I Miss You

Everything is so dark; I can barely make out the shapes of my surroundings. Even though I'm nearly blind from the darkness, I am able to tell that something here seems familiar. The air around me is hot and burning with the smell of blood. I can feel death and destruction all around me and hear screams of pain being silenced just as soon as they started. The darkness is just barley starting to lighten, and I can see her, straight ahead of me; the only light in this blackness, the angel from my nightmare. I shout to her, but she is shaking her head, telling me not to come to her. I'm not listening; all I care about is getting to her as fast as I can. I am half way there when suddenly, I feel it. There is a burning sensation tearing into my skin at my elbow, slicing through it as if the bone inside were nothing. I land with a thud and look up in time to see a dark shadow with angry eyes coming at me; coming to finish me off…

I shot up in my bed, completely awake shaking and drenched in my own sweat. The panic begins to go away as I realise that it's happened again; this is the sixth night in a row now that I've had the same dream. I take a few deep breaths as I look down at my arm, completely prepared to take in what I see. Yup, it's still gone, and all that's left is a stupid stub and some bandages. It was throbbing again, but apparently it's going to be doing that for a while; or at least until it's finished healing anyway. I can't get it to stop and I begin to get angry with its' restlessness.

"Stupid arm…stupid Adam. What the hell was I even thinking?!" I said aloud to myself as I shook out my pillow to adjust it for comfort. I then slammed my head back and knock it against my headrest, instantly regretting it with the new pain shooting through the back of my head. After a few grumbles I continued on with my little rant, "Damn it, I knew exactly what I was thinking…and what I was thinking with…stupid hearts and feelings. Who even needs those?! All they do is get you in shit…you go out and try to save someone you love and what happens? Bam! You get your friggin' arm sliced off and your heart ripped open and left to bleed out! Stupid Bla-…"

I could feel the lump starting to force its' way hard into my throat. I almost said her name…I almost let it slip. The tears were coming now, much like they have been every night since. I can't blame her, but damn it, why did she have to leave me? I know she thinks I'm mad at her, but honestly, all I want right now is for her to be her with me. I need her, she's honestly my other half. I laugh a little through the tears as I think to myself that she is the yin to my yang; even in pain I still got it. I wish I would have told her sooner how much she means to me. If I had, maybe she wouldn't have taken off after the attack, maybe she would still be here now. I pick up my scroll with my only hand, and stare at it. The world clearly was having an issue with me this past week, first taking my arm and then taking away the only means I had of contacting her. This whole thing was just a big mess, one giant hole of suck that may never be fixed.

I sigh as I turn to look out of my window, and stare off into the dark distance. I just wish, more than anything that she would come home and stop this pain tonight. I wouldn't even say anything if she came through my door; I would just look at her, and motion for her to come to me. Everything would be worth it if she would just hold me. Then the giant hole would suck just a little less.

I have been awake now for past several days. I cannot sleep, and even if I happen to nod off for a few minutes, I cannot dream at all. Everything around me has become a blur and nothing makes sense to me anymore. The last thing I really remember is taking off after the attack on Vale, and leaving…leaving her there. From that night, I ran; ran from all the trouble I've caused and the pain I must have left her in. it was my fault, everything was my fault. I should have never let my feelings go so far, I should never have lov-…

I can feel myself snapping out of a numb daze. How long has it been since I came to this little cave for shelter? How long have I been sitting here fighting with myself about my actions? How long have I been staring at a spider in its' web, catching things and eating their insides? I stand up and shake my body out, knowing exactly how that spider's prey must feel. Everything inside me feels completely torn to shreds since seeing her that night…the night she lost her arm. How could I have let that happen to her, to Y-Yang…to someone I love.

"Hey kitty cat…you need to calm down"

What the hell was that? I could have sworn I just heard…heard her voice so clearly just now. There's no way that's possible! She's a lifetime away from me; where is this coming from? Am I going crazy now too?

"You aren't going crazy Blakey, I'm just your inner thoughts using her voice as a comfort mechanism."

Why am I doing this though? Why has my brain decided to start shoving these thoughts at me? Have I not suffered enough? Her voice is supposed to bring me comfort, but hearing it now only makes the pain hurt more. Why do I keep doing this to myself?!

"Look kitten, we both know why you're hurting. You're afraid…you're afraid that if you had stayed, she would have been furious with you and would no longer want anything to do with you, right? Let's just stop and think for a second. Would Yang ever hate you? Would she ever turn her back on you? You know just as well any of your other team mates, if not more, that she has deep feelings for you…as a partner or maybe more. She risked her life to save you, that's huge! A life is not something you risk for someone you don't care about or love! So you know what? Buck up! Pull your shit together, and find your way back to her. You may not be ready now, or even soon for that matter, but damn it kitty, you get your ass back in the game and back to her side! You need her just as much as she needs you! You're the yin to her Yang!"

I didn't think it was possible for me to roll my eyes at myself, but somehow I did. I also had to admit that my inner thoughts were right, I need to pull myself together. She and I are a team, a partnership…friends if not more. She is already the voice inside my head, so she is already very much a part of me. I'll get better, and when I do I'll come for her.

I look out at the dark sky from the safety of my makeshift hideout, and can't help but smile as I think about her, "Yang…I miss you. I'll be seeing you soon."