first, ignored Emily's advance, and went straight for the bathroom. She looked to Capp, who shook his head, "He'll be okay" he told her, ruffling her hair with a large, calloused hand. She brushed it away with a grin.
Matt did the same thing, but it wasn't as much of an ignorance thing more of it was the look he had when he was on a mission. So, defeated, she sat on the couch, curled in the corner, and sent a good-morning to Antonio.
She didn't hear her sisters come through the door. She was waiting for them, but only noticed them when she looked around and saw them in the kitchen pulling water bottles out of the open fridge. Emily jumped up, bee-lined for Gaby, said nothing, and wrapped her arms around her waist. She hugged her tightly, catching the older woman off guard. Gaby let her arms settle comfortably on her back and she bent over her to encase her completely.
"Why are you shaking?" she asked worriedly.
"There was a thing at the hospital…" Gaby said and gave her the face that said to leave it there.
She looked to Shay, who looked away as she took another gulp of water.
"Where's Uncle Wallace?" she asked, pulling away from the hug.
"He had to stop at headquarters" Otis said from his place at the fridge.
The news of the firehouse on the probation list arrived with Chief Boden, and no one was happy about it. And then there was the news of the new arrivals from another house, two people Emily wasn't familiar with. It made her nervous, but what choice did she have? Ditch this fire family for a different one? Or ditch this fire family for a detective family? Sure she wanted to get to know the detectives, but she liked this family, she'll just have to keep a space open for more.
"Is she ever going to come here? Like… scope sh-things out?" Cruz asked.
Emily let out a giggle and Chief sent a trying smile her way, "I don't know… maybe?" he answered.
That made her stop really quickly, "I don't wanna meet her… what is she gonna say about me?" Emily asked, looking up at her sisters.
"I don't know, I assume she knows about you, everyone seems to" Boden said.
This made her frown, everyone knows about her?
"And uh… they're gonna take out half a row of lockers to make room for old firehouse stuff, so we're going to need to share and, Emily darlin', you might not get one anymore, but your things are welcome to stay in my office" she let out a scowl.
She quickly changed it to a smile and sent a thankful nod in his direction.
Things didn't last long before Herrmann came hootin' and hollerin' about a car on fire. They all rushed outside. The smell of smoke filled Emily's nose and she let out a ragged cough and pinched her nose shut. Basil caught her other sleeve between her teeth and attempted to pull her backwards, but it only brought her down to her butt.
Emily let out a yelp and Basil apologized broken-heartedly in her brain. Before she knew it, she was roughed up into the air and swung around a thick torso, by the smell of the aftershave and the size and feel of the hands, it was her Uncle Wallace. He backed her up and narrowly avoided running into Mills as he rushed out with a fire extinguisher. It was Severide's car.
When they got everything put out, two men lumbered up behind them. Not noticing, most of everyone but Matt and Severide went inside and Emily decided as well to follow and not be one of the first to be introduced.
Inside, Matt leads them in, pointing things out as they go along- not that these men are foreign to a firehouse, but this one is bigger and more unique than most. Curled into Mills on the couch, they pass through just as she laughs loudly at something he whispers in her ear. They look over, startled, and give her a funny expression.
"Hi" she offers, "Emily, I'm Gaby's sister, the firehouse is, believe it or not, safer than the police department where my brother works, so I hang here until I get picked up and taken elsewhere." She explains.
Above her head, Mills nods to them.
"Clarke and Spellman" Matt says, pointing to each of them.
Clarke nods, holding the expression, and Spellman waves, and Matt continues with his unnecessary, elaborate tour.
Half an hour later, Mills got up to make a snack and Cruz replaced him. Emily hadn't ever really lain on Cruz like that, but he just sat down and tucked her under his arm so she went with it. Plus, he was fluffy.
She didn't hear the car pull up, and Basil hadn't responded, but when she heard the click of Lexxi's heels and the pitter patter of Haley's feet and her singing, and Seth trying to keep her quiet, she was alerted to them being there and pushed herself off the couch.
"Emmie bear!" Haley squealed, running up and wrapping her arms around the older girl's thighs.
"Hi Hales" Emily responded, bending in half to hug her.
"Hey Em" Alexxis greeted, coming up to hug her also.
Emily wrapped her arms around the darker brunette's neck.
"How are you?" Emily asked her, knowing that after Emily had hit the bottom of her spiral staircase, Lexxi had begun following in her footsteps, falling into flashbacks as well. It brought them closer, each attending the other's support groups. And, as Emily was getting better, they managed to stop Lexxi's free fall, but she was still in the middle of her own staircase, not moving up or down. It was progress but it wasn't regression, which is what they could ask for right now.
"I'm okay" she said, "Is Shay around?" Emily squinted worriedly at her.
"Yeah, she's… somewhere, try laundry" Emily directed.
Lexxi nodded and walked away. It was Seth's turn to hug her, and he did, wrapping his left arm around her shoulders and cupping his right hand around the back of her head. He placed a kiss behind her ear and pulled away. They turned, watched as Haley began to have fun with Cruz, Mouch, and Otis- high fiving and running around. Gaby watched from behind the counter in the kitchen, next to Mills.
"Is Alexxis alright?" She called to Seth
"She's alright, we're working on it" he responded.
Gaby nodded, accepting that answer for what it was, though it wasn't a lot.
The bell rang, stopping everyone, including little Haley in her tracks- apartment fire. Shay ran out into the room from the hallway and disappeared with everyone else. Lexxi followed pretty much right behind her, only lagged for a few seconds.
"Ready to go?" She sniffled.
"Yeah, one sec" Emily replied, stuffing some things into her bookbag as Seth graciously took her duffle.
And they were off, and Emily would have no knowledge of the call the house would get later that night. And maybe it's a good thing that she won't know until the next day.
Alright, I'd love to know how you all think about this chapter.
It felt a little rushed at the end, but I didn't think that Emily should go to the car accident with Heather, I didn't think I'd be able to write that in.
I'm going to do my best with her and Spellman and Clarke, I feel like she should be on to Spellman before anyone.
Let me know how you'd like to see things pan out, if there are suggestions, requests, or other general questions.
I will do my best to do way better with this story…
I'll try to keep time and all of that.
I'm also going to go back to answering reviews and putting in mentions for new followers and favorites.
Thanks again to all of you who are continuing this journey with Emily and love her as much as I do.