I Just Can't Handle It
NOTES FROM LAUREN NICOLE: Hey. Well, I don't have too much to say about this little thing here. Sooo…I guess we'll just get to it. Hope ya like it.
***No slash, Kendall angst. I'm not revealing the plot, you'll just have to wait and find out.
"Get it right!" Gustavo bellowed in his usual unsatisfied voice.
"I'm trying!" Kendall screamed back in an equally angered tone. The guys were in the dance studio for the day working on new moves, and Gustavo was monitoring their rehearsal. And he wasn't too happy with Kendall's dancing.
"Try harder!" The large man commanded.
"You know what? Forget this!" Kendall stormed out of the studio, grabbing his duffle bag on his way out. He didn't bother changing out of his sweatpants and back into his jeans before he went out to the parking lot. The steaming-mad blonde fished the keys to the Big Time Rush Mobile out of the bag and got into the vehicle, not realizing that the others would need to find a way to get home. But even if he had, it's not like he would've cared at that moment.
X~X~X
Kendall was strolling through Palmwoods Park alone the next afternoon. Logan was making the guys work on their term-projects, and Kendall finished his day's work already, and he decided to take a walk. He had a lot on his mind, and he was buried up to his eyes in his thoughts, when he heard snickering coming from behind him.
He turned his head to see Paul, a new guy around the Palmwoods with dark brown hair and eyes that could turn you into stone with a glance, and his little posse of tough looking dudes. They were the new bullies. They managed to find a way to pick on just about everyone, except for Kendall. But the blonde had a feeling that that lucky streak was just about over.
"Hey Knight." Paul stood in front of Kendall, looking down to meet his eyes. Paul was taller than James, maybe about six foot three, which just added to the all-too-present intimidation that seemed to radiate off of him.
"What do you want Paul?" Kendall said through gritted teeth, not attempting to hide the aggravation in his voice.
"Oh, nothing. Just wondering where your pathetic little band of wimps is." The tall teenager said in a snide tone.
Pathetic. Wimps. These two little words dug into Kendall in a way that he couldn't explain. But they made him angry. Angrier than he'd felt in a long time. Kendall took in a deep breath, like Logan had told him to do if he felt upset.
"Just leave me alone." Kendall turned away, ready to continue on his way and just ignore the bullies. Paul put a beefy hand on the slightly shorter boys shoulder, spinning him back around.
"What was that?" He asked, raising his eyebrows.
"I said leave me alo-" Kendall was cut off when Paul shoved him, making him stumble and almost fall to the ground.
"Don't try to tell me what to do, Knight." The brunette cracked his knuckles, appearing to be ready to start a fight. He grabbed the collar of Kendall's plaid shirt. The blonde, who could normally stand his own ground, didn't make a move to free himself. "Just make sure you and your pretty-boys stay out of my way." Paul shoved him again, and as quickly as the confrontation started, it was over. The gang of bullies walked off, probably to go torment another helpless victim. Kendall walked over to a tree and sat down at the base of the trunk, burying his face in his hands, not moving for a good hour. He was so tired of all of this. People messing with other people for their own pleasure. Kendall wasn't the smartest person in the world, but he had enough sense to know that something like that is just wrong. And he couldn't take the fact that for once, he didn't know how to make things better.
X~X~X
"Alright class, I'm going to pass back your biology tests." Ms. Collins announced to her class the next day. "I was pleased with just about all of them. There were a few that could've gone a little better, but overall, I'm very happy with everyone's grades."
The perky teacher weaved through the rows of desks, placing papers face down on them as she walked by. She had a look of disappointment in her eyes as she set down Kendall's. The green-eyed sixteen year old lifted the corner of the paper, only to find a big 'fifty-three percent' written and circled in red ink. He sighed and without a second glance stuffed the failed exam into his backpack.
He was actually surprised by his grade. He'd studied his butt off trying to prepare for that test, and he'd expected to have done at least a little better. But lately, it seemed as though nothing was going right for him. He was so stressed out over school work, rehearsal, and just life in general. He was a teenager, he shouldn't have to be worried about flunking a class, or people picking on him and his best friends. So why did it seem like that was all that was on his mind?
X~X~X
"Kendall, dude, you have to eat something. You haven't touched anything on your plate." Logan said that night while the guys were eating dinner.
"I'm not really hungry." Kendall replied, pushing around his macaroni and cheese with his fork. Truthfully, he hadn't much of an appetite lately. He wasn't completely starving himself, he just didn't feel hungry during dinner. He was too stressed and had too much on his mind to even begin to concern himself with eating. He hadn't told his mom yet about his grade in biology, and he hadn't mentioned anything to anybody about his encounter with Paul. Kendall was a leader, he didn't think he needed to bother anyone with simple problems that he could take care of by himself.
"But you haven't eaten dinner in like a week." James added in a worried tone. Kendal pushed his chair back and stood up.
"I just haven't been hungry, it's nothing." He said, trying to keep his voice calm and level. "I'm going to bed. G'night." He walked off to his and Logan's room. When he was out of earshot, Logan spoke up.
"I'll talk to him in a bit, let him cool down." James and Carlos nodded, and they all finished their food in silence.
half an hour later…
After saying goodnight to Carlos and James, Logan retired to his room. He cautiously pushed the door open, not wanting to disturb Kendall. When he walked in, he was a bit surprised to see that Kendall was still in the clothes from that day, Vans and all. He was facing the wall and Logan couldn't see his face to know if he was still awake or not.
"Kendall?" The smart boy whispered. There was no answer. "Kendall?" He tries again in a normal speaking tone. He saw Kendall's shoulders tremble slightly, which honestly scared him quite a bit. He walked around Kendall's bed so he was facing the blonde's front. That's when he saw something that scared him even more. He saw two rivers of tears streaming down the other teen's face. Logan quickly got on his knees so he was eye-level with him. "Kendall, what's wrong?"
"Nothing." Kendall muttered in response, trying to wipe away the tears.
"Kendall, don't give me that. Tell me what the problem is, maybe I can help." Logan reasoned in a kind and caring voice. Kendall wasn't having it though.
"I told you, nothing's wrong! Just go to sleep and leave me alone!" He shouted angrily, his face turning red. Logan stepped back in shock. James ran into the bedroom, with Carlos in tow, the two having been startled by the loud screams. Carlos clutched his helmet closer to his head out of habit, because, like Logan, he was scared about what was happening.
"Kendall, what's going on?" James asked, pulling Carlos to his side, knowing that he was scared and worried.
"Why the heck does everyone keep asking me that?" Kendall growled, irritated. "Why won't you just believe me when I say that I'm fine?"
"You're not yourself. You seem really sad lately." Carlos' voice trailed off quietly.
"Well I'm not sad, so you guys can just go back to bed and stop worrying about me." He said in a gruff tone, crossing his arms over his chest. But his friends didn't budge a centimeter. Carlos sat down at the foot of the blonde's bed.
"Kendall." The Latino said in a pleading sounding voice. Kendall looked at him.
"What?"
"Please, something is wrong. We just want to know. Please." Carlos begged with huge puppy-eyes. Kendall turned away, tears stinging his eyes. He sniffled, and made a choked-sobbing sound.
"I-I just, I…" Kendall tried to explain, but he couldn't get any words past the lump in his throat. He sat up and covered his face with his hands. James, Carlos, and Logan gathered around him on the bed, all attempting to provide comfort, rubbing his back, running a hand soothingly through his tangled locks of hair, resting a hand on his shaking shoulder. He tried to speak again. "I j-just can't handle it." He managed to admit, more tears spilling down his cheeks.
"What do you mean?" Logan asked carefully, not wanting to set the blonde's temper off again.
"I-I'm just so stinkin' stressed out, I, I just don't even know what to do anymore." He sobbed. The other three teenagers looked at each other shocked. They'd never seen Kendall Knight, their leader, their rock, so broken down like this. They weren't entirely sure how to do this.
"What're you stressed about?" James asked, thinking that maybe if they knew exactly what was wrong, maybe they could fix it.
"Just everything. I flippin' the biology test, Gustavo won't lay off of me, and everything just seems like it's all messed up. I don't know what to do. I can't figure anything out." Kendall explained. His breathing suddenly sped up immensely, and his heart was racing. He had a wild look of fear in his eyes as he continued to panic. Logan held onto Kendall's shoulders and looked at him.
"Kendall. Kendall." The pale teen tried to get the blonde's attention. "Kendall, I need you to look at me, okay. I need you to look me in the eyes." It took a few seconds, but Kendall obeyed the best he could and looked into Logan's chocolaty-brown eyes. "Alright Kendall, you're having a panic attack, okay? I need to you to keep looking in my eyes and you need to breathe, alright? Breathe in and out, can you do that?" Logan spoke in a calm voice. Reading all of those medical books and magazines made him recognize that Kendall was having a panic attack, and he needed to get calmed back down. Kendall's breathing soon returned back to a normal pattern and his heart went back to a regular pace. He began trembling and he buried his face in James' shoulder, who was still sitting by his side. The tall brunette wrapped his arms around the shaking body and whispered soothing words into his ear, trying to help calm him down completely. After about five minutes of almost dead silence, minus Kendall's sobs, he was completely quiet. He wiped at his eyes, trying to dry them.
"Kendall," Logan broke the silence. Kendall looked at him. "We can help you, okay? We'll help you get everything sorted out. We promise, we're here for you." He assured "You don't have to handle this alone."
NOTES FROM LAUREN NICOLE: Well, how was that? I know, that was a bit more, deep than I usually write. If that's the word you want to use to describe it? I don't know…
I really hope you guys liked it. I really put a lot of myself into it…And I will honestly tell you that I broke down in tears a couple times while I was writing it…It's just, I've been really stressed out lately. School mainly, and the people there, especially in my Chinese class. They just aggravate me to the point where I actually went into the bathroom during class, and just cried for about 5 minutes. I think they think that they're being funny, but I honestly can't stand them. Along with school work, sometimes it's just too much on my plate. So I kinda wrote a little of that into this, of course I exaggerated some points a bit, but the idea is still the same. Sorry if parts were a little rushed...And if Kendall seemed a little out of character...
I would like to add another thing, PotterRusher97 and animefreak245 are so amazing. They helped me out during lunch and made sure that I was okay. I just want to thank you guys. You're some of the best friends a girl could ask for.
The reason I posted this as a seperate one-shot (instead of in my Writer's Block set) is because I just feel like this one is really special, ya know?
Well…That's about it. Again, I hope you liked it. It felt good to write it. You know, let it all out. =)
~LaurenNicole
PS- Expect two little surprises sometime soon =)