Disclaimer: Negaduck owns himself. Disney owns Darkwing Duck. Barcode VAPX007 has no keepies. Especially this cold. Get lost, Sneezey! I've done my sick days with you and now I've got to go to work!
A/n: Standard in-game violence. Minor cursing, vampires, ghosts, mystery, and various subtle references to apost-apocalyptic world. Don't worry; we'll get through it because we areNegaduck. A little older, a little more chilled, but Negaduck nonetheless.
A/n: Since I wrote this short 20k story with a fever in my head and a chainsaw down my throat it's safe to say that, whatever else it is, it's M-Rated. Enjoy the gratuity!
A/n: Script for AnonymousZGirl. The rest for gratuitous Negaduck screen time.
QUEEN OF THE NEGAVERSE
"Negaduck Oh Negaduck"
Negaduck in his gold jacket, black fedora and red-lined cape tore around the industrial street corner and fell back heavily against the brickwork, breathing heavily. "When did this become a game with me as the flaming mouse?" He searched his memory. "Gosalyn's seventeenth birthday," the landmark answer popped into his head, "I've been losing ground ever since."
Negaduck threaded his way around the works factory, planting remote detonator charges as he cased the joint. On the storage floor, meat and bones were strung up alike and he wasn't planning to join them.
"My dearest Negaduck." James G Hooter called in endearment.
Negaduck felt his blood freeze hearing the S.H.U.S.H. Director's voice. He refused to turn. "Aren't you a bit old to be chasing game?" He asked, "Where's your minions?"
The vampire laughed, "Love chasing, love toying, love playing, oh, Negaduck, love every tasty moment."
Seeing a green figure appearing at the other end of the corridor they were in, Negaduck stiffened. Bushroot's arrival signalled that Negaduck had planted his last detonator. Addressing Hooter he thumbed back to the mad half-plant. "It looks like the competition has turned up, Hooter."
"Not at all." Bushroot smiled darkly at him. "You see, I don't drink blood."
Negaduck edged back to the wall of carcasses behind him, darting looks between his pursuers. "You know there's nothing good about either of you."
"True." Bushroot added with a more bitter tone. "I keep trying but always seem to fail at it."
Negaduck looked over at Hooter, "And you?"
"Me?" The S.H.U.S.H. Director smiled, "I'm so dreadfully hungry right now." Hooter stated pleasantly.
Negaduck ducked and rolled just as Hooter lunged at him. "Aren't you two forgetting something?"
"No." Bushroot answered.
"Probably; I've picked up quite a lot of information across the years." Hooter accepted.
"You know this meat factory we're in?" Negaduck straightened back to a stand and grasped the remote control detonator from his vest pocket. "What if it were to explode in say ... now?" He pressed the button.
Hooter and Bushroot looked at each other and Negaduck laughed as the explosions started and grew closer. His two hunters vanished from his view as the flames started shooting towards him.
"Losers." Negaduck pressed the button for the trans-dimensional portal and jumped through, escaping the flames for the psychedelic colours of the wormhole.
Negaduck fell heavily onto warm hard pavement. The sun blazed down on him. The smog was a little thin and he decided since his bill was still on and his tail feathers only a little singed that this was a successful porting trip. He sat up and looked around. The world he was in had a sort of pink tinge to it. Negaduck checked his mobile port unit.
"Universe six echo alpha." He stood up and reviewed the pinkish calm of the industrial-looking suburb. "I'm in the right place."
"Oi, buddy, move it or lose it. No loitering, come on shake your tail feathers are you in or out?"
Negaduck slowly turned around to see the guard sitting in the booth by the open iron gates. "Do you know who I am?"
The guard looked over at his screen hidden beside the window. "Yeah; obituaries say you've had your last episode. Go on in Negaduck, unless you're too scared."
Negaduck glared at the guard with his security guard hat on and reached back behind his cape for his chainsaw.
It wasn't there.
Mildly distracted by this infuriating inconvenience, Negaduck stepped towards the open gates; "I'll kill you later." He told the guard and let curiosity lead him inside the lot.
The crushed brownish pink dust of the main drive led on to various brownish pink buildings to the left and right like parcel post packages. The exception was the building far off to the back of the lot where Negaduck could make out a double storey building with dark glossy windows.
"Thanking you all kindly for coming," Herb Muddlefoot's voice called out. Negaduck turned down a side drive to see a crowd by an open door and a glimpse of a Darkverse version of Herb Muddlefoot. "We have the positions filled now so you can all go on home."
Negaduck strode towards the disbursing crowd. They were a motley bunch, real rag tag and they all passed him by with dejection on their faces. "I'm beginning to warm to this place." He grinned after them and slouched on to reopen the door that Herb had closed.
Negaduck found the rotund man at a wooden table packing up folders and papers with two dogettes, neither of which Negaduck recognised. He stepped up to the end of the table and declared his presence.
"I am Negaduck!" He demanded their attention.
The pencil pushers glanced at each other.
"You're hired." Herb said with a jovial smile. "We start shooting at nine tomorrow morning. I'm Bill; this is Sarah, that's Jane."
Negaduck stopped at the idea of someone inviting him in for gunplay. "That sounds like fun." Negaduck frowned, "What's with all the paperwork?"
"This is a movie; there's got to be a bit of paperwork or else nobody'd know what they were doing." Bill the Herb Muddlefoot look-alike chuckled back at him. "It's called 'Queen of the Negaverse'. And we'd like you on set as our ethnic advisor."
"If anything is too cheesy and camp we want you to tell us to fix it." One of the dogettes, the one with strawberry blonde hair, Sarah, said.
"That is, other than the plot itself. We really can't help that." The brown hair, Jane, said.
"I see." Negaduck snatched Bill's copy of the script. "Anybody got a match? I seem to have lost mine."
"Negaduck." Jane stated, "With your help we can make this a proper Negaverse blockbuster movie."
Negaduck rolled up the script and pointed it at Sarah, "Alright, let's take a more practical approach. Where does the script editor live and has anybody found a match yet?"
"Negaduck, you don't have to take the job as ethnic advisor."
Negaduck glared at Jane, "Am I in this script?"
"No," she answered, "Because the story takes place after your death."
Negaduck mused over that. "So, this way I can still inflict major trauma even though I'm technically dead?"
"Yes," Jane answered, "Just not the major plot points."
Negaduck unrolled the script and scowled at the title on the curled cover that read 'Queen of the Negaverse'. "What about the title?"
"It's workable." Jane stated, "But it's the best one so far."
"Here." Sarah threw him a set of keys. "Trailer ten. If you don't like it blow it up and find some other place to do your own thing." The three moviemakers turned and walked off in opposite directions, leaving Negaduck with a script of 'Queen of the Negaverse' and the keys to trailer ten.
"I need to think this out." Negaduck clenched the keys in his fist and went to find the trailer Sarah had supplied him.
Negaduck dropped the keys and script onto the table of the trailer along with his hat and then he landed himself on the double bed in the back. "That blasted Bushroot and Hooter." He scowled, "I am going to even this score with them." He hoped they thought he hadn't gotten away. It would give him a surprise advantage when he struck back.
But how was he to strike back? And where in the multi-verse was he right now? Negaduck got up and fetched the script.
"Screenplay by Joan Cracknell of Fireworks studios." Negaduck read the unfamiliar name and yawned. "I'm whacked." He tossed the script back lazily onto the table, sank back on the bed, and closed his eyes.