Title: Just A Boy
Summary: Padmé reflects on her feelings for Anakin while visiting her parents on Naboo. This is a deleted scene from AotC
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters, GL does.
Please read and review. This is my first fanfic.
"What's to talk about?" replied Padmé. "He's just a boy"
Just a boy. Was he really just that? Or something more? Deep in her heart, she knew her true feelings for him were buried under layers of reasoning. It simply could not work. He was a Jedi, and she a senator, she reminded herself, gazing out of the window. She saw Anakin walking with her father in the gardens. He looked disinterested, but for her Father's sake he probably tried to pay at least a little attention. For that instant, he looked up and his eyes met hers.
How she loved his eyes, his crystal clear blue eyes, so filled with innocence and love. Every time she looked into his eyes, she felt like she was drowning in their blueness, like it was becoming harder to resist his advances. At one point, she even welcomed them before her senses came to her.
Sometimes she wished she could commit one act of selfishness, and take Anakin for herself. Force knew how much she wanted to. A second later, he turned away, and she could see a faint blush creeping up onto his cheeks When he gazed into her eyes, she felt as if he was boring into her very soul, and the words he spoke! So full of sincerity and kindness. She could never doubt that he truly meant all the things he said.
She felt so safe when he was around her, like his mere presence could soothe her mind and make her forget all her troubles. Like when he held her by the lake and kissed her . . . pure bliss. He had brought her to heaven and back, and she had never wanted it to end. His kisses were so soft, so gentle, as if he was afraid that he would break her. She had kissed him back with passion she did not know she possessed, until her rational side took over. For a while she had felt dazed, her mind wiped as blank as a new datapad.
No, it wouldn't work, no matter how hard they tried. He had wanted to be a Jedi since she had met him, at the tender age of nine. She would not be selfish and give in to her growing desires. She would be robbing him of his future as a Jedi Knight. Helping people was what he had been born to do. "We could keep it a secret", she remembered him telling her. Her heart had broken at his words.
She wanted to throw herself at him, and tell her she loved him so much. But she carefully controlled her feelings, not allowing one traitorous emotion to show. Everything was getting too far; she couldn't deny the fact that she loved him any longer. Admitting her love for him would destroy both their lives. It was time to put a stop to it before her feelings manifested itself as it was already close to doing. She had used the oldest trick in the book. Manipulation. It was the only way to end it before it truly began, make him doubt his plans and twist them so he understood the gravity of the situation. It hurt her to do it, but it was her last resort.
"Could you live a lie Anakin?" she had asked, waiting for his response. Just by seeing the crestfallen look on his face, she knew she had him beat. Her heart cracked into millions of pieces at that very moment, and how she longed for him to pick them up and make her whole, but a small but strong voice at the back of her head kept reminding her that it was all for the best. She hoped.