(A/N) DISCLAIMER! I do not own Phineas and Ferb, Doofneshmirtz, Monogram, Perry the Platypus, Pinky the Chihuahua, Terry the Turtle, Peter the Panda, or Carl Karl.
(A/N) Carlos the Clown is copyright WakkoWarnerLover on deviantart.
(A/N) Hannah Smith and Chocolate the Chocolate lab are copyrighted to me.
"Good morning Agent P. Normally, I would say, 'Doofenshmirtz is up to something, and you should put a stop to it.'" Major Monogram greeted the Agent. "But I can't, because he isn't. Which ties into the 'good news, bad news' I have for you."
Perry shifted in his seat. The last time MM had given him a 'good news, bad news', he had ended up relocated and with a new nemesis. He nervously gestured for his boss to continue.
"OK, so the bad news: After you foiled Doofenshmirtz's scheme yesterday, he was hospitalized for the weekend due to several minor burns. It was his fault, but the point is that you can't fight him today. Sorry Agent P."
Perry faked a disappointed look. "Bad news, my webbed foot!" He chattered, "I get to hang out with Phineas and Ferb today for once!"
Unable to understand Perry's chatter, Monogram continued. "Now, the good news." He flashed a picture of a 10 year old girl on the screen. "Just yesterday, this girl came into our agent assignment center—you know, our 'Pet Adoption Center'—and adopted one of our newest recruits. I do believe this girl is friends with your owners?"
Smiling, Perry nodded and chattered a reply, "I like Hannah…"the agent's eyes unfocused for a second, "She gives me back rubs…" Catching sight of Agent P's eyes, Monogram shouted and waved his arms to get Perry's attention.
Regaining his composure, the Major continued. "Anyways, I think the new recruit she adopted had great potential as an agent. I want this one to have the best training possible. So, I have put Chocolate the Chocolate Lab under your supervision. "
Grinning, Perry turned his chair towards the door as Major Monogram called out, "Chocolate, come on sweetie, come and meet Agent P!"
""Sweetie"? Why are you calling Chocolate 'sweetie' unless…" Perry frowned. "No, no, can't be. I don't know of any agents that are…."
From the doorway peeked a sleek brown head. Perry's worst fear was confirmed when he heard the newest OWCA recruit's voice.
"I can't believe the new agent is a girl!" Perry raged.
"Are you sure it's not because she's a dog?" his best friend, Pinky the Chihuahua, joked. The two friends were in the OWCA conference room eating lunch together before their daily missions. "You tend to hold a grudge against dogs. Or so I hear."
"No, I just hate you sometimes." Perry rolled his eyes. "'Sides, if I said I hated dogs, Dan would have buried me headfirst on the Little Duffers Fairway by now." The platypus paused to chew his mealworm and insect larvae mash.
"Speaking of Dan…" Pinky grinned and waved their fellow agent over. Dan the Dog sat down next to Pinky. "Hey bro, Perry was just grumbling about you!"
Dan gave the platypus a toothy grin and punched him in the shoulder. "Love ya too buddy." Perry groaned and scooted his chair farther away from Dan.
Pinky got up from his grilled cheese and pulled out an electric blue gun-like object from his hat. With a sly grin in the direction of his friends, he walked over to the intercom on the wall. "Who wants Terry to join us for lunch?" he asked, attaching the object to the intercom.
Perry shook his head wryly at Pinky. "Is that Phineas and Ferb's digital hacker?"
Pinky shrugged as he pressed the intercom button. "All I got to say is that you got awesome owners P-Man."
"Yes, yes I do." Pinky heard Perry reply just before the booming voice of 'Major Monogram' sounded throughout the building.
"Will Agent Terry the Turtle report to the conference room immediately? Terry the Turtle, to the conference room."
5 seconds later, Terry ran into the room, saluting while dragging his lunch bag behind him. "What's the emergency Sir?" he panted, leaning over with lack of breath. Looking up, instead of seeing his boss scolding the turtle for being slow, he saw Perry, Pinky, and Dan rolling on the floor laughing. Straightening up, he glared at his friends as he sat down. "You had to do that didn't you?"
"Pinky did it!" Dan and Perry shouted at the same time.
After a while, Pinky fell asleep on the floor next to the intercom, and Dan kept rolling on the floor, trying to reach an itchy spot, which was ironically being caused by him rolling on the scratchy carpeted floor. Perry continued to eat at the table with Agent T.
Pulling food out of his lunch box, Terry smiled deviously and handed Perry a small package wrapped in lots of duct tape. Opening it, the platypus jerked backwards and fell out of his chair with a shout as a miniature gelatin monster jumped free of the sticky tape. Pinky opened his eyes and Dan stopped scratching as they heard Agent P scream. The little mutated dessert food chased Perry around the room while Terry, Dan, and Pinky watched in amusement.
"Guys!" the platypus shouted. "Get it! Kill it! Save me!"
"Oh Perry, you don't need us to help you! Remember how you kill these things? You have to EAT IT!" Terry shouted over gent P's cries for help. Glaring at him as he passed, Perry kept screaming.
"Dude, you of all people know I vowed never to eat gelatin again! SAVE ME! HELP ME! RESCUE-"
"Attention: Will Recruit C please report to the conference room. Recruit C to the conference room." Monograms voice echoed throughout the room and the entire building.
Perry and the gelatin monster ceased their chase to stare at Pinky. Terry and Dan stared at him too. Pinky stared back at them.
"Wasn't me!"
5 minutes later, Chocolate walked into the conference room, saluting her superior agents. Spying the gelatin monster still taking a breather from the chase, she picked it up and ate it.
Although Perry was grateful that the puppy had rescued him from the evil jelly, he quickly assumed the role of harsh mentor.
"Recruit C, you're late. Agent T is faster than you! He got here in 5 seconds, and he's a turtle! Learn to be on time please, Recruit. I do not tolerate tardiness." Agent P admonished.
"I'm sorry Sir; I will try to be on time from now on. Sir, Major Monogram has ordered that you take me on a mission against Doofenshmirtz tomorrow." Chocolate said quietly.
"What?" Perry cried. "It's only your first day of training! He's sending you on a mission already?" He strode quickly to the intercom and dialed the intercom-code for Monogram's office. "And with me no less…"he muttered. Turning to Pinky, he asked, "Agent Pinky, the digital hacker allows the Major to understand me, correct? I'll speak English?"
Snickering behind his paw, Pinky nodded. "Yep, you'll speak English all right…"
Nodding curtly to the agent, Perry turned and opened his mouth to speak.
"Luke, I am your father."
Terry burst out laughing, while Pinky and Dan tried to stifle their laughter behind their paws. Glaring sternly at them, Agent P turned to the digital hacker, turned a few knobs, and tried to speak again.
"The cow goes, 'Mooooooooooooooo'!"
Dan gave up and literally howled with laughter. Chocolate attempted to stay at attention, but was visibly failing. Pinky continued to giggle behind his paw, but wisely stopped when he saw the abnormally murderous look on his friends face.
Slowly and quietly, as though it were taking all of his remaining patience not to scream, Perry turned back to his fellow agents. "Agent Pinky, would you please fix this. I don't have time on my side, and I must speak with Monogram about this mission he has planned."
Serious faced, Pinky fiddled with more knobs, then backed away from Perry quickly, as though he might bite him. "Try it now. It should work." He said, and then giggled again.
Perry's look told him that it had better work. Opening his mouth, he spoke into the intercom one last time.
"Share, it shows you care!"
"AHH!" Perry jerked back as the voice of his long lost destroyed nemesis, Carlos the Clown, came out of his own mouth.
Now Pinky finally cracked up. The sight of the dog laughing was the last straw.
"THAT IS IT!" Agent P yelled. "Agents P, D, and T, you are being very disrespectful! I can't believe that! Agent Pinky, you deliberately disobeyed my order to fix the intercom. I would expect more from you three, especially in the presence of a new recruit!" Perry turned his wrath towards Chocolate. "And you!" The puppy shrank back at his voice. "I don't know what's going on with this 'mission' tomorrow, but don't think I'm very happy about going on a mission with-"
"I thought I heard…someone trying to contact my office. Is there…a problem?" Monogram appeared in the doorway. Seeing him, only Terry and Dan saluted, Perry still seething and Pinky comforting Chocolate, who seemed close to tears.
"Well…" Monogram cleared his throat. "Agent P, about the joint mission tomorrow…"
Perry's eyes lit up for a second as he looked up at Monogram.
"Just wanted to say…if you two succeed on this mission, Recruit C will gain full agent status. She hasn't completed all of her training, so I thought you could…I mean..." Monogram sighed. "You and Recruit C might have to stay extra hours tonight training. Recruits can't go on missions until they are fully trained."
"So why are you sending her on a mission tomorrow than?" Perry wanted to scream. First, the new agent turned out to be a young female. Then, Terry with his evil Jell-O, and Pinky with the intercom and Carlos. Now, he might have to stay extra hours? The last time he stayed late. Phineas and Ferb caused a ruckus, and he could barely escape to his lair under their close surveillance.
"I know you don't want to do extra work." Monogram said softly. "So let's begin finishing her training now." Monogram left the room, followed closely by Dan and Terry, both looking stunned by Perry's behavior. Pinky escorted a teary-eyed Chocolate out, glaring back towards Perry. After 5 years in OWCA with his friend, he knew Pinky meant the glare. He didn't get that glare often.
Walking to the door, he found it had locked behind his friends. Groaning, he pressed the intercom button to alert the security guards he needed the door unlocked. Instead, Carlos' voice blasted out again.
"Be my friend!"
With a furious yell, Perry ripped the digital hacker off the wall and threw it to the ground. In a burst of pent-up energy, he stomped on the remains until only dust remained. Panting, he leaned up against the locked exit doors to count how many things had already gone wrong that day.
It was going to be a long list.
Suddenly, the doors opened, spilling Perry backwards into the hallway. Holding his head in pain, he looked up. Peter the Panda waved back.
"Monogram wants you." Peter commented. He looked Perry over. "Bad day huh?"
"In a depressing nutshell, yes."
Grinning, Peter helped his friend up. "Come on, I'll come with you to the training room."
"Thanks. I appreciate the gesture."
"Nah, I just have to tell Carl something. The training room is just on my way there."
"Aaaand my day still hasn't improved…"
"Well, don't expect me to improve it. That's all up to you." Peter started walking. "I'm going, you can walk with me or not."
Perry groaned and followed Peter.