Breakdown - Alex
AN: After everything that happened in series 1. Alex must have reached her breaking point. What happens when she does? GALEX
Really Angsty.
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It had been a normal day in CID, they had caught a burglar, Alex had shouted at Gene, and Gene had called Alex a posh mouthy tart.
They were outside Luigi's; in the Quattro with them were Ray, Shaz and Chris.
Alex was sitting in the back with Chris and Shaz, looking out of the window. Everyone was talking to each other, not bothering to get out the car yet. But Alex had stayed out of the conversation thinking about the brief time she had met her mother.
There had been a parade going on that day and so it wasn't peculiar when a young girl walked past holding a red balloon, Alex jolted as she remembered that balloon she had had that day. The balloon that had, effectively, saved her life. She tried not to think about it. Deciding to think instead of how her mother had really loved her. It was a nice feeling knowing that after all these years, Evan had continually told her that her parents had loved her while she was growing up but the insecurity had stayed.
It had felt like a weight off her shoulders had been lifted when her mother had said that she loved her daughter. Not that Caroline Price had known that she was talking to her daughter at the time. How could she?
She hadn't realised that conversation had stopped and they were all listening to the news on the radio, she was too caught up in her own thoughts. However she did hear the radio when the next song came on
"…I'm happy, hope you're happy to…" Her mind already in the past was now stuck in that day, in the few minutes that changed her life. She started to breathe quickly and heavily but no one heard her they were to busy talking to each other now that the news had finished. She didn't even think they had realised that they had left the radio on.
The last straw for Alex was when a clown walked past, it wasn't dressed like the clown that haunted her. For this clown was wearing bright colours. But Alex didn't see that she screamed and started to hyperventilate, the clown heard and turned to face the red car, it's painted smile scaring her. She screamed again and started to hit the window.
"Let me out. Let me out" She continued repeating that mantra over and over again, getting more and more agitated each time.
She could almost feel the heat as her brain once again made her see the death of her parents, from two points of view. Once as a little child and once as an adult. The two started to mingle and soon she couldn't tell the difference between them.
All she could see was the explosion over and over again, with a voice running over it. "It's all your fault, it's all YOUR fault."
She could see Layton walk past the car and smile, she could see the pieces of the car rattle as they fell to the floor. The poster on the side of the van, someone grabbing her hand as she once again let go of the balloon.
She could feel the immense heat, the despair as she fell to the ground as she realised she was too late, the shock as she saw her parents go up in flames, the terror that had gripped her and made her stand rooted to the spot.
Fireworks went off, but to Alex it wasn't fireworks it was an explosion, a bomb, something that killed her parents.
She had tears cascading down her face and hit the window even harder she had to get out of the car.
"Let me out. Let me out." She could feel strong arms grab her, but she wasn't sure if that was just the memory or not.
Suddenly she was outside on the pavement. She curled up into the smallest ball she could manage. Her arms were over her ears trying to block out as much sound as possible. Tears fell down her face and she was unable to stop them, she couldn't even breath properly.
She wanted her daughter, her Molly, she wanted to be able to stand at her parent's grave and speak as Alex Price, to tell her father that she forgave him.
She wanted to be in her own time. To have never come to 1981 and to never have known what her father did.
But she was stuck here, she couldn't save them. That voice in her head was right it was all her fault, it was her fault that they had died. She should have done more, she could have done more. But she had just stood there and watched it yet again.
Alex, Bolly, come on.
She could hear someone calling her name and slowly she started to curl out of the ball and look up. It was at that point another firework went off. Alex screamed again and started crying even harder.
She had never liked fireworks; she hadn't been scared of them, for she loved the way they lit up the sky, it was just the sound, she hated the sound. In the future her and Molly would sit watching them with ear muffs on. That way they could enjoy the sight but Alex wouldn't have to hear the sound that had always reminded her of the day her parents died.
Every time a firework went off she would scream again, each firework penetrated her ears and for each firework a car exploded inside her mind.
Damn, it's the fireworks. Stop the bloody fireworks
The fireworks stopped, she could hear people all around her and she tried to curl up even tighter but it wasn't possible.
You've got to calm down Bolly
She could hear a voice telling her to calm down to regulate her breathing but the voice placing all the blame on her was louder, she opened her eyes. She could still see the car exploding, she could still see the face of her mother, as Caroline Price called for Alex to get back into the car.
The images were fading however and she tried to focus on the voice telling her to calm down. It was getting louder and the other voice was, thankfully, getting quieter.
Once again she opened her eyes, waiting to see the clown looking over her- leering, instead she saw the concrete pavement, she drew lots of small hiccupping breaths as she tried to calm down.
Come on Bolly, calm down for the Gene Genie
She concentrated on that gruff voice that she knew so well. And the voice of little Alex - the voice that had been blaming her – fell silent.
The tears were no longer falling quite so rapidly down her face, she started to lift her head.
That's right Alex, come on
She could feel her arms, they were round her head as though she was in the brace position, she had tried and failed to block the sounds of the fireworks, she started to move out of the protective position she had taken.
You're fine. Completely safe.
The gentle gruff voice. An oxymoron if ever she heard one. She started to stretch her legs and come out of the foetal position. She was safe, but she was still stuck in 1981. She continued to cry, although it was not as hard as before, she was still shaking from ferocity of the tears.
Alex, Alex you've got to calm down for me
She lifted her head and started to push herself up. She must look a right sight. Lying curled up on the pavement, screaming at fireworks. She wouldn't hear the end of it. She tried to laugh at her own foolishness, it was a stupid fear – the sound of fireworks. The laugh came out more as a chocking sob though.
That's it Bolly, sit up, grab my hand.
She was sitting up. She tried to get up by herself but failed. She still couldn't see much past her tears and was trying not to focus on the car that was continually blowing up in the corner of her eye, over and over again, taunting her. She grabbed his hand, the hand that she had held when she was only nine.
It's ok, Bolls. I've got you. One, two, three.
A sharp tug and she was standing upright, her legs weren't ready to suddenly take her weight, an arm grabbed her and held her straight as she wobbled.
She looked up through all the tears and saw her boss. She still wasn't breathing properly but she tried to smile, to show that she was going to be fine.
Bolls. The ambulance is here, you've got to start breathing properly.
She felt him walk towards the paramedics gently pulling her with him. She felt a hand push down on her shoulder so she was sitting on the edge of the ambulance. An oxygen mask was placed over her mouth and nose. Someone was telling her to breathe slowly, to take deep breaths. Alex decided to listen to the guiding voice and did as it told her, in, out, in, out, in, out.
You're going to be fine Alex. I promise
Soon she was breathing properly, but they left the mask on. She was sat in the ambulance with a paramedic next to her, still telling her when to breathe in and out. Gene Hunt was sat on the other side just holding her hand.
Alex vaguely heard him tell the rest of the team to meet them at the hospital but she was concentrating on her breathing too much to really hear what was going on.
At the hospital they took off the oxygen mask. When she was asked what caused the breakdown she just started to cry again. She tried to curl into herself but her DCI wouldn't let her.
We need to know Bols
So she told him. She told him how her parents had died when she was nine, how she had seen the car explode and how she had done nothing to stop it. She told him how since then she had been scared of the sound of fireworks, how they hit to close to home. She told him how she used to watch fireworks with her little girl, both wearing ear muffs so they couldn't hear a thing. She told him how she remembered hearing that song before the car blew up. She told him how she had run out of the car to get a balloon.
She also told him that she hadn't been sleeping properly for days, to scared to go to sleep and see the explosion again.
She told him how she had felt when she saw the Price's car explode, how completely useless she had felt because she knew exactly how little Alex felt and how she had done nothing. She told him that she could hear Alex's voice in her head telling her that it was all her fault, that she should have done more.
It's not your fault Alex
That wasn't true, she disagreed with him. She should have done something, she could have saved Alex Price from a life without parents. She told him how she had never known if her parents loved her, how she had always seemed to come second to the job.
When she stopped DCI Gene Hunt just held her close to him, stroking her hair and telling her that it wasn't her fault, that there was nothing more she could have done.
Alex remembered the psychiatrist leaving, he had done his bit. She had got everything off her chest, he was no longer needed.
Alex had no memory of falling asleep in her boss' arms. She had no memory of him picking her up and taking her back to her flat. She didn't remember him kissing her on the head and wishing her goodnight.
All she remembered in the morning was that she felt safe, that somehow everything was going to be OK.
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Sooooooooooooooooooo what do you think? REVIEW!!!!!
Personally I don't like the ending, I'm not quite sure how I wanted to end but that wasn't it. If anyone is reading this and can see how this should end please let me know
Thanks Happy-reader007