Antics

As Spike walked up the back steps to Buffy's house he heard a scream that had him breaking into a run. In full combat mode he burst through the door and looked around to see where the danger was, only to lay eyes on Dawn standing atop a kitchen stool with a spatula in her hand.

"What is it?" he asked her.

"R-rr-rat!" she said, shaking so much he thought she might fall.

"Oh," the vampire visibly relaxed. "Is that all. Damn, you had me half scared to death. Or, more to death. Really, you gotta stop doing that."

"Will you shut up!" Dawn yelled at him. "Help me, please!"

"Right, well, where'd it go?"

"Under the counter, maybe. I'm not sure."

Spike sighed, then removed his duster, ready to sniff out the offending creature – literally. It was not how he envisioned his night going… Dawn was supposed to be at a sleepover, for one thing, so the vampire had decided to stop by and wait for Buffy to return from her shift at the Doublemeat Palace so he could jump her bones. In his mind's eye he saw her coming home feeling rotten – as she always did – and finding him stretched out, naked, on her bed. That'd cheer her up, wouldn't it? Well, not if he couldn't sort the rodent problem first.

Crawling about the kitchen floor on his hands and knees he just managed to snatch the rat, and was ready to break its neck when the Witch entered and froze him in place.

"Bloody hell," he said, through lips that physically couldn't move.

"Sorry," Willow apologized, "I just reacted, you were gonna kill Amy."

"Amy?" said Dawn.

"Yeah, didn't you recognize her?"

"I, well… no. Was kinda busy, what with the screaming. Hey, Amy!"

Willow had plucked the rat from Spike's hand, released him from the spell, and Dawn had climbed down off her perch to stroke the rodent's head with her index finger.

The vampire looked at them, incredulously, then stated, "Humans are weird. Put something scary in a cage, call it a pet and hey presto, it's no longer scary. Screw logic."

"You're one to talk," Dawn teased.

"I am not caged."

"More like whipped?"

"Dawn!"

"What? It's true. You'd totally do anything for Buffy."

Spike's eyes narrowed, and he threatened to let Amy have the run of the house again unless she stopped.

"Okay, okay. Fine," the girl relented, moving into the hallway to pick up her backpack. "I'm off. Tell Buffy I said bye. Oh, and Spike?"

"Yeah?"

"You're totally whipped," she told him, with a smirk, as she closed the front door behind her.

"Annoying little chit," Spike groused, before looking up at Willow.

"Uh, hi," said the Witch. "Why are you here?"

"Me? Oh. Umm… I was walking past and – and I heard Dawn scream."

"Right, of course. Well, help yourself to a drink, or whatever, I'm going to put Amy back in her cage and figure out how she got out in the first place."

"Good call," said Spike, relieved he hadn't made her suspicious of his real reason for being there.

He was actually gonna call it a night, seeing as Willow was home, but then she started screaming upstairs, and he bounded up after her to see what was wrong.

"Spike, kill it quick!" she yelped, pointing to a spider in the corner of her bedroom.

The vampire rolled his eyes. "You have got to be kidding me."

"No, Spike, please. Before it moves."

"Bloody hell, you coulda vaporized the soddin' thing ten times by now."

"Oh. Oh yeah," said Willow, who flicked out her wrist to release a small flash of blue that flew past Spike's head and dealt with the insect. "Forgot about that. Logic kinda flew out the window."

"Will you watch it with yer sparks?!" Spike snarked, "You coulda singed my hair."

"Sorry," she said.

"Whatever. I'm gone," he replied, making his way downstairs again. "Any other crisis do not call me."

Outside he smoked two cigarettes, complained quietly about his night being ruined, and then stalked home, only to find a naked Buffy in his bed.

The End.