Twisted chapter one.
Bella-Me and Edward have been married for 2 monthsnow, and i'm enjoying it. Well..except, I'm still getting used to everyone always looking at me funny when I come downstairs in Edwards clothes...
Alice-It;s getting annoying always seeing whats Edward is planning to do with Bella, if you know what I mean...Anyways, Carlisle and Esme dont pay much attention to Bella anymore, Rosalie never did..and Emmet occasionally makes fun of her but Edward gets so pissed off..its kind of funny
Edward- I truly wish Alice would go away..everytime she looks at me and Bella in the morning when we're in a good mood,she thinks very innapropriate things..
Bella-Sometimes I would go take a shoer and I'd hear shuffleing noises,I'd always thought it was Edward..but..
Edward- Emmet isnt paying much attention to Rosalie, so she is thinking of leaving to be a hooker. Emmet seems to be "Focused" on something...or someone..
Alice- I feel like Emmet needs a hobby or a life style. So i decided to help him,thats not wat we're talking about now so i'll save that for later..So as i was saying, as Rosalie left to become a hooker,Jasoer has been acting weird lately...he only wears black now and for some reason my razors are missing..
Bella- Then again today, I was taking a shower and heard the same noises as before, and as i was thinking about going to take a peek, i noticed i had forgotten my towel.So I decided to pull the certain back, and I saw EMMET grabbing razors and my clothes ! when he'd realized I was standing there,naked, he shriecked and ran out of the bathroom..still carrying my clothes..
Edward-I swear Emmet was straight, but I dont know what happend ! I hope Rosalie is taking this well. I hope he's feeling better, after i kicked his ass for taking Bella's bras and razors. He apologized and said that he'd been doing crack for a week and didnt know what he was doing.
Alice-I knew Emmet was gay ! But I what I didnt know was, Jasper is emo ! And he was using my RAZORS to try to cut his wrists. When Emmet confessed to being Gay, Carlisle told Esme that she didnt look good in the dress she was wearing, Esme left to join Rosalie, and so I went just for the hell of it.
Bella- After I went to talk to Jasper, Emmet walked into edwards room, and I was getting undressed and then he looked at my shirt and yelled " AHH IT'S EVIL DR. FLOPPY PANCAKES !" and then ran out !
Edward- I understand that it's caos at our mansion due to Emmet's confession,The girls leaving, and Jasper going emo has caused a tension in the houseand so i needed a little alone time. I brought Mike Newton to a strip club and as I was throwing cash out, I noticed that the dancers were Alice,Rosalie, and Esme ! I ran out and went into an alleyway and say in the corner. I was pretty sure i was scarred for life.
Bella- When everyone had arrived at home,they all found me with a bunch of juice on me, and the floor. I tried to explain what happend but all they did was laugh at me !I'll show them, i thought to myslef
Alice-Everyone was out hunting exept Bella, so me and Edward decided to leave early,just in case Bella decided to jump off another cliff and as soon as we walked inside all we smelt was wet dog..
Edward- I ran up stairs thinking that the dogs killed Bella, but when I got to my bedroom door,my jaw dropped. BELLA AND JACOB WERE DOIN THE NASTY ! the worst part..they were doin it..WITHOUT ME !( i could use a nose plug to plug out the nasty smell of the dogs). I left and decided to be a drug dealer.
Bella- When Edward walked in on me and Jake, I felt a bit bad, but then Ihe left without giving me time to give a good excuse ! Alice was crushed too. So i bought her a pony, and she was happy again.
Alice- I luffs my pony Bella bought me! anyways,Jasper is over his phase, but is a real horn dog lately..Ohwell ! Emmet and Rosalieare starting to get better, and Jasper keeps me busy wink wink and Edward if over his drugs and Bella told Jacob to never come in the house again.
Bella- I'm sad Jacob cant come in the house anymore..but at least I still have Edward..after about 50 showers !
Edward-I;m happy everyone else is having a good time, but now I have to live with the pictures in Jacobs head! Yuck ! He's one horn dog..worse than sam with Emily ! anywho..I look forward to playing some secret spy when a certain someone is in the shower! MUHAHAHA !
Alice- GROW UP EDWARD..jeeze !
Bella-huh?
Edward- NEVERMIND BELLA ! ALICE SHUT UP !