Kauaiklock
Synopsis: Another Metalocalypse drabble. The band decides they need a much sought after vacation after releasing their latest album 'Best of Deathklock'. They become a little bit too native and Charles, their manager has difficulty pulling them back to Mordhaus to start compiling new music.
Chapter 1-Overworked
Nathan, Skwissgar, Toki and William all basked in their hot-tub after a long month of recording a special album. It was one they had promised all their devoted fans for years but could never seem to finish it due to complications within the band from time to time. Typically it was because one or the other didn't have enough 'spotlight' in the songs that were chosen. Mainly Nathan was the star, and his vocals were what made the band sound so vicious and fierce, but everyone deserved a bit of acknowledgement. That is what the recent album did, and Charles had pulled all the punches to make certain everyone was content. They were not only euphoric, but they were vegged out in the spa, completely drunk and passed out. This was no way for the band to relax though. He then had a brilliant idea. Kauai was pleasant this time of year, considering it was winter in Mordhaus and the cold could freeze one's proverbial pintel off. Without anyone discovering this, Charles covertly, through hooded messenger butlers, carried out the plan to set Deathklock up on the vacation to end all vacations in Kauai, Hawaii. Besides, they deserved it after all of the hard work they had done producing the 'Best of Deathklock'. Some of the funds would be used to pay for the vacation while the rest would be given to brutal events such as the live executions they would be entertaining at or fulfilling dying children's dreams. Whatever they did, whether it be maintenence for Mordhaus or refurbishing musical equipment, the band was well on their way to living high off the hog.
Chapter 2-Incognito
Charles jerked the shades open forcefully, awakening each band member from a hung-over slumber. Many of them still had a headache from all the booze they had imbibed.
'Dude, what the f# $ ! I was having the best f #$ing dream until you interrupted it.', Pickles whined, clearly pissed off. The other members were pretty irate as well. 'Put on something inconspicous.', Charles sugguested. The guys shrugged, going along with the agenda he had set in motion. Charles was surprised though. Typically everyone needed a bit more prompting and prodding before actually agreeing to go along with any of his ideas.
Fairly soon, Deathklock was on its way to Kauai. None of the members had ever been, but Charles kept his scheme mum from the group. If he let the cat out of the bag now, one or another of them would do something idiotic and their cover would be blown. He couldn't allow that to happen, especially after the fiasco with their substitutes. This time around, there were no doubles, but the hooded servants took care of everything 'back at the fort' as it were.
Chapter 3-Paradise
Upon awakening, Toki looked out the window and a grin engulfed his childish face.
'Wowee ! Looks guys ! It's paradise !', he exclaimed, gleefully. Murderface, typically the unimpressed, low-key type, was awed by the beauty of the island. Not to mention there were hot, buxom babes everywhere.
'Hey, hey guys ! Look, I just got leid. Heh, get it ? Leid !', Nathan joked lamely after a beautiful Hawaiian lady decorated him with a flowery, vibrant lei. Skiwissgar was already flirting with the locals and had caught the eye of one of the chicks that would be attending the luau later that night. Another woman had honed in on Toki, but she was a bit shy in asking him what he was doing later on that evening. Soon, Nathan and Murderface had their own dates and Charles hadn't even noticed that the band was enjoying themselves a bit too fully. He himself had to be careful not to be swayed by the island ways or become to lax in his duties. After all, Deathklock was a forced to be reckoned with in the world. One that wielded immense amounts of influence.
It behooved him to abstain from temptation, unlike the others. However, he didn't know how hard it was going to be simply to get them out of Kauai once it was time for them to return to their home at Mordhaus and begin compiling a new set of songs to continue Deathklock's reign of domination and tyranny over the music world.
Chapter 4-Nothin' But a Good Time
Charles was becoming irritated with his latest efforts to persuade the band members to return to Mordhaus. Toki was set on marrying an island temptress who had him wrapped around her pinky. Pickles was enjoying a menage a trois and was thinking of having an 'open marriage'. Nathan's biker chick had been satisfying him in ways he never thought possible. Even Murderface was getting lucky with a different woman every night. Finally, Charles had his fill of watching the guys spend most of their days fooling around. They had to get back to work before the fans became restless. No matter what he did, each member was determined that they would settle down with their women and live lives of their own choosing.
Charles lost his cool one night after a midnight party Nathan had hosted with Esmerelda, his saucy Harley vixen. Murderface was with another lady, a black girl named Monique. He was boasting about how well she knocked boots with him in the sack;
'The bigger the cushion the better the pushing. Am I right, fellas ?', he said, barely out of earshot of his Tahitian princess. She didn't mind his innuendo, in fact, it turned her on. Toki was more laid back and wanted to save himself for his fair maiden, Jessie. Skwissgar, like Pickles, had also been enjoying menages, but Charles was miffed by all of it. He hated to be the proverbial turd in the punchbowl, but he called the ladies to leave the festivities to talk man to man to the band members.
'Charles, sometimes you can be a real douche bag, you know that ?', Murderface quipped.
'Yeah. I was hopings to marry Jessie somedays. She and Is, well, wes makes the perfect couples...', Toki said, wistfully.
'She's the only girl that can stands you.', Skwissgar retorted. Toki brushed off the snide remark in stride and remembered the advice his councilor had given him. If someone makes you mad, just breathe in and out, count to ten and the anger will fade. As usual, it worked like a charm.
'You guys don't want to get married. Not now at the peak of your career. I can't have you ruining your image. I mean if you settle down with booger eaters it will completely drain us financially. Do you even know how much one of these little bastards costs nowadays ?', Chuck began.
'Oh, man. I was really startin' to get into this. I thought it would go on forever. That's the reason I wanted an open marriage. Skwissgar and I could swap wives, ya know ?', Pickles said, hoping to convince Charles but Charles was a stonewall. There was nothing any of them could do to disuade him.
'F #$.', Nathan swore under his breath. It's basically what every one of them was thinking. They had done their last bit of screwing around. Now was the time to leave Kauai and return to the gelid atmosphere of Mordhaus.
Epilogue
Once the guys had come to the conclusion that Charles had been correct about marriage any engagements the band members had were severed completely. The women they had known were drugged with roofenal before Deathklok disembarked to Mordhaus. None of them were shaken by the apparent loss they had suffered. In fact, things had never been better since Charles had taken the reigns and used a bit of tough love to whip them back into shape. It took some hard work, sweat and tears (and a lot of swearing) but the latest group of songs was well on its way to being produced. Charles soon learned that such matters as this should be balanced and not chaotic like they were. The next time he planned a vacay like this it would be shorter and a tighter leash would be put on his beloved band members. It was rough but they were children needing heavy supervision. Without him, left to their own devices they would probably devour each other much like rabid jackals. For now, the din of guitars, drums and ringing in the ears had died down and it was like any other day. Toki, Pickles, Murderface and Skwissgar were all lounging about, sharing a bit of bromance as usual. Days like this were becoming more common. So long as the fridge was full of beer, wine coolers and hearty food the band had no need to fight amongst themselves. Ice cream cooled their tempers and chocolate kept them levelheaded.
There would be no need for bickering and banter with all the work they were doing. Besides, so long as they were making a crapload of money, Charles was happy, the fans were satisfied and death metal could still claim itself an enterprise to be reckoned with.