This started as a response to a prompt by Beijingdoll on tumblr. for a fic where Oliver truly disappoints Felicity like he did with Diggle, choosing Laurel instead of him. It got twisted and turned along the way turning into a 2000+ word monster instead of the drabble I meant it to be.
I decided not to post this under 'Down the Line', thinking that two angsty one shots back to back would be too much. i promise to write something fluffy next...I'll try.
Until then, hope you enjoy! Beware...a lot of angst ahead.
The night settled coldly around her. The sweet smell of decay wafting from the garbage in the corner of the alley reached her nose. She wanted to throw up but couldn't. It hurt too much.
Felicity slowly dragged herself to a stand and then ignoring the pangs of pain from her leg and ribs, limped towards the alley entrance. She knew that if she turned right from there, she'd be able to get to Verdant's back entrance leading to the basement.
She had been on her way there when she'd been attacked.
Her phone had been in her hand when her attacker had pushed a knife to her back and put his filthy palm over her mouth. She only had time to quickly tap on the screen and call Oliver before the man had dragged her protesting but otherwise defenseless body to the alley. While he yanked her purse from her shoulder and proceeded to hit her she covered her head with her hands and prayed- whimpered and prayed that either Digg or Oliver were on their way.
Now her purse was gone, her hands and knees were scraped and she was pretty sure her ribs were cracked. Thankfully, other than that she was unharmed. She laughed mirthlessly at the thought as she made her way to the basement's entrance.
She didn't feel unharmed. She felt bruised and broken. Terrified and alone.
She was used to being alone, but this… No this was something else altogether. She felt abandoned. She'd been hit, she was hurting and no one had come. The two people she called friends were nowhere.
She tried to rationalize their absence, knowing that her mind wasn't in a good place right now. But even if Oliver hadn't checked his phone, surely they were inside the lair, she'd been on her way to meet them. They must have seen something through the security cameras.
Apparently not tonight, she thought to herself numbly, as she typed the security code and entered an empty lair.
Tears were falling unchecked now. The empty space she called a second home now seemed foreboding. Slowly she limped her way to her chair, panting with the effort. She couldn't stifle a whimper as she carefully lowered herself and sat, the pain from her ribs getting worse. The sting she felt as the tears kept on coming told her she probably hadn't protected her face as well as she thought.
Taking a moment to catch her breath she looked down at her computers. That's when she saw it. A post-it on her screen.
'Sent Digg home. Had to take care of something. We'll talk tomorrow at QC.'
She didn't move from the chair. Even as the bruises and pains hurt became too much, she refused to budge. She kept staring at the post-it, waiting for him to come looking for her here. She was sure the call had gone through. Had heard his tiny recorded voice telling her to leave a message. The phone had still been working as she lay on the ground whimpering, the soft light from the screen glowing.
Hours passed and he didn't show up.
She didn't move.
Felicity woke up and instantly regretted it. Her whole body protested her alert state. She was slumped on her chair with her head laying on the keyboard. Her internal clock told her it must be morning. As if the pains weren't enough, memories from last night assaulted her as she raised her head and her eyes fell on the post-it.
For a moment she stared at it, but then a fire lit inside her, breaking through the numbness and she snatched it in her hand crumbling it.
The fire spread and somehow gave her the strength to stand. She made her way to the gym bag she kept in a corner and went to the bathroom. She managed to change her clothes with careful movements. She hesitated but then put on the dirty coat from the night before, having nothing else to cover up the yoga pants and t shirt. She was just about to take a look at the mirror when she heard them.
"Felicity?" Loud steps banged on the steel steps, signaling that both men had come down.
She moved silently, putting down the toilet lid and sitting down hoping she hadn't made a sound. She hated them right now. The worry in their voices sounding false in her ears. Something they had to fake because they had to look worried, not because they felt it.
"Felicity? Are you in here?" Diggle's voice was closer now and she clutched her hands together. She didn't want to be found. She didn't want Oliver to see her and pretend like he cared. Didn't want to hear their excuses.
As always, the universe didn't hear her prayers. The bathroom door banged open, making her flinch. She looked at Diggle's feet as he stood silhouetted in the doorway.
"Oliver!" he called out urgently, cutting his friend off from calling Felicity's name once more. In a few seconds both of them were standing in the doorway, none of them speaking.
She still refused to look at them. The fire burnt brightly inside her, sparking her determination, swelling her rage.
Diggle was the first to move. "Felicity," he called out softly. The fire felt like a scream now, swelling up in her throat but she tamped it down.
Slowly, with as much dignity as she had left, she stood and walked towards them, only raising her eyes to their faces when she stopped in front of them. Both of them looked worried, scared. She knew it was a lie now, so she focused her eyes to the one who was the best at it. Oliver.
"Get out of my way," she asked quietly, with her eyes steady on his.
He paused, his eyes searching hers. "What happened?" she could see he regretted asking the question the minute the words were out of his mouth. She didn't care.
"Move," she asked again in a low voice, and thankfully he complied. She felt them following her, their fake worry kindling to the fire that was making its way to her eyes now.
With careful motions she went to her desk, picked up the crumbled post it from the floor and turned around to face them. Oliver stood right in front of her, Diggle backing him and the picture they made had her thinking that they were fine like that. They didn't need her for their team.
Oliver looked down at her hand with an unreadable look on his face, as she brought it up and squeezed the paper to his hand. "I'm leaving. If you want to arrow me, now would be the time," she said flatly, not caring when his eyes widened.
She turned to leave, but his hand on her arms stopped her. Suddenly the fire was too much. It wanted to get out. She let it. "Don't touch me!" she wrenched her arm from his grasp and turn to face him. "Do not touch me."
Felici-" Diggle started, but Oliver spoke over him.
"What happened? Felicity, talk to me!"
The familiar line made her snap. "Where were you? Where the hell were you both? You call me in at 1 am to come over so I can do what? Get attacked in an alley and then arrive to find both of you gone?" She knew she was yelling but didn't care. "So tell me. Where were you?"
When Diggle opened his mouth, she shushed him with a glare. "I know you were home. That nice little post-it says so. But you," she turned her glare to Oliver, "what did you have to take care of that you couldn't pick up your damn phone?" She knew the answer. She wanted to hear him say it. The guilt and remorse in his eyes spoke for itself, but she still wanted to hear it. "Say it."
"I had to-"
"Laurel, right? Even after she set you up, you had to go and try to convince her you're a good, little Hood." The fire was talking now. She let it, even as she felt the bitterness of the words on her tongue. "Even after she set you up and you almost got arrested and exposed, you went to her."
He clutched his hands into fists and opened his mouth, no doubt to explain himself but she didn't let him.
"Spare me! Spare me the crap that you actually care! I was mugged and beaten in the alley right next door from here. I called you! Some would think that being part of the Hood's team would get me a direct line to you when I really need you, but no! You didn't pick up. Again. So there. Listen to that voicemail when you want to hear my voice from now on, 'cause I quit," she finished her rant, feeling the fire inside her fading, leaving only ashes in its wake. Turning around, she ascended the steps slowly, wanting nothing more to go home and leave their silenced faces behind her.
She stopped on the top landing when she heard his footsteps coming up behind her. She had no fire left now. Nothing. The aches were coming back and she steadied herself on the rail.
His hand on her arm stopped her once again and this time she let him turn her. "Felicity…you can't leave," he said quietly.
Her eyes found his when she looked up, his expression one of despair, but she couldn't bring herself to care. "Arrow it is, then." She dropped her hand from the rail and opened her arms as if to make a bigger target. It was the only way she had to show him how serious she was. How disappointed in him. "You've failed me this time."
"I'm sorry," he whispered brokenly. "You're right. About everything. I'm sorry I wasn't there, I'm sorry you got hurt. I'm just…"
The ashes inside her sparked. "Please don't make this all about you. It's not your fault I was attacked. Or that you can't bring yourself to care, but for that I can blame you if I want to," she said quietly, knowing she probably only made sense to herself but not caring.
"Blame me." His low voice was intense now, as he grabbed her arms again. "For not being there, for not picking up the phone, for going to Laurel again- for every single bruise on you. I deserve it. But don't tell me I don't care…Shout at me, scream. Just don't leave."
"And stay to do what, Oliver?" she asked resignedly. "So I can hack myself into even deeper trouble than I already am? So I can pick up your pieces when you and Laurel self-destruct again? So I can conveniently come whenever you call? You weren't there when I called you last night. Or the time before that when your ex was after me. This isn't a team. This is what it's always been. The jock taking advantage of the geek so he can make his life easier."
All at once she was crushed in his arms, as if to trap the hurtful words inside her so they didn't reach his ears. She was jolted into herself then, realizing that even though she did regret the bitterness that was coming out of her, she didn't want to take it back. These thoughts had festered in her long enough.
His voice whispered in her ear carrying with a pain so real, she couldn't deny that he must be truly feeling it. "Don't. You're not like that to me." She must have shifted, because Oliver amended instantly. "It might have been like that in the very beginning, but not since I brought you into this. You're right. I hadn't seen anything besides my own problems for a while, but I see you. It kills me that you were hurt and I wasn't there to stop it."
His hand shifted through her hair, when he held her closer. She probably made some kind of sound as her ribs protested his tight hold, making him immediately relax his arms around her. He pulled back to look at her and Felicity was suddenly lost in his gaze, in the despair and pleading she could see there. "I will do everything I can to make you trust in me again, even if you walk out that door right now. I'm just asking you not to."
She looked away from him, trying to think, finally convinced of his remorse, but what she'd gone through the night before was still fresh. On one hand, she could see he was sincere, on the other, a part of herself debated that it didn't mean he wouldn't chose Laurel over them and that she wouldn't end up hurt again.
Something in her expression must have betrayed her thoughts. "Laurel doesn't know me. Not anymore. You do." Her eyes snapped to his once more and she saw as the epiphany of those words was just now making itself known in his mind. "You do," he repeated, his voice growing stronger.
Her mind was a jumbled mess, so much that she couldn't process what this realization meant, for him and for them. "I just want to go home," she muttered to herself.
"I'll take you home…if you want," he offered shyly. She could read the question between the lines. The sudden shyness tipped the scales. It was an expression she'd never seen on his face, not towards her. Maybe, there was room for new feelings in him. For change.
Finally she nodded, and he turned so that he kept one arm around her, using the other to type the code for the door to open. At the last moment, she turned and looked at Diggle whom she had all but forgotten.
He was looking at Oliver soberly. "Take care of her," he said, the words having more weight than she had expected.
"I will." Oliver's voice echoed down to their friend. A vow, she realized and at last she didn't feel alone anymore.