A/N: I haven't written anything in so freaking long I'm having fanfiction withdrawal I swear to God. I have so much stuff that I need to update and I never have time anymore sob
I feel a little rusty to be honest but I've had this floating around in my head for a while so here it goes. This was actually supposed to be part of the next chapter of 'the little things...' [WHICH I AM CURRENTLY WORKING ON] but it somehow turned into another of those silly dialogue-only fics that put me in a strangely pleasant mood lol
Some things are better left to the imagination, I guess... anyway, Enjoy!
Warnings: Language and Squalo's poor fashion choices
Disclaimer: It's not mine so stop asking. I also don't own Shake Weights.
It's Fashion
"…and if you order now, we'll DOUBLE your order! That's TWO Shake Weights for… "
"Sempai, you should order one of those."
"No."
"Your arms are kind of flabby."
"Shut the hell up Frogfuck, no they aren't!"
"Uh-huh."
"…!"
"Bel-sempai, you even get two of them for the price of one. If you need moral support, I'll work out with you."
"You hate exercise."
"…Yeah…but if your arms get any fatter-"
"-They aren't fat at all-"
"-Boss will probably kick you out of the Varia because you and your undesirable physique are making us look bad."
"Ushishi~! If I hadn't just cleaned my knives you would be so dead right now."
"Well, I never did get you that birthday present you wanted so badly."
"I don't want a fucking jerking-offy-dumbbell-machine thing!"
"…That's not even close to what it's called."
"…Yeah, yeah, it's fine! I'll get the fucking papers to Dino on Tuesday, so tell him to relax already before I make him! Whatever, yeah. Tomorrow then. Bye."
"Hey long-haired commander, working hard?"
"Yeah, unlike you two lazy fucks. I expect your weekly mission reports on my desk…by…"
"…."
"…."
"….what is it?"
"…umm…"
"Che…nice blouse."
"VoiiiI! It's not a goddamn blouse, it's a dress shirt!"
"A fucking ugly shirt is what that is."
"Wha? What the fuck's wrong with my shirt, you little shit stain?"
"What's right with it is a better question, I think."
"You like look like a seventies drug lord who decided he wanted to be a zebra."
"I like this shirt!"
"…Oh my god…"
"Commander, are going blind?"
"No…I am not."
"LUSSURIA!"
"Don't fucking call that fag in here!"
"Ushishi~! Lussuria! Come in here and tell Squalo how awful and vomit-inducing his shirt is!"
"VOIII!"
"~Did someone cal-OH MY GOD~!"
"Vrrooiiii…"
"Squ, what the hell are you wearing?!"
"I'm wearin' a fuckin' shirt, you ass. What the hell does it look like?"
"Ugh, honey. That shirt is terrible. You look like a cheap gigolo that hangs around country clubs and feeds soup to dying old women."
"…!"
"Man…first Bel-sempai with his flabby arms, and now long-haired commander and his weird zebra blouse…the Varia sure has fallen far."
"FRAN!"
*STAB *
"FRAN!"
"Come, come, give it to me now. I'll burn it at once and we will never speak of this again.~"
"I'm not taking my fucking shirt off!"
"…Can you even take it off? It's probably attached itself to your torso already and is draining you of your life-force as we speak."
"What?"
"Jesus fuck I don't have time for this! I have to leave now. You stupid fucks are going to make me late."
"You mean… you're actually wearing that out."
"As in, outside."
"In public."
"Where people can see you."
"YES."
"S-squ, please don't wear that shirt~!"
"Why are you crying?!"
"Why are you wearing that awful blouse?"
"DRESS. SHIRT."
"Oh! It's Mammon-san! You look super adorable tod-"
*SMACK*
"Let go of me, you oaf."
"…You didn't have to hit me, Mammon-san."
"Why do you all keep calling it a goddamn blouse?!"
"…Because it looks like a damn blouse. No matter how I look at it, that is a woman's shirt. Did your mother give that?"
"Yes. She did."
"…"
"…whoa…"
"…"
"What? What, what, what?!"
"…I thought the long-haired commander's mom was a nice lady?"
"Yeah, me too."
"She is~! Squalo I thought you and your mother got along?"
"WE DO. MY MOTHER LOVES ME VERY MUCH."
"Clearly, she doesn't. No loving mother would give their only son a fucking awful figure skater blouse-"
"-DRESS SHIRT-"
"-unless he was, you know, an ACTUAL figure skater, or she secretly hates him."
"Sempai, that's really insulting."
"Yeah!"
"…To the figure skaters."
""Vroii…"
"By the way, Squ, when is your darling mom coming to visit us? I want to ask her what you did to piss her off so bad."
"She. Is. NOT. Mad. At. Me."
"Fff…that shirt says otherwise."
"I'll give you five dollars if you let us burn it right now."
"See, see? If Mammon-san is bribing you into taking it off, this is obviously pret-ty serious."
"I wouldn't do a goddamn thing for five shitty dollars."
"You drive a hard bargain. Okay, fifteen."
"I'm not taking it off!"
"How about fifty? Would fifty dollars change your mind?"
"Oiii…no it won't."
"We're just looking out for you, man."
"Yeah, it's a cruel world out there."
"You assholes are being the cruel ones, don't you think?"
"Better you hear it from us than some random stranger. Like a six-year old kid asking his mom what's wrong with you, because he thinks you're half zebra."
"I'm leaving. Right now."
"I can't let you do this! God, someone please spill a glass of fruit punch on him or something~!"
"…Can I stab him?"
"No, Bel."
"Why not? He can't leave if he's bleeding."
"Aw, Bel, now look! He ran off while you were talking."
"We tried."
….
"Hey trash, what's with the goddamn blouse?"
"IT'S A FUCKING DRESS SHIRT!"
*FWOOSH*
"Heh…now it's a fucking burnt shirt. If you're gonna go out, dress like a normal fucking person."
"That shirt was a gift!"
"…Aren't you late for something? Get the hell out of my face before I crack a bottle on it."
*SLAM*
"Goddamn, that was the fucking ugliest shirt I've ever seen. That's the thanks I get for doing his ass a fucking favor."
I think the real question is...why are Bel and Fran ALWAYS watching commercials?
Yeah I dunno I was just really bored and I felt like writing a Varia thing. Whatever it was fun lol Hope ya'll liked it too
Read n' review…I suppose yeah bye